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hello my nan is very demanding towards me and my mum, she has to have full attention on her all the time otherwise she gets very nasty, she plays on illness alot to get attention. even though she gets everything she wants its never enough, she complains about everything 24/7, my mum is her carer and i help out a few days a week to give my mum time off. recently my mum has bough a park home on a plot and there was another one next door to my mum for sale so my mum asked my nan is she woud like to move next door to her in the park home because my nan complains that she cant get up her stairs and the house is too big, but she totally refused it and shouted at my mum and made her cry, she has a very big house with the bathroom and bedroom upstairs so its a struggle for her,she is very well off but she gives all her money to my lazy uncle who does nothing for her but is the greatest thing since sliced bread, so because of that she cant afford a stair lift, and im only 19 so i cantafford to buy her one and neither can my mum. were both wrecked and full of guilt all the time and its making life very hard, my nan complained she couldnt get around much so my mumsaved up and bought her a mobility scooter which my nan refuses to use. she wont help herself, she wants my mumto move into her house with her and be her lapdog 247 and my mum is in to ways, should she move in with her because its her mum. were all lost and confused, please help (my nan is in good health and stable minded aswell)

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I'm so sorry you are going through this -- you are so young and shouldn't have this worry and burden worrying about your nan and mum -- your mum is lucky to have such a supportive and caring daughter. You came to the right place to vent. Know you can't control your nan; neither can your mum. It sounds like your nan wants everything her way -- and I'm sorry to say, this is true for so many elderly no matter if they were like this before they got old or not. I've got a mom (89) who won't make a change from her house and though she has never asked; she wishes I could just quit my job or get a job close to her and just move in to take care of her. I too do everything; brother does nothing and "he is either great or a felon" depending on the day with her. My advice is for both you and your mum to go to a senior center and find out about counseling (for you two) to help you understand your feelings; guilt; emotions and make rational decisions. You know what to do but guilt is keeping you from moving forward and setting boundaries. Just so you know; we can be 50 yrs old and still feel like a 12 yr old when our moms and dads start in on us. Your mom shouldn't have to do 24/7 or be at her beck and call. She and you should set boundaries with your nan about when you will visit; when you will run errands, etc. and stick to it. It won't be easy and you'll likely get the cold shoulder or grief when you do come -- but that is your nan's problem not yours. You can say that you will always be there in a real emergency but your nan needs to accept outside assistance if she isn't willing to move closer and meet your mom halfway. Then leave her be; stick with your schedule. First, get some counseling by talking to a social worker, senior center advisor, etc. -- you'll feel so much better and they will help give you solid solutions to deal with the situation. Good luck!
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