This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Jude maybe you could stop at a pet store and get a black light and use when room is dark to locate any areas not cleaned as well as some of the cleaners used for pet stains?
When I fly, I spent most of the 7.5 hrs to Hawaii and the 8hr flight to Houston- mostly walking. I think I have poor circulation. Once the plane reached a certain altitude, my legs started hurting. The longer I sat, the more painful my legs became. While everyone was sleeping, I was walking constantly. So my last trip to Hawaii, I hydrated myself with lots of water before and during the flight. (I googled the info).
On both trips, I must use my neck brace while sitting. It's the foam brace. Even with that, for my neck to be angled off/tilted slightly , I get severe neck pain which then travels to the head. I ordered an inflatable sleeper brace and inflatable wedge pillow several years ago.
I will definitely need the wedge to sleep since my reflux/gerd is acting up. It's improving since I drastically cut eating spicy, hot, oily food. I've also struggled on cutting back the midnight snacks.
Thank you for the input. I Will drop by the clinic and make several appointment. Later. It's past midnight.
Mum is now sat on the bed apparently dusting the knobs on her bed post....with a soiled wet wipe. What are you doing honey says I gently. I have dusted and polished all the surfaces I could get to but they dont seem to shine with this polish. OMG almost every visible surface she could reach has poo on it. Two hours later I can still smell it having used every disinfectant I can find. The glass and metal were easyish but the wood....anyone got any suggestions for that I have tried everything I can think of.
I read what you posted about how you pay your sister to live there with you and your dad, and on top of everything......you pay her. It's unbelievable, that you can't count on her in your absence. Why should you have to pay extra help when she lives there? O.K., I'm aware I haven't even asked you whether she does the pampers, either. Aside from that, you'd think you could also ask your brother, for all that you already do. O.K., please don't fret about the flight, and your sinuses.
Everything will be fine. Maybe you need to look up some deep breathing exercises. Believe it or not, they also could help your conditions, and relaxing overall.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
Do you have one of those half round pillows to go round your neck? if not a small roll soft pillow to go behind your neck to keep the pressure off. Many planes also have "wings that pull forward at the sides of the headrest which gives more support. No many people seem to know about them or use them but it will probably help you. they would have to carry me off a long flight like that so make sure you get up and walk around every few hours and tense your legs when sitting to keep the circulation going. Stop panicing everything will be fine and you will have a good time. Hugs
I'be been waking up with my right face stuffed and right ear ringing loudly Doctor wants me to exhaust all avenues before referring me to the ENT. I've bought more decongestants and allergy pills to try to handle this. I Can't neti pot because everywhere I read said not to do it if you're bleeding. That's been months ago. Time to get up.
Tell dad the situation and tell him if he wants to stay home he will be paying the bills. You don't have the money. Can your friend drive your car? take some deep breaths and think vacation. Lots of hugs
I've told her that I've been brainstorming on this. The important part is to just change his pampers in the morning and evening, and the weekend. It seems this may not work for her either. Now I'm getting depress again. Friend is the only one who has changed my dad's pampers. She's done this before, when I went off island. But she was single then. Now, she has a boyfriend. Almost midnight and too tired to think.
I know that nieces will not change their grandpa's pampers. So, I won't ask. They have toddlers, so I cannot ask them to spend the nights here. I can ask my nephew's girlfriend to spend the nights but she won't want to give up her weekends. Plus with her, I will have to pay her. Pay friend. And then find someone to do the weekends - with pay. My nieces can do the weekends - day time.
So, $200 for the 2 weekends. $200 for friend to change his pampers. $200 for spending the night person. $600.00? Since this is for dad's care, he will just have to pay for it. Still not perfect.
But my arthritis has now flared up so that all my joints are aching...Yes there is a mind body connection - at least for me. When my mind is too upset or stressed, my body tends to find ways to remind me to take care of me too.
So I set up all of my own meds to make sure they get taken as needed. And called my doctor for a change...baby steps :)
But last night was the 3rd in a row with only intermittent sleep as mom has a cold or something brewing...and I am exhausted...oops she is sleeping so I best do the same - I remember doing this when my kids were babies...De Ja Vu!
Sheryl, I agree that with your mom losing her short term memory, it’s going to be tough road ahead. And maybe not. Maybe just her asking or repeating herself over and over. We just have to take it one day at a time….
College, poop mess. I don’t think I can ever get used to that. The puke and running away goes through my head a lot, too. When you see her doctor, are you able to slip a note to him of her current activities (what you just told us – ready to fight am, seeing people, etc…) Hopefully he can prescribe her medication to help with the visions. So sad that she’s aware that she’s not ‘right” (in the head.)
Pam, that’s good news – free time for you and hubby. I hope you both enjoy your time together.
I told baby bro that I’m not coming this year. He asked why. I said that I might not have a job by the end of the year and I cannot afford to spend $1800 on airline ticket. So, he has offered his 75,000 miles – which will cover my one-way ticket. And I have 38,000 miles which can cover my one-way return ticket (which involves an overnight in Houston). No problem. Just rent a hotel room which provides airport/hotel shuttle. So, tomorrow, I will check when my 2 bosses are going to the US mainland (they go yearly in the summer). Then I will work my trip from there. Yippee! This will wipe out my miles. It’ll take me another 3 years to get 35,000 miles – using my credit card.
GOD bless the caregivers.