This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Short answer- you need me-time away from your stressors, exercise (I'm lousy@), talk, vent it out (don't hold it in), and see a doctor for help (meds, therapy, etc...)
So, a {{{{{{HUGS}}}}} to you.
P.S., fave niece came yesterday with iced tea. I figured iced tea has caffeine. So I took that to work instead of my morning small can of Mr.Brown ice coffee. Big mistake. Tea caffeine just does not work the same as a coffee caffeine. I left work and found on the 2nd store a can of Pepsi. Sodas and eggs are in big demand due to Easter Sunday. Lots of party and picnicking.
It's had been a battle of the thermostat with my boss who likes a nice warm office.... with my occasional hot flashes I want it meat locker cool. I solved part of the heat problem by closing off all the registers in my office, and opening all the registers in my boss' office. But when the door to the main office is closed for the night, that heat goes everywhere.
There are times when the doctor across the hall will prop open the back door to the building to let the fresh air come in, and into his office and into our office.... ah, that feels so good :)
I hate getting that lightheaded feeling, tends to make me panic which in turns makes it much worse. The domino effect.
Hubby just told me about a new treatment for migraine (I used to suffer from migraine with aura) There is a small whoose name I can't recall right behind the brige of the nose. Now I personally would not fancy this proceedure but I am not desperate but they insert wires either through your cheek or up your nose to this ganglion and leave them there. At the first sign of a migrain you hold as device to your cheek which tansmits preumably electricity to the wires and thus the ganglion and stops the progression of the headache. getting this treatment on island I woukld guess is zero to none but it occurred to me that you might get a similar result by applying ice to the bridge of your nose. I only get the aura these days(there is benefit in being old) and maybe a very slight headache but next time I get the aura I am going to try. Have you tried using sunglasses when it hurts to look at the screen.
In severe pain on my forehead, side of my right face, throbbing right side head, right back head, I finally got on the computer and googled: Youtube sinus massage. I tried 3 different YouTube videos. The first one, it was so painful to touch my face - my nose, the side of the nose, my cheeks, above my eyebrows, etc... I even got lightheaded and stopped. Got up, walked around, then went back to doing it. The sinus pain went down by 40% and can breathe better. I then went to the next video, did it several times. Sinus headache went down another 40%. I went to the 3rd video. This one was putting slight pressures on the face - not much of swiping left/right to the ears. just pressure points. The conclusion was to hold both pointer fingers just between your eyebrows for 5 minutes. Breathe in deep. Hold. Breathe out. Oh, holding that and deep breathing - I felt something shift - my tenseness decreased. I finally stopped googling youtube after this 3rd video. My front face was no longer in pain!
BUT, I now felt the side and back head throbbing. Nausea. Migraine headache. I tried to sleep it off, couldn't with the throbbing. So, I got up, ate food so that I can take the Excedrin Migraine pill. sigh.... My migraine has gone down by 80%. But it's still painful for me to read this computer. The light is hurting my eyes. My right eye is trying to squint as I read.
And, my nose is slightly draining out. I guess those sinus massage IS draining my sinus. I'm going to have to do this daily.
I thought you all might like to know that those sinus massages sure do work if you don't want to take pills for it. If I can just stop the bleeding, I can do the neti pot.
JessieBelle – such an understatement! =) Just the smell with sight unseen – is enough for me to want to run out and never come back.
Pam – I feel so sorry for your in-laws. What a rude awakening – to deal with the huge poop blow out. I get grossed out when I come home and find the inside toilet and seat has poop splatters. And that’s in the bathroom. Denial – deafness? I think they might learn real quick that it’s not.
Freqflyer – you have it bad when it comes to pollen season. I wonder, now that you mentioned lightheadedness, if maybe my lightheadedness is also due to my allergies.
Veronica, I saw that the temperature in the mainland is in the 20’s. I immediately thought of oldest bro and his wife going to Las Vegas, then S.C. for a month. They’ve been trying to get me to go with them. Nope. I said it’s still winter time and I do not think spending most of my time freezing is a vacation.
FYI, my boss still has not approved or denied my vacation leave request.
57twin – adult poop is nothing compared to cat poop. Or baby poop - according to fave niece. She said that her baby’s poop may be stinky but not the gasping, choking smell of grandpa’s. She said that I’m very lucky to have no sense of smell – because that’s what’s helping me to deal with the poop.
Which had a surprise visit from the Easter Bunny! Got some Kodak moment photos. Also found out other had the norovirus and it was as bad as mine.
My cousin last saw dad late fall just before they leave for Florida and she did not think his Alz worsened very much but noticed his hand tremors have as I have noticed the same as he is getting more food stains on his shirts but not sure if drugs are going to help a lot.
Anyhow I dread the time poop issues could arise as Dad is not to that point yet. Dealing with th cats poop issues is not even on the same scale.
Now if only my parents would understand when it is pollen season sometimes I cannot be available to drive them somewhere.... I am lucky I can get home in one piece from my office which is just a mile down the road.
I just wanted to say - that with my dad's confusion, he is sooooo much nicer! We laugh a lot, but then I also get a lot of confused looks. Doesn't help I think he's talking to me, but he's not. He's talking to the-ones-I-don't-see-but-only-him. Every time I think it's UTI, the nurse takes a urine sample - and it's not. We did a lot of laughing tonight.
Felis Pasgna
Un linguaha n ni ngivan u naham.
I have searched the internet and many sites promise common phases but they are all the same 40. I could not see where to fit in "There are eels in my boat" I really have to give up on this. how many times can I tell you "I love you" or how are you?" maybe eldest sis could spend her time contributing to wickipedia and add some more useful phrases.
You definitely should get an epi pen. Even when you have used it you are supposed to go to an ER. maybe you should see an allergist rather than an ENT.
I can No longer take Comtrex. And.. Last year - Benadryl - I'm Beginning to get rashes on the lips. When I saw that, I stopped taking it. I bought the generic brand at Kmart. So far, no reaction to it. I only take it when I have an allergic reaction to food - like MSG, etc.
I so agree with you. I'm finding out more and more medicines, food - I'm becoming allergic to. I seriously need to see if my doctor is willing to give me an epi pen. Thank you for the heads up. I don't want to go to the ER. I might not come out the way I came in.
I'm going to have to bring all my meds to the pharmacy. I don't know anymore which to take. I'm too scared to start on my depression pills because I really need my headache Rx which has helped me tremendously! I can't believe all these years, I've been popping Tylenol, Excedrin Migraines and Motrin just to dull the headache to a pain level 5. This Rx from the neurologist - 1 pill - dulls both my back, neck and head pain down to a 2!!! He was happy that I was happy with that. If most of the meds conflict with this headache pill, I will need to ask him for another one.
FreqFlyer, thanks for those tips too! Especially the '-fed' part. I've copied both yours and DHil's comments on this - under my "Allergy" file.
I've put on both the Kindle and the iPad a list of my allergies. It keeps growing. Chamomile tea, St John's Wort, MSG, etc...
Just come and vent. Check around the other threads/discussions to see if anyone is going through the same thing. Just be careful. People tend to be quite critical sometimes - on this thread. Tempers fly. All that stress, etc...
As for a new bed, when it was just me and my 2 bedridden parents in the livingroom in their hospital beds, I had to buy a sofabed. The cheapest possible - except the cheapest was also the hardest mattress. I had to buy one up higher which had a softer mattress. It was still hard to sleep on for several hours. I went to Kmart and bought those mattress foam. It was about $26.00 each. One is on top of the sofabed, under the twin size bedsheet. And when it's time to sleep, I bring out the 2nd mattress foam, set it on top of the sofa bed, with another twin sheet over that. It helps a lot to have 2 of those foams. If I sleep all night on one side, I do wake up with my hip hurting.
Another option, here on island, is to buy a Futon Mattress. If you can't find it in your local store, try the Asian stores. Only problem with this is - getting up and down the floor. These can get very expensive. Usually we buy it when it goes on sale.
As for Sudafed, I had a bad reaction on the third day of using said product decades ago. Doctor told me to stay away from any meds that had "fed" at the end of its name.
I really need a vacation.... you all think ?????
I have to much paper work to concentrate on.. getting her state/fed assistance.. getting her taxes together.(which all has to be done like yesterday).. then she calls me.. I have push it all aside,, then its a mess..
daughter is coming home from college tomite for Easter.. The house is mess, I want to clean her room. fresh sheets etc..... ... Not one thing in the house looks like easter except for some tulips that I broke down and bought.. I am going to be all over this place with no direction. Worried about Sunday cause its just the 3 of us.. and Mom doesn't eat the things I make..( or I have to comeup with something that I can turn into what she can... and my daughter gets very depressed seeing her grandmother failing.... so I know she will retreat to her room..
I just want to go back to bed...... even though its not the most comfortable little ol bed... ( thankful I have one) but I don't sleep well... cant afford to buy a new one..Almost ready to use moms credit card to buy one.... Maybe I can use it for a medical expense... like medical care for the care taker to be a better one??LOL
Googling sinus and flying.... I found that I will need Ear Planes (ear plugs that helps our inner ear maintain balance while flying.) Only bad thing about it is that it's best to keep it on the whole flight - 13 hours! I can barely hear the intercom without ear plugs, I'll be totally deaf with that one on.
I've started a list on stuff to check at the pharmacy: Ear planes, Sudafed (except last time I took it, 1 pill caused my lips to break out with tiny rashes. The next night, 1 pill, and woke up with rashes on lips and my eyes had some swelling.) I will check the pharmacist on alternate drug, test it now before my flight. Support Stocking.
And my boss still have Not approved my leave....