This forum is new to me, but caregiving isn't. I am living in my parents' home, caring for my Dad who is currently under hospice care. He's been in a steady decline for about 3 years now. My mom is in good health, although she is showing signs of slight dementia (she has trouble finding the right words and he memory isn't what it used to be). I am living with them for several reasons: I can't afford to live alone, for one. Another is that I am the only sibling who is "available." I have a waitressing job 5 nights a week, and I barely have the energy to put on my uniform. I am exhausted all of the time. I don't eat well, and I can't sleep without medication. I feel guilty because, of all my parents' kids, I am the laziest, but I am all they have right now. I am 46, and my father is going to be 95 this month, so I have been "grieving" for him since....forever. I never thought he would live this long. At times, I get angry that he is still living, and it makes me cry to even say that. I love him with all my heart and I will be devastated when he is gone, but I know that he sort of wishes he were gone by now. Does that make sense? When he does die, I will have my mother to look after. I dread that. I used to make plans to move away, and I actually did that a few years ago, only to be heartbroken and return home. I have accepted the fact that caregiving is my "destiny" for the next few years, at the very least, and have postponed any dreams indefinitely. I feel constant guilt. I understand that everything I feel is quite normal for what I am going through, but I just had to say this all out loud.