This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Feel better soon.
With sensitivities like yours, maybe getting a hepa filter for your room as soon as possible. Plan on future spending for the replacement filters.
I spent $129.00 on the machine.
I am trying to get him to talk to someone and get medication but, he refuses unless his PC prescribes it and then "he will only take it if he feels like it".
We have always gotten alone really well until now. If everything isn't his way all the time I'm suddenly being horrible and grouchy.
I'm really tired and this is only a small bit of how just one day is in my house is. When he is not hateful he talks, makes noises or sings almost 20 hours a day. Yes, sometimes in his sleep even.
I'm just really tired and need a break from his daily emotional roller coaster
That is how i am currently coping and thank you for asking
Just be careful and observant of your father’s behavior. It might escalate as his frustration increases. You and your mom take care.
Thank you, I know that if he was his normal self before the stroke and illnesses he would have kicked his own butt for the way he is speaking to my mother.
2 days after his stroke {30 years ago) he told my brother he was gonna get out of his bed and give him a 1 legged ass kicking if he spoke to our mom like that again.
And now .... I just don't know what to do. I'll be ok and it will get better but, right now. I am just struggling .
She want's to go to the store to get something as soon as she gets home from going to the store and she doesn't let up. I have to raise my voice once in a while and I hate that. Anyone mentions they need to go somewhere, it doesn't matter where you are going and she want's to go. So I take her with me most of the time and so does her daughter. But we get home and she say's she needs to go get something and threatens to walk if we don't take her. Forget the Corona-Virus.
It makes for really trying times. How do I deal with it? I just do. I'd grind my teeth but I lost them when I got throat cancer. You just have to watch them 24/7, literally. This is that worse part in for better or worse. I also have to protect our dog, which she loves to death. Me too! She threw a disc and never recovered fully from surgery so her hind quarters are paralyzed. This means she sits a lot and she likes sitting next to my wife.
This isn't a good thing because even though we feed Brie, our dogs name, and give her treats, my wife is constantly trying to sneak her something more. Now she's overweight and I worry she'll give her something that could hurt her as she doesn't think about what she's feeding her. That's another constant battle. I could go on, it's just a constant battle.
I guess it's good to say that I'm retired, so I can "deal" with it and that's what I do.
May I ask if she or you have a social worker? My dad had one. She was wonderful in helping dad and mom get services like meals on wheels (for mom), a caregiver's program to help dad once a week, etc... When both my parents were bedridden, I got one. They provided monthly meetings to help us understand Medicare, elder law attorney, etc....... Please feel free to come and vent. It is really difficult when they have a one track mind.
I would like to respond. I personally, don't have any children, I didn't get married until I was 48. My wife was 56, it's her daughter. She is 57 and hasn't worked since I've known her, 22 years. Her husband retired and moved the family to Tenn. and he was the only happy one out of the 3. She would let us know that she wasn't happy living there and that she was coming back to California to live with us.
This happened every 2 or 3 months, that's how long it took before shit hit the fan at their house due to her excessive drinking. Then one day she says she is on her way. Ready or not! So I gave in and said it would be ok as long as you help me with her Mother.
I get Social Security and a pension, my wife didn't qualify for S.S., not enough credits. But she get's half of what I make through S.S., being as we have been married for over ten years. And we can work with that. We live in a mobile home with 2 bedrooms, one half the size of the other. It sleeps one.
She tells me she is bringing her son also, but they are going to rent an apt., and both look for jobs. They arrived last April, 2019. They both moved in right away. He found a job at an amusement park, after 3 months and has not worked since the Corona Virus. She never did look for work, but she did look for and found the liquor store. I still cook, do the laundry for my wife and I. Vacuum, do dishes, about every other day, express our dog 3 or 4 times a day. She can't go on her own. And do the shopping as needed for my wife and I and enough to include my wife's daughter and 25 year old grandson to eat during meals if they want.
What I get in return is a few hours a week where I can get some space and that doesn't always happen because my wife want's to go everywhere I go. I think she, my daughter-in-law, has cooked 4 or 5 times in the last year. She feeds the dog after I get it, the dog food, ready. She vacuum's their tiny bedroom. And she helps with watching my wife, because she will roam.
When she first got here she said she wanted to know about how to get paid for care taking. Her Brothers wife works in that system and told her what to do to get info. on it. But she has done nothing to get that info. And I think that's a wrap. So now I and my wife now live in a overcrowded house where I get some extra time off for myself. I only see the boy a couple of times a day as he never leaves the room. And the daughter has no problem sitting and watching tv all day.
So am I paying my daughter-in-law fair wages. As a matter of fact no. I charge both of them $20.00 a week. That's $160.00 a month, for a place to live and your not going to starve. Hey, they seem fine with that. I bet. You can't find that anywhere. And now my wife and I are stuck with them. So it can work both ways.
Aren’t dreams funny? My cousin called me a couple of days ago and said she had a dream that she and I drove to Florida to go to the beach.
Wait, this is the funny part. We were on a motorcycle! LOL I hate motorcycles, so does she.
We only had one helmet and we were taking turns wearing the helmet. Hahaha 😂. We both giggled about her goofy dream.
This morning, I woke up with severe chest pain. I’ve been having it all day today. I haven’t really been watching the news on Covid. I’ve been watching Reddit, MaliciousCompliance, iDon’tWorkHereLady, Instant Karma Dashcam videos, ATC aviation and singing along with music videos... Anxiety and Tense body (couldn’t stretch my arms up or down or across, couldn’t turn my head). ... I just did my stretching exercises despite the severe chest pain. I just made sure to breathe slowly and deeply. As I was typing the 1st paragraph, my chest pain shot up... But at least my pain level has gone down... Fear of the Unknown Future.
I woke up today feeling like I twisted my ankle and with a rash on my face. What gives? Did I walk in my sleep? Very weird.
pam - I think we all are a bit more distracted than usual these days.
gershun - that is weird. The rash could be stress but the ankle????
You weren't at the beach were you? Walking in your sleep?
Well, seriously, with the heat, a new outbreak of fleas could have happened. = rash from baby fleas?
My chest pain was a moving one. Most of yesterday, it was left and central. Painful to breathe deeply or to bend in any position. After I exercised last night, it was now right chest pain. I noticed when I tried to burp, it got stuck halfway up my esophagus(?). Severe pain hit when it got stuck... I narrowed it down to GERD or lactose intolerance.... I recently switched to daily coffee of cappuccino (has dairy) ... And on Friday, I ordered a strawberry black tea with sugar but no milk or yogurt.... Only one time I had severe GERD which I had very painful chest pains for days from only drinking half a small bottle of V8 berry fruit drink. At that time, my EKG came out normal. Doctor had my food/drink intake. She warned me that I was very sensitive to fruit juices. I remembered this when I ordered my strawberry tea but figured the fruit was diluted with the black tea. I guessed wrong... I haven’t had a GERD attack in decades, so I don’t have Rx or any acid reflux meds. I’ve been very careful of my diet... I’ve been eating toast and Skyflakes crackers all day today. It has helped reduce the chest pain. I was worried for a while because of the medical cost to go to the clinic and the various tests they would do.
Sadly, I have to give up that delicious strawberry black tea... Hmmm... I wonder if the Kiwi black tea would cause GERD?
Gershun, yeah I heard about the new symptoms. I don’t recall having a twisted ankle feeling as one. Maybe it’s a new one. 🤔
As your little gerd buddy, I suggest you get some OTC Pepcid Complete. That is what I take now. It has 10 mg. Famotidine,
800 mg. Calcium carbonate, and 185 mg. of Magnesium hydroxide.
Always follow your doctor's advice though.
Any kind of tea leaves me with a strange feeling. I would never try flavored teas with fruit flavors. Is your Mango tree blooming again?
Maybe you are allergic.
He couldnt get up to come to dinner and became very depressed. i finally just set his dinner by his chair and he ate. When it came bedtime he couldnt get up. I got his wheelchair and with some struggles got him in bed. I'm not really strong enough to lift him. We talked about the good and safe way to stand up. he refuses.
I told him about lift chairs and I doubt he will go for one. Unfortunately I cant afford to just buy him one. My dad doesnt talk much about his struggles and all questions are either met with silence or a 'Im fine'. To which I ask if he'd tell me if he wasnt and he says no.
So I had him just sitting and being depressed all day. hes at a point where he has a very hard time making decisions, so if I give him a choice I make it very simple, like between two things. He has extreme issues using the TV remote and sometimes he will grab his phone or an old remote and try and use it. He gets mad if I just do it for him but then he gets depressed when he cant do it.
Anyway, the past two days have been rough and i pray tomorrow is the start of a good cycle. I always fear waking up. I dont know if hes still alive and what shape hes in. Ive been out of work taking care of him and studying to switch careers. Not working out right now, not alot of hope in this. Great respect for you folks who do this for a living. Take care
One, I’m a female and know nothing.
Two, he’s the parent and knows more than me (his child).
Three, he had Pride.
I have found that he listened more to outsiders (without arguments) and my male younger cousins even a teenager!) I’m wondering if your father would be more receptive to someone who is not you (no offense intended - even though I was very offended in my case.) ... Can you see if your father can have a social worker? They were Very Helpful referring dad to various programs, etc... You take care.
Book, I hope you are feeling better. I have occasionally had chest pain that would worsen when I took a breath but I think it was a muscle thing.