In reflecting on things a week after the showdown, I’m thankful for the peace and calm in my life. Especially since my brother and SIL have removed themselves from my life. They really did me quite the favor but still sad sometimes that it came to this. It’s what they wanted and convinced my mom to remove all power from me. Had they been willing to communicate with me to begin with they’d have known I was willing and going to hand them the whole kitten kaboodle anyway. So it’s definitely better for me this way but truly don’t think mom really understands just what transpired. I just let her think that. Her ability to understand anything of much depth is dwindling.
it’s now been 5 weeks since mom fell and broke her hip replacement. She still can’t get out of bed or toilet other than in diapers. Just talked to her on the phone but she was so out of breath she couldn’t talk more than a minute or two. She told me my brother won’t let her give up and is pushing her to do her therapy but she really doesn’t feel like it. She and my brother are still convinced she will go home and be functional.
She had an appt with a urologist today made by the rehab facility. I Don’t know why they sent her to a urologist as the facility doesn’t update me anymore and mom really doesn’t know either. She wanted me to go with her but my brother went with her who wants nothing to do with me. I just told her I couldn’t go. I have to say that it is hard that I get no updates now as to how she is or isn’t progressing.
My goal now is to let her know how much I love her and go to see her when I know they won’t be there. I also refuse to talk about family conflict. I just want to enjoy what I believe is the little time I have left with her.
My wish is still that we could just make her as comfortable as possible, not fighting constantly with her frail sick body. I’m getting the sense more and more it’s exhausting for her.
From my current perspective, in the end it comes down to this - Sometimes no matter how much we might like to, we have to accept what we can’t change. Just try to support your elderly LO the best you can with the resources (personal or otherwise) you have and acknowledge your limits. Because after they are gone you’re the one that has to pick up the pieces that are left with a measure of peace.
For your mother's sake it is time now to do adulting to the extent you are polite and leave decision in the hands of those who have taken over. Get along for the sake of your mother. Don't discuss anything bad about one another in front of her and approach her as a united front. Let Mom know that brother and sister-in-law are taking "care of everything" and she should trust them to do so for her now. She needs that security.
And for a variety of reasons. That prayer does seem to cover a whole lot in a few lines.
All I can say is if you do wish a cordial relationship with your brother at some point keep lines of communication open, at least on your side. You never know when the proverbial lightbulb will go on and he comes to his senses. Denial is a powerful force.