So Moms been with me about 6 weeks. I took her because she was falling apart mentally, physically and emotionally. She was grieving my sil death.
(at 40 with 3 small kids left behind with my brother to raise alone)
She was severly depressed. She was filthy, so was her house. She lost 30 lbs. And her diabetes was out of control. She had a UTI, couldn't walk straight and the early onset of dementia. (Or so it seemed). I took her to live with me right away and just left all her furnishings in her apartment, but gave the apt up.
She freaked out the next day...bad. She was calling everyone in her phone at 3am to come get her and she'd give them $100.00 bucks. She was so crazy she tried to call a cab, but we don't have cabs here, plus she lived two and a half hours away. The next morning I took her to the ER. They gave her Xanax and it made her sleep and calm down.
I promised her if we could get her healthy again we would look into senior housing. Her short term memory was so bad, I believed that wouldn't really happen, or her mind would go and she'd forget about it and that would be that.
Well I found her a PCP, grief counselor, eye Dr., dentist and she's been set up for PT. She's doing better emotionally and somewhat, mentally. But her body seems shot.
We can't get her sugar down. Even after adding a short acting shot, before all three meals, to her long acting shot at night. Her eyes are horrible. Dr. Said she needs both cataracts done, asap. She shakes a lot. Her hands when she reaches out, and face when she eats or drinks. OMG walking and standing is a joke. Now her legs buckle and she'd go right down if no one's holding her. She walks like she's drunk as h*ll. Even with a cane or walker.
She bent over to feed the dog and fell. Before that fall she tried to squat down to pick something up and fell backwards against a wall and couldn't get up.
And her memory, although better then before with the blazing UTI, is still scary to me. She could never take her meds alone or monitor her sugar. She asks me ever day what the meds are for. She also wears depends underwear, if not she'd lose urine everywhere.
Before the depression meds kicked in she'd beg me to help her get her own place.
Now mind you I NEVER saw my mom cry. No matter what we went through, or how bad of a beating she took from dad, she
just worked, cooked, cleaned and took care of the four of us kids. She divorced dad (he was a paranoid schizophrenic) struggled like h*ll and raised us alone. So incredibly strong. The first time I saw her cry was after sil died.
She was pleading with me to help her get her own place. I couldn't take those big tears running down her sad face. It killed me.
I thought I was pulling a "therapeutic fib" by looking for senior housing buildings in my area. That always gave her hope and cheered her up. Then it went a little further. She wanted to get applications in because the waiting lists can be years long. I felt what can it hurt, the lists really are ridiculously long. She'd never get in before she became sicker and was convinced she couldn't live alone. Or just forgot about it.
I picked two places close to me. First one we applied for had a three year waiting list....cool. Second one wanted an additional piece of info, that I'd have to go to the social security office to get.
Mom asked every day, "are we going to the social security office?" I finally took her Friday. No biggie, list are long...... Right? But get this...
On the way to the s.s. office, my phone rings while I'm driving, I hit speaker...it's the second buildings manager, she says "Did you get the paperwork from s.s. yet? Apartments are opening up and I really want to get your mom in."
Oh God, mom's sitting right there with me hearing it all!!!
And she's THRILLED! I'm not...
So my bluff's been called and mom is more then likely moving out on her own.
I discussed it with my husband (always the rational thinker)
he said let her do it. He knows her well and knows, as well as I do, she won't settle in here until she's convinced she can not live alone.
What really frightens me is it's going to take her getting hurt, maybe more than once, before she's convinced it's over.
I'm going to let her go. I'm not going to sneak behind her back and turn down the apt.
It wouldn't be too bad if I could wrap her in bubble wrap!
Thanks for letting me vent.
And yes, Im the one who says..." Never make a decision based on emotion."
Hey...take my advice, I'm not using it.