Nursing home and caregiver neglect.

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My mom had my husbands dpoa of my dad revoked illegally - never told the attny that his diagonosis was dementia and attny never ordered exam even though you would think he would wonder why dad in an asst living in a count 1.5 hrs away from her.........we removed him when we found him near death in a motel after mom had once again kicked him out........for ahwhile she had me banned from visitation but got in contact with the owner of the nursing home who owns over 500, La Vie and informed them that a dpoa cannot restrcit visits from a daughter unless he is in a facilty privately owned not one receiving medicare/medicaid (quoted obra legislation of 1987 ) but Dad is not being taken care of.......ok he is on a honey thickened liquid - water, juice and milk all have about the same consistency when the start.........I have seen honey thickened milk........you can drink it.........this place is giving him the honey thickened water, drinkable, juice, drinkable and then the milk is like pudding........if you tip the glass nothing will come out...........two nurses agreed with me..........i put a note on his tray "paper" tonite that he had not been given his cranberry juice which was noted on the paper nor had he been given any milk as was noted........had a place for dislikes.........i wrote in hates honey ice tea.........the first aide who allowed us to take over feeding him was fine with the fact that i brought in "honey" thickened milk - i bought thickener at walgreens and added it to milk accordingly per instructions........was thick but drinkable.........the aide that picked up the tray got very haugty over my notation that Dad would like Milk that he can drink = when we were leaving she told us we should not be bringing him anything to drink in case he chokes.....two nurses on my husbands side of family and I have a cousin who was a full colonel nurse in the army..........I know what I am doing but am treading on thin water as i am not dpoa - however mom also has a huge note taped to wall to put in Dads dentures (?) and his hearing aides every morning - according to the nurses, his hearing aides are not even there.....he also only has reading glasses, not prescription so cannot see but a blur on tv and cannot hear it all - why he is wearing dentures is beyond me as he is on pureed diet and his mouth is a haven for bacteria........head nurse or no head nurse she is not going to tell me that he is getting honey thicked milk - in a prior nursing home that is what he was getting and it was not pudding nor did it smell like pudding........I do have a paper that Dad signed before his stroke allowing me medical info from va which is where his hearing aides originally came from...........will they furnish me with another pair if I advise them that no one seems to know where they are? And how do I get an eye dr in there to see him?? I guarantee they stopped giving him his glaucoma drops a long time ago because mom is just waiting for him to die....don't want to deal with dcf as my sister told them outrageous stories about me that caused investigation to my character..........elder affairs?? Senior Services?? He is a WWII vet and it also angers me that mom has not put him on the waiting list even for the VA home but instead has him in this subpar facility where there is only room for one visitor to sit down.......I do not believe this facility has a policy on bringing n foods if they are pureed (I don't puree any differently than they do except puree him the food he at least liked) and to me, it is inhumane to not give him drinkable milk - he is not on pudding diet......also Dad likes hot cocoa.......prev facility just thicked w packets........turns out this place delivers the products pre made so the only way Dad could hve hot cocoa is if i buy packets and bring them in and then request hot cocoa but advise them that the thickening packets are in his room.........any ideas of where or whom to turn to for help would be appreciated..............

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Yes, yes, YES! Get a lawyer!!! Look in Angie's List or somewhere, to find one who specializes in elder law. He or she can walk you through the legal hassles. And try your state's Office on Aging. Just because they heard your sister, doesn't mean they necessarily believe her -- or will once you and your attorney show up with documentation. There should also be an ommnibudsman for the nursing facilities in your area. By law, this number must be available (and visible) in all facilities. If you don't want to upset the people where your father is (and that sounds like a good idea), go into another facility and see if they have it posted on their wall.
Before you approach any of these folks, I would advise you to take a deep breath and collect your thoughts. Write down your complaints (like you did for this site) and number them in order of priority. Then you can re-copy the list in priority order.
Your help and concern will make his last days as good as possible. And, trust me karma works: what goes around comes around. You don't have to be an agent of ill will for the people who are messing with your Dad's health and comfort for them to get what they deserve.
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Ugh you need to get to a lawyer asap and get this straightened out, the poor guy, this makes me cry reading it. I am ready to go get him myself and bring him home. :o( Keep us updated please, and stay with him as much as you can for now .
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no no - he is still living if you can call it that..........but w/o hearing aides, cannot hear the tv, hears us so I am sure with aides could hear the tv, - cannot see it either as all she brings him is reading glasses.......he needs an eye dr to come in for a pair of prescription glasses - he is a ww ii vet.........would cost him nothing............the pureed food they give him his cold.......let's put it this way, I believe she is seeing him for two reasons, one of guilt..........someone is not fully funcional from July to Feb , has full ekg work up but within 3.5 wks back under her care has massive stroke that basically put an end to his life as he kew it.........I am hoping the va release for medical info to me that he signed back in jANUARY IS still good..........I am not quite sure where else to turn for an advocate.........have googled away at hernando county fl and not getting anywhere...........if he ws under my care, he would be at home under hospice and getting va benefits (my husband works ft but I only work about 20 hrs per week so could easily be done..........and although not the home he once share with mom when he was allowed in it would be a home he was familiar with, would have pets........we could if we had to get him a headphone set because we would take care of what needed to be done unlike a nursing home, he woud be having pureed foods he liked, I already have thickeners..........the whole thing is really tragic..........
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I am confused, your Dad died?
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What is an A and A ...........dpoa is my mom but she has not had a real marriage her whole life (Dad started drinking in Navy) - Dad was doing fine when my husband took control using his dpoa - he was in a beautiful asst lving 5 mn from us - we took him out - yeah, he had short term memory loss but was fully functional - after mom yanked him out of there within 3.5 weeks (and he was fine from July to end of Feb) , he had massve stroke that will now inevidably cause his death - found out the place she put him in cited over 20 times for med mismanagemnt......she had him in a private room with no call buttons......who knows how long he laid there after he had the stroke One missed dose of dilantin would have done it.......I can't prove it though..........up until then he was also able to eat whole foods and not this pureed junk which for him is even worse because he was a chef..........
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Omg how sad for your poor dad :o(((( IF he needs eye drops for glaucoma he has high pressure in his eyes that need help daily, thats just dangerous and the poor soul cant even see!
I took my Mom in our home and she is also on thickened liquids. If they use Thick-It, it gets thicker and thicker as it sits, also, constipates the heck out of them!!! I make it as thin as I can without her choking, which is tough, but recently started using the SimplyThick packets the VNA informed me about. You have to shake vigorously though, once you put it in so they wont choke but it doesnt continue to thicken as it sits. All you can do it go there every day during meals, or hire someone to go there for you, or take him home and hire someone. The NH's do not care, especially when no one is looking, believe me, you have to solve it with personal care help of your own or he will be neglected and given what they want. IF it were my Dad I would get him out of there asap, or hire someone fulltime to be there with him. Maybe you can get the A&A and use it to hire a caregiver for him. Who is dpoa,talk to them, it is his wife, not your Mom? Omg Bless that poor man, and you, good luck, please keep in touch.
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