This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
So sorry for your loss.
It is okay that you have not cried.
Very sorry that you are hurting.
Praying for you and your family.
It's good your husband has You to lean on.Take care~
Can you do something that will take your mind off everything completely? You are terribly stressed and it's making everything worse, don't you think?
Remember when I fell in July 1st? Well, the arm that got hurt the most at the time, which the xray showed no fracture? It's been hurting since last week. I will try to go as a walk-in tomorrow at the clinic even though they don't accept walk-ins on Saturdays. They're all booked up (as usual).
There were others who were ahead of us. When I was done looking at deceased aunty in the coffin, I turned to look at my uncle. He loved showing public affection to his wife. She always told him to behave. He was just sitting there while his adult children were standing and greeting people... I looked at Uncle. He was devastated. (I think he's also on the road to senility.) In all these years, Uncle and I always joked around with each other every time we met at the Post Office. I looked at him. He looked at me. I stood there, opened my arms really wide and looked at him. He stood up and we just hugged so hard. I didn't say anything. Just hugged him. After that, he continued to stand and greet those behind me. {He was manfully sniffling. I was delicately sniffling.}
It's now 10pm. I looked in the mirror. My eyes are still a bit red from silently weeping hours ago. D*rn! I didn't know it was obvious that I was crying. No wonder, male 1st cousin was so solicitous towards me. …. I dread the funeral this Saturday.
By the way, my new eye glasses cost $521.00. The lady looked up in surprise when I said that $521 is great. She replied that most people complain that it’s expensive. I said that my current eye glasses cost me $800. ... Ohhhh, I continued.... that’s $521 NOT including my eye exam, isn’t it? She said it’s only the glasses. Sigh... when I went up to pay for it... $732. I hope it comes in time before my trip. ..
I was shocked this morning when I looked into the mirror. My eyes are sunken, with dark circles beneath it. I may not be waking up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom as often as before .. but I sure am not getting the deep sleep I Thought I was having.
Fave sis invited me to overnight at her place tomorrow night, Saturday. I usually turn her down because I tend to pack lots of bags. Just my fold-up wedge pillow is bigger than my medium rolling expandable carry-on. Knowing her though, she will be waking up at 5:00am to go to the flea market at 5:30. Maybe I will ask her if it's okay if I sleep in. But then, I will miss out eating flea market breakfast (yum!!! esp. when still fresh from the BBQ grill)... Hmmmm. Sleep or food?
. Response,:"no. Not unless she comes downstairs". So mom responds to how she and I are treated. Is it Dementia or regular anger and stress?.