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My father had a massive stroke back in August, and has been in longterm care with a nursing facility up until Dec. 13th when he was released and sent home.

He requires 24 hour care, he is unable to walk, his left side is completely paralyzed. We have rehab people who show up 3 times a week, and an aid shows up and handles his personal hygene.

I do everything else, alone, without let up. I need relief. I need advice on who I can contact to see about getting compensated, because of the care he requires, I cannot work outside of the home.

I am completely overwhelmed.

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I've tried 2 programs, and they both shot me down, because according to them my father gets too much money every month.

Meanwhile, I get none. I could wait till I go completely nuts, and almost need to institutionalized than maybe someone will offer some assistance.

I'm living here, rent free, eating....and paying for it by caring for an aging man, whose slowly loosing it.

I don't feel right requiring him to pay me on top of it.

So I have a list of sitters, and when he's occupied today, I'm going to be looking for one that is compatible with us.
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Greyson, You should qualify for services because he 24 hour care. Also check with In Home Supportive Services (IHSS). IHSS is a county and state funded. I am sorry about your dad but don't quit trying to get help. You will burn yourself out if you don't. Continue to come to this websight and vent. We all know what your going through and we are all here for you. God bless you.
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I know it's difficult and some days with be harder than others but just take it one day at a time. Keep your chin up and your nose pinched and hold a matchstick between your teeth. (just teasing about the pinched nose and matchstick)
Blessings to you in all your endeavors Greyson. Rainbow Painter
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Grocery shopping with Dad has me wore out.

It took everything in me to convince him to wear some depends. And he didn't have an accident, so now he wants to save them for the next time....I'm thinking that's not such a great idea.

We all still sweat.
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It is a massive help. I feel like a boulder of a burden has been lifted from my shoulders, just from the encouragement of others.
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Rainbow Painter, thank you so much for your kind words.
I have felt so overwhelmed by this whole thing. It is so hard to see my Mom going away before our very eyes...
I will continue coming to this forum as reading others letters has been a big help. I guess just knowing that we might be going the right direction.
Again, thank you very much...
Carolann
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Carolann, I believe your first step forward is when you get her to her doctor to be evaluated and then go from there. Emotions run rampart in seeing a loved one feeling so distraught and depressed and is torture on the family for sure.

If her medications are what is causing some of her symptoms and distress, then her doctor should be made aware of this fact as well and perhaps maybe that can be changed.

Communication, communication, communication and then asking a gazillion of questions to find the answers you are searching for in your case is to me the foundation of getting a situation under control, be it with your family members, her doctor or even the attorney can advise you on her legal rights and preparations. You are taking the right steps.

I have called my mother's doctor on a weekly basis as well as her insurance company to be sure I understood what benefits she has as well as making sure she was getting those benefits.

I welcome you to this forum and there are many who are in your same situation feeling desperate and lost in situations that turn your lives topsy-turvy. I wish you the best in your situation and pray your mother gets the help she is needing in her time of need.
Blessings to you and yours,
Rainbow Painter
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I too, am new to this. My mother is staying with my brother and his wife due to having had a problems walking, not taking her medications and not eating properly. My brother talked with her and invited her to stay there with them. Now that she is feeling better she is fighting to go home. We all know that she would end up in the same condition or worse if she went back home. She forgets to eat, has burned herself on the stove and forgets to take her medication.
She is now throwing herself on the floor and saying I just want to die. She has made comments about her medications so they have hidden them. She is also becoming paranoid and telling my brother he is keeping her prisoner.
I am traveling there on Friday in hopes of helping but none of us really know what to do now. We have an appointment with the doctor for her, but she hates the doctor. We also have an appointment with an attorney hoping to get some advice as to what we can do..
My brother and I are both sick at heart about this. We don't know where to go or where to turn and are scared to death of what is going to happen to our Mom.
Thanks for listening...
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Well Janet, we are here to support one another. Nothing about the caring for the loved one should be considered taboo.

I'll bring some extra clothing incase of disaster. I will have to purchase some better spray. I have gloves and white masks, both I have to wear, or I get severely grossed out.

I have the wipes too, and I go through a bunch of them after an accident.

He's on medication that treats what your mom has, his late older sister had it bad.
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I usually keep a container of diaper wipes, like for babies and a change of clothes with a plastic bag for the soiled laundry, in the car when we have to take Mom out to her appointments or grocery shopping. I also keep air freshener in the car to spray, the disinfectant type. I hope all goes well for you and your dad tomorrow.

Greyson, I also want to commend you for asking and responding here on such a delicate matter, but hopefully this post will not only ease your mind, but also those of others who just don't know quite how to ask or handle such matters and maybe they too will not feel so alone or helpless in such a sensitive situation.

I wish you and your dad a good day on your first outing. Keep in touch, Rainbow Painter
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Had an explosion in the car already. It was a cold day, I cranked up the heat, and cracked a window..

He can't really get to a drawer all that easily, I pretty much set out his under garments.

Tomorrow will be his first Wal-mart experience since the stroke....I PRAY for no accidents.
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OH and trust me......you really don't want an mishap of uncontrollable bowls in the car. I've dealt with that as well. I will never forget that day. Best of luck, sometimes we just have to take the bull by the horns and ride out the storms. Things will eventually become habit and the new way will be come the old way again.
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Yep, been there done that one. I totally understand about keeping their dignity in tack, believe me. Yes, I wore them......didn't like it, but did it.

Then I took all of Mom's undies out her drawer and put them in a bag and hid them from her and explained the reason why I was removing her underwear and replaced them with the Depends.

This was done at night time, just as I got her ready for bed. She didn't even ask me where her undies were the next morning....she just put on the Depends.
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How do I convince him to wear a diaper when we are gonna be in public? So we dont have accidents, that might be rather embarrassing to him, so far we have been lucky, bit I suspect that that's not always gonna be the case.

My latest offer, was to wear them too...I really would, it doesn't bother me all that much.
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Oh Greyson......I'm experiencing the very same frustration (gagging at the thought). AS for the "as needed", I've just been monitoring her time of day and what she's eating. Mom was diagnosed with Diverticulosis Spams which in her case, she goes fine for a few weeks and then build up for a few days and just like described, "explosion". Then she'll be fine for a few more days and we get to start all over again. (sighs) I know, it's not a place I want to be either. Hang in there and get out and get some fresh air and breathe deeply for about 3 minutes. Keep in touch. Blessings to you, Rainbow Painter
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Last week at the doctors office, I informed the Nurse Practitioner that dad's stools were 90% loose....they recommend to me some fiber stuff over the counter. Cause he's perscribed some medicine to treat it, though I have no idea how to administer "as needed" when its seems to be always needed.....and if I give it to him all the time, than he doesn't go for days and days, and I think maybe Im not doing something right, so I stop....and at 1 in the morning he has an explosion in the bed

*sigh* and i have to wake up and clean him and it up

its really very frustrating
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Greyson, is he eligible for 24 hour-at-home care? I know this can be a timely process in paperwork and assessments, but it sure sounds like it's needed in his case. I agree with Sybjp1 about contacting your state agencies of care for the aging and seeing what is available in father's situation. I wish you the best and keep coming back to update us for there are many like you who are new to caregiving.
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Greyson,
It depends on what state you are in, but there may be help for you through your state agencies. I also wonder why he couldn't have stayed in the nursing facility since he requires such heavy care. Is he a veteran? If so, the VA may be able to help you as well.
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