This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Can you beg borrow or steal a toilet snake to unclog the drains. If all else fails undo a wire coat hanger and see if that does the trick. Home Depot should have cans of that rubber sealant they advertise on TV that should seal a hole in a leaky shower. Not a pretty repair but your house does not sound as though it is a thing of beauty. if you can get washing soda or if all else fails baking soda (in the baking isle at the supermarket) once a drain is clear pour that down the drain and pour a kettle of boling water after it. Do no touch the power plug or we will never hear from you again and those airline tickets will go to waste. you need to syphon the filthy water out of the washing machine. Here's what you do. get a length of hose about 3-4feet long fill it with water blocking both ends with your thumbs. Put one end into the washer still blocked with thumb and hold other end below level of water in washer . Let go of both ends and water should start to run out. Keep the end in the washer below level of water till empty. You can start by bailing some of it out if you dont have a hose. Plug the washer into an extention plugged into a dry outlet in the house. Run several rinse cycles to clean out the washer then do the hot wash with some bleach. That outside outlet needs to be changed to a ground fault protected one. brother could do it but probably won't so dad can pay for an electricion if he does not want to see his daughter fried. see you later Book
Our outside washer - unfortunately - is filled with filthy water (rain + dirt). I did not clean it today. I should but ... our washer and the outside outlet (which has NO weather cover) was exposed to the rain for hours. I was not brave enough to stick the washer plug into the outlet and then turn on the machine to drain the filthy water.
Since filthy water inside will get filthier tomorrow, I've been googling how to clean a washer, top load. ALL the advice said to run it in HOT water. All the advice had the word "HOT" in capital letters. We don't have the washer hooked up into our hot water. So, I kept googling. I finally found on Wiki that I can make hot water from the stove and pour it into the washer. I never thought of that. I will do so tomorrow. I'm Guessing that I'm suppose to fill the washer maybe 1/3 with the regular water, and then pour 2/3 hot water? No instructions. It will take me a long long time to use 100% hot water from the stove.
Our bathroom screen has a large tear from the typhoon. I don't have time to look in the phone book trying to find someone to fix our house's window. I asked several times for bro of next door and he always find excuses not to do it. He told me it's impossible to fix the bathroom window (screen with No window pane or louvres. ) BIL says it's not normal standard window.. and just left it at that. I guess he's saying that someone will have to custom-make the screen and custom make the glass pane. Yet no one is giving us a number to call! One business acquaintance blinked when he found out that I paid $800 for a professional to fix our shower leak. The plumber only charged me $125.00 because oldest bro stood there when the job was done and told me how much. But, I bet if bro wasn't there, the guy would have charged me more.
Pam, despite all the stress, you're right - it's very important not to forget your dad. I can just see the relatives' reaction if this happened. Take deep breathes once in a while to help find calmness.
Reading romance harlequin books are so, so,so boring. I'm not sure I have the patience to read all those books. Couldn't believe that my mind wanted to read the acid reflux book instead. Nope. I want to read as much of those romance books so that I can get rid of it. Once I have a book in my possession, I feel obligated to atleast Try to read it. Even if it means just reading the first chapter, a middle of the book paragraph or 2 and then the ending. Done, I can get rid of the book. To rid a book without trying to read it - is like sacrilegious to me. So, I rarely buy or accept books that I haven't previewed from the back cover.
Gosh it's so hot! I want the air con on.
I am down to 2 days a week for most of the summer so I can start spending part of a day on outings with dad. Next week I will take him to local botanical garden to see spring flowers and lunch afterwards.
Since I switched to early visits he seems better. Also trying to talk slower and through less info his way. You have to be real aware of what you are saying and how fast you talk!
Glad - that's sad when one hears about those kinds of violence. It makes one wonder what was really happening behind those closed doors. At least the husband didn't go after her at her work place. We had that happened here on island. The husband entered shooting into the clinic, shooting people. I can't remember if he succeeded in killing his wife and her coworker. Then started shooting the other people. The police shot him in the head and he died in the hospital. That's our very first work place violence. He did this the day before they were due to court for a restraining order against him.
I also remember in another news report of a wife trying to divorce her husband. I can't remember if she was in the process of getting a restraining order or got one and was now in the process of divorcing him. He was so angry, he shot and killed her lawyer at her office.
I've heard that some women, when divorcing or breaking up with their boyfriends, they flee the island. It's one of the best ways to get away from him. And hope he finds another a woman to distract him from seeking revenge on you. Fave sis' ex boyfriend threatened to kill her. His mother called and warned my sis. That's when sis went to court to get a restraining order against him. He's now trying to get to know his daughters (my 2 fave nieces) and their kids. They're both afraid of him. He's not all there in the head.
Do you have a library or a school you could donate the books to? I gave books to a Good Will Store once but you probably don't have anything like that there.
Well, I look quite oriental, if I must say. Definitely don't look like a local native or Filipina.
Been reading up on my ebook on acid reflux. The last book I read was a strange paranormal romance book. Older sis sent me a box full of romance books. I don't read romance books. I find myself reading a few pages and then throwing it away. I got a whole box full to go.... Too bad we cannot share personal info. I would much rather send it off to someone who loves romance books...than throwing it in the trash. Our one and only used bookstore closed down. Fave sis tried selling off my books in her garage sale. I told her if she doesn't sell it, throw it. People are more into videos...
The lifter is not only used to pull him to the center. When mom was alive, she was totally in a vegetative state - couldn't even lift a finger or turn her head. I would use the lifter by pulling her to the center of the bed. Reach over her to grab the lifter opposite me, and use it to turn mom towards me. This way, her whole body turns and not just her upper body. Before I turn mom to me, I put all the cleaning supplies (No rinse water, wipes, toilet tissues, wash rags, lotion, calmoseptine, etc...) to the opposite side. Once I have her turned to me, still straining holding her weight towards me (because her body wants to automatically go back to lying on her back), I quickly stuff heavy duty but soft pillows behind her and over her legs to keep her turned towards me (or away from me). It won't hold long, so I have to be pretty fast in going around the bed and clean her. Then, I do the same on her other side.
Now, if dad is going to the clinic or the ER, I now fold the lifter vertically. I have some heavy duty very long sheets for this. It needs to be long because dad will slide down and so I need to leave excess sheet dangling from the feet position. This way, even if dad slides down, the EMS will still be able to lift him and his feet will still be in the lifter.
Like you said JudeA. .. What you post, others can benefit from it. At first, I was frowning a bit when you first posted to me about the lifters, etc.. Then I remembered that you're new here. AND, most people - even on this island - don't know much about 'lifters'. We learned about the lifters from the nurse who helped us with mom when she became bedridden. She came over when mom came home. She showed us how to change mom's pampers, to clean her, to get waterproof mattress covers - to go over the original waterproof bed, etc...
And it's a good thing that Dad and I are brain smart or inquisitive. What she didn't cover, Dad and I asked all kinds of questions. I also requested to work part-time so that Dad and I can get the hang of taking care of bedridden mom. So I was home for months to watch the govt caregivers spongebath mom. I asked all kinds of questions.. learned that it's best to use unscented body wash, bedsores can go deep until you see the bone, etc... Learned that when the govt caregivers don't rinse mom's body well, and her body is still soapy from the body wash, mom breaks out with serious rashes, etc.. Learned to clean her stomach tube and the bloody hole (tube moves up/down when mom coughs, hence bleeding hole). Then she got the trache. Took me one year before I finally got the nerve to clean her trache. Had to. My nephew stopped doing it. And I was forced to do it since no one else stepped up to do it.
Mallory, you made me laugh! I was just like that - when it came to changing babies' pampers. I still cannot believe that I now change adult pampers. I still think it's Karma. I gave my siblings a very hard time about not changing their kids pampers before dropping them off for me to baby sit. I absolutely refused to change their kids' pampers. And look at me... I'm now changing adult pampers..karma sucks...
Gloves on
cut the sides of the diaper either by tearing or using scissors or relase tapes
roll person away from you and hold them there with one hand
meanwhile get a thin plastic sheet from your trolley to go up tight to the individual.
Erm and make a cup of tea at the same time I asked....erm how?
She said if you hold the person away from you with your forearm then you have two hands free....taking her word for this but it did sound feasible.
once the sheet is in place you have less to worry about (easy for her to say!) while holding the person in that position pull the diaper away slowly
fold up and dispose of the diaper in the bin (ah I am starting to see the need for this trolley now)
Wipe away the worst of the the faecal matter with moist wipes NOT toilet tissue as it can be too harsh
using a bowl of warm water and disposable flannels wash away the remaining faecal matter you will need several - at this point there will only be faecal matter on the flannels the wipes and the disposable plastic sheet.
check to ensure that the groin area is completely clean (thats the bit I gross out over) and also check there are no sores in that area
Fold the disposable flannels and wipes and your dirty gloves into the plastic sheet and dispose of them and place a fresh plastic sheet and a dry towel where the sheet was
Fresh gloves ON
Then wash the area thoroughly
Then rinse with a very very dilute water and vinegar rinse like I said 1 oz to 1 gallon
Then air dry she says this is the best way or use a hairdrier but try to avoid towels or rubbing in any form but the skin MUST be dry
Then apply barrier cream as per instructions
Then put new diaper on
She agrees and she has worked with dementia for many many years that the all in ones are best for what she calls faecal interferers (ie putting your hands in it)
So so up poppers on clean vest/bodystocking thingy and voila done
All you have to do is clean up, bleach/disinfect/sterilise bowl and put your 2nd set of gloves in the bin and empty said bin to prevent cross infection.
One final point she also said if diaper rash does not clear in three days call in the professionals
I hope that helps Book - but she says it is strenuous for one person and much easier if two of you do it but I know that isnt always possible. She also says that calm music and you talking softly to him the whole time you are doing this will help to stop the wriggling
As far as the depends are concerned you could put him in gold plated ones and his hands would still fing their way in and come out with a hand full and spread it everywhere. he is a big man and Book is a tiny woman. One book walks in the door from maybe a 12 hour day oldest sister simply goes to her room and shuts the door. She can be heard talking to the spirits who she is very intune with. unfortumately they don't tell her to come out and help her sister. It is not a situation we as western womwn would tolerate but it is what it is.
Jude this is not meant as an admonishment to you but to let you and others know that although Book lives in a semi westernised world she is still affected by the traditional customs. Most of us would not tolerate her life and she wishes she did not have to. By the way I am English but have lived in the States for 35 years
Thanks for the tip about the vinegar/water last rinse. I've never heard of doing this. But it sure doesn't hurt to try. My greatest fear is bedsores. Prevention is the key. Thanks.
Glad - thanks. I know, I know..... Going back to drinking my soda.
Meanwhile you can get anal plugs now that will block the anus for 12 hours and they may or might not be something suitable. there are heaps of new products being tested at the moment and I think somewhere in Cleveland Ohio is doing the most research into this area so do keep researchingit and tell your doctor about the problems so he can help - if he doesnt know about something that you DO know about tell him - Im always doing that - bitch from hell here!
As for what is effectively nappy rash.... grrr to your sister on this one
When you wash the area try about 1oz of white vinegar to a gallon fo water ratio for the final rinse - bacteria dont like the acid, use a barrier cream once it is clean and dry (I use the hair dryer on cool to dry Mum so I dont have to pat or rub the area ) to prevent urin/faeces getting in. Don't use talc or anything like that it will just be food to fungal bacteria. I know you probably know all this already but somewhere there will be people who dont xxxx
You are very overwhelmed and must feel tyis is an impossible situation. And it sure sounds like it. Think about other optins for Dad's care. Your sister is simply tending to him out of duty. The $320.00 a month she is paid just doesn't even compare to what a caregiver for dad would be paid. Even if you found someone at $10.00 an hour which is very low that is still more than $3,000.00 a month based on an eight hour day. This is part of what caused my family to fall apart. They felt that I did nothing to deserve any payment since as they view it I am sponging off of Mom and L. Even Medicaid has regupations about the inclusion of room and board for live-in caregivers.
We've been using lifters since mom was bedridden over 13 years. It's Automatic for me to include it. The govt caregivers used to Not put it on. I demanded that dad and oldest sis Tell Them that they must use it. Now, it's automatic for them to include it.
I am back to tying his pants tightly. But I hate to do this because I don't like it when I sleep with my pants tight. So, I'm hoping this will help a little in preventing him from digging inside his pants.
Dad is getting weaker, clumsier. I've noticed that his hand shakes when he tries to reach for his cups of drink on the end table near his bed. He must have spilled one of those drinks on him. I did get one of those sippy cups but the flow is too slow for him. But, I agree that the pamper is the wrong size for him. Because it tends to overflow on the sides. The thing is - if I buy a larger size, it's too big for him. Poop will definitely flow out. I bought one of those pull ups. Do you know how difficult to take those off without pulling it down the legs and spreading the poop along the legs too? Cut the sides? Oh, yeah, have you tried it and Not have the poop fly? It's sure a mess when you're a bedridden person.
You think he's past starting dementia? I know he's getting forgetful, and not remembering that he just ate, etc... Gosh I'm tired.
I refuse to give up my job and stay home to take care of him. Period.
His butt was red. Rashes. He's been soaking for a while on that mess....