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Gawoman, I don’t think I kept a journal of my mom’s stages dying. I will describe it from memory. For years, mom had the feeding tube through her stomach. One day, her stomach would only take ¾ of the can, then gradually to ½ the can. (Her stomach or digestive system was shutting down.) For years, mom would sleep all day, and be awake all night. That was the next change I noticed – when mom slept all day and all night. (Increased Sleepiness). Then, it was so weird to see her legs slowly losing their muscles – starting from the ankle, and each day, it crept higher and higher. I have never seen someone’s legs in which the muscles/fats disappear, and her skin is tightly wrapped around her leg bones. And to see it gradually moving up her legs. I started panicking – thinking that I was starving her because her stomach was now only taking less than half the can. Then One day, I was so shocked to see that her shoulder bones had suddenly lost the muscles/fats – and her skin was tight against her bone. I felt soooo bad that I was starving mom!

I think I came on here, AC, about it. You see, I didn’t know that mom’s body was already shutting down. That’s why everyone told me that she was close to death’s door. Oh, yes, I forgot to mention, one night, her lower feet was super black. Gross looking. Then in the morning, it was back to normal. Then another time, her hands were super black, then the next morning, it was back to normal. That is also a sign of the body shutting down. Towards the end, every morning, around 630am, mom would struggle to breathe. It was an awful long 30 minutes of hearing her. I don’t know how many times I reached for the phone to call 911. I just couldn’t handle it. I felt so bad that she was struggling to breathe. A poster at the time told me to google dying. And so I did.
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Sunny, I’m ignorant when it comes to homes. Because your mom refuses to go to the dining area to eat, then the home will not cater to her by bringing her the Boost? Is your mom still trying to control you and brother by forcing you both to come on your days to visit her, feed her? Have you spoke to the head nurse or the coordinator if they have any ideas on trying to get your mom more involved in the activities? Is there another resident there who can befriend your mom, gently encourage/lead her to join the activities? I think, if you can get your mom involved with the other residents and participate in the activities, you and your brother can cut back on visiting her daily. Form a plan of action.

Mallory, it sounds like your mom loves to receive mail. Is there a way that you can just send her postcards every week? Or go on a flea market or garage sales and buy picture books of flowers, homes, gardens, etc.. Then tear out a page, fold it and mail it in an envelope. You can always write a short note about the picture enclosed.
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You're not missing anything you said it yourself
She opens them (and maybe feels.importance & self-esteem via the act of opening a.letter.....)
It IS something she remember she has to do and she does it....after that she clearly hasn't a scooby do of what to do with them. You could always go paperless from the various companies and then print the statement/bills out put them in envelopes and give them to her to open - that way you have them both ways and if she loses one you have it covered
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Went to my mom's again today. Brought a bunch of single-serving Hagen Dasz ice cream cups which were on special. Sort of cute and maybe it will prevent her from eating a whole pint at one sitting? Also did some cleaning & organizing. Has anyone ever put every single bill on paperless? She is already on Auto-Pay for everything, and I had thought to leave her monthly statements as coming in the mail. BUT, she has so many of them,.just put in a pile of papers. She opens them (and maybe feels.importance & self-esteem via the act of opening a.letter.....) and then just stacks them up. Is there any benefit to continue this? Or maybe, is there any harm in discontinuing them? I am not able to pick her mail up every day anyhow. I guess I shouldn't seek to reduce her amount of ma, but it seems to serve no real purpose. Or am I forgetting something important here?
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watching my MIL going down is about to kill me. I dont know if thats really happening or not. Yesterday she was awake almost all day and did well, today she has slept all day and looks so gray. I have no idea. It about breaks my heart. I wish I just could put this all in a distant place in my mind so I dont take it so bad.
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I had this problems with my 93 yr old mother before we put her in an assisted living. She would call all times of the night and scare us to death. But, after she became delusional and would call ten times in a row, I would take the first couple of calls to make sure she was okay and then stop taking them. At actually helped. I hope you find a solution to your situation with your mother. It really is tough making the hard decisions.

My mother had a cell phone when she first moved to assisted living but after calling so much and then calling 911 three times in a row, they came out and gave the phone to the manager and we took it. I hated taking her phone away but we had no choice. She can go to the nurses station and call if she needs us. Actually she is in progressive care. Her mind is gone but her physical heath is good. But, we have to bring her food. She will not go to the dinning room to eat or go walking. It is hard just getting her out of bed. She will not participate in any activities and just stays in her room and sleeps until 2:00 pm in the afternoon. My brother and I have to alternate the days so one of us has been there to see her. We hate to let more than one day go by without one of us there and she is 45 minutes from my home so it is not easy getting to her. She is in a nice facility but there were no affordable ones near me.. It is very hard for me getting there so often. But, we have to bring her food to eat. She lives on Boost and snacks. The doctor said she could live a long time just on the Boost Plus. Mother has no money, The home takes it all so my brother and I have to buy everything she needs. She does not want to shower and we have to almost force her. She was always such a clean and neat freak we cannot believe she will not get dressed or go walking. It is so sad and it breaks my heart. We the caregivers are so helpless as are the patients. It must be the worst illness that can happen to anyone. I feel so tired and worn out all the time from the mental and physical stress and I have CFS/FM/ME and this is very debilitating for me too. But I realize there are no easy answers and this could last for ten years or more since she is basically healthy. Mother hardly knows she is in the world but does complain and fuss so when we visit her. She knows how to put a guilt trip on us and with her being so out of her mind I realize she cannot help it. So, it is really heartbreaking to watch her and know there is nothing we can do for her but be there.
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Mallory, there's another caregiver similar to your situation. She lives separately from her grandfather. And he is always calling her for this or that. Even the neighbors frown upon her when she doesn't immediately respond. I can see from her posts that as the weeks go by, her grandfather wants more and more of her time despite her struggling with her 2 kids. I wonder... if maybe you can have your son help take over some of your chores that you do for your mom. He might understand the situation better. Or understand that your mom will keep calling non stop until you do. Or maybe not....
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P.S.. I used to buy lots of stuff on my traveling days. New luggage for each trip, new carry on bags, new travel pillows, socks, travel size toiletries, etc... So, basically, I'm 'shopping' among my years of buying travel supplies... I think I found all the travel pillows that I bought and stashed away. I think. I still have not opened my 2 old luggages. Who knows what's in those!
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Weird things happening. I used to do a lot of traveling before mom became bedridden. In preparation for my trip on June 9th, I've used my Macys gift card to buy an on sale Samsonite 21" carry-on bag (will use as checked baggage since I'm short and it's the right size for me to reach over the carousel and pull it off while moving) from $260.00 on sale for $87.74. Free since I used my gift card.

I can bring on the plane one carry-on and one purse. Due to my neck pain from even using a shoulder purse, I had to buy at Kmart an expensive (to me) rolling carry-on bag - which I will put extra clothes and essentials (in case my checked luggage gets lost). If it cannot fit below the seat in front of me, it will go up on the overhead bin. I love to buy purses, computer bags, and shoulder bags. I went to one of my luggage that has my purses in it. For now, I found my 'purse' which is actually a travel bag for a small laptop and essentials. My iPad (without the keyboard), wallet, passport, 1 thin book, and hopefully essential toiletries can fit in it.

The earphones... I have so many of them - in my search to find ones that would work with my laptop. Most did Not. So, I went through my stash and tried each one to see if it works with the iPad. Found 2 that was very clear. Cable kept tangling and decided I will look later tonight in my stash for that cable fish. They always give that as a freebie when I bought sets of screen protector and cover cases for the kindle and the nook (years ago). Lo and Behold, I noticed that I have an unopened packet of cable fish on the edge of my computer desk. Ooohhhh. I don't recall putting it there. Don't know how long it's been there. I googled on how to use it.

This morning, I went to do laundry. I noticed on top of the old washing machine, amidst the vines, a very pretty many faceted lead crystal small cup. I stared at it. Ignored it. Stared at it. Ignored it. My eyes were drawn to it. You see, last year, some very old, dirty saucers (for cups but the cups were missing) appeared on that old machine. I ignored the saucers for months. Finally caved in and took 2 in, washed it, cloroxed it, hot watered it, etc.... One of it is my favorite saucer.

Today, that lead cup was calling to me. I even walked up to it, to stare at it despite my brain telling me to stop, go the opposite. It's a trick. It wants me to take it into the house. I only went halfway, stopped and stared at the crystal glass. It wasn't there last weekend. It wasn't dirty like the saucers. It's shiny. Pretty. Drawn to it.

I remembered my nephew telling me that when the spirits try to give you something, you should take it. But the scaredy-cat me, said that if I take it into the house, whatever is attached to that glass, would be brought into the house by me - whom my nephew says that the spirits now view me as the head of the house - even though grandpa is still alive. Sis is too vulnerable with these spirits. And my thoughts keep going to that cup. Nope, I'm not going to bring it in.

I also bought lots of neck travel pillows. I dug up the inflatables - 4 of them. I've inflated 2. One is well covered with fleece but the u end is too short. It won't support my head on the sides. The cheaper one, is like a rectangle shape - which does support my head on the sides. After I'm done changing dad's pamper, I will inflate pillow 3 and 4 (4 is like a seatbelt shaped that hooks behind your neck and crosses your chest. Never tried it...) Later.. I have to do dad...
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Tell your teenage son you are fully aware of that but unless he wants to spend a week doing what you do that you dont feel he is qualified to comment. I know as do you that what he is saying is right but from a distance how can you possibly manage that unless of course you can find a care alarm service like the one we have here. It offers several standards of service ....levels if you like....we have one that does NOT make us the prime caller the first point of call is that they come out to her and they have a keysafe number so they can get a key and get on if she has locked the door. That way you could turn your phone off and rest. If not then Im afraid you either end up sleep deprived or you do what you did - cursed under your breath but anything for an easier life
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My teenage son said I am enabling her just like she is an alcoholic, and the only way to stop it is to not answer the phone after 8pm. But how would I know if it was a real emergency?
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I just got back from bringing my mom a jar of hot fudge sauce. She said she was craving it so bad, could not get to sleep without a nice dish of ice cream but all would not be well unless she had some hot fudge to go over it. So after THREE phone calls begging me to get some & bring it, what do I do? Oh yeah. I feel like crap for buckling under, but I figure she would just call me again so this was the only way I could get to bed. I can't turn my phone off, because the pendant call button is set to call my cell, my home phone, and then spouse's cell. Grrr. No, I did not stay to eat with her--i'm on a low carb diet so none of that is allowed. Grrrr.
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Hello Ga Women an everyone else on here I can relate with you Feeling selfish i don;t believe is that I think it numbness That how i feel in my life I know we shouldn';t feel this way But a caregvier life can do that to you When you always doing for others I can understand Because I
a caregvier to someone with dementia That is having health promblems And you try to help encourage they want to argue Im glad we have this place to vent on Are frustrations Or maybe something were going through being a caregvier Could help someone else Hugs and Prayers to all the caregivers
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Mallory, it's so true. My work is my sanity.
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I hear ya mallory ubt its true if you dont get some sort of break from dementia care you end up so exhausted that you cant care effectively - its not that its difficult per se but it is mindnumbing - at least when you care for children their capacity expands - with dementia it just decreases bit by bit every day till in the end there is nothing
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4 hours a day break...that sounds like it should be law. Plus 2-day weekends every week! And paid holidays 10x a year! I guess as a self-employed person, I have never had any of these (and my work is needed on major holidays). So I have to invent a weekend, and holidays.....but with advent of "stupid"phones it's hard to do....every time I turn the ringer off I risk losing a potential client. So yes if I moved my desk to mom's house she would probably drive me up a wall. Or maybe she would recognize how much work I actually do. I am just so envious of my spouse who literally cannot take phone calls from his work-- they all go thru screening--unless someone is dying he's protected from a the family drama (mine and his). Some people are right when they say, they go to work to get a Vacation!
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JudeA, my dad used to rave over his favorite doctor. Until she kept suggesting he goes see a urologist. Now, she's no longer his favorite. He criticizes her, etc... Yep, you're right. Your mom will continue to agree with him until one day he suggests something that she so disagrees with.
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Book is absolutely right about meeting with others of their generation. The geriatric psych - who I adore he is so so kind and so so straight but in a gentle way AND he embraces new ideology which is blinking fantastic says this.

1 It is common for people who are alone to become depressed and withdrawn - antidepressants do have some effect but socialisation is far more effective.

2 It is very common for people with dementia to long for an end this is NOT depression it is their way of saying they dont like being frail/alone/isolated/unable to do the things they once did/relying on others etc

3 It is very common for carers to also feel like AND for similar reasons however since this cannot be easily resolved this can lead to depression and suicide in some cases so intevention is required in the form of respite among other things.

4 4 hours a week is not respite it is a break we should all seek to get EVERY DAY so that we can take time to reflect on what we need (carers that is)

5 People who are cared for may well recognise they are a burden even say that they hate being a burden but are often totally unwilling to release the carer from their control over them - in these cases a professional is far more effective because they dont have the emotional tie that a relative does

that's his 5 pennorthworth and he said it to me AND Mum and you know what she agrees with him ! Hmmm so far she still agrees but not sure how long that will last! probably till the next time i mention the word respite!!!
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Gawoman – if your husband refuses to help you, to give you time off, then go for hospice. Depending on which hospice you get, some actually have people come to the home to give the caregiver some time off. Others just drop by and do a quick check up on her vitals. Did you contact your aging area department there? They might have programs that your MIL might qualify for. Or you as her overworked full time caregiver. I think with your husband making such a strong stance against putting his mom in a home, then he really does need to step up in finding EXTRA help for you. But he won’t if it means saving money, and you’re doing it free since MIL is family. Something has to give. I hope it’s not you, Gawoman. I remember how I was soooo glad that I needed to do a major stomach surgery. That meant that I had to avoid any heavy duty caregiving for 2 months. Family of next door were forced to step up and do my caregiving job. Didn’t really work since I had to help dad with mom, and had severe stomach pains from straining. So, on my 2nd major stomach surgery, I learned my lesson. I moved out of dad’s house, and was my sister’s houseguest for 2 months. That was fantastic! Please call around your area and see if your MIL or you qualify for some kind of respite care.

Mallory, AL would be great for your mom. You just need to find a very reputable one. I’ve taken some online courses of dementia. Elderly people NEED to associate with others. If they’re home by themselves or with family, they do become withdrawn from society. AL helps them find friends, and they sometimes blossom with these new friends. If AL is not an option yet, the adult day care is great. This will help your mom come out of her shell and enjoy having friends. The medical world have seen how much having outside normal life helps elderly – even those who have dementia. Another thing about doing office work at your mom’s – she will want more and more of your attention. I hope this won’t affect your business.

Prayerservant, you already know what’s ahead of you. I had reached your stage when my dad had a stroke and became bedridden. For over 13 years, dad and I took care of bedridden mom. So, when dad had his stroke, I realized that I have a very loooong road ahead of me. I was now taking care of 2 bedridden parents and none of my 7 siblings stepped up to help me. Nor my numerous adult nieces and nephews. I became seriously suicidal – set the date, where and how. I’m sooo glad that you’re proactive and got an aide. Kudos to you! And getting all those necessary paperworks. You’re moving in the right direction. =) {{{Hugs}}}
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Prayerservant - Stay with us we can suppport you and while none of us proclaim to know everything we all know a little bit and we do know lots of coping mechanisms. Right now without a doubt you are suffering from anxiety/possibly and probably to be honest depression and need medical intervention to help you cope. When you speak to your doc it is perfectly all right to break down and cry in front of them. it is OK to say you cant cope and you need a break. If you don't you wont BE ABLE to take care of your hubby at all and he will HAVE to go into the care system which may or not be what you want so you do have to consider yourself in all this and this IS NOT SELFISH it's reality. If you have children then ask them if they can give you a break for 1 day a week - that's not a lot to ask and it will give you a small chance to get out and feel human again. I am not sure whether you're a church goer but sometimes they will help out. perhaps you have a local charity that offers sitting/caring for an afternoon. Utilise everything that is out there for your health is really important.
But above all stay with us and make sure that at least once a day you look in the mirror and say to the person you see I am beautiful and i deserve the best so today I am going to find the best FOR ME xxxxxxxxxxxx
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Jude & Book, yeah I am totally re-thinking the AL. We.do have one amazing lady who comes.in once a week. I'm . actually toying with moving my home office to mom's house and I will do business (the computer part) from.her home a few days a week, just to keep her from being alone all the time. And get another CG lady. The one we have, cannot increase her hours at all. Book are you the one who won the trip? I am jealous....but I can't go anywhere anyhow! Who would take care of.mom.
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I ve been taking care of hubby full time since 2010, Its so hard now I can hardly stand it every day im crying . Its getting harder and harder,cuz b4 he got ill we too care of his parents for 10 years but they live till in their 90 my husband started getting ill in his 50 he is now 66 yrs old,im just now getting an aide went to lawyers and all paper work. But
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You're not selfish darling YOUR HUSBAND IS - sorry to say that so bluntly but if he can't see what this is doing to you then it's about time you went walkabout for a week. Tell him to book a week off work because you are going to stop with a friend relative Father Christmas if needs be but you are going to de stress and if he doesn't like it then he better figure on someon else doing it permanently.

If he doesnt want to do that then tell him (note tell - do not suggest ask request or anysuch similar none of this please may I either!) that you are going to hire a sitter for one day a week whether he likes it or not. She doesnt need specialist care because you are not a specialist nurse (at least as far as I am aware). Your MIL is HIS responsibility NOT YOURS

Rant over - I now remember why I divorced my controlling husband
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I was just reading most all of your post since I was here last. It seems the smallest of things is what we focus on because I guess it keeps us all sane. I know since the last time I was here- I got strong in my caring for my MIL but then I fell back into depression and yesterday I was thinking I was losing my mind. My MIL keeps getting worse then better- over and over again. Now she is weak from withdrawal from steriod therapy....Crashing they call it and Im stuck by her side so that I cant even get outside much because she can fall so easily-her legs are really weak. As I write this I realize how rediculious my life is....Ive begged for help, my husband said he was not putting her in a home..doctors say if we get home health care her primary doctor will go against their treatments and it will be frustrating for them. well what about Me? how frustrating do they think this is for me. They said we may as well call hospice if we call in home health care. I'm like I can't win. Yes she is bad..but she still sits here day in and day out and I feel like Ive lost my self in all this process. I'm miserable and I just wonder how much longer I can be miserable? I cant believe im going thru this all and it makes me feel selfish for feeling this way. But I can't stand much more of this.
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I vented about sis, the trash can, the trashbin, etc...several paragraphs. Then I erased it. She's very good with this passive-aggressive stuff. And I need to learn to not let it get to me.

Yes, roundtrip economy class.

I woke up this morning. Wondering what was wrong. What woke me up? Oh, I know! It's soooo quiet. Our livingroom's AC is very noisy. Very. I woke up to total silence. Total. I looked at my night light, it was off. Power outage. Strange how a sudden background noise that suddenly becomes silent - can wake us up. 11pm. I'm getting dizziness. Very sleepy. Still writing check payments for bills. Time to shower and maybe finish off those bills.
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Book, just reread your post. I took ticket to the mainland or Canada as meaning one way. Sometimes I am just too literal.
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Book, Is it a round trip ticket? I thought I read one way to the mainland.
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Thanks, you all. I still cannot believe that I won something.

Glad - if I had won a one-way ticket, I would think the same thing. That it's God's way of telling me that it's time to move on. Except I would argue with Him and tell Him that I'm now too old to realize my dreams of traveling. I'm very forgetful now. I'm not as brave as I was when I used to travel by myself. Where will I go?

Mallory, one good reason the AL wants all of your mom's financial record is to know if she can pay for her stay, and how long. I have read here on this site, that they also have stepped in, went to court and took POA or some kind of legal standing over the parent. Then the NH or AL handled their client's financial 100%. It's a darn if you and darn if you don't. I'd google info about the AL. Find out if they've ever gone to court and took over someone's financial, etc... Hope you find a reputable AL.
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Mallory I dont have a clue about the US as you all know - dumb Brit here - but can you get a sitter for less money? I know some care home charges are exorbitent and it can be cheaper to have someone who just comes and 'does a bit' a bit of housework and check on Mum; makes a meal for themselves AND your mum; or perhaps even offer someone accommodation in exchange for keeping an eye if that would work.
Of course if your Mum needs much care per se that is gonna cost sadly but it might be worth considering a sitter.
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I am super frustrated today. Last nite mom tumbled out of her chair, luckily no injury, just a bruised wrist. So today I went to visit some AL's, and their prices have gone up! Plus they have a new "Informed consent" leaflet which seems to be saying "there's no supervision here" and that bothers me, seems more like independent living instead of assistance living. And they no longer include 30 mins of care per day-- they charge in 15 min increments. This could be very expensive, and they require a complete financial statement. Seems so designed to put them in charge of raising your rates (find out how much funds they have and invent ways to get it!). I'm just super-bummed, because I want mom someplace safer than home alone, slipping out of her chair.
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