The Caregiver... How are YOU doing today?

54j- dairy queen sounds good too , pig out on a fav ice cream . yummie
am glad ure havin 4 hrs time to urself . 4 hrs fly by so fast doesnt it ?
i love goodwill , salvaton army , ohh wish it was thurs or fri or sat that u could get away ,, YARD SALES ! i miss em so much . i went to one and i think that is it .
ah well i have enuff junk here anyway lol .

seemeride ! how was the reunion with TED ? hope you all have had a good time . fill us in about it .
JAM - fence sounds great , col s lit home gonna look good when she gets home :-) . bet she ll be happy to be back in her home ,
ah hubby just walked by and smile . i think i ll go and harras him for a while . hes off work this week . took him to hospital last friday , herat was flippin floppin , pains too . ah heart is fine , it was high blood pressure that was stressing his heart out , last week he was on vacation now this week its dr s order to stay home cuz he had the cath done .
you all have a good day .... xoxox

Hi Linda......glad to hear hubby only has high BP.....sounds odd but that can be easily controlled. Happy to hear his heart is okay. Don't harass him too much or his pressure will go too high....:)

col was able to tell her doctor yesterday what her address was, but that was about it. Still doesn't know where she is, why or how she got there. Hope she doesn't start harping on makeup when we see her later. Too bad....it's gone. She's getting the fence instead.....:)

Just wanted to share this morning.....to all my friends,

Dear Lord, I thank you for this day. I thank You for my being able to see and to hear this morning. I'm blessed because You are a forgiving God and an understanding God. You have done so much for me and You keep on blessing me. Forgive me this day for everything I have done, said or thought that was not pleasing to you. I ask now for Your forgiveness.

Please keep me safe from all danger and harm. Help me to start this day with a new attitude and plenty of gratitude. Let me make the best of each day to clear my mind so that I can hear from You.

Let me not whine and whimper over things I have no control over. Let me continue to see sin through God's eyes and acknowledge it as evil. And when I sin, let me repent, and confess with my mouth my wrongdoing, and receive the forgiveness of God.

And when this world closes in on me, let me remember Jesus' example -- to slip away and find a quiet place to pray. It's the best response when I'm pushed beyond my limits. I know that when I can't pray, You listen to my heart. Continue to use me to do Your will.

Continue to bless me that I may be a blessing to others. Keep me strong that I may help the weak.. Keep me uplifted that I may have words of encouragement for others. I pray for those who are lost and can't find their way. I pray for those who are misjudged and misunderstood. I pray for those who don't know You intimately. I pray for those who will delete this without sharing it with others. I pray for those who don't believe. But I thank you that I believe.

I believe that God changes people and God changes things. I pray for all my sisters and brothers. For every family member in their households. I pray for peace, love and joy in their homes that they are out of debt and all their needs are met.

I pray that every eye that reads this knows there is no problem, circumstance, or situation greater than God. Every battle is in Your hands for You to fight. I pray that these words be received into the hearts of every eye that sees them and every mouth that confesses them willingly..

This is my prayer.
In Jesus' Name,
Amen.

Life Explained:

On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."

The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"

So God agreed......

On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."

The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"

And God agreed......

On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."

The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"

And God agreed again......

On the fourth day, God created humans and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."

But the human said, "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"

"Okay," said God. "You asked for it."

So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

thats a good one jam !!! lol

Probably the worst day I had was before my dad died. I had moved he and my mother in with me (I still have my mom). Neither were/are very mobile. My mother pooped all over the bed, on herself and fell in the floor so then it got in the carpet. She is large so I had to call 911 to come get her up, I had to get my dad up and put him in his wheelchair (while he looked at me like he had no idea why I was moving him), left him there, sat my mom on the bedside pot, stripped the sheets off, put them in the washer, cleaned the mattress, put clean sheets back on, put my dad back in the bed, put mom in the tub, cleaned her up, put clean clothes back on her, scrubbed the carpet the best I could and then put her back in the bed. Now, I have had to clean up pee and poop many times but this particular day I just thought I couldn't stand anymore. My dad passed shortly after. I felt guilty because I had complained so much about having to take care of both of them. Mom is still a handful but has gotten better about making it at least to the bedside pot (of course that's always fun to clean up too)! Ever just get tired of smelling and seeing poop?

Probably the worst day I had was before my dad died. I had moved he and my mother in with me (I still have my mom). Neither were/are very mobile. My mother pooped all over the bed, on herself and fell in the floor so then it got in the carpet. She is large so I had to call 911 to come get her up, I had to get my dad up and put him in his wheelchair (while he looked at me like he had no idea why I was moving him), left him there, sat my mom on the bedside pot, stripped the sheets off, put them in the washer, cleaned the mattress, put clean sheets back on, put my dad back in the bed, put mom in the tub, cleaned her up, put clean clothes back on her, scrubbed the carpet the best I could and then put her back in the bed. Now, I have had to clean up pee and poop many times but this particular day I just thought I couldn't stand anymore. My dad passed shortly after. I felt guilty because I had complained so much about having to take care of both of them. Mom is still a handful but has gotten better about making it at least to the bedside pot (of course that's always fun to clean up too)! Ever just get tired of smelling and seeing poop? Oh by the way, I have 6 siblings!

Hi care.....naw.....after a while that poop just burns your sinuses out and you can't smell anything else.....oh what a lovely flower....but have you noticed it smells just like poop?????? When you have to be up to your elbows in poop, you might try smearing a little Vicks in each nostril. Helps with that smell.

So sorry about your Dad. Do any of your sibs help with Mom or are you on your own? I have been taking care of my mil for a year and a half....but no more. Getting some help at least 3 days a week. I have herniated discs in my neck and disc disease in lower back and there is no way I can handle her and she weighs not much over 100 lbs. And doctor's orders say I can't lift over 25 lbs......couldn't do it if I had to pick her up. She's in the hospital right now getting a tune-up so hoping she will be better by the time they spring her.

hey ya'll, not much in the poo department to complain about, just trying to make sure that she does. I came over after getting a few hours sleep, to find out those two (Brother and Mother) got confused again, and got into her pill boxes when there was no need for it, going to have to put them up, can't afford to risk them accidently overdosing.

Going to piss them both off I am sure, but I have to do what I have to do, question for you? do you ever think that the person you are caring for is "faking" it sometimes? I came over this afternoon, my brother said she's been having a great day, I no sooner walk in the house and she's ready for icu or something. I seriously wonder if she is putting on being in pain and such just cause I am here, back when I was younger, the more serious I got about a guy, the worse her "fainting" spells got. My brother has a hard time I know recognizing things but still..

Any way, chat with you later.

Yeah I do sometimes think she fakes some things. It's weird you can never tell, she complains so much that you don't know when it's real and when it's not. She wakes up telling me what all is wrong with her and goes to bed telling me. She has many things wrong with her but she likes to add. Like she will say, "my breast hurts, I'm worried I might have breast cancer." She got a tick on her toe, probably from my dog cause she rarely goes out, anyway, she was so worried about that and said, "I've been cold all day," " you think it's from that tick?" If she does go out of the house, she thinks she has an earache. She has nose spray, ear drops, eye drops, enhaler, cough syrup, mucinex all in addition to her regular meds. She thinks she has to have these things. She is constantly asking me to check something on her. "Look and see if you see anything on my neck, back, arm, etc. " I think I feel a lum" Geez, can't you be happy with all the things you already have wrong with you without adding to them. She loves being sick. She wants people to feel sorry for her. She says she is this way because she had 7 children. I know other women who have had 7 or more and they are fine. I love her, but man she is a hypochondriac!

Starri....My experience with my mom is pretty much the same, but her reason makes semse in a way. Your mom is aware of your bro's epilepsy, right? I'll bet she has a good day for him because that is what Mothrs do for their children....whatever they can no matter the cost to them. My mom does the same with my sisters and her helper. But when I get home I am the one who takes care of her, so she will drop the act and be her true self....which is too tired to go anywhere or do anything....she no longer puts on a front......so yeah, it may seen like she is faking it.

Now if you have other longer running issues with the past, I can't answer to that. I just know I was always the one who took charge, and she lets me and wants me to do that now.

My dad passed away when he was 98, probably since he was 70, we heard all the aches, pains, wah-wah's that he had.. " I just want to die", We would hear this when we would go visit, or he would be in the hospital for some imaginary problem... one day my sister was so sick of hearing him say he wanted to die, she said/, "THEN STOP CALLING 911!!!!". Didn't stop his whining but we had a good laugh...

Well, good news for Ms. M, she will not have to have a transfusion this week and will not have to go back to the Dr. for a month... maybe some of her stress is being relieved.. Sonny and I went for our walk, took a little longer because he was picking up sticks out of people's yards, stopping to listen to the birds, going up in yards looking at flowers.. I just let him go, he was enjoying himself, not hurting anything and he was happy. He was very disoriented today... couldn't find the bathroom. But he is so sweet, I just point and off he goes.. I am constantly amazed at how patient Ms. M. is with him, but you can tell she is tired, I am treading carefully in this situation, She has taken care of him for a very long time, found out today they have been married 63 years....so when she tells him to eat his broccoli, he does, as long as I am setting there.. If I didn't cook it, he won't eat it... I am "That Lady". the one that sets outside with him and I listen to the only story he remebers about being a lineman...
I hate this disease, I hate it.. I wonder how he is going to be a year from now... I watched Ruth decline so fast the last year.. is he still going to be sweet???
Hope everyone had a good day, my brain is fried from hardly any sleep and then waking up at 4 and could not get back to sleep..... so I will probably not be back this evening,,, hugs to everyone,,, catch ya'll tomorrow...

Seeme, how right I believe you are, she knows about Jerry's condition and I know that she would do her best to keep from doing "bad" in front of him..she does the same in front of the other brothers, makes it look like I am lying when I say she's having bad days, getting confused, etc.. the two eldest are not around much if any, don't talk with her long enough to get a clue, and baby brother can't remember from moment to moment, so there is no way he is going to see it.

It probably sounds selfish of me, but I would like her to have a good day or so with me, they've always seen me as the strong one, the one who would get things done, etc..truth of the fact? that person is a fake, I put up the front because it has to be done.

right now I want to run, and run as far and as fast as I can, I don't want this responsibility but there is no one else for her. Baby brother would try, but try is all he can do. Thanks for listening.

Starri, I am right there with you, too. I am the 2nd oldest, the plain one, the smart one, the calming one, the one who was no trouble (cause I never got caught), I left the home state when I married, got the best grades in school, therefore could do no wrong......so here I sit without a clue, never had kids to raise, no experience to fall back on, nearest family 900 mi away, and the responsibility of a person's life who could die any day ! I was in a very bad place when I came here to this site. I was so angry about having to quit work, losing adult conversation, no one to tell things to except one sister who cared but couldn't console, mad at the friends who don't understand, at the loss of freedom, and when I wasn't angry or mad, I was just pidded off in general. Does that sound familiar?

I am a lot more compassionate, more tender in my dealings with mom, no way near as angry, AND I actually smile and laugh more that I ever have. Not that my BP is going down, but enough to see some humor in what I deal with every day. Getting help to come in has done most of that. I realize I can't do it all , there is nothing to prove by doing it all, and I am not feeling guilty for not doing it all. Let me know if any of this helps.

I have to get some sleep.....just wanted to say goodnight to all......have a dr's appt in the morning myself.......zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I read all of your posts. ASG, you asked the question: When will my aunt lose her memory completely? I guess it changes from person to person. 8 years ago my mother was completely herself, she took 2 undergrounds and 1 train to come to see me in the country, she did the cooking, she woke up early to help me clean my house... And from that moment on it was a slippery slope! Every day she loses something and she is more and more disoriented and confused. During the first years of her disease she tried to behave nornally and when she realized she had done or said something wrong, she tried to hide it. That is the worst period because it's difficult to help them. They claim they are independent, they say they don't need any help...I think your aunt is more or less that stage. I think you have to outsmart her, If she doesn't want you to be with her when she talks to her doctor, try to talk to her doctor yourself while she is doing something else. You can't leave the things in her hands. I know this is difficult. I took my mother with me when she couldn't really be alone anymore; I can't imagine what she has done when she lived alone in her house. I think we dodged many bullets. We have been lucky she didn't set the house on fire!
My mother is more manageable now because she is sicker. Sad to say, but true...
A big hug and GOOD LUCK to everyone.

Thank you so much Rosella, wow 8 years. how long have you been caring for her in your home? Sad but yes true! I understand completly. I have said myself it would be so much easier if she couldnt remember anything. i would be more than glad to hire somone to come sit with her and know plenty of trustworthy people who could if it was up to me. She really dosnt need somone with her at all times. she uses a walker hasnt had problems with falling, yet! She has one of those emergency buttons even. the only times she ever has to awnser it is when the cat steps on it. She had it at her last house and when she moved here we decided it would be a good idea for her to have it, just in case she falls in the night going to the bathroom. Its mostly behavioral right now. I do a lot of things she is physically capable of doing just because we started out that way when she moved here. I lift her into bed even. put her slipper socks on her and help her take blood pressure and meds at night. Draw upn her insulin. The rest of the day she does it all on her own. I dont mind that stuff. that stuff i can handle. I hope this stage passses quickly. My Mil used to say she thought aunt was losing her mind. she has been gone for almost 2 years now. Maybe shes had this for a long time already.

Mom is on hospice, has late stage dementia. How can each day be so different from the others?!?! Sometimes all she does is sleep, other days she is wakeful and so very sweet. I have had her in my home 2.5 months because her money is gone, but I have sitter help (thanks to SS and VA) when I really need it. I have no reason to complain, and yet, it is still hard. My husband has been out of town a lot and I miss him, but I have friends and family to support me. I am so lucky and blessed but still feel emptied so often. Can't get around to planning her funeral. I'm sad and can't express that to many because I have it "so good". I am glad to be able to help her in this last stage and I feel guilty for this "poor me" feeling I have sometimes. One sister is totally absent (and will blame it somehow on me) and the other is here for a couple of hours every other week or so, and I really prefer being the involved one, but worry for them about how they will process it when Mother goes. (Normal horrible family dynamics apply.)

Ladeeda, you know sonny sounds like aunts husband, she said come eat breakfast, he ate, she said go lay down in your chair he laid down. shed say do you need to use the bathroom? hed say wheres it at! LOL. seriously he was very sweet to. once in a while he would tell her now damit! when she would be on his nerves. But he never lost his sweetness. He only tried to go out the door one time in the middle of the day one day. He was preoccupied with his car that he had wreaked. Oh yeah, when she said turn here, He did right into the ditch. That was the last time he drove. He shouldnt have been driving then. He had trouble for a long time with a lot of things, he woke up one day and didnt know who she was. We said no he shouldnt drive you to the store, she said he did fine so they were gonna drive 15 miles into the country to a realitives house, mil had just calle dme and said do you know what she has him doing! I said oh my gosh. He shouldnt drive. Got off the phone with her, lady called said they wreaked in the ditch nest to her house. Anyways. You might be lucky my dear. This may be a good dream that your not going to wake up from for a change. You do deserve happiness. I think After we have had such a hard time of things, when somthing good comes along we are afraid to get used to it, afraid the rug will get pulled from under our feet and its to good to be true. Somtimes its not. Somtimes the good lord says enjoy:) So enjoy Ladeeda. You do deserve it. Mr sonny may be sweet froim here on out. Just the cute little old nursing home man that we wish they all were. You are right about the wife. i know it was hard for aunt to let anyone help her husband. Love you ladee!

Welcome onacliff!!! And a Big Hug to you. You shouldnt feel guilty at all. All of us cargivers havent different circumstances and challenges, buit somhow we are all connected. One thing for sure we all have alike is this is so hard. No matter what stage of the game you are in. I re read through my whining post some days then read through somone elses who is knee deep in poo, and think wow it could be worse you could be dealing with that situation. And im sure somone on here is reading mine too, maybe the one knee deep in poo, thinking to themselfs wow, wish mine would clean their own butt. Id trade the behaviors anyday over this. So feel free to have alittle self pity. This is so hard on so many levels not just the physical ones. Id hate right now to be dealing with my mom being on hospice. That would be so hard. Prayers to you my dear. We are a pretty understanding bunch here. You cant say anything that will shock us. This can help you so much. So keep coming back and like Jam says pull up a chair as many times as you like. Somone will listen, give you advice or make you laugh and change your mood. It does mine.

Jam I know I wanted to say somthong to you earlier but I dont remember what it was. Have a good night.

Hope everyone is doing alright today. No rest for the wicked. My Mom has her days and nights confused. I've tried to keep her up during the day but I'm beginning to think she is just nocturnal. lol I'm just totally exhausted. I'm glad I can vent sometimes. I was wondering if anyone else has this happening to them. I thought by giving her a shower it would make her stay awake for alittle while this morning but she fell right asleep while I was drying her hair. A nurse comes out once a week and she even fell asleep when she was trying to take her vitals. We had to keep waking her. Take Care everyone If you have any suggestions I would surely appreciate them. thanks

Hey rq, I think that is just part of dementia unfortunatly. Im sure some on here have some really good advice on how to handle it.These guys are great and can help you in so many ways. Wish I had more.

onacliff and rg, welcome to the caregiver coffee house.This is where we come to tell each other how we feel, what we want to do that could possibly get us in trouble, laugh , cry, vent, and make new friends... I just recently went thru the hospice thing with my lady Ruth.. and for me it was being able to set and talk,talk, talk to her. And many times I didn't think about others because this was my time with Ruth. But when I would take a break, I would get on here and talk to my friends, they were with me every step of the way...so, come join us every chance you get...
Rg, it is part of the disease. I learned I had to sleep when she did.. to her it is the what her body is telling her to do, maybe it will turn around, maybe it won't...but you have to get rest yourself, so hope you find a solution that works..
seeme, I got some sleep last night, maybe it is from my time with Ruth, and going thru what Rg, is. My body still doesn't know I can sleep all night. I has been less than a month since Ruth died and maybe I am still adjusting,,, who knows...
Starri, so happy to see you posting and getting to know everyone..you are doing the best you can under the circumstances...I don't know why as caregivers, even when we are so exhausted we can't think, we worry that we might upset someone... I finally became more interested in whether or not they were going to upset ME...I was in a bizarre live in situation where the daughter wanted NO hands on with her mom, yet was always coming in, sucking all the air out of the room telling me this that or the other, when I had been up with her mom for days and nights... sometimes you just have to do what you feel is best and deal with the noise that comes from others.. That is how I started looking at it... it was just noise, didn't change what needed to be done, and it is not my calling in life to make everyone on earth happy all the time...
Sometimes care giving makes us or breaks us..at times it felt like I was caught up in this whirlwind of doing, doing, doing, no rest, too many people pushing my buttons, and then I would just get on here and have a "moment" and we could laugh and others would support me, give me suggestions, and off I'd go again... Thank God for AC and so many wonderful loving people. Guess the thing I love most is we can take what we need and leave the rest, no one is RIGHT all the time, different circumstances, different stages of what ever we are dealing with... so we get all these wonderful people, giving us input and suggestions, and we get to choose what is right for our circumstances...
Alrighty then.... I have had a good nights sleep and my got my "motor runnin" and can't shut up.
ASG, you are such a bright light on this thread...it makes me happy when I see you have posted and can't wait to read which one of your kids is running from Auntie this time.... does the old lady have any flying monkeys in her room that you don't know about??? Does she have sort of a green tint to her skin and refer to your kids as "little one"? She reminds me more and more of the witch on the Wizard of OZ...look in her closet and see if she has any ruby slippers stashed somewhere....
My heart tells me you are giving this lady something she never got in her life that has made her this way... Don't know if you can teach that old dog new tricks, but I do admire you for the crap you put up with...but glad it is you and not me... she would be in the kennel and the cat would have free run of the house....(no elder was harmed in the making of that statement!!)
So, need to get going and go see if Sonny got out last night and cleaned up one of the neighbors yards...
Love ya'll and keep posting to keep from going postal... hugs across the miles..

rg, I am dealing with the same thing....days and nights confused.....either that or she just feels too confined in her wheelchair during the day. She'd rather sleep in her chair and I would let her all night long except her legs swell so bad. I've done the keep her up all day and it doesn't work. I am so sick and tired (have we heard that before) of not getting any sleep at night and having to do this and that during the day. And I hat my name...think I will change it and not tell anyone what the new one is.......so far today, I am crabby. Gotta run...must get ready to go to dr. Mom is asleep in her chair by the kitchen table....wish I was asleep............

How am I today? Exhausted. Sooo sleepy. Weary. In need of a 72 hour break.

But, hopeful that things will change for the better soon.

Hey bpryor:) hope you get a break soon. Yes this to shhall pass:)

hey I just had a great idea...I think i will sell our house and move into a condo. Kids cant fight over it when we are gone and someone else will have to fix what is broken...yes having lots of major home improvement problems!! what yall think??

Good Morning Posse!!!!

Just wanted to run by and say hello and welcome to our new friends......I read that you have already received warm welcomes from the others and I'm not ignoring anything, I'm on a run right now. Today is hubby's birthday and he is impatiently waiting for me to get off the computer and into the shower. Having lunch at his favorite bbq place......Bryant's BBQ......KC's finest, then going shopping at the City Market in KC and then to visit his mother in the hospital. She is in the behavioral unit getting a tune-up after a little melt-down last Friday.

I hope everyone has a good day.....gets a little nap in here and there and I will get caught up tonight.

Love and Hugz to all,
Jam