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Need help,, I would be glad too, if you take me out for some hurricanes on Bourbon street! We will be very,,, relaxed...
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Pam,

Can you swing by New Orleans next time you go for a massage and pick me up please? Hahaha

So glad you had a nice time. You deserve it! Happy birthday!🎂🎁🎉
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Mt daughter took me for a massage today, belated birthday present. The gal pulling my muscles apart told me I have tighter traps than athletes she works with,, what do I do? "My 88 YO mom lives with me".. she laughed and laughed! But I have to say after she was done torturing me, I felt better than I have in ages! Boy did I get her card! And the funny thing is next week I am taking my best friend who care gives her husband to a spa for a massage and facial for HER belated birthday present! I can get on board with this, at least once a month. I felt so energized afterwards! Back to work tomorrow after 9 days off, and of course mom is going Aunts for a week or so, hubs is taking her. If they had planned this better hubs and I could have gone somewhere.. but home alone sounds great too for a break!
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Physically I am okay I guess. The Big Drunk Baby MIL is still tantruming.

I’m starting to talk back to her.
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Frustrated. We’ve been looking for long term care. Yesterday Mom was at the senior center & they called 911 because her legs started seeping so bad, b/p 211/120. After 8 hrs in the ER & me telling the Dr our desire for rehab to LTC. They admitted her under observation status which now after arriving here this morning will make placement harder than just a regular admission. So, might be taking mom home later tonight to put up with continues narcisstic behavior, mean & nasty!! We are prisoners in our home!! Medicaid signed me up for Public Partners so I could keep her LTC Medicaid open but why bother when it isn’t being used! Why do they do that!!!!! Insurance companies drive me crazy with this. She has Medicare, Medicaid & LTC Medicaid & I still can’t get a hospital status to start the process. What do I do now? We are so over all this frustration!!
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I am sorry Pam to hear about your loss.
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Thanks Mary,

You are right, of course. I do need time for myself. I have someone come every other week to bathe mom but I should hire someone to come so I could do some of the things I really would like to do.

Thanks for encouraging me. I appreciate it a lot. Hugs!
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I would like to respond to NeedHelpWithMom. The isolation is very real when you are a primary caregiver, spending almost all your waking time being there for your LO. I know, I am in the same boat. About 1 1/2 yr ago, we hired home care attendants to give me a break once in awhile. I remember what a big deal that was, making that decision and making that first inquiry call! But now, more than a year later, I don’t know what I’d do without them. That break of a few hours a week, when I can get out and “be me,” makes all the world of difference in my attitude. Please do this for yourself. Maybe you could have someone come for a few hours a week and you could get out and do the volunteer activity you so enjoy? I hope you look into it. It will really make a difference.
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Pam, so sorry to hear about your cousin, I will be praying for your family. Take Care!
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Pam, my deepest sympathy. It’s heartbreaking, to be blindsided like that. You are a blessing to your mother. Hang in there.

Buster, that’s not slight dementia. That’s dementia. Your arrangement with MIL is shortening your wife’s life, and has turned your marriage into a business arrangement. It’s OK to not be OK with that.
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I'm so very sorry, Pam!
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Oh Pam, how sad, I am sorry.

Could the cousin-in-charge perhaps ask your mother to do something as a contribution (e.g. choose a hymn, send a photograph, write a message for the service) to help lessen this idea that she'll be blamed for shirking? (As if.)
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Pam, I’m so sorry.
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Prayers for you and your family Pam
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Well,, after telling my Mom and Aunt to think happy thoughts about my cousin who has been ill , and getting good news from his Dr after his surgery.. my morning started with the news he passed late last night. Oh boy.. once again dealing with mom not being able to go.. her saying they will "blame"her for not coming ( no they won't.. they know the situation and I plan to send an email to cousin in charge). We did go and get cards today to send.. it's a rough day here.
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Pity party today. My wife lives with her mother. 95 years old, in hospice, legally blind, slight dementia. I live in our house 10 minutes away. I give my wife 2-3 hour breaks every day to take the dog out, shop, visit friends. Mother in law gets anxiety meds to help control emotional outbursts.

Today I was called to get MIL convinced that she was in her own home. This happens about 3 times a month. Oh the wailing and consoling, I reminder that she is blessed to be in her own home with family and friends. MIL not convinced. She remembers she woke up this morning in her house. She wants to be taken to that house right now. About half hour later the guilt trip starts. "You two are making this up. It's my house, my money. Take me to my house." I listen but I don't take the bait. I remind my wife that this may not be full blown Alzheimers but it is an emotional trap. Her mother has enough memory to make her dangerous. Do not knuckle under. Her dementia will always win. See to her comfort and safety then leave the room. Call me again if you need to.
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The isolation gets to me, big time. Mom needs more care. Don’t think I am awful but when mom went in recently to a skilled nursing rehab facility it was the first time I felt that I could relax in my own home in a very long time. It was the first time I could go to the grocery and be relaxed while out of the house because I knew she was being cared for. I hate the isolation. I could go when I wanted to instead of waiting until hubby got home.

I went to see mom daily. I should have spent a bit more time on me. I was nervous about mom. It was the first time that she had to do SNF.

Now we have home health again. I know it’s necessary. It does help her and I am appreciative but all of my time and energy goes to scheduling PT, OT, and nurse visits. I have to be present because they instruct me on what is needed regarding her care.

It’s emotionally draining. I’m trying to make the best of it but I get so tired and I must admit lonely.

I would like to be with other people. I used to work, volunteer every week at my kid’s school, volunteer at the church fair and other fundraisers, meet friends for lunch or coffee, a little window shopping, library, different community things like our local farmer’s market and concerts in the park, botanical gardens, etc. Now all of that is gone.

I have been wanting volunteer to help pack boxes at our food bank. That may sound boring to all of you but I need to get moving again and that would occupy my body and mind.

How does everyone deal with with the isolation?
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Will get up, go out for coffee, then get busy with a few things.

Thinking of you Book.
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My brother is doing fine. He has to adjust to his new normal. His adult daughter will spend the summer helping him to adjust. She’s updating my oldest brother’s wife (but not to me). SIL has always been tight with information. If I want current updates, I will need to ask my brother’s ex-wife (since their kids will update her on their father.)

He was released with no home care visits. Fortunately, the hospital has a transition nurse program. They called my brother and after several questions said that he needed home monitoring hooked up to the hospital until he adjust to his new way of living... During the first visit, the nurse was shocked that he was living normally on a 13% heart rate until recently. He’s lost a lot of weight, weak and tires very easily. He will always need to keep the wheelchair handy. This info is all from when I was in Texas... lastnight, my teacher niece told me that my brother’s daughter FaceTime to them frequently. It is what it is... I will text brother after work today. Texting to the US Mainland uses up a lot of my $10 prepaid since it’s an international rate and not domestic rate. I’ll need to buy more cards. I’m down to 1 left.
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cwille, I am also a homebody, and very shy around people when I first meet them, but I found volunteering at the regional hospital was great. If I pass out from fear, I am in the right place :)

The type of volunteer work I do is at the front information desk. Thus, I had to learn all the routes around the hospital, etc. What is fun, one section of the hospital is called "the West Wing" and that usually gets a smile out of visitors. The only patient contact I have is when a florist delivers flowers, I take the flowers to the patient's room. If a visitor is elderly or looks bewildered, I will walk them to their destination.

My desk mate is a younger gal who was born and raised in India. We've been desk mates for the past 7 years, and she was dealing with high drama elderly in-laws, and I was dealing with my parents. It was like a free therapy session when we arrived at front desk comparing notes. So much in common with parents who need care no matter where on earth someone is from :)
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Cwillie, some volunteering ideas here.. not sure if they are options where you are. The library may need people to read to kids, A soup kitchen or food bank, Assisting with craft at a local NH/MC. The animal shelter to play with pets and walk them. Think outside the box!
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Book, how is your brother?
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Ain't that the truth for all of us. Resources are definitely more limited in a small town. Would that encourage you to move to a larger place?
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Am I feeling better? Some days are good and some less so, the reality of my status is just something I have to learn to deal with.

I know groups are always complaining about lack of volunteers but I'm having difficulty finding anything, volunteering here seems to involve joining a faith community or a service club. I've thought about the lioness club but they don't post when or where they meet, it seems you have to find a member who will invite you and that makes me hesitant - as an adult I've never made friends easily and small towns can be very cliquey. I joined in with a volunteer group back at the church for a few weeks but now they are taking a summer hiatus 😕.
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Lostinva - (((((hugs)))) Glad you shed the guilt.

cw - feeling better? Barb's suggestion is good.

Welcome home, book, So happy you had a good time. It sounds like fun.💃
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I was thinking about you just yesterday Book and wondering how your holiday went - it's great you had a good time, I'm happy for you!
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Book, happy you are back, well almost, safely. And wonderful that you enjoyed yourself. I woke up wondering if you were home yet.

I started reading about the cabaret and lack of sea legs. You wrote that well. I was waiting for a punch line, or the end of the dream.😌
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We went to a cabaret on the ship at 8:30pm... I fell asleep immediately when the lights went off. I woke up at the ending. The ship was sailing by then and you can Definitively feel it. As I walked out of the theater, sis and I were walking like drunks. We started giggling as we lurched with the ship. She grabbed my arm and pulled me tightly to her side because I was really walking crooked. Her daughters kept telling us that we look like drunks as we walked crookedly together while giggling nonstop. It was awesome! Once I was able to stand steadily, I went with niece to go for desserts making sure the wall was within reach if I became unsteady. As I stood in one place holding my plate, trying to decide what I wanted, my whole body was swaying badly. The server bobbed down to look at me, stood up chuckling, and told me that I will eventually get my sea legs. Never did. Last night, I found it unnerving trying to eat while my plate kept swaying. Had to stop eating when my stomach started feeling queasy.

All in all, we had a great time. We had no serious plans for each port. We winged it, got lost several times, called taxi or uber to take us. I didn’t buy much since my suitcase is packed full and no room for souvenirs. We met some nice, talkative taxi drivers, uber drivers. One uber driver said we were adventurous to take several local buses. (in the end, we got tired of the pit stops and called uber to take us back to the ship.) It was fun but I have absolutely no plans to ever go on one again. Been there, Done that. I’m glad I went... BTW, sis said that the next time we meet, we will try parasailing. 😳😱🤢 No Way, Jose!!!
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7 days cruise is way too long for me. Our stateroom was on deck 4. Most of the restaurants were on deck 11 and 12. We found it quicker to walk up the stairs than waiting for the very small elevators. I wish that I can say that by the end of the cruise, I took those stairs like a pro. NOT!! Today, disembarkation day, older sis and I were huffing and puffing by deck 9. We stopped to catch our breath on each deck after that.

Sis and I started suffering with sinus problems towards cruise day 5, Wednesday. By Thursday, when I blew my nose due to my sinus, it was spotted with blood. Each day, more blood and stuffy nose. I’m allergic to sinus meds, so I took 1 NyQuil starting Thursday night to knock me out. I was finding our stateroom’s air very dry. I was breathing harder in our room. I noticed that every time I went into our room, I got a headache.

We enjoyed the food and tried all the complimentary restaurants onboard. They’re very good at asking if anyone has allergies. I mistakenly touched a wet shrimp sushi and automatically licked my finger. Needless to say, I had an allergic reaction. I took the Benadryl but it was still worsening. I recalled watching TV show ER on a food allergy. I immediately brushed my teeth and the whole inside of my mouth to rid any shrimp residual. It worked... My stomach gained weight... I took lots of scenic and flower photos... my fam will send me the people photos...

My nieces must think I’m ‘cute’ as we watched the Friday night Hilton fireworks on the beach. Afterwards, I was so excited on seeing such beautiful colorful fireworks. I saw their faces as I raved about it. I stopped. Solemnly said that the last fireworks I ever saw was a child. As an adult, and caregiver in my 20’s, I never had weekends or nights free for 25 years. This is my first time to see fireworks. And it was sooooo pretty. ..
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I had no internet access during the whole cruise. I didn’t choose to add the internet access cost. Oops, boss emailed me last Monday and I only got internet via hotel wi-fi today. I’ll be flying home tomorrow.
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