I don't know what to do anymore. For the past 2 years my daugters and I have been living with my elderly mother. Her heath has been constantly deteriorating. My youngest brother lives with us too but he's no help. He hasn't worked in 5 yrs and Mom is perfectly OK with his life of playing Warcraft. Meanwhile, me and my daughters never do anything right. The other day she yelled at my 15 yr old for taking a shower. My 12 yr old is convinced Gandma hates her, mostly because she says she does and that she doesn't want her living here. Everyday is a new battle. I have gained so much weight from the stress and have my own health issues to contend with. I have recently begun spending less and less time in the same room with my mother. You have to make sure you have her attention before you speak to her because otherwise she wont here you. She says she thinks I'm talking to the kids but what about when in school? She doesn't eat on a regular basis. She complains about my cooking but at times she has trouble preparing meals that she has made forever. Burning, undercooking... She also doesn't like to make veggies. Says nobdy likes them. I love my veggies! She complains about the bills, and I have done everything I can to bring them down, but then when I do manage to see one of them I realize that they are the same as when I had my own apartment and not really bad at all. She's becoming more and more forgetful and seems to try and cover it up by being argumentitive. She actually picks fights with us at times, especially with my 12 yr old. I really don't know what to do anymore but I know I can't hide in my room forever. Any advice?????

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I am so very sorry about your situation. Obviously, out of a sense of duty and love, you have taken on the responsibility of caring for your mom. I know exactly what that is like. You stated that your family lives with her. Does that mean that she owns the property, or did she move in with you? Are you sure there are no places in your city for elderly who are not wealthy? I assume you have done the research. You may want to ask some churches for information. There are usually places that are very affordable for the elderly. This may be the best option for your whole family. My mother was doing similar things to me and my family, and now my mother is being "cared" for by my sister. My mother does live in her own place, though, and is very able to cook, laundry, etc.. I don't know how independent your mom is. Good luck, and again, I am so sorry for the sadness and distress you are experiencing.

Thanks for your reply. LAS, sounds like a good explaination for my brother.LOL! He's perfectly healthy 29 yrs old, who has oly had 2 jobs his entire life! One I got him the other my mom did. I do go to counseling every week for my depression and he's trying to get me to be able to accept that I can't fix everything, no matter how hard I try. I know that but I can't seem to stop trying! :) Just hearing from some one else made me feel better. Thank you!

Has your mother been diagnosed with alz/dementia? Forgetfulness and aggression goes along with it!
I know its easier said than done. But just BREATHE. It sounds like you got 50 million things going on there. Since your kids are old enough to understand tell them that grandma loves them and she doesn't mean to snap at them and when she says hurtful things not to take it to heart.(Sugarcoating your mothers actions might help take some stress off your kids)
Whats up with your BROTHER??? Is there a medical reasoning for him not contributing to the household? or does he suffer from "LAZY ASS SYNDROME"? lol
Are you able to speak to your brother about how your mom is acting?
I wish I could really give you a solution to help you!! My heart goes out to you!! Just try to take one thing at a time and remember most all of us here are overwhelmed about something. You not alone!! Don't lock yourself away even though that sounds like the best solution. Maybe you should go and talk to a counselor. It helped me when I felt I hit rock bottom taking care of my mom!!! Those were feelings I never want to feel again!! I believe you will find your peace, just hang in there!!

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