Hello and thank you for this site.

Help! This is not my mother. Her personality has changed so much and she has become very aggressive. Our interaction is unpleasant and overwhelming.

We are both only children and there are no relatives near of far to assist me. The caregivers hired, left due to Mom's nastiness - so can remain alone.

For the past 17 months, we are living together for the first time in a very long time. We are in a small 2bd /1 bath but it has a yard for my mother to let her dog out. More importantly, the Paramedics arrive in a timely fashion.

Mom is still "lucid" but I question her behavior. She complains that I am not taking care of her but declines my assistance or get annoyed that I am in her presence. I mostly stay in my room and walk on eggs when I venture out. If she were to go to a facility, in order to manage her they will medicate her. This was done with my father at rehab and immediately removed him.

It appears most of the post, the adult caregivers are working or resigned to care of a person for their parent. How and where can I get support in the Los Angeles?

It is late and work later today.

Thank you and wishing everyone strength and sanity.


ps, I went to ER for chest pains and declined admission because there is no one to care for my mother in my absence.

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I would first find the cause of the chest pains. I would promptly see a doctor to rule out cardiac issues. If it's that, you need treatment. It could be anxiety or indigestion, but I would confirm that ASAP. How can you care for her if your health is gone.

I would also make a plan regarding your mom's care. A consult with an Elder Law attorney might be a good idea so you know where you stand.

Has she been diagnosed with dementia? You say she's showing signs, but still lucid. I would use this time to get prepared. Read a lot about dementia, so you know what to expect. Dementia progresses and things get worse, not better over time. I would explore your options for your mom, like getting help to come into the house. placement in a facility, respite care, adult daycare and other services.

Do you have a Durable Power of Attorney and Healthcare POA for her? Is she competent to sign them now? Will she sign them now? If not, you'll have challenges acting on her behalf, however, there are legal procedures that one may use to gain guardianship, if you have the evidence to show that she is incompetent. Will she appoint you her POA?

What are her financial resources? Depending on her income, she might qualify for Medicaid? I think that California has certain resources for disabled seniors in certain counties in CA, for assisted living. I read a little about it lately. Maybe some CA residents can chime in on that.

What kind of help is she refusing? Is she refusing help from paramedics? Why is this lucid behavior? I'm not sure I understand your situation.

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