This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
A purple flower, just for you.
The prognosis for your brother is not good, but when all the organs have been shutting down, I know people (and their brothers) who survived for years. I hope he is going to be one of the survivors.
so sorry for the news - I can't remember if you took travel insurance for your cruise if you opt out
I texted bro this morning "Thinking of you. Cyber phone hug to you. (Tacky, I know)…" He must have mentioned receiving my text to baby sister. He told me that she told him to call me. We kept it short because he had lots of visitors. 2 hours later, he collapsed while exiting the bathroom. They couldn't wake him up. He's now in the ICU. Just that short walk, with his low blood pressure, made him collapse. He's not talking but does make slight movements in response. So, that was the decision maker. I spoke to my bosses and told them that I was leaving Wednesday (it's Monday here.) My family were driving me crazy all morning, text messages, etc... finally I told the ones here in frustration that I need to do my work and complete everything (GRT tax) before we fly out Wednesday. I'll book their flights tonight, at the house. Ugh!!! It's 9pm. Taking a break to eat dinner. I still need to pack (for the cruise). I will fly from Texas to Hawaii to catch the ship. I'm so stressed out, I cannot eat. Been feeling woozy all day today with a headache.
I was able to change my Honolulu ticket date to depart to Wednesday. I bought a new ticket Honolulu-Texas-Honolulu … expensive ticket...grumbling.. but no regrets because when I found out he collapsed, I realized that I really do need to see bro again. .. Anyway, that's what credit cards are for - to get into debt. {{rolling eyes}}
Yes, I asked my niece to please get us the travel insurance. She wasn't go to. So I sent her some YouTube links of why it's important to get the insurance. Thanks for checking. Gosh, the livingroom is weaving. sigh... time to pack DOWN. I got too many "must bring" junk....
Travel insurance would allow you to cancel or reschedule the cruise? I had to cancel a flight when L was in the process of dying. Drove there instead. A doctor at the nursing home completed a form for me. It was easy. Are you sure you want to go on the cruise? Mind you, I am one of those that has absolutely no desire to cruise ever. I enjoy my space too much and just would not care to be trapped on a boat with a bunch of people with no escape. Where is the cruise going and for how long? Hope you have a great time.
Since my brother, I just cannot help review my life. I'm never really going to get a break from bad karma, am I? No matter how I try to be good - since my early 20's, it's not working out for me. My 7 siblings did whatever they wanted, verbally blasted people - and they're happy. They're married, have children, grands - and now close to retirement.
I'm feeling very down because I went to check-in for my flight. The agent had a very difficult time checking me in. She had to basically undo my current reservation, rebook it, and then undo what she did. She released all my original carefully chosen Aisle seats. She did not give me options but just assigned the seats. I only found out when I came home, went online to check what she did. I'm now seats at the last and the 2nd to the last row of the plane - near the bathroom. From seats up front - to now in the back. She was not able to reassign me back to my original seats. Basically I have a total of 9 hour flights in front of the bathrooms.... Oh, she also assigned me a window seat - even though there was an aisle empty beside it. If she had looked into the history, she would have seen I preferred aisle. It's too late - because that was my checking in , boarding pass. The flights are full flights.
The running theme in my head since yesterday is: "If I was one of those people who believe that how you live your life now, will decide what you will be reincarnated on your next life. Since I've been having a sucky life since childhood (asking God why He made me be born), I'm truly beginning to believe I was a very bad person on my previous life. Karma getting back at me."
I think most people have bad things happen throughout their lives. It's just life. Very few come out of it unscathed. But, you keep looking ahead and up and that's about all any of us can do. God never promised us we wouldn't have bad things happen to us and the ones we love but he did promise to help us through it.
I'm sorry you think you are cursed but I don't think you were just like I don't think I was. Don't believe that. It's not true. Take your power back by not believing that.
You can change your thoughts! Some good things are happening!
Imagine this:
my older brother in Texas ended up in the hospital last Thursday. He has been diagnosed with a rare heart condition. Heart rate working at 13% (normal is 55%). Cardiologist said that he should have came to him at the beginning where he had a better chance of prolonging his life.
Today:
We arrived safely in Texas. Good news, my brother was released from the hospital today.
Think of the good things. Think less, enjoy more. Let the full moon pass.
You will feel better, imo.
You are doing what many caregivers cannot, and hope to do.
Is your cruise still on?
I am looking forward to hearing more about your travels.
Did you know that in Texas, everything is really big?
Look again for the full moon. It is probably so big that it covers the entire sky!
You can ask all the Texans. (a joke). My mother grew up in Texas.
You are stronger than you seem,
Braver than you believe, and
Smarter than you think you are.
And all of that probably because you grew up in a dysfunctional family. But here's the secret: Every single family has dysfunction; it's just a matter of degree.
You are strong because you grew despite dysfunction.
You are brave because you overcame dysfunction.
And you are smart because you learned from dysfunction.
My secret at buffets is to take from underneath the middle of the pan and try to take only from fresh pans.
Cruise is still on. My sister and her daughters are determined to go. Since yesterday, my guts told me to check my airline reservation. I ignored it. Again tonight, my guts prompted me to check my flights. Sis and I checked our apps. Yep, just only My seats from Dallas to San Fran to Honolulu was unseated. I was on free aisle seats across from sis. I went online. All the complimentary aisle seats are taken. I now have window to San Fran... n between 2 people to Honolulu. Don’t think negative thoughts ... At least I caught it in time?
Send, I’m trying to see a half full cup. It’s difficult...
Not to sound perky, but do you do any volunteer work? There have been times in my life when I've been in the slough of depression. If I call to moan at our Rabbi, he always suggests a specific volunteer thing, and I always feel better.
It can be something like a soup kitchen ( ongoing) or helping out with a one time relief effort.
I'm sorry that you're feeling down.
Sis and I started suffering with sinus problems towards cruise day 5, Wednesday. By Thursday, when I blew my nose due to my sinus, it was spotted with blood. Each day, more blood and stuffy nose. I’m allergic to sinus meds, so I took 1 NyQuil starting Thursday night to knock me out. I was finding our stateroom’s air very dry. I was breathing harder in our room. I noticed that every time I went into our room, I got a headache.
We enjoyed the food and tried all the complimentary restaurants onboard. They’re very good at asking if anyone has allergies. I mistakenly touched a wet shrimp sushi and automatically licked my finger. Needless to say, I had an allergic reaction. I took the Benadryl but it was still worsening. I recalled watching TV show ER on a food allergy. I immediately brushed my teeth and the whole inside of my mouth to rid any shrimp residual. It worked... My stomach gained weight... I took lots of scenic and flower photos... my fam will send me the people photos...
My nieces must think I’m ‘cute’ as we watched the Friday night Hilton fireworks on the beach. Afterwards, I was so excited on seeing such beautiful colorful fireworks. I saw their faces as I raved about it. I stopped. Solemnly said that the last fireworks I ever saw was a child. As an adult, and caregiver in my 20’s, I never had weekends or nights free for 25 years. This is my first time to see fireworks. And it was sooooo pretty. ..
All in all, we had a great time. We had no serious plans for each port. We winged it, got lost several times, called taxi or uber to take us. I didn’t buy much since my suitcase is packed full and no room for souvenirs. We met some nice, talkative taxi drivers, uber drivers. One uber driver said we were adventurous to take several local buses. (in the end, we got tired of the pit stops and called uber to take us back to the ship.) It was fun but I have absolutely no plans to ever go on one again. Been there, Done that. I’m glad I went... BTW, sis said that the next time we meet, we will try parasailing. 😳😱🤢 No Way, Jose!!!
I started reading about the cabaret and lack of sea legs. You wrote that well. I was waiting for a punch line, or the end of the dream.😌
cw - feeling better? Barb's suggestion is good.
Welcome home, book, So happy you had a good time. It sounds like fun.💃
I know groups are always complaining about lack of volunteers but I'm having difficulty finding anything, volunteering here seems to involve joining a faith community or a service club. I've thought about the lioness club but they don't post when or where they meet, it seems you have to find a member who will invite you and that makes me hesitant - as an adult I've never made friends easily and small towns can be very cliquey. I joined in with a volunteer group back at the church for a few weeks but now they are taking a summer hiatus 😕.
The type of volunteer work I do is at the front information desk. Thus, I had to learn all the routes around the hospital, etc. What is fun, one section of the hospital is called "the West Wing" and that usually gets a smile out of visitors. The only patient contact I have is when a florist delivers flowers, I take the flowers to the patient's room. If a visitor is elderly or looks bewildered, I will walk them to their destination.
My desk mate is a younger gal who was born and raised in India. We've been desk mates for the past 7 years, and she was dealing with high drama elderly in-laws, and I was dealing with my parents. It was like a free therapy session when we arrived at front desk comparing notes. So much in common with parents who need care no matter where on earth someone is from :)