On my last nerve.

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On my last nerve.

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So I am caregiver to Mom, 72. Mom has many serious health problems, non-compliant insulin dependent diabetic for over 20 years, hypoglycemic attacks, 3 Subdural hematoma bur hole surgery survivor, subsequent strokes, focal seizures, beginning stages of dementia. I could go on and on.

I have little to no assistance, except from her brother and my cousin. Two sister siblings, both wrapped up in their own special lives, living the dream. I am the youngest, I have fibromyalgia and suffer from my own health issues.

Today, Mom decided to play with the thermostat settings and now it is 81 F in this house. Can hear Air Conditioner is running, but whatever she did to the settings prevents the house from cooling down. It is SO hot in here and I am on my last nerve. Losing my sanity and my patience. Husband is away for weekend. Mom s roaming around house with her walker, in her underpants and she thinks everything is great. Can't understand why I am in such a bad mood. I have sent text to my sister and BIL who lives about 10 minutes away, but no answer or reply. They must be really busy I guess.

I am so mad right now. Not sure if I just need a shoulder to cry on or a HVAC mechanic. lol.

Burnout

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T twocents Aug 2014 · Answer 1 · 2014-08-06T14:07:05.000-0400

put a lock on the thermostat

L littletonway Aug 2014 · Answer 2 · 2014-08-06T12:25:40.000-0400

Fligirl58 -{{{HUGS}}} You are not an awful person. Caregiving is not for everyone. Some of us can do it for short periods of time and others for longer periods. You have to be honest with yourself before going into this game. It doesn't matter whether you take care of your LO personally or advocate for their care, we all pay a price. We are taking care of our parents (some who were not good parents to their children) and public opinion is all over the spreadsheet. Bottom line is each of us had better be real honest about our own abilities before taking on this life altering roller coaster ride.

First of all, please contact your doctor and be real honest with him. Contact social services to find out what help your Mom might be eligible for and accept any help that is offered. Do you have friends/family that could relief you for even a few hours each week or maybe a long weekend once in a while?

We are here for you. Please take care of yourself and seek help. God bless!

F freqflyer Aug 2014 · Answer 3 · 2014-08-06T11:42:19.000-0400

Any time I stop over to my parents house, Mom [96] will be dressed with long pants, a thermo undershirt, a polo shirt over that, plus a long sleeve sweater, socks and sneakers. Dad [92] on the other hand is wearing Bermuda shorts, nothing else, and is barefoot.

I feel so sorry for my Dad being in that heat, he just grins and bares it [pun intended]

J JessieBelle Aug 2014 · Answer 4 · 2014-08-06T11:12:13.000-0400

Something I learned from my father is that the kind of cold that elders feel can't be helped by turning the heat up. Elderly coldness is from low metabolism and poor circulation. It is hard to heat the house up high enough to warm the old bones. They need to be warmed from the inside with movement and circulation. Warm fluids and warm wraps around the legs help keep the heat they generate in. Many elders, though, don't want the warm clothes and wraps around them, so up the thermostat goes. Every time they pass the thermostat they push the temp up.

This reminds me of a Christmas we spent here three years ago. The house was so warm that all the sub-70 people ended up on the back porch. The heat was killing us. It was fun, though, spending Christmas on the back porch with 10-15 family members. I turned the heat down a few times, but we all know how that went.

L LindaGrace Aug 2014 · Answer 5 · 2014-08-05T19:10:54.000-0400

I can appreciate where you are coming from. My mother is always cold and the heat has been going all summer long! I sweat from morning til night. She doesn't understand that because she is a heavy smoker (yes!) and does not move around her circulation is bad and that is why her legs are always cold. And, of course, it is my fault cause I have windows open and a "machine" in the window. I only have a fan in the window. I too feel like I am on my last nerve. I don't know how to get help for her as she hasn't seen a doctor in almost 2 years and refuses to let anyone in the house. It is a constant battler and she is very nasty and belittling. Two of my sisters take turns coming in the afternoons for about an hour or 2 and that's it...that's all the help I get. It is frustrating and even more so when then say "I feel so bad for you"!

S squiggy Aug 2014 · Answer 6 · 2014-08-05T18:01:49.000-0400

IloveMom, that is way too funny! I wish I had of thought of that idea on Sunday when I was in the middle of losing my mind. I bet Mom would have found that to be quite entertaining also. Thanks for the laugh!

I IloveMom Aug 2014 · Answer 7 · 2014-08-05T16:11:10.000-0400

Turn the thermostat off, and throw your mom water balloons outside. See if she can catch themto!! Cool washcloths in the frigerator and put them in a sock and do a sock toss. Make them a little wet if it helps. Both of you might like it.

J JessieBelle Aug 2014 · Answer 8 · 2014-08-05T16:05:13.000-0400

fligirl, you are definitely not alone in the way you're feeling. I don't think I'm doing God's work at all. Mostly I feel like I'm wrestling with the devil and he's winning.

F fligirl58 Aug 2014 · Answer 9 · 2014-08-05T15:51:48.000-0400

I really feel for you. I am so depressed that I have trouble doing anything. I feel like I will never be able to leave the house for more than an hour again. I feel trapped. I hate feeling like this as I love my mother soo much. Most of you out there seem to have it totally together. You feel like you are doing Gods work. Why can't I feel that. I have been very afraid to express these feelings for fear that some of you will think I am an awful person. I feel like I am an awful person and pray everyday for the patience and strength to get through yet another day. Thank you for letting me speak.

S squiggy Aug 2014 · Answer 10 · 2014-08-05T08:46:59.000-0400

Thank you first and foremost to HVAC Tech! Your instructions worked like a charm and you saved the day, and my sanity! Thank you Thank you Thank you!

And thank you to everyone for your understanding and support during my rant!
I am in a much better humour now and Mother is no longer in her underpants! tee hee.

F freqflyer Aug 2014 · Answer 11 · 2014-08-03T22:07:44.000-0400

OMG, I would be in a sour mood, too, if I was in a house with heat that high in the middle of summer.... my parents house is like that, it's like walking into a major hot flash :P

Do what Pam had suggested in the first answer above... also check the furnace filter, a clogged filter will play havoc with an air conditioner.

B brandywine1949 Aug 2014 · Answer 12 · 2014-08-03T20:49:52.000-0400

I appreciate your honesty. Caregiving is no picnic. Maybe re-evaluate if she can still stay with you.

B bradp65 Aug 2014 · Answer 13 · 2014-08-03T20:24:55.000-0400

Just being honest, I feel the same you do sometimes! And not because of the heat or my dad, it’s the whole caregiving situation, it is a nerve wracking.

J JessieBelle Aug 2014 · Answer 14 · 2014-08-03T17:55:24.000-0400

We go through daily battles in the Thermostat War here. I've learned to compromise on the temperature, but couldn't stay if the house is too hot. I adjust the thermostat down 5-10 times a day. I do get upset when I come home to find a warm house, because the rabbits get uncomfortable and it cost more to cool a house from scratch than if it was kept at a certain temperature.

Something that is cute is when I turn the AC back on, one of my rabbits runs to the vent to feel the cool. Ah, relief! His hair blows in the breeze. Not getting too hot is important to all us creatures.

J jeannegibbs Aug 2014 · Answer 15 · 2014-08-03T17:27:05.000-0400

Early in his dementia my husband took to adjusting the thermostat A LOT. In a may I couldn't blame him -- it was something in his environment he could control. And I wouldn't have minded adjusting my clothing to suit his temperature preference. But he really couldn't see the adjusting dials very well, and he lost track of what he was trying to accomplish. I'd suddenly realize it was 94 degrees in the house -- in the winter! Just when I was ready to have a lock box installed over the thermostat he lost interest in that hobby. Whew! My brain cells short out at those temperatures (not to mention what thinking of heating costs does to my blood pressure), so I sympathize with you, squiggy!

M Marialake Aug 2014 · Answer 16 · 2014-08-03T17:02:54.000-0400

I completely understand how you feel. You've got to vent or you'll burst. Sometimes I just start writing it all down in order to let off steam.
Old people are always cold and us caregivers are sweating through hot flashes.

J jeannegibbs Aug 2014 · Answer 17 · 2014-08-03T16:16:16.000-0400

Yeah, get the heat situation worked out first, then you'll be calm enough to face the rest.

Personally I think that heating and cooling systems sense the emotional atmosphere. I've lived all seven decades of my life in Minnesota and the furnance has ONLY malfunctioned when I had young children and my husband was out of town!

P pamstegma Aug 2014 · Answer 18 · 2014-08-03T15:59:56.000-0400

HVAC tech here: Go to the thermostat. Turn everything off. Wait five minutes.
Set the stat to COOL, Fan AUTO, temp 74 and HOLD. Let 'er rip.

On my last nerve.

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