Folks, here is the latest in this saga. If you can read my past posts you will have a better picture.

My mother and step-dad are 92 years old. My mother is now in a home and will not be coming home, but she doesn't know this. She stil thinks she is coming home.

My mom and step-dad have been married for about 25 years. My step-dad is totally blind an has been since he was about 40 years old. My step-dad is a verteran so his plans are to go into the VA Nursing home when the time comes.  My step-dad has different people come over and do his laundry and various other tasks for him.  He eats most of his meals out; someone takes him to do that.

My step-dad is living in my mother's home. Yes, they have a pre-nuptial agreement.

Apparently for the whole time mom an my step-dad have been married my step-dad has been giving money to about 5 women. So far the money he spends on these women is his own money. My mother has been told about this behavior several times ovet the years; she confronts him, there is a huge fight about it, she threatens to kick him out of the home, but then doesn't; he promises to never give money to these women again, but then continues to do it. One lady who knows all of these women he gives money to has stated that these women are nothing but "the scum of the earth". They have all been in and out of prison several times for Drugs, Theft, Fraud, etc.

I found out yesterday that my step-dad has invited one of his women and her husband to live with him IN MY MOTHER'S HOME !! Apparently this womans husband just got out of prison after doing a long stint. They have no money, nor anywhere to live so my step-dad invited them to live with him WITHOUT MY MOTHER'S PERMSSION !!! To me this is absolutely DEPLORABLE !!!! I've been told that before my mother went into the home she was hiding cash around the house. Well, you all know what will happen with all of that cash. It will be stolen. My step-dad has two grown sons, and they have been told of their fathers behavior and they told me that there is nothing they can do about it. They have known about this behavior for years.

My step-dad is now living in my mother's home. He actually only has a few personal things in this home. The rest of the homes and property are my mother's. Both my mother and my step-dad are "hoarders". The home and surrounding outbuildings are jam packed with so much junk you wouldn't believe it.   My cousin who is the executor of my mother's trust wants to start downsizing my mother's property.  My step-father told a mutual friend that NO ONE is to touch anything that is on that property, including my mother's clothes and personal items.  I was told that my step-dad can't say that as this home is not his !  My cousin will be here next Sunday and even though my mother's mental health is failing he is going to ask my mother if we can start downsizing the property.  My cousin told me that this is the way he is going to ask her about it:  " Social Services will not let you go home because your home is crowded so you can't get around in your wheelchair, so your daughter and I would like to downsize so you will be able to get around in your wheelchair, then you could come home.  Remember, she doesn't know she will not be coming home ever.  My cousin is thinking that if he words it this way that then she might give him permission.  That way, with her permission we could at least start the downsizing process.

I am an only child. I do not have Power of Attorney. Actually, there is NOTHING in writing that has my name on it showing I have "any" power over anything in regards to my mother.

When I found out about this latest issue I told a friend of my step-dads that I will no longer have "anything" to do with this man. I was taking him to the Dr's, taking him to see my mother, etc. NOT ANY MORE !!!! This friend of my step-dad told me that "I need to be careful about burning that bridge, because my step-dad could make life very rough for me here. I live across the street from my mother's home. I am renting one of my mother's rentals. This friend of my step-dad's told me that I need to be vey careful about alienating myself from my step-dad because he could also get me kicked out of this home I live in. I don't see how he could do that as I pay my rent on time every month.

I contacted my cousin who is the Executor of my mother's trust and told him all that has been happening. He told me that my step-dad has stepped over the line now and so my cousin is going to call the attorney Monday that handles my mother's trust to see if there is anything we can have done about this latest issue.

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Willienme1950, a lot depends on how the pre-nup was written and if there is a clause say that the pre-nup is no longer in force after a certain number of years, etc. And also depends on how Mom's Will is written.  If no Will, then Probate will decide who gets what.

Usually in a long marriage, now a days 25 years is long, when a spouse passes then the other spouse gets all of the net worth. Not saying this is the case here, but there is always a chance.

As for the house you are living in, do you have a Lease between you and your Mom? If not, then you are living month to month. With month to month then the landlord can give you notice to move, even if you are paying rent on time. Usually 60 days notice is needed. Some landlords do 30 days, some do 90 days. If you have a Lease with Mom, usually the Lease is honored until the final month, then not renewed.

I see from your profile that your Mom has Alzheimer's/Dementia, and since she is now living in continuing care, that tells me that Mom is no longer able to reason things. Thus, too late for Mom to draw up a Lease if you have none.... and too late for your Step-Dad to make any changes to legal documents.

Try to make an appointment with an "Elder Law Attorney", and if you have a copy of the pre-nup and a copy of Mom's Will that will help greatly in knowing what are the terms. Then the Attorney can make recommendations.

Don't see how he can kick u out when Mom owns the property. Need to read the prenup. Does it give conditions for him continuing to live on the property, like only he can stay there. Hopefully the Executor can keep these people out. Because once they are there, going to be hard evicting them.

Well it sounds like you have done all you can do by notifying the person your mother has put in charge of her affairs.
I do remember your posts from before but can’t see them on the site now?
Who is making the decision to keep your mother in the NH? Who is her medical POA?
Who is taking care of stepdad since you have stopped? He must have some assistance being totally blind. So when the stepdad has an “event” who will take care of putting him in a NH etc?
You are right to call this a saga!

Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter