Other people behaving badly...

ali - "prolonged feelings of being unmotivated, worn out, depression symptoms but not depressed" sounds very much like grief. Grief results from any major change -whether it is perceived as being "good" or "bad". Caregivers will go through grief at the end of their journey, no matter the relationship with the one who was being cared for. Not that that doesn't matter and isn't an important factor - it is. But, regardless, you will travel with and through grief.

cw - career. spouse, kids...look at them as gifts, not accomplishments, then look for the gifts you have been given. There are times a great long empty tunnel looks appealing. It can be decorated any way you like. It's the journey...

gershun - what you describe happened to me after my son died. Things that I had an interest in before became totally uninteresting to me. i tend to like being alone anyway and now, even more so. I just go with the flow and accept it as my life I can handle some socialization, but not much. Some of that, for me, is age and CFS/FM related too. But there was a major shift after his death. The loss of a LO has a permanent effect on us.

You all make really good points. I always felt like I wasn't successful either until I stopped using other people's criterion for what success is. It wasn't until I went through the experience of being my Mom's caregiver/advocate without any help from my "successful" siblings that I recognized my own strength and realized that there are all sorts of different roads to success and being successful. I truly believe my legacy, if there is such a thing will be that journey I took with my Mom.

What I'm struggling with now is just a mixed bag of feelings, emotions, anger, sadness, frustration.............you name it. Here I am in my Hubs and I's new condo in a new neighborhood, which may as well be a new country, cause it's all foreign to me. He's been away working and I find myself obsessively cleaning all the time and getting overly worked up about stupid things like marks on the laminate flooring. I found myself thinking today that I wished I was still living in the 60- year-old place that we moved from. At least I didn't feel this need to keep it immaculate. I probably get that from my Mom who was a clean freak. But, I get so bothered by it. Then there's the not working out thing. I was anorexic when I was young and obsessing about every bite I eat and exercising really never went away. I don't starve myself anymore but I've never been comfortable with just eating what I want without panicking about it.

I'd better stop there or I'll really start to sound like a looney tune. Suffice it to say that I think I need to change my way of thinking soon cause my thoughts are destructive to me right now. But thank-you all for taking the time to read me and give me feedback. It really helps to know that I'm not alone.

Gershun, you are by no means a looney tune, well unless all the rest of us are, then you would fit right in.
It is only when people come together as on this forum and feel free to share the real things in their lives, that they begin to understand who they really are and recognise things that can be changed.
You have been through a lot and still have not compleated grieving for your mother. Now you are in a new sterile environment and don't know anybody or anything.
Like Golden I am happy to be alone and have never enjoyed socializing. Wherever i have moved i have made one good friend, more than one and i feel especially blessed. Another great blessing is the love of my children.
You are used to an old house and the inevitable dust and drafts. Now everything is brand spanking new and you feel guilty if there is so much as a spot on the counter. it is like having a new car and the distress when it gets it's first scratch. I used to be like that, everything had to be spotless, but now I can let it go.
Look outside and smell the flowers, in my case we are still admiring the snow, but that too will pass and when it melts I will see that my daffodils are already sprouting a few inches above the ground.
Do you have the strength to go out and volunteer for something.. I used to volunteer for the Arts council and the local craft co-op and made crafts to sell. About 12 years ago I took an interest in buying houses and flipping them. the part i really enjoyed was making them feel my own. I never brought anything that i did not feel i could live in. i had total freedom to do whatever i wanted. Some I did sell but others ended up as rentals which was not very successfull, the last one will hopefully sell this year.
There is a big world out there Gershun waiting for you to explore when you are ready.

Your post strikes home for me too. I was anorexic as a teen. As an adult it's still there. I worry about exercising, gaining weight, etc. I watch my weight and fret obsessively when the scales aren't where I want them.  I can't exercise at the level I used to because of peripheral neuropathy. I also know about the cleaning thing. I moved in my husband's home and he has a housekeeper who keeps things immaculate. Anytime I cook I obsess about cleaning everything up like she does thinngs. The only thing you can do is try not to be hard on yourself. Not easy to do, but it you can do it with practice.

Yes, Becky and that's what it all boils down to for me a lot, is being way too hard on myself. I'm glad my opening up about things can help others feel like they can too.

Gershun,
Move more, think less.
Make a hair appointment now, and go. You never know when those hubs will show up and surprise you in mid-february. He will like it if you look fabulous, even if you don't feel that way.
What you have written will not be easy to recover from, or a quick fix. Your thoughts and emotions can stop you from doing anything. It does not have to be life changing, or help others, or be very important at all, just start somewhere.

This is your intervention. Lay out the clothes you are wearing tonight. And if you must walk-in to a hair salon, do that in the morning. I want to see some hair flying! It is a start, often suggested by therapists. Is there a place at the mall? Go there and have coffee first, remembering your Mom sitting there. If you find a teddy bear, in a bag with flowers..and some chocolate.....buy yourself something you like. Your kitties are counting on you. (They don't get any chocolate whatsoever).

If not, if you are stubborn and won't actually DO anything suggested, what do you want to do? Don't make me come up there....Canada is a very far away place.

Shock.
Becky,
After reading your post about that neighbors attitude, and stupid words, I turned over in my grave and I am not even dead yet! Reminders of what is similarly happening now in my neighborhood, but I cannot say.
The retreat at the lake is the best idea yet. You can recover there. Hope you and PJ are ok. He said that to get her outta there, right?

Send, but I don't need my hair cut. But I do get what you are saying, truly I do. I did go out today even if it was just to get groceries. Then I came home and washed my bedding. Whew hoo, I know but at least I did something.

Yes, I got bottled water and came home without speaking to anyone.
We are doing great, right? I loved getting out, the clouds were beautiful, then ominous.
Trying not to take myself too seriously, because life is too serious to be taken seriously.

Yes, life is just too serious to be taken seriously. It was a cold sunny day here and there is an owl on the loose dive bombing unsuspecting people which I find cute and hilarious....... Until he divebombs me that is.

That's a hoot Gershun!

Do you know what kind of owl it is?

Yes, a real HOOOOT !!!!!! I think it's a barn owl. Somebody got a pic of it. So cute and mischievous looking. I hope conservation officers don't swoop in and kill it. It hasn't done any real damage to anyone. Just startled them a bit.

How about a mani / pedi, Gershun?

A coworker invited me to son's wedding - I absolutely do not want to go but felt obliged to say yes

These days I don't even take a shower on Saturday and now I have to get dressed up and go out by myself

WoW
How about that 17 year old Chloe Kim?

Aw MsMadge think of the free food and booze at the reception. Slip something in your purse for the Viking.

There will be people behaving badly at the reception. Maybe you can get some ideas and bring them back to us?

Figure skating-a favorite!

The Hazmat Team has arrived in the neighborhood. NFD.

It's Fat Tuesday!

I used to ask the Viking what she was giving up
For lent - sex or chocolate?

My very Catholic Aunt is here, and we were going to go to the AMish market Friday for breakfast and shopping.. she mentions she can't eat meat on Friday.. It's and AMISH MARKET !! Everything is meat!! So we are going Thursday,, which my mom mentioned is senior discount day anyhow,,, So I guess its a win?

Norway 🇳🇴 is hanging on to the medal 🥇 count in the Olympics

Viking strong

My dH is behaving badly.

Most everything now falls to me, as my responsibility.

I think that coping with so many responsibilities would be ok, without the added misinformation he brings, like throwing a wrench in the works. Maybe if I just stopped asking him, believing him, sharing with him.

I have been in the middle of cooking, he is causing trouble, so I turn off the fire and go into another room.

Send (((HUGS))) .
I wish I had some helpful advice... on another thread Gershun was mentioning she has a big purse available to smack the clueless upside the head, shall we send her down?

Yes Send! have purse, will travel.

Thank you ladies! I think.
Your support means so much to me. It is really great to check in and see you wrote to me.
However, not sure I need a purse to solve the problem. If looks could kill, he would be.

Wait up a minute....
Do you put something heavy in the purse first?

With all the cr*p I keep in my purse Send, it should do some damage.....not enough to kill but possibly maim.

Will really be missing dH when this is sorted out.
It is likely too late for him to give his POA, DPOA to me.
In a few years, I will be needing a POA person.

Send,
You asked us to post about frustrations NICELY.

People, please use periods to separate your sentences. My poor pea brain can't absorb your thoughts that are all run together. I wind up clicking out of the thread cause it's too much trouble to chop it up.

There, was I nice enough?