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Thank you true....you "truly" are an angel!!!! Oh yes, sometimes I get so irritated at that old woman that I could chew and spit nails, but at the end of the day, she is clean, dry, fed and tucked into bed...to start her incorrigible behavior all over again. Our power has been out for about 5 hours, with heat indexes around 96 and I get back from the bank and find out she has been outside. I went down to make sure her air conditioner was set correctly and her face is bright red. So after some grilling I find out she's been out picking flowers "Oh, I can tolerate it, I'm used to the heat". AAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!! It's been 3 days only of this type of weather and she has been inside for 99% of it.

I got interrupted by my front yard guys......they just wanted to tell me about the HUGE snake that crawled out of our garage and they saw the col heading south down the driveway.....that must have been before I busted her. It's not even 5 o'clock here......

Love and Hugz,
Jam
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Hello funny i should see ? like how is the caregiver doing today for me HORRIBLE and as i wrote that word horrible tears filled my eyes i have BEENTAKING care of my MOM FOR seven years now basically alone as far as family and friends!My husband helps when possible but seems like my marriage is not doing well due to all stress that is here inmy home EVERYDAY.Now its to the point where i cannot take care anymore i cannot lift mom have no help from her very stubborn she has advances stages of Parkinson and myself i hve went thru the avenues that needed to go thru to try and keep her home but failed and anymore we do not get along im not perfect but i feel i have put my best foot forward and trust me its not workin g anymore and my mother will not cooperate what so ever about her care where do i go who do i turn to i feel i just want to runaway and never look back my heart and mind is totally tore up and cry everyday please any advice and to all you people who are caregivers god bless you and i hope and pray for the best of your situtation im tired of sadness everday
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sandra.... welcome to this thread. This is the place to say how horrible things are and be given hugs and support....It doesn't sound like you have failed at anything. You are doing one of the hardest jobs in life, and to be doing it for seven years!!!! Doesn't sound like failure to me.. It does sound like one exhausted, overburdened, depressed caregiver though.
You have to follow your heart sandra, you have to decide what is best for you and your husband. I don't give suggestions about placing a loved one in a Nursing Home, that is something for you to choose. But maybe YOU need to go to the DR. and get a good check up. Crying all the time is not good. And this job can be very depressing, as it is hard work 24/7.
Are there any agencies in your area like Home Health that can come out and at least bathe her? I know you are past exhausted , so maybe you need to take care of yourself first, then maybe you can make decisions about your mom..
I know you said money is short, well, just take some from here and there and put together enough to at least get yourself more healthy...
Please come back and tell us more and vent and cry and just keep talking. Sometimes it is thru the talking things out I have found my answer....
Hugs to you, please stay in touch...
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Starri, thanks for being patient with my silliness. I know you have your hands full and did not want you to think I was not thinking of you this morning.. guess I have just learned that silliness helps relieve the stress for all of us. So you have a deep voice too!!! Guess we could go into business of making tapes for worn out caregivers,, just get them to tell us what needs to be said and get the elders to get quite for a little while. I know how tired I got of saying the same thing to Ruth for hours upon hours sometimes... I would just hand my head, I was so tired of hearing my own voice... Hope you had a good day.. Check in and let us know how you are doing.. hugs across the miles...
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Jam , sounds like it has been one of those days for you... The snake was in the garage... ewwwwwwww, what kind was it???? Is the power back on yet? Can't do these southern summers without cool air...got to 101 again today, I'm getting to old to sweat this much....... let us know how you are,,, hugs to you
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Sandra........Oh, I feel so bad for you cause I thought I was there March of last year. I even called my dr (and mom's) and said I needed help...please tell me what to do next, and I was crying and thought my head was going to blow off. My husband was yelling me cause I couldn't keep the house together and I had to get up every night 5-7 times and still clean the house and try to bathe mom at least once a week cause we would fight about it.....hubby and I didn't even sleep in the same bed, and we only sleep together twice a week now !!! And this is better than it was !!

I don't want to tell you what to do, but I can see that you need help. You can't go on like this without getting a break yourself. Please see if Medicare will pay to have someone come over and evaluate your mother to see what she may qualify for. Please go through her doctor if you can. Do it for your own sanity and come back here to let us know how things are going.
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I have no rabbit stories to tell oday. I saw a baby playibng under the leland cypress trees that divide our property from the tobacco field in the side yard. Saw momma tonight going to the neighbor's. Almosst broke my ankle on a pill bottle of vinegar in the garden. It is raised up about an inch above the ground. Klutz that I am landed on it sideways. So PETA can rest easy tonight......
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Oh seeme, I had PETA on speed dial, so guess I can rest easy now... bunnies need love too!!!!
How was your day?? Did you get your shopping done? I get to go buy new shoes tomorrow, does this make me a grown up???? Oh I hope not,,, love everyone, later...
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We didn't have a really good day today. Mom was fixated on outhouses.....I know...sounds crazy. At 10 am the news broke locally about John
Edwards being indicted. Mom was fascinated with him when he ran for Pres. and finding out about wife with cancer, mistress, etc., and we get all the news about who was going before the grand jury, etc. Well, thae station stayed on the air for a full hour, showing him leaving his house and driving to Winston-Salem like he was O.J. Simpson. I parked mom in front of the TV in the kitchen and she watched the whole hour. She got a good look at his house in Chapel Hill which is a big sprawling place.

Just before dinner she has to go to the bathroom and she asked me if Edwards dug a hole for a bathroom outside cause ya got to go somewhere ! WTF? I said mom he's probably got 8 bathrooms in the house ! Well, if you go stand out there, ya got to go somewhere ! Well, mom I'm going to take you to your bathroom. Is it out by the garage? no, mom. We have one in the house just for you. GEEZ ...................
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Dear Sandra, please get some time for yourself, it sounds like you are in serious need of a break the Ladies here have all offered some advice for you to take into consideration, is there anyone in the family that can at least come in for a day? How about talking with her doctor and see if there is any kind of help that they can arrange, when we brought mom home from the hospital, her regular doctor referred us to Interim Health Care, their a business that sends out a nurse to check her out and a CNA to help bath her. The only problem there is they are just short time help.

Her Dr. when we found out she had cancer, referred us over to hospice, the nurse comes out 2 to 3 times per week, and her CNA is now starting to come out 3 times per week. The one thing that I love about Hospice is the respite care they offer, she can go to the hospice house for 5 days every 90 days to give me a break, or like I tease her, give her a break from us.

Thank you ladies for your suggestions on what to do about the medication challenges, I have two sets of pill boxes, one for the evening and one for the morning. Both plainly marked, if I have to be gone during the time that a dose is due, I take that days medications and put it in a separate container, mark it clearly as to when it is to be taken, if there are additional pain meds due, those are marked for the scheduled time as well, all this is left on top of the desk her by her bed. It should be simple enough that a 6 year old who can tell time could take care of it, But both of these two get confused and I come back to find her meds all ramshackle, thankfully they have not managed to over dose her.

I'm thinking put all the bottles and bags into a container, maybe out of sight out of mind will help with them handling it. If all they see are the ones that I have put out for them, then maybe they won't start thinking there is something else they need to take.

Trying to fit my brother in on the helping is hard given the fact his memory is where it is. I can't push him away, she's doing the best that she can, either side effects of the medications or the cancer is messing with her mind. I tell her at least three times what the pills are that I had just given her to take

Got to try and get some rest this evening, if I keep it up at the rate I am going, going to end up in the hospital myself.

Take Care
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Starri....I figured you already had the medicine arranged as easily as you could. I didn't mean to waste your time like I did. Sounds like you are doing everything you possibly can. And you are a wonderful sister to let your brother help. He needs to be a part of it too, I guess. He sounds a lot more compassionate than MY brothers. I have seen one twice ( one time was for 1 hr....he lives in IL and was just passing through NC on his way to Wilmington, and once last year when we thought mom was dying from sepsis. Other bro flew from Vancouver, WA last yr and stayed for a week in a hotel....here during the day and for all meals. First time in 4 yrs. Told them not to come for a funeral cause there wasn't gonna be one. Guess that got them thinking.....

Must say goodnight....Starri, honey, get you some sleep...today is another day.
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Seeme, you didn't waste my time hun, it always heps to have suggestions and ideas out there. Your brothers kinda sound like mine, there are three of them, the baby is the one that wants to help so bad and has challenges that makes it hard to let him help.

I have a brother in California who only manages to show up when someone is dying, he came out here 4 years or so ago, just before our dad died, he did make it once last year and no one was dying, and now he just "graced" us with his appearance for a week, Mom's dying so of course he has to show up.

Told him when he left from the last visit that he didn't have to wait for someone to be dying before he showed up again. Don't think he liked that one, but it was how I felt.. The other brother besides the baby, is a stone drunk and rarely see's a sober breath, now he has his own issues to deal with.

I know that I can't tell Jerry that he can't help with mom, he has to feel like he is giving to her care as well. It just makes it extra hard on me when I am having to watch him and her at the same time, and make sure nothing goes wrong with the meds.

Sweet Dreams
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About the sibs, that is why I call my sisters the "Ugly Sisters", nuff said!!
Starri, the depth of your compassion for your brother is truly amazing. And yes, he does need to help.. I can only imagine how he must be feeling with everything that is happening.
I can't imagine how you could be doing any more than you already are. The idea you had about putting all the meds up except for the daily ones sounds like a good idea. Maybe it would seem less overwhelming for them.
My heart goes out to you sweetie ( please don't be offended by the "sweetie" word, it is a southern thing, I call seeme that too!!) and trying to be everywhere at once. This is a hard job, regardless of what it entails... hugs and prayers to you and your family, not the other brothers, I don't hug selfish people.....will be checking on you today... hugs across the miles to you..
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Sandra, hope you got some rest last night. Please let us know how you are today. We are all here for you... we all understand because we are all on this path and trying to hold each other up..... hugs to you...
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Jam, she is a handful. Had she gone to the nh they'd probably have her locked up by now in their units. Not sure what she looking for. I helped her yesterday like a dummy again she had to repack these plastic tubs so after shifting the contents of the firsg tub the exact opposite of where she had put it like 5 months ago I thought really this is just like the sidetable. The same thing with the rest she didn't pack anything else in or takd anything out just moved it all around. She was going to label the boxes and I don't know if she forgot how or what but she wrote the contents on a little pice of paper then that was it. I'm like weren't ya gonna tape what was in each one to the box. She just kinda stumbled around with her words and put the peice of paper in her basket.dead bolt sounds good. Think I will mention that to hubby.
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Ladeeda tapes he he he, hey that just might work!!! Can't you put don't get outta that bed until 7 while you are at it?
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Seemer, thanks I read back through them somtimes and get a chuckle outta you guys input. It helps me deal with with the crazieness. I somtimes wish they were only made up stories. It make one heck of a book. Lol. But nope I wake up every morning and this is my life.
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Jam, its sad that they don't realize its not safe for them to wander around. You were wise. Not just for there safty bt with the mind set that they have, for your sanity and there's its best they aren't allowed to wander. In the alz units we spent a lot of time redirecting them outta the other residents room. It caused a lot of fights amongst them, having other people invade there space. Every day occurence to keep them in their own room, or the common living area.
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I'll add anything you need ASG, just let me know. And Starri volunteered to help, she has a deep voice too. I can even make noises if you so desire, like creaking doors, swish, swish sounds, a howling wolf, just let me know. We'll keep her in her room for a little while and give you a break..we can set it outside her room and make loud barking Rottweiler noise... my mind is running amok this morning , please someone stop me........
I get off on tangent now and again, too much time spent with elders, the lines are starting to blur.... hugs to you all today. sorry, ASG, this is our life...but we have each other, helps us not feel so alone...
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Good morning! Oh my, what a night! I got about 6 hours sleep so that's not too bad. For those that don't know, the col had a major meltdown last night and after about 5 hours we called the ambulance to take her in for a tune-up. She acted exactly like a 2 y/o throwing a tantrum except she wasn't on the floor kicking and screaming....of course that could have been next. I stayed with her while she was in the ER, but out of sight and a couple of times she tried to slide off the end of the gurney because "it's time for me to go home now". Even her voice sounded unlike her, maybe she was tired of yelling after all that time. I had to hold her down once while waiting for the ambulance...she wanted to rip my face off. We have the dog and he is doing fine. Today I will take her some clothes since all she had on was jammies, but I won't see her. It's like 3 or 4 days before family is allowed to see them. We have some decisions to make. I have already told hubby that I am not against her coming home, but IT WILL NOT BE WITHOUT DAILY HELP. Bottom line...that is my final answer! No help.....no can do. And he understands and is in full agreement.

Will try and catch up on everyone's posts today; please bear with me. I am not ignoring anyone. I have read and my heart is with ALL of you.

Love and Hugz,
Jam
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God help me, I'm just not with it this morning. Went back to bed at 5 am after being up for an hour after a breathing treatment. Just couldn't get back to sleep. Of course 5 min after I laid down, she hollered again. Then I went in bed with hubby and stayed there until 10. He did what he could, bless his heart, until I had to do some changing and cleaning up. Just got done with breakfast and it is 10:30 and nothing is done. Gonna be a long day. Haven't even been out to get my crop this morning. Don't have the energy to chase rabbits today. NEED CAFFEINE !! Be back in a little while..........
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Jam, Glad Target is on board with your decision. YOU are the one who knows how difficult it is and whether or not you need help. Glad to hear you are going to get it. Strong women tend to have to handle everything. Just can't figure out how you missed the cement shoes !!! LOL You watched her too closely and lost a great opportunity !!! God forgive me, I am on the loose. Must go back to my hole....Later........
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seeme....I am going to hear on the news later "crazy woman on the loose, East Coast be on the look-out for wild woman chasing bunnies. She can be seen riding a motorcycle and carrying snow peas"....details to follow at 10.

Love ya,
Jam
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Lol, you guys are hilarious!!!! Sandra welcome! Please come back again and again. These guys are great. Jam wow! And woohooo!! You get some respite! That's what I was thinking this morning was just a little hospital stay could give me a day or two. And viola read on her that col went loco. I'm sorry that's sounds so mean. But we have had a hell of a morning. If I was her gaurdian or poa I would do that now. She's not completly demented all the time. So I don't think dr. Even have a clue. She kinda a danger to herself really with the decisions she can make. Like if she decided to just leave and go somwhere she could and I'm sure if a nh got ahold of her now they'd probably have her knocked out on meds. She knows how to be good when it counts. And she can keep track of what date it is. She's starting to get mixed up days of the week. Its the tantrums she throws. And the snooping. I don't have it in me I giess to just lat her go. Id love to make her a part of everything we do but she won't, and when she does its disaster most of the time.
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Oh and jam "target" I've been meaning to say ILoVEIt. My hubby is the same way won't buy nothing unless its a goos deal. Except when it comes to man stuff. I guess he still does it on bargin but he can't a good bargin up.
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have a happy day you all ....
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Hi, Linda, Hope pa is doing good and hubby now, too. Hope you got some good sleep. You didn't need hubby down too. Come on back when you have time.
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hey Linda, sorry about the mix up, hope your hubby is feeling much better today. Hope you got some rest before having to tend to Pa. Give Pa a kiss for me,
hugs to you,,,,,
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Jam, happy to hear all are safe and sound today. And really happy to hear Target is in agreement to getting you some help... How long will she be in there??? Rest while you can... and poor puppy, bet the does not know what is going on....
Seeme, try to get some rest today, and I liked Jam's picture of you tooling down the hiway...
ASG, maybe Aunt Weird will be next if she doesn't straighten up.
I will check back in later... hugs to all, and Burned, and Sandra and Starri and Linda.
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Jam, Sorry to hear about COL going off the deep end! UTI??? This has happened to Mom numerous times, and we always think UTI now. Had her committed twice for crazy behavior, only to find out it was a UTI. Hope you get some answers and much rest while you have the chance!
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