Parents moving into Assisted Living and I would love some encouragement, live 1400 miles away and worried about them.

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Mom has beginning stages of dementia, step Dad is physically declining but his mind is sharp. I tried to get them to move to my town years ago, even purchasing a house up the street, but for various reasons won't move. My Mom would in a heart beat, but part of that is the dementia making the decision. I have been here over a week sorting & packing, the big move is tomorrow, into a nice facility in their hometown, but we are all stressed, and both of them are depressed. By the time I head home, I will have been here two weeks, and I feel very guilty about leaving during this transition time for them. My Mom will have a hard time, she's in denial about how much help she needs and my step Dad, chose this move trying to do the smart thing, is still depressed and on top of that, is still has to manage my Mom. I am concerned, worried, and of course have a full busy life full of responsibilities 1400 miles away...kids, hubby, small business, step kids, and grandchildren that I help care for. Any advice or encouragement would be greatly appreciated.

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JJ, a lot of changed since my last post on this thread back in November. My Mom passed and my Dad decided it was time to move to Independent Living/Assisted Living. Dad also dragged his feet on what he would pack, especially all his books. My standing joke was Dad has 200 books and he has narrowed it down to 199 to move.

I, too, was worried about the move. I guess it feels like when a parent send a child off to college... you wonder if they will like the dorm... like the food... make new friends... and get to class on time :)

So far Dad is doing well, and is happy as a clam with his new place and not having to worry about keeping up with repairs in his previous house. But I did have to take over all the bill paying as Dad didn't want to bother with it... [sigh].
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https://www.agingcare.com/questions/Is-there-a-true-Benefit-of-POA-being-local-194476.htm

I have asked a slightly off topic question if anyone would care to advise
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@Sunnygirl, they have a computer, but he often needs help with operating it, or troubleshooting why the Internet is down, or using devices that will assist with his macular degeneration, so hence the computer tutor.
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JJGood, may ask what the computer tutor is for?
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JJ, it sounds to me like you're doing quite well with all this. How can step dad argue against all this? Very easily I would guess. Unless he's mentally incompetent he can still control their destiny. My advice is to tread very lightly. Do not upset him and undo the progress you've made.

I've recently decide to no longer argue, beg or lecture my mom about getting help or moving. It will take some event to force the issue. It will have to be her decision unless she becomes incompetent.
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Prepping for my "paperwork" visit. We've got appointments made with the attorney, computer tutor, adult sitting company, and admin helper. I have my lists of documents to gather, questions for attorney (I have already emailed them to her) and I have given the admin helper my ideas and goals ahead of time as well. Now I just need my stepdad to be own board. Last time we spoke he started to sound like his "old" self....meaning he might insist that he can do it himself, so I have to stay strong and somehow convince him that it's all a great idea to accept so much help. Perhaps my approach should be that it will help alleviate my worries if I know this is all set in place. How can he argue against that?

Any input appreciated!
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At Lucyhealth, thanks for the input. I am listed on the forms at the Assisted Living Facility and the nurses talk freely with me when I call. They have been great! I also just spoke with the attorney and made an appointment with her for the next time I am in town so that I can get all the info/documents needed. Of course, I have to get my parents permission to get copies of all of it, but I don't think that will be an issue since that is one of our goals, to tackle paperwork.
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As a retired RN ( just recent) with experience in Home Health, acute , managed care as well as a patient advocate Case Manager..... If you relatives are in Assisted Living, contact an RN Case Manager onsite to keep you updated on their care , activities . Make your name is on physician's as well as facility records so they can release info to you ! (Based on HIPPA guidelines)
Also make sure there is a written Living Will and POA ( power of attorney Health and
financial)
A case worker ( not Medical Case Manager) can facilitate financial POA and Mefical!!!
Sky ping with your relatives at a distance can be arranged with most facilities.
Contact Case Management Society of America ( CMSA) for a CM in your area. There are over 2000 members and they would refer you to one in your area
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No need to worry,they keep them like home.
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Hi there. My mother moved into assisted living on Oct. 9th of this year. She is 86. It has all been new to me. The facility is very close to my home so I can check on her frequently. In my limited experience, the appearance of the lobby and the facilities is not indicative of the care. When the rubber meets the road is when it is late at night, or when multiple residents need something at once (like many push their call button to get help to go to the toilet at the same time) and then you'll see what really happens. It is a good thing that your Dad's mind is still sharp. A resident that is mentally alert will get better care than someone who has some dementia. My mother has some dementia and the staff knows it and I think they often try to "put one over on her" and I see the result because I check on her nearly every day or every other day. My mother is paying a good price at a nice facility with her hard earned money and most of the time I am fuming over the care. Things that don't happen: frequent enough help in toileting, showers, laundry. Meals have been okay, social activities fair. I hope it goes well with your parents. I too would be nervous if I had to do this long distance.
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