This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
up and at 'em getting ready for the dentist. before I go I usually take 1/2 a sudafed for postnasal drip, a tylenol if I think I may need a little pain control (preventative - nip it in the bud) and then that is all I need I will allow freezing for the extraction, the dentist is a young hunk which doesn't hurt either and he likes me - of course to me they all are young!
seeme sweetie -big (((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))) -get as much rest as u can while mum is in hospital
starri - forgot my bathing suit and jerryrigged one -wasn't going to stay out of the pool - they should sell disposable ones
ladee -thx for understanding and confirming
jam - have a good lunch - LOVE LOBSTER!!! will be looking for pics
everyone -have a good day -hope it is cooling a little for most of you
luv ya
jo
never had gas and don't intend to
We're still holed up in the hotel, Glenn's 730 wake up call came in at 830, lol, dogs have been out for their morning walks, cat is driving me nuts, she wants to go out and can't right now.. so I've been emptying out the bank account (paying bills) this morning.. Glenn woke up long enough to say "730" when the phone rang, told him nope 830 and he's back snoring again..lol.. Check out is 11, we might not get out of here till then, we do have some driving ahead of us, going to a reservoir in Marion, KS, think it is about 220 miles from here.. will stay there at least over night, maybe a couple don't know, then it is off to Plainview Missouri. for that truck stop show they show on the travel channel.. hopefully it turns out to be all that it shows it is on tv..
Need to do better packing when packing up the camper lol, hotel has a swimming pool and I could not get to use it as my swim suit is all the way in the back of the camper..lol, would have to crawl over the top of everything, pop the top on the camper just to get to it, guess that I didn't want to go swimming that bad after all..
Hope that everyone has a wonderful day, will try and get some more pictures posted today
thank you for the kind words - balm to a weary soul
all the doc's tests say I am fine and much younger than my age - but something inside me knows what I have carried for years and sometimes I feel it - other times I am a young filly and I want to run lol
28 yrs clean is huge and wonderful -something to remember and celebrate
love the cool weather - glad it was better for u 2
good to have quiet days sometimes
jam -a pic would be great -i know there are days and 2 often that u can't do right noi matter what u do - I am still having them - it all adds up after a while and part of what I am feeling tonite -hope u sleep well
love and hugs
Sounds like several of us are tired tonight. emjo.....we are taking the col to Red Lobster Saturday so I will try and get a picture of her. She really does look cute with her new do, but she is pretty negative about it. She hasn't been happy at all today about anything. She is mad that the girls won't take her out running around in the stores and the malls. And she got mad at me tonight because I got clean jammies out and wouldn't let her wear soiled and wet undies. She's now tucked into bed and I hope she sleeps well tonight. Her mood seemed to be a little better.
seeme......love and angels sent to you.
ladee......glad today was better.....tomorrow is your long day right? Hope Marie can be a little pleasant....but I know it will be a tough day for her.
Hello to all of our friends and sorry but my brain is just too tired to work right tonight. Thinking of you all..............
Love and Hugz,
Jam
I still have to have others bring it to my attention sometimes that maybe I should just let go.... well duh, yes, that works...
Have had two good days at work, from "letting go"....
I am sorry your body is having so many problems... I am blessed, other than my recent broken leg, and being sassy mouthed, I have very few physical problems...I get mentally tired, and that is the carrying around too much stuff that isn't mine....
You are so loved and appreciated on this sight and in life.... you have such a gentle way about you, it is very calming to me.... even when you are distressed you have a way of letting us know you will be ok and yet you are vulnerable with us too.... strong and gentle at the same time, not easy to do.... love and hugs and deep appreciation for your wisdom and genorosity of spirit..... hope you get caught up on your rest, and enjoy the cool weather.... it was only 95 today, and I enjoyed it... I love Central Texas when it is like it was today.... the past two and half months have been hell, people were actually smiling today....
Take care and a Texas size hug to you this evening...
cuppa spice tea and taking time to reflect today and allow myself to feel the weariness - hoping it is seeping out - a lifetime of care - from childhood up, kids yes and often alone though married, and adult kids all came home and needed care, and always mother - who is fine whether she admits it or not,
realizing I can't do what I did any more. Yes, I will see that mother has what she needs and find someone to do what I can't. If any of my kids get into messes again, they are on their own - big enough to get into it, big enough to get out of it. I am in my 75th year and my body knows it
just letting go of some stuff - my energy needs to go to other places - part of getting older and that's OK.
stormy - you and sis and dad must be getting exhausted with everything that is happening (((((((hugs)))))) did u get any ideas from ur doc about the colds
starri - soft bed - YEAY - way to go - u do need a good night's sleep
seeme - thinking of you and mum - not a nice diagnosis (((((hugs)))))- hospice should help - get some good sleep while u can
YR - hope dad gets more comfortable with hospice care - u lost 17 lbs - that is great!!! well done???
vic - glad the OT and PT is helping - any more gardening?
asg - prayers for u 2 for sure
jam - can u post any pics of the col with her new hairdo? sounds cute. mother got hers cut short about 10years ago and it suiits her well - my daughter looks best to me with a sort of Halle Berry style - makes her eyes pop
shawna -glad the tree is gone and a couple of mugs sold -sounds like u r a great cook!
worried - how was the lawyers app't ?
john, cwgrl, 54, mis, ib - thinking of you and anyone else I have forgotten
G breezed in and out again at 5 a.m. - came back from roofing a barn and straight out to work as there was an incident at work and he has to be there for a few days 24/7 - at least I got to see him for 5 mins and he will have a couple of days off before the 6th as long as things work out as expected - do they ever??? maybe we can get down to "christen" Ebony - want to feed her some apple cores
increased dose of diflucan seems to be helping - haven't been on it for long but looks good -
-got some laundry to do
have a good nite all
love and hugs and prayers ♥♥♥
jo
that's ok - how it is -
That and keeping sisters off my back is enough for one day. I will catch up with all of you later.............zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Stormy, your poor dad just can't catch a break can he, I feel so bad for him....and of course for you and sis being so worried about him.... he is in my prayers.....and ya'll too.
Shawna, dinner sounded great, I could smell it from here!!!!! Glad you are making some sales, I know that takes a little pressure off of you....
Seeme, please try to update us, worried for you and Mom....
Jam, hope your day was ok
Starri, glad ya'll are sleeping in real beds tonight, and poor kitty cat needs a soft pillow to sleep on......keep us updated on "Starri's Great Adventure", I have travel envy, but not camping envy... nope, soft bed and a shower for me....
Everyone else will try to get caught up later... am going to take a shower...
love and hugs...
We're settled for the night in a town called Murfreesboro TN, got us a hotel for the night so that we can get a decent nights sleep, camping is wonderful but only in small doses..lol..
We're looking at 450 miles to our first destination, the Truck Stop in Plain-view Missouri, mapquest says 9 hours, our schedule for driving each day says 2 days.., we're not pushing it. after that it's off to Nebraska to a campground there for a few days..
Hope you all have a good evening,
Love ya
Carmen
Seeme..so sorry To hear about your mom..special prayers for you guys. Know that you have all of us praying for you!
YR...so glad dad will get some pain relief! Know hospice will take good care and give you some peace of mind to just 'be' with dad. Parayers prayers and more prayers.
Shawna..drama sucks!! Consumes so much energy! Hope it calms down and that you and mom can enjoy the days
Starri, was beginning to wonder about you guys! Glad that you are ok. Hope things get worked out? Loved the kitty story! It is the little things!
Ladee..here's praying that weather relief comes soon. Hope your day is great
Jam..we just gotta love em!? Right! Hope col has a good day.
Emjo...no fair! Perfect weather..just stay on the path! Haha n No fun having tooth work done but glad you will be getting it taken care of.
Know I am forgetting someone...love you all.
As for us..it was a busy day yesterday..dad had PT and OT come in which really tired him out. By the end of the day it was tough. By bedtime his foot was in severe pain. I feel like it is gout flaring up. Gave him med for it last night...it was a long night. He was seeing stuff on the wall again this morning. Seems ok now. We have another busy day today. Oh Monday was when OT and PT came...yesterday we had exercises and writing and reading to do. He just wasn't near as alert. We will see what the day brings.
I will be out of pocket for a few days...impromptu trip!!! So excited! Hubby got home late last night and my daughter and I are going to meet up for a couple of days in Hammond. It is halfway for both of us....so I get to spend a day in the French Quarter down in New Orleans Louisiana. Hate to leave hubby..wish we could go together but we do what we have to when we can. Will try to check in before Saturday.
Thoughts and prayers are with all of you! Love Vickie
And here I've been whining about having 100 degrees tomorrow....I'm just a lightweight...:)
Wonderful news on your weight loss...I keep telling myself I'll start my diet "tomorrow"............
Love and Hugz,
Jam
YR- Glad that you are able to get some help for your dad. And maybe they can help with his pain. My prayers are with you and your dad. Tell me more about this diet..... Love and HUGS stormyyyyyyyyyyyyy
Congrats on the weight loss...... that is great considering the stress you are under...
Know what you mean about wanting it to get cooler..... we are all worn out....
Happy you are letting us know how you are and what is going on, hugs across the miles to you....
Well, dad was assessed for hospice today and he meets criteria. So I will be able to get some pain meds for him that work. I hate seeing him in pain.
I am glad that you are all OK.
I am still working on that diet and have lost 17 lbs.
Well duty calls, night all.
luv ya
Jam
Are any of the sisters coming in??? let us know how things are.... get a good nights sleep, and I am so grateful I wasn't the one calling....
hugs across the miles to you....
Ladee, it did not rain in your bathroom last night.....or it dried overnight. I saw lightning, but never heard the rain..........
Goodnight all.......zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Squeek, my new hero....... I love cats, sometimes more than people.... how cool that she just sat there, like, what are you upset about.......she is doing great on this trip. The Diva has always been an inside cat, I would never even attempt to put a harness on her, i'd have to go to the emergency room after she got done shredding my hands and arms.... she is a very snooty, moody tortie.... she even hissed at my son yesterday when he came over..... kinda reminds me of me... lol
and we are all waiting to hear from Stormy....
Shawna, what a mess with the family... that's why the people on here are my family... Haven't seen my family in years.... it's just better that way... for all involved....life hands us enough stress without volunteering to walk into a sh^t storm.....
Emjo, what a wonderful lunch.. you have a relationship with your daughter like I had with my mom... still miss her 28 years later.....she would have loved all of ya'll.... was thinking today how much she would have enjoyed a computer.....
Jam, sure wish we could all pile up with Starri and take a vacation, sans the husbands, wouldn't that be fun..... It would be like a pack of hyenas let loose for the first few days.... then we'd decide what take- out we were having for dinner...
Hope Seeme is ok today, if you are reading, love and hugs....
I know I missed someone, I'll check back in later.... love ya'll
dd and I work it out by the hour - and she does not sit around -if anything I have to tell her to take a break. Sorry about your daughter -sounds like she has "issues" - definitely an extreme response - and not responsible behaviour
I have not many choices when I go out to eat with gluten and dairy allergies -so usually meat, chicken or fish and a salad or veg but i enjoy getting out and some one else's cooking is always good.
OK who's next???
emjo....that lunch sounds like heaven. Beats the tuna sandwich I threw down my throat..:) My daughter used to clean for me around 10 yrs ago, but I saw slowly that she wasn't doing anything but vacuuming and still charging me for cleaning the whole house. I asked one day what she had gotten done that day and her response back was "that's it, I will never clean for you again"........and she hasn't spoken to me since. I thought that reaction was a bit extreme, as I had been paying her for weeks and keeping my mouth shut, but there comes a point when you just have to ask. Do you have anyone going with you on Thursday? I normally don't need anything for any kind of dental work, other than a local, but there have been those times when I couldn't get enough pain medication. Not too fond of dentists anyway.
starri.......I got a good laugh from Squeek.....thank you. I can just see her standing there...."what Mom?" Off again tomorrow...wonderful!
Temps for the next 2 days.....100 degrees......time to melt again. The col wants to take everyone out to dinner but told her we would have to wait until the weekend...don't want her out in this heat. So we will venture out to Red Lobster....her favorite place to go. Can't pass up lobster or crab legs!
Hope everyone has a good evening.....
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam