Our roles are switching and I don't like it.

LL- Thank so very much for the poem, we all need a good reminder.

DC, I am glad that you are going to talk to the hospice nurse. I understand why you think that moving out wasn’t the answer and that it didn’t solve anything quickly or immediately; however, moving out just might be a step in the right direction and solve something in the long run. Moving out is a positive step for you because it gives you some space of your own where you can relax, chill out, calm down, meditate, think, or look at the situation from a different perceptive without your parents standing or sitting right next to you watching every move you make.
I agree with BarbBrooklyn that you need to see your doctor and that you might benefit from antidepressants, talk therapy or both. You have been going through so much right now. Keep us updated on your situation.

Smeshque: You and everyone are very welcome. That ode is so touching.

Thanks Llamalover47!!! That is a beautiful poem! Thanks for sharing!!

Barbbrooklyn. Thank you for your wisdom. Im sort of afraid of antidepressants, dont know why. Do they make you loopy? And im over due for a complete physical. It seems im always doing something else. And you are right i did move out of the famiky home. Adult services did a well check today. We are meeting up tomorrow with the nurses to get a plan in order that is best for everyone. Im not going to move back in. I can help a million other ways. I cant go back there. I shake at the thought. So ive got a list going of priorities. I thought adult services and me getting out of the toxic enviroment were number1. Now lets see what they think.... i cant wait.

And the poem, is such a simple reminder why in the beginning i wanted to take care of my parents. It makes me think ive lost a little of the perspective wanting everything just right. In taking care of my parents nothing is easy but i do love them. I have to remember that.

Loopy? um, no.

I've been on antidepressants a couple of times in my life. Post Partum for number 2 (was suicidal; also, I was hospitalized). Again, during a tough patch when I was in grad school, soon to be ex was acting up ,etc. Made me able to cope, not want to just lie down and die. And then again, when I entered menopause and just started crying for no reason.

That last time, I was at a community synagogue dinner, helping to cook and my adult daughter came upon me weeping. She said "mom, what's wrong!?" I said, "Aunt Rosana's mom is dying and I can't do anying about it!".

We both started laughing, because it was just so ridiculous. Of COURSE I couldn't do anything about my SIL's mom dying! Most depressions? they attach themselves to whatever reason is available. Get meds. You will feel better! You will get through this, stronger and wiser.

PS, I have not been on anti depressant meds for many years now.

Nickie1970: You're ever so welcome. I am glad that you liked the poem.

dc: I am glad that the poem helped you.

The wellness check they did from what my son says was just taking vitals and asking everyone how things were going. And of course my parents said fine, find. So i contacted my mothers nurses one said they were sorry to hear what was going on the other one said she would contact the social worker assigned to us. Havent heard a thing.

Leave them be, DC. I take your son didn't think that it was his place to speak up and tell them what was really going on.

Look, people who are legally competent get to make their own bad decisions. And WE are able to put our wellbeing, physical and mental first and say " no, I'm not enabling this fictional independence any longer".

I am so glad that you followed up and contacted your mother's nurses after the wellness check and that one of them stated that she would contact the social worker assigned to your parents. Now that they are aware of the situation, let the nurses and the social worker do their jobs.

In regards to antidepressants, I understand your reluctance to take them. Yes, they can make you feel "loopy"...HOWEVER, when you find the RIGHT ANTIDEPRESSANT FOR YOU, they make you feel great! I have been on antidepressants for 30+ years because I get depressed easily and to help decrease my fibromyalgia pain. Over the years, as my situation has changed so has the antidepressant medication.

www.drugs.com/drug-class/antidepressants.html
This website has excellent information about antidepressants. There are at least six main types (classes) of antidepressants: tricyclic antidepressants (TCAs), selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRI), serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors (SNRIs), norepinephrine and dopamine reuptake inhibitors, monoamine oxidase inhibitors (MAOIs), and the atypical antidepressants, such as bupropion. Each type has a slightly different action on specific neurotransmitters. Side effects also differ between classes. You and your doctor will need to work closely together to find the right antidepressant for you and your situation.

WebMD has some short videos about depression:
www.webmd.com/depression/find-happy-17/video-basics-depression
www.webmd.com/depression/find-happy-17/video-basics-antidepressants

TALK THERAPY (AKA Counseling) is also helpful in dealing with depression. This forum is another source of help. Please keep us posted on your situation. God Bless!

thank you everyone for all of your support. im going to leave this as soon as I can figure out how to get myself erased off this account. bad experience with someone on this site and I cant forget it. please forgive me for just trying to be myself and be real.

oh, Dcurnan, I'm very sorry to hear that. I know what you mean, however -- a site like this should never be used negatively, but some people do. It's very sad, as we all have such needs for support. I actually study health communication processes -- I edit an international journal on the topic. That would be an interesting study, wouldn't it -- what kinds of messages are not only nonsupportive but actually hurt us? Would be interested in hearing from people about the messages that they find hurtful. I don't understand social media well enough to know how to start such a conversation, however, and don't know the rules about doing so on this site. I need a millenial to hep me! :)

Hi Dc.... I am so sorry to hear of your bad experience. Please don't let one person make you quit the forum. There are a lot of wonderful, caring people here.

Take care.....

teri4077, I sure wish there was a thread that people could discuss these things. I wish I could start one but im not sure how myself. I don't even know how to erase my account. lol. thanks for caring.

you know the old saying dusti, one bad apple, something something something. that's how I feel. sour all the way around. do you by chance know how to erase an account?? thank you for saying that though. I think I may be a little addicted to this site though. lol. ive found so much good here also. take care

Hi Dc....not sure how to erase an account. I know what you mean. I visit this forum every day. Sometimes I post and sometimes I don't but this forum has helped me a great deal since I first signed up and as I said there are a bunch of wonderful people here. It is so sad that one person has the ability to hurt someone when a person is at their most vulnerable and going through a frustrating and hard time. I hope you won't leave but I will understand.

If you don't leave, please keep me posted and let me know how you are doing. Take care and my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Hugs, Dcurnan. I'm sorry to hear you had a hurtful experience. I've only been on a few months but have gotten a lot of wonderful support despite every now and then seeing some negative comments. I've found the majority of people here though do really want to help. I'm really glad you're here, and hope you will stick around.