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If UTI's are a common problem for your loved one, might I suggest learning to use a catheter? The last specimen I took in was contaminated, and it worked out great because the contamination was the cause of the problem, but if it is difficult to catch the stream, a simple in and out might help to find trouble earlier. The nurse in the urologist's office taught me in a few minutes, but the area was well defined. Just a thought.......and I wouldn't mind hearing other opinions on the subject. It just seems like UTI's are so dangerous !!!
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I am hoping everyone has a blessed and safe holiday today. When we say our prayers over our lunch or late afternoon meals, let's don't forget to add all our guy and gals that are doing the work for us to be free.
Hugs across the miles to everyone... love
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Seme, if you have seen Venice, you have seen the most beautiful town in Italy!
You have plenty of time to see the rest.
I am here because, like Linda, I am sorry to see people go somewhere else. So I follow (and I keep one foot where we all belonged). I think it's always the same problem: misunderstandings... I think we all are good people, everyone has his nature. Sometimes the natures crash against each other, but if you keep an open minded attitude, all the problems can be solved... among good people.
Got to go and recover my mother where she is...
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Rosella and Linda......woohoo!!! I was so surprised to get on and see you here. Hope Mother and Pa are doing alright today.

Good Morning to All! And I wish everyone a happy and peaceful Memorial Day as well as those serving our country. Also a peaceful day to those who have suffered through the recent terrible storms......we were spared from the last one, tornado didn't touch down, but my lifelong friend was in the one that went through Sedalia, MO last week and thank goodness they were well protected.

seeme....I'm glad you are feeling better today. I had about 7 hrs but woke up still tired. Trying to convince Target to buy a new mattress....:)

ladee-----GOOD LUCK to you today!!!!!! Please let us know how things go. Didn't hear from you last night so thought maybe you were getting a good nights sleep.

I went down to fix dinner finally for the col and she decided that she had drank a protein drink and she was ready to go to bed. Well okay then, off we go. She was dry!!!! But undies on backwards as usual, so had to turn those around. Brushed her teeth, didn't spit, didn't rinse....thought I had grown 2 heads when I told her to rinse her mouth out. Wouldn't let her take her mascara to bed with her...I'm sure I will hear about that today. Took her dirty clothes to wash so that I can throw away those darn jeans she wore yesterday. Size 16, she wears a 10 but I buy 12 to give her "diaper" room. I tried several times yesterday to get them off of her, but nope she wasn't having any part of that. Guess we will see what today brings.

Love and Hugz
Jam
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Good Morning everyone.....A thoughtful Memorial Day to you.....Please say an extra prayer today for all those actively serving in the military and their families.... they all have a story......like my nephew who is somewhere...we never know where ....and his wife in the Seattle area pregnant for the first time with twins...... and for those who served before......

Rosella and Linda....Welcome....good to hear from you.....bless your hearts, you sweet ladies....

Rosella, We never seem to be online at the same time, but I want you to know I have briefly visited your country in the late 1970's. We only went to Venice and the Mediterranean Coast. Hubby and I drove to a US military base to get some supplies, but I never made it to Rome. I studied Latin in high school and would have loved to visit that City. Instead I got 4 hrs in Venice. My in-laws were with us and my FIL did not like being a tourist. My then 16 yo brother-in-law only wanted the beaches. What a wasted opportunity........but there was never enough time to do all we wanted to....

Linda, I hope Pa is feeling better. I know he is sleeping a lot, so is mom, but she seems good so far today. Almost time for his breakfast this morning? That is my mom's favorite meal.....always the same thing, too...... I hope you are taking care of your back...I think of you when I get back spasms...you are such a sweetheart for what you do, but you just go on cause you love Pa so much. We understand your kind and loving heart.

Some of you have been up late, but I took advantage of help and slept for 6 hrs in a row...whoopee !!! Ready to face the world today. Hubby will be home from work soon and all will be well.........
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Linda, please don't leave us, on either thread. We all love you so much. And I love to read your posts and would worry about you and Pa.I'm sorry if things have upset you. None of it had anything to do with you and we are still all hear, loving and supporting you and Pa.... one thing I know for sure is everyone loves YOU!!!!! hugs across the miles my friend...
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yes rossella . me too . it just sucks . makin me all depressed . i think im going to withdrawn this AC , i get attached to everybody and it hurts me to see them split up and goes to diffrent directions . it just sucks xoxo
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Hello guys... I'll try to follow both threads!
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seeme....so glad you are going to live.....couldn't be without you!!!!!!

I told my daughter-in-law today that so far the bunnies haven't gotten our peas only because they don't know those from the weeds.....:) Told my granddaughters to go pick some strawberries......there were tons, those 2 little girls are going to be full of strawberries.

Hubby is getting very frustrated with his mother. He was telling me a bunch of things she was saying and it's like how do I tell him this isn't new information I'm hearing? I just keep my mouth shut until I am asked to intervene. About an hour ago I had to go down and sweep up the cheese popcorn all over the counters, the kitchen floor, the living room carpet. She ate almost a full bag of the stuff and I'm talking BIG bag.....no wonder she isn't hungry for supper. Went to the bathroom to empty her "diaper" pail and she had pulled out the liner and was stuffing her wet pants down into nothing. So I had wet didies all over the floor...ewwwwww. Told me she would want food in 15 min....went down to cook her dinner, nope not hungry. Something tells me she will get hungry about 10 and it will be okay if I can catch her before she goes after the popcorn again. So I'm tired again....would try to take another nap, but I just betcha I would hear the beep beep beep of the intercom again.

Love and Hugz,
Jam
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I think I will live !! Got a 2 hr nap and am ready to face the rabbit....uh, world. Hubby said let the rabbit alone, he will thin out the overplanting we did. Good thing all around. We saw at least 2 babies, so....we all eat well here.

Mom is so aggravated with her condition today. Two more days to wait for a diagnosis. Hope there is a suitable treatment. She's weepy. Can't decide if she wants to scream, cry or laugh, but I can always distract her with food......as long as it is mashed potatoes and gravy. She sat on the porchc for a while, but allergies brought her in....and 82 degrees in the house is too cold for her. AAAAAGGGGGHHHHH !!!!! Hubby was crabby,too, feeling a little left out of things, no attention paid to him cause it all goes to mom. He is pretty self-sufficient, exccept emotionally. Wish I could be two people.....wouldn't we all !!!

Robin....my mom woke up from a short nap and wanted to tell me she couldn't get the kids ready in time to go to the party. She just couldn't get all 6 kids dressed and looking half-way decent, and the boys' collars wouldn't stand up stiff. Those twin boys are now 58 years old !!! I have gotten used to the conversations now, but they used to throw me for a loop. Her brain damage comes from a brain aneurysm 10 years ago. No medicine will help that. What is gone is gone. Everything happened yesterday or is tomorrow. But I love her dearly and wouldn't trust her in anyone else's care.....even my sisters'. It is a labor of love, and now I know the labor part......

I hope everyone has a good what is left of the weekend. I must get the rabbit's leftovers before dark.........
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Good Afternoon!! I see some new visitors have dropped in and now I'm trying to get caught up on the posts. Thank you ladee.....don't know what we would do without your wisdom......

I'm still very tired today...but managed to get through Wal-Mart in one piece and back home only to make the col angry. She demanded that she be taken to the store and I left that one with her son. He explained that the last time he took her she bought all kinds of fresh food that had to be tossed 2 weeks later; I have offered to cook for her and it's always "no I'm not hungry" it's easier to just fix her whatever we are having. I asked her one day, instead of throwing money away on food she won't eat, why doesn't she donate so someone else can eat? Got told that wasn't any fun, not like going shoppy-shoppy. So after Wal-Mart, and since the sun was shining, I went outside to mow down the 12" grass in the backyard, and she wants to come outside and tell me about the tornado in Joplin. It's hot, humid, and she won't let me get her into cooler clothes, she has on a sweatshirt and jeans, so I have to tell her I already know about the tornado and to go back inside I'm busy. That's been my Groundhog Day all week.....the Joplin tornado.

burned.....please come and give us a little more information....there are some here that want to help you find the resources you are in need of.

Love and Hugz,
Jam
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rg, welcome. And I had to laugh when you said it was like Ground Hog day!! I've never heard it put that way, but that describes it to a T. I love your positive attitude and that will bring many smiles to our faces..I just lost Ruth to Alz, and I know exactly what you mean about watching the person we knew disappear before our eyes...
I would go outside to smoke, come back in and she never remembered I live here.. So I understand how you feel. I always say I just went to her world, she didn't live in mine anymore... My heart is hurting for you because I know how you feel. Please come back and share, vent, or make us laugh... we are looking forward to getting to know you.. hugs to you and your mom
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I'm rather new to this caregiving myself 24/7 since last August. For the past few months I can even recite my Moms responses. I'm sleeping, I'm not....I'm not and thats my morning breakfast conversation everyday when I have to start feeding her and giving her meds. Its like every day I'm playing this Groundhog Day everyday and night. I try talking about the familu, the past, about the news etc., she seems interested for the moment. I can walk out of her room to heat her coffee and its like I was never in there talking to her. I try to send a spark to her but very seldom do I get a reply. I tell her its time to take her meds and she says she don't take any and that she is not sick. All I get is denial and negativity. But, I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm glad I'm seeing her changes everyday. I'm glad that we have our argumental breakfasts each day. At least I know shes getting the best that I can give to her. I do feel so hurt each day because I miss her the way that she used to be and I know that time will keep on going and that I will lose her alittle more each day. I get so depressed and I'm glad that I found this web site because I don't feel so alone. We all need a hug each and everyday we deserve it. Have a great day everyone.
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JAM:

If you're asking about me, I hold a degree in psychology with a concentration in mental health and substance abuse. For the moment, I have about 50 MICAs (mentally ill chemical abusers) under my direct supervision and they're very needy. My type of caregiving, then, is not that different from yours. (As son Josef says: "Same s__t, different toilet.") Still, it's not easy to have someone else's life in your hands and know that you can lose your job, be sued, go to jail, and never work in the field again. But I'm up to the challenge every day at 3:30 am and am always willing to help people heal and reclaim their lives.

This, my friends, is the "family" I'll take care of for the rest of my life. I might be a sucker for punishment, but I love what I do.

-- Ed
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Burned......so glad you came back. !! I have been so worried about you being so overwhelmed. I see that you haven't filled out your profile, but we have learned a little more about you today. I used to live outside Phoenix in Glendale for a couple of years, but that was more than 20 years ago, way before my care giving days. Contacting a lawyer would have been my first piece of advice. Have you been able to see one yet?
Can you convince him that to be a better wife and mother that you need help? My mom refused help for me for the same reasons. She wanted to save her money for us children. I had to convince her that if something happened to me because I was run down and exhausted, she would go to a NH anyway. It was cheaper to get me some help in the long run. I hope that provides you with some ammunition. Please keep me posted, and I hope you ckeck your profile for your hug. Thoughts are with you..............please come back
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burnedn, please help us to know what you are asking for in the line of help. Do you need help understanding the laws of Az, in regard to your husbands assets? You said you contacted a lawyer, possibly if you explain your circumstances he will speak with you over the phone..Hopefully there will be others that can help you in regard to Az. law....
If you want to, please fill out your profile so we have a better understanding of what your needs are.. We will help if we can...just click "profile" under your user name and picture and it will tell you what to do... Keep posting until we can figure out how to help you... You have your hands full and my heart hurts for you. Most of us hate the system, as it is too complicated to understand without a lawyers help, and some of us can not afford this... hang in there until we can help you get some answers.....hugs to you and your family...

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I do not have a job and i use to have a job before motherhood lol but no the state is willing to pay me to be his caregiver/respite person but its only part time and he has his SSD but even that is limited. His questions are relating to how much of the estate recovery that Az can take whether if its before he turns 55 or before if his health worsens. I already contacting a lawyer but between kids and making things work on a limited budget my hands are tied. He doesn't want he has put aside for after to be taken away from us. I am so confused and overwhelmed and he has refused extra help right now. I sorta need it lol and sometimes his seizures causes him to experience memory problems and some early dementia symptoms. I am taking antidepressant and seeing a therapist. I have some small back up plans for the kids when they need the break but so far he keeps refusing the hospital. I was told several times he needs nursing home but he isn't too far irrational or experience physical problems that need him in there yet but i hate the system and i hate the stress but somehow I keep looking towards the end of the rainbow when there will be peace for him one day.
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deb, no it is not wrong to just be "done". One of the most important things about caregiving is knowing in our heart of hearts when we just can not do it for another day.And it sounds as if your relationship would have some space to improve. If you and she have the assets to put her in a good facility, then do what your heart guides you to do. No shame in knowing your limitations. I appreciate your honesty about this, and hugs and support for whatever lies ahead...keep us updated..
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Hi, What a great thread. How is the caregiver? Frankly I am tired of doing this. I took my mom to my home 3 1/2 years ago because she needed 24/7 care and I didn't want her to go to a nursing home. She has no dementia, just mobility issues. I am sorry to say that right now I am coping by being more and more disengaged. She is safe and fed and basic needs met. But I am tired of her care taking up all my energy. I want to make plans and have a life that isn't filtered through her needs. Respite is good and I work with a caregiver here for those hours, but it is not enough. I hate to sound so selfish but this is how it feels. Right now I am looking at an assisted living that is a few hours from here but close to our retirement plans. They provide services that I can't find locally. Is it wrong to just be "done"?
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Ok seeme.....you are in time out but best to wait until tonight to start it. I did that myself last night....a little better today. Although I have already been through....the talking dog doesn't want to go potty...I haven't had my morning pills...YES YOU HAVE...I don't remember taking them..:)....YOU REALLY SHOULDN'T FEED THE DOG A CHEESEBURGER....but he's so cute....THE VET SAID HE CAN'T HAVE PEOPLE FOOD.....but he's so cute........she could at least have waited until I had my first cup of coffee. She's clean, dry, eating breakfast and reading the Sunday paper in the air conditioning. And oblivious to the world except for what's on CNN at the moment.
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This is the place to whine.. hope you get some good sleep.... hugs
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Please forgive me for whining, but I am so tired today I may have to put myself in time out. I almost feel sick. Help comes tonight and tomorrow i will be better. I will try to stay caught up, but I am drowning in zzzzzzzzz..................
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Hi Ed, or should I say Hi "guys". So glad to see you here. Like Jam said, you have some experience that we need here.. and all of our brains are scrambled, maybe that is why we understand each other so well, when others don't.. hugs to you and come back..
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was.....feel free to come here and have your mini meltdowns...sounds like you have your hands full. It looks like your mother's doctor is working with you to see that she has the proper care; would he also refer hospice to you so that you can get some help? They do other than "end of life" services so this might be something to look into. I assume your mother has Medicare, does she have part D, to take care of her prescriptions? Someone with experience in that category would be the best one to give you information on that. My mil has a separate Blue Cross policy that came with her retirement as a Federal Employee so all her needs are met that way. How about a Wal-Mart near you and their $4 prescription plan? You all should have your medications. Also, some of the drug manufacturers have programs to assist when someone is unable to get their meds. That might be something to think about.

If your brother doesn't want to help with the yard work, would he consider paying a neighborhood kid to do it? How about the next time he comes to visit, give him a list of items you need him to get from the store, maybe he might see that the lesser of the 2 is to sit with mom while you get out for a while. Or you just might get your errands done for you! Just a thought.

Please come back and visit with us....sometimes it just helps to know you have a little cheering section out here for you. Takes your mind off of things, if only for a few minutes, before you get back into the "trench".

Hugz,
Jam
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burned......it is a very difficult thing to have questions fired at you constantly, especially when the same ones are asked over and over and over. You would think at some point an answer would stick, but unfortunately it rarely does. Can you give us a little more information so that we might be able to put our heads together and come up with some ideas for you? I imagine you feel like you are up against a brick wall with both sides of the family giving you a hard time. Do you also have an outside job on top of everything else? Come back and visit and let's see what we can help you with.

Hugz,
Jam
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Hi ed......glad to see you post here. Your experience and knowledge of resources could certainly help some that have come here. I'm hoping that bright light I see shining in our Midwest sky will help unscramble me today!
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We -- the Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde inside of me -- are doing fine. Brain a little scrambled today, but other than that things are peachy.
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Wasylivna, you have your hands full and horrible financial stress on top of that. I am happy you came to this thread and you just keep coming back and telling us how you feel. There is a collective experience on this sight, and if we can't help we will try to direct you to someone who can.. you are doing a great job holding things together. I admire your strength and commitment... glad you are here
As vic said maybe your Dr. can help you get home health or hospice. You are in my prayers.. hugs to you..
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WASYLIVNA, the frustration is horrible! I know what you mean about the 24/7 cleaning and doing... Can your doctor get you on home health or hospice care? When dad was in such bad shape it really made a difference. And hospice doesn't mean that your mom is at deaths door. They will come and check her and help her to getnon right meds as well as a some to help bath her. Hospice even has folks that come visit to give you a little respite. Not trying to fix things but My situation is similar. Although now dad is well enough to not have those programs...wish they were still here. I have a sibling who lives away. When I suggest that I need a break he say soon...ha! I guess he doesn't get the hint. If there is anyway to confront your sibling do it for your sanity.
God bless you! I will keep you in my prayers...sometimes I feel so lonely and lost when I think about it. My friends call on occasion...say come see me...but when? Can't leave. Oh well. Keep writing, I find it help me to vent.
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Hey asg, happy to see you... We know you will have lots to share here from your own experiance... lots of hugs to you and the kids..
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