Countrymouse Posted November 2018
On My Mind
Follow
Share
Replacing the much lamented 'On My Mind' profile option, this thread is for musings, jottings, whimsies, preoccupations and the rest of the thesaurus for anyone to jot down anything they please.
I can't remember what the maximum character count was before, can anyone else? But anyway it wasn't very many so let's keep to that.
10K Comments
Popular Questions
Start a Discussion
Way - I'm sorry that things are so difficult for your nephew. Seems to be a fault with the system. I hope he can hire good aides. This could go on for a while yet.
Eva sounds like a very nice place for your hub. I don't know that good care can ever be guaranteed. You just have to deal with it when the time comes.
Hothouse - I sure understand about unloading your feelings. I think a break would be a good idea. You are having a lot to deal with.
Here studio about $3000-4000. We also have public for less, dingy places but most pay only $2400 per month.
That’s a big apartment . That would cost more by me . My FIL had an apartment like that , was almost $9,000 2 years ago .
$5,000-6,000 here just for a studio .
My mother was in AL 19 months
My FIL 20 months .
It is not affordability.
But how is this possible not to get care while paying a lot?
And yes you are right.
My husband really likes the place and met some interesting people with similar interests. And it looks less institutional. Like a nice hotel.
And nice apartment with bedroom, LR, den and terrace.
I really want him to live well with some dignity but I am concerned if he is going to be safe?
Sadly, statistically people stay in ALs about 22 months, some say 2-3 years before they need NH.
Maybe stop visiting your father at least for awhile. It doesn’t do him any good and it stresses you out .
I think your husband’s recent close call ( stroke) is a lot on top of how you were already feeling before your husband’s stroke. You are burnt .
I’m suprised you are visiting Dad right now . Give yourself a break . Go back home to the West coast for at least 3 months , hopefully longer .
I came across that as well when looking for AL for loved ones .
Although at my mother ‘s it was all included one price , which is rare . That was how they marketed themselves as different from other facilities.
Many here give basic care like shower twice a week ,,
but once a resident needs more care, there are levels of care with added charges as you described . The pendent is extra in most places as far as I have come across .
The worst was I toured an AL where everything was a la carte .
They actually charged to place someone on the toilet , and then again to get them off. Same with getting someone dressed or undressed . Take off incontinence product and replace . In bed or out of bed . Pushed in wheelchair to the dining room and back. Everything was one way charge , no round trips .
This leaves someone open for charges for multi trips to the bathroom or for incontinence care without really having proof how many times it was actually done . I did not even consider those facilities and the base for no care , just rent , housekeeping and food was a lot too. Laundry is also extra at some places .
My mothers pay one price place , I only paid for her phone seperate and the hairdresser . Satellite TV was included . Laundry was included , and all care.
Of course she would have Doctor bills and RX to pay for but that’s usual no matter where one lives.
My husband was horrified but it just came out of me. DH was reminiscing with my father about those 5 years we lived in the basement at my parents. Apparently we have different perspectives about those days. I said i didn’t have any warm and fuzzy memories about those miserable months and I unleashed a torrent of feelings.
Sad thing is I don’t feel bad about saying what I did. My father didn’t understand a word or if he did he chose to ignore it. I only wish I said it sooner so he would hear it.
No, health system does not cover private.
It is first or ground floor apartment. Yes, he walks with walker.
Yes, pendant cost extra.
I cannot get out of my head, the place where people come for help does not provide that.
It is more of safety and principle of things, how is it he will contribute to salaries of workers and receive nothing in terms of actual care?
Those costs seem about the same as the US. Curious … Does your health care system cover any of that ?
As far as safety concerns , is your husband walking on his own ( with a walker ) ? Does the AL give the residents a fall pendent ?
I did make sure LO’s were in a one story AL or on the first floor if possible for quicker evacuation in case of fire .
so sorry about your sister.
Sis is being discharged back home on Monday . She does not qualify for SNF yet . Nephew will have to hire help . Sis can not be home alone when he’s at work . Memory care would wipe out her small savings quickly . Walking is very unsteady . And of course she thinks there is nothing wrong with her . As is common for many caregivers , her dementia is very difficult for the caregiver as well .
My husband is going next month to private facility and cost is astronomical. Over $5,000 which more likely will be $6,000 or more.
The problem is how much actual care is provided in that price?
None. Just apartment and meals. Everything is extra!
There is “menu” to choose from additional services, meds, night check etc. each about $400 per month which I think to begin with will be another $2,000 per month.
But monthly payment from each resident contributes to salaries for aides and people don’t receive anything?
Any thoughts of safety concerns in AL?
way. How’s your sis doing?
Im grateful he is physically okay but I have to say he’s been in a bad mood a lot. He was always obsessive about certain things but I’m finding situations have come up these past two weeks where he’s been over the top. I know this was traumatic for him and I am really trying to be kind and understanding. . I’m glad to have him here with me but I hope he goes back to how he was before.
i read about it, it is normal and it could be temporary or not. Time will tell.
I'm glad they found rehabs when he stood his ground and understand his worries about running out of money. I gather the state offers nothing to help those needing memory care who do not have finances. - it means the family must do the caring. That's very hard - too hard!!!
Yeah they give her meds , they should give it regularly though at bedtime rather than waiting for her to get agitated .
They tried to tell nephew today that PT , OT said she could go home with care set up . Nephew told them absolutely not , that she goes to rehab for now at least . He told them she’s still too confused for him to deal with her delusions . Shes accusing him of wasting her money again from when she was at the board and care home , which last time triggered an investigation when she called the Agency of Aging to complain . Of course there was no wrong doing . He told the social worker today at the hospital that he has to work and she can’t be home alone . So Hmmm , miracle , they found 3 rehab places for nephew to choose from . He doesn’t know what to do about her . But nephew says if she doesn’t improve she will need memory care which is very expensive and risks running out of money . She’s walking with help and a walker and feeding herself , so SNF is not an option. Imo she needs memory care even if she improves somewhat but I understand nephews reasons for trying to put it off some .,
He is distraught , he said he can’t live with her when she’s like this but he’s afraid of placing her in memory care and running out of money . I am very concerned about my nephew, he’s very stressed out .
Sis is bonkers every night, delerium . Not able to find a rehab willing to take her just yet ..
Social worker was vague said there are a limited number of available beds .
Reading between the lines . The facilities are choosing a less difficult patient . Can’t blame them .
Thanks . The AL she was in was a very affordable board and care home . We do not think she could go back there . She most likely would need at least memory care .
Sis is going to rehab . Nephew is at the end of his rope . Because of her last unexpected really good rally last year that ended up in her leaving AL and coming back home , nephew is afraid another decent rally may happen again.
He’s hesistant about memory care because of the fear of running out of her money . Medicaid only pays for SNF in my state ( and others). So we are down to hoping she either doesn’t walk or isn’t feeding herself so she can be placed in SNF . Although she has chronic issues of hypothermia which my nephew keeps an eye on at home and all that can be done is heated blankets , drink warm liquids .
A very low temperature that was not improving is why she was brought to the hospital again . I told nephew to ask if the chronic hypothermia would qualify her for skilled nursing. We will see .
gershun - I have had that sort of thing -a sense to take an alternate route. I believe the Lord is directing us for a purpose.
lu -lots of questions. Maybe we will know the answers when we get there.
I believe dreams have a significance, but that's not always easy to figure out.
Finally got rid of that sinus infection, I think! Nice to see the days getting longer. ☀️
this feeling after thinking that God has guided me. So only God knows but maybe what I felt was right.
So many things to ask God one day. :)
Maybe what you thought ,that God compelled you was right,
Only He knows~
Yesterday I was praying as I walked and decided suddenly that I'd go a different route. Later, I thought about it and thought that God had compelled me to go up a different street.
So, maybe my dream and God were trying to tell me something. Who knows.
I think when a dead loved one visits in a dream and it's some mundane activity like doing laundry, it's to let you know they're good and just stopping by. I have dreams about my late ex-husband who's been gone now 24 years. In them he looks like he did before he was sick. I can see his motorycle somewhere in the dream every time and he's doing some mundane task like fixing something on it. I have a recurring dream of him bringing the garbage cans up from the curb like he used to. We lived in a multi-family house. He took out everyone's garbage and always brought the cans back up too. Sometimes I'll have a dream that he's bringing the garbage cans in where I live now. Or he's pulling in the driveway on his bike. I think your mom and brother are just stopping by and visiting you.
@waytomisery
I hope for you and your family's sake that your sister gets placed this time. It will be a relief.
@ArtistDaughter
That was a nightmare about your mom going out for the walk alone. Sometimes when we have nightmares full of stress and worry, it's because our minds need to take out the trash and tidy the place up from time to time. Our mind is clearing out the stress, anxiety, fear, etc...