One Family's Way to Cure Agitation in Dementia and Deal with Wanting to Go Home and Bathing

I ran across this post online earlier and wanted to share. I think it's a pretty brilliant way to deal with the constant agitation and wanting to go home we see with loved ones suffering from dementia. The truth never works, so here's a great alternative to meet them where THEY'RE at:
Our family's method for curing agitation and getting your loved one to bathe, etc. It really works.
We cared for my mother-in-law in our home for fourteen years until she died in September. My own parents moved in with us this past summer and we are on a similar journey with them. They aren't at this point yet.
My mother-in-law, like most people with alzheimers or other dementia, was incredibly confused and agitated the last few years, and just wanted to go HOME. In the beginning before we understood what was going on, we used to try to gently remind her that her husband or parents had passed away. This was news every time, and she'd suddenly remember, and she'd be overcome with fresh grief. And like most people in her situation, she wanted to go HOME. And there was no convincing her that's she WAS home already.
We were trying to be honest and reorient her into reality and we made everything so much worse.
She used to visit us for longer and longer periods when our (now grown) children were young. So one day I just decided to play along and join her in HER reality. When I walked into her room I pretended that she had just arrived for a visit. I lit up and acted excited to see her. I thanked her for coming to visit. I told her I'd put fresh towels in her bathroom and showed her where everything was. I showed her that I'd put "those clothes you left here last time" in this dresser here. I said I hoped the bed was comfortable and asked what else I could get her. I said she must be tired from all that traveling. And I asked what she'd like to do while she was here visiting.
It worked so well that we had the best morning we had had in a couple of years, and she was in a great mood. When she asked confusedly where her mother was, I answered that she'd "gone to see those friends from church" and would be back later.
We all did this for her final years. In fact, when the agitation and hand-wringing set it, or she was angry because I was making her change clothes or I was cleaning her up, etc, I could say "oh, gosh, you're going home already? Oh, I wish you could stay longer. We will miss you! Please come back soon. Thanks for visiting us! Let's get you cleaned up for your mom. I promised her that when she came back to get you you'd be wearing that nice blue shirt she sent...."
It feels awful to LIE, but playing pretend feels a lot better. Join your loved one in THEIR reality. You can also placate them by having received news of some kind, like "Oh, I'm so sorry! I forgot to tell you! Your grandpa called and said he stopped to see those friends from church and they were having trouble with their mower, so he is going to spend the night at their house and pick you up in the morning instead. I'm so sorry I forgot to mention it! Wow, he sure is good at fixing things, isn't he? I bet he gets that mower going. ... last time he was here; he fixed my car! Has he fixed a lot of stuff at your house? Oh, really? Oh, that's right! That WAS such a nice Oldsmobile. Didn't you have a Corvair, too?...." and you lead them into the favorite stories they like to tell.
It's like the world's saddest constant game of improv, but it really, really works. It joins them in THEIR reality and is incredibly reassuring to them. It also gives you a reason that bathing (or changing a sodden disposable brief or putting on more sheets or whatever) needs to be done RIGHT NOW instead of waiting until later, or needs to be done "AGAIN" even though they claim they JUST already did whatever it is.
As in improv theatre, you start with "YES." This affirms and reassures them.
Continued......