Not getting paid for taking care of mom and cleaning of the house. Dad says food and the house is payment. He is in total denial.

Someone wrote that your parents are 67 and 72? You are young!!! Get out from under this and move out before YOU are 67 or 72 and still taking care of them!!! Elders live beyond 100 years old thanks to modern medicine. It’s not uncommon for elders to live to 104, or 105 or beyond!!! People never use to live this long!!! The next generation will probably live to 120 with all the advanced breakthroughs in medicine!!!

Listen to tothills advice!!! Seek counseling. Get a job and move out. You don’t owe your parents anything!! You have to live your own life. None of us are on this earth for very long. Do what makes you happy. You only live once. Don’t live and die for your parents. Move out.

+1 And you can visit mom as a loving child, not as a resentful, unpaid drudge.

+1 you will need to find another job and get a place of your own. 

+1 Tothill's well laid out advice.

i moved in with my parents when My dad was at home on hospice to help out. He passed in May of 2015. My mom had heart attack shortly after and I"m still here
4 1/2 yrs later. It put a major strain on my relationship with long term Boyfriend who i was living with prior to moving back home. I could never get away to go up to see him. and the sad thing is he passed last Christmas, Anyway back to the point at hand. I have my mom pay me $500 a month. I get free rent but not food. I was forced to get government help for that. It's a very degrading feeling from once having a thriving career a convertible a home to going thru my retirement to selling my car, losing my friends, now i'm lonely, broke and depressed as hell. But I love my mom and I know this is gonna screw me all up once shes gone. But i cant turn my back on her.
So, Its a commitment and there are consequences either way for the choices you will make. So take every thing into consideration and carefully weigh out the pros and cons. Try to find a happy medium.

I can't figure out what you do from your post.

It sounds like you clean a very small house and you get a place to live and food for that.

I agree with dad, you get enough, if you need money go get a job. Which you should be doing anyway, you will be to old to work before you realize it and you won't have any social security benefits because you didn't work. Not a good position to be in.

Redvanannie, every state in this country has at least one state program to pay family caregivers.

Are you an only child or are there other siblings or stepsiblings that can get involved? Check with senior services center in your area, their social worker may be able to help you get dad to understand that he needs to pay you or other options for their care. I know you said friends don't come by, that's usually because they are uncomfortable with your situation if they have seen abuse thrown your way. They have no answers to help and may be afraid to confront what you are going through, not wanting to interfere with your choices or make a bad situation worse. My heart goes out to you because you do lose your life and identity. There are those that believe that you are required to care for your parents for free, you are not. Do you think dad is all about himself or is he in denial about mom's situation? Get costs of daily live in care which includes room and board for the caregiver, days off and vacation time. Last I looked average companion rates were between 150 to 220 a day. Maybe the two of you could come up with some sort of a compromise? If this doesn't work, start looking for a job, inform dad that since he is able to either afford care for mom or he can retire and do so himself you are not available between certain hours, that you need to earn an income to support yourself. Find a studio apartment to start with, it's yours and until you can establish yourself better financially, it is a more economically efficient solution. Save as much as you can from your checks for your future. Look into programs and services for low income displaced home workers. Family can and will take advantage of you, expect you to do all free of charge and never thank you or appreciate everything you do or have given up. Been there done that. You can not care for her if you are not allowed to care for you. Sounds like it's more of a dad issue. Do you trust him to do what's best for her? Many choices and things to weigh and consider what is best for you.

A few states have state funding to pay relatives for caretaking. Medicaid also pays for some services. Investigate through state and seniors agencies to see if any programs sexist in your state.

More often there is no arrangement to pay relatives who do the care taking for a family member, especially if that family member is living in the home. It is part of being family--when something is needed, you just do it.

If your father is not willing to pay you, there's really nothing you can do. While you're living at home, start looking for a job. What job skills do you have? Do you live in an area with a lot of different businesses are located? Seek "entry-level " positions: Customer Service, Data Entry jobs. After getting a job, perhaps stay with a friend while looking for a place of your own to live with a roommate if needed to help pay the rent.

Parents can be cheap. They think they need to save because their generation saved. That isn’t a bad thing on it’s own but if saving their money is depriving someone else out of their livelihood it’s selfish. Your time and energy is valuable. There are more pleasant jobs than working for ungrateful parents. Plan to move out. The misery most likely won’t end if you stay.

If you are not happy with the situation, you will need to find another job and get a place of your own.  This will only get worse for you with the way you are feeling.  It never gets better.

How much do you think is fair for the work you do?

Move. Out. Get a job first, set yourself up, and leave. This situation never ever gets better.

I agree with everyone. You should leave!! I don’t live with my mother but I go over to check on her 3 days a week. She takes call a bus to get her groceries and I bring her dinner the 3 days a week I come over. She always pays me back for the food I bring her. She gives me gas money, if I do stop to get her groceries she always pays me back. That being said, she can be very nasty to me so I only stay for an hour each time. If she starts in on me I leave right away. I don’t call her in between visiting her anymore. I haven’t gotten to point where I go no contact but I have definitely reduced my time with her. She was in the hospital from Friday night till Monday. I didn’t even go see her Sunday. I spent the day with my husband. Start small. Baby steps. You can do it!!

I’m sorry you’re parents are taking advantage of you. My mother is about to find out how much care costs herself. I have my own money but she is really nasty all the time.

Yes they are. So stop doing it.

Dog sitting isn't enough income for you to live on your own. You need a full-time job ASAP.

It is easy for me to say, go get a job, move out and live your life. But it is not easy to do, especially if you have been groomed by your parents to be at their beck and call.

Start with counseling. Generally there are free services available in most communities and also through churches.

Carve out time each and every day, where you are away from the house. Use this time for self development, meeting friends, exercise program etc.

Develop some job skills. It is good that you have some pin money coming in from looking after the dog, but that is not a career option. If you do not have much work experience, volunteer to gain some.

Leave. Don’t waste your time and effort. Room and board is not fair or adequate compensation. Let them find out much care really costs.

From a previous thread: " I hope she dies I pray every day I am brutal with honesty here folks. I hate both of them."

How can you work on your own financial future if you are being a free caregiver for your parents? What is their financial situation? There are a lot of years left that they could live, if they are only 67 and 72. What's the plan?

That's how I feel I though I would be living in another state by know not this I never wanted this

I do watch a little dog so I do have some income

Leave and get a new job where you will get paid, start your own life away from them. No reason to continue expecting something that is not going to happen.

If your father doesn't think he should pay you, then leave.

Maybe he'll find out how much care costs. Or not.

But in any event, you will have your life and independence back. And you can visit mom as a loving child, not as a resentful, unpaid drudge.

My parents are basically getting free services from me