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Hi Everyone, Jam, God bless you for this post, was wondering if there was something like this for people just to get things off their chest. I actually managed to read all 89 posts, I got some good giggles out of the "rabbit stories".

It's going to be a long night tonight, haven't had a decent nights sleep in a few days, did manage to get a couple of days escape while one brother was out here, I needed it badly, had just come out of 3 weeks of my mom in the hospital and me there about 18 hours per day.

She's not doing too well, I'm basically consulting her hospice nurse every other day to see if we can come up with a pain med routine that will at least take the edge off without keeping her sleeping all the time. Her nurse tells me there are three kinds of pain, and Mom has all three, so meds are going to be hard to balance.

It's starting to get to the point that she isn't going to be able to get up and down out of the bed, she'll fight me when I try to put her in adult diapers, she won't use a bed pan. Tonight I had to listen about what a great person my brother is when he sits with her, how very attentive he is to her needs, kinda hurt, I've been doing her caregiving for 2+ years now, God love him, he wants to help, but needs help himself as well, MS and Epilepsy have taken his memory, he still has his long term but not his short term, so I end up having to watch him and her at the same time. He can't remember what he had for breakfast 20 minutes after he ate. Her memory is getting more and more confused, she can't remember if she took her pain meds, her other meds, etc.. this scares the "stuff" out of me because if I leave him to watch her on his own, he won't remember either. I have to repeat to her, what the pills are I just handed her 10+ times and she still doesn't remember.

Tonight she was doing good for a while, and then it started to go down hill, got her to take her pain meds, and her regular meds, including her sleeping pill, she slept well for about 4 hours and started crying out, called out to my grandmother and told her it hurt, gm left us over 45 years ago. She then came semi awake and insisted she had to get in the other bed, pointed at the couch, had to explain that wasn't a bed, so I got her wheelchair and got her in her regular bed, instead of the hospital bed. She insisted that someone had been in her hospital bed with her.

With her memory going as quick as it is, and with my brothers the way it is, it's hard to sneak in sleep. Tonight there won't be any, and tomorrow during the day (it's the only time its half way safe to let my brother stay with her) I don't know that there will be time for it either.

I knew this time was coming and I know it won't be long before my husband and my brother both require the same. Just trying to figure out how I am going to survive this, the stress of all doesn't do wonders for my depression and bipolar.

Sound kinda like I am babbling tonight, guess that I am, Big Hugs to all...
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Hello starr:) yes very good place to let it all out. You just rant and ramble and vent and know that you have us listening and caring. I pray you get some sleep. Bless you for being kind to your brother in all of this mess. I hope they can help moms pain. Don't know what I'm doing up this tme of day...oh yeah hubby had to leave this early. Thought id come outside and have a smoke befor wgoing back to bedl its peacful tonight. I've found mysef going into that hole where I wonder how long this is gonna last, and how much worse will it get?not sure if I should go with it and daydream of feedom? Letting the cat outta his cage permanantly??? Or try to think of other things? Get my mind off of it. Poor aunt was telling me how much her legs have been hurtung her at night, I feel sorry for her. She says maybe she should take her medicine but she hates to cause it makes her sleepy(hydrcodone) I told her she could take it every four to six hrs. So taking one every night before she goes to be won't hurt. She onely sleeps a few hrs a night. I'm fortunate I don't have t get up with her in the night yet. I wouldn't get any sleep either. Don't know how you guys that do it every night for months or years do. I did it for a few nights before she came to live with us. She was having dizzy spells and came on and off to stay the night. Sleep in my bed with me. Id get up half awake to help her and couldn't go back to sleep. Then she gets up somtimes at 3 in the morning. No wonder their emotional anf can't remember anything. I can't either after lack of sleep. I tthink her meds she takes for incontinece are not working as well. Those depends are starting to get good use. I'm afraid that might just come along with the territory. It amazes me how with it they can seem, yet have these issues. But seem so with it at times. Making sense in their own world to the point you almost believe they know what they are doing yet you know better. Oh boy I guess I should try to go back to bed.
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Welcome starri, so glad to hear you have found a place to put it all out there. Doesn't change our circumstances, but sure makes us feel better to have a safe place to say how we are feeling. Sorry you aren't getting any sleep. Those 18 hour days do take their toll. Have had plenty of those myself. Then we start to act and sound like those we take care of. ASG made a good point when she said she understands why our charges are emotional and can't remember anything , lack of sleep for everyone.
And then your brother and his circumstances. You are carrying a big load...
We are happy you are here. You will get love and support, and even laugh now and then... hope you come back and let us get to know you, and you get to know us. I always feel like I have stepped in to a soft and safe place when I come here. I get to be sad, happy, grumpy, tired, and anything else I am feeling. And then there's the "rabbits", and get to laugh out loud.. Good for the soul...
ASG, you need to get your rest, can't see those T-ball bats coming if you're tired. How is the knee this morning..?? Hope you know "I'm sowwy" will be taken and used here!!!! And thanks for the encouragement about the new job. Going to be much different than the last few months...I still miss Ruth and seems it is getting harder each day. Guess that is the way grief works. Too much to do at first, then time catches up to you... so many things going thru my mind about our time together..

Hope everyone has a day, if not a good one... hugs across the miles to you all. love
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Seemer, thought you might get wet too:) what is it with that? And I hate turnign the shower knob to get it just the right temp...then "a little hot" so you turn it back"ooh that's to cold" turn it again" oohh to hot again" so finally just make it look like you are turning it and you get the same response! Finally you get just the right temp according to them and go to wet em down slowly...and BAM they jump like a rocket like you pored ice water on em! Ooooooh ooooooh to cold, to cold, ahhh I give up. Last couple of showers I've just barly ran the water over her, soap her up, rinse very slowly. Does the trick.
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Ladee, Lol I couldn't see the bat anyways, wasn't wearing my glasses. So sorry, grief is hard. And your right, once everything settles down and life tries to go on, your like wait a minute! Somthings missing! Yes you loved her so and will grieve. She was such an important part of your life. Huggs back to ya!
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Love ya ASG. You are a beautiful voice on this thread. I will have the picture of Auntie jumping like a rocket in my mind all day!!! Thanks for the visual... love ya girl...have a good day...
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Thank you ladies for the welcome, it is greatly appreciated..Mom is still sleeping , and I am home in my own home now, going to be going to bed as soon as I hear from her hospice nurse, she called yesterday and spoke with my brother, all he could remember was that she called. Have my brother watching her, set up her meds before I left so that all he has to do is hand them to her.

We had a new med delivered yesterday to help Mom with panic attacks, she gets these when there is too much going on. She went into a serious one when we had the whole bunch of us kids and one sister in law over last week. Thankfully I am familiar with the medication as I take it too, Lorazepam. I use it for sleep when I can't get the brain to shut off (manic), she'll be using it for nerves. With no new pain meds delivered I don't know if the nurse has gotten the Dr.'s approval for the increase, will find that out I guess when she calls me back.

One of the ladies mentioned daydreaming about the freedom that I am sorry to say comes with the passing, it's ok to daydream, your not wishing they die soon, your just thinking about what your life can be like. There is no harm in that, and it really is good for you I believe.

My husband and I are planning on taking a couple of months to just travel. My brother and a friend of the family make a whole person together. So they can take care of each other while we are gone. Our friend is 70 and in failing health, but his mind is still sharp, my brother thankfully can still do the more manual things in life.

Hubby has been here with me for 10 years so that I can look after family, I owe him some time too. He's what I call a social butterfly, where I am more of a hermit (have a hard time dealing with people in person).

I hope that the nurse calls back soon, I really need some sleep, will be taking night shift from now on, along with a day shift or two as well, Jerry (brother) can't handle the nurse and the things that she needs to know and to let us know as far as her care and current health status.

Hope all find a little time for themselves today, if nothing more than a moment or two to catch your breath before diving back in.
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Good Morning all and a big welcome to Starr!!!!!!!!! Trying to catch up on posts just a wee bit.....I have actually have a lunch date with 2 of my sisters and it will take an hour to get there, so I must go shower or I will miss out......and that I cannot do. Told hubby he gets the col for the day.....for Starr, that is my mil whom I affectionately call the "crazy old lady", she is and when I say that to her she thinks it's funny....:) Told him he also got to bathe her since it's bath day......that got me an "I don't think so"....just teasing dear. Will write more after my lunch, but I wanted to say hi to Starr and good morning to you other lovely angels.

Love and Hugz,
Jam
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Starri....love that name !! Staying at the hospital so long is just yucky...When my sisters and I did that last year with my mom, the day she got out and came home to me, all 3 of girls started throwing up. Had to get the neighbor in to help with mom cause we three couldn't...and we didn't want mom to get sick. But mom was never alone there, and I would get called in on my "night off" to help control her...didn't realize at the time it was reactions to everything they were giving her to knock her out. So that problem is ongoing here. Can't really say she is sundowning...I think it is lack of restorative sleep. You just can't go on without more than an hour's sleep...wake up....nap....eat...nap...for weeks on end...just told her to lay down, get wrm, and sleep cause she's talking crazy. Since she got up today, and most of last night, she has called for most of her dead relatives, one living sister (91) who she says is never around when she needs her, and one of my sisters. Then gets pissed cause they don't live in this state. Just going to be one of those days.

I can't imagine taking care of 3 people !! Lordy, I almost had my MIL in here with us, but my hubby put a stop to that. Good for him, I didn't have to be the meanie, although I can play that if need be, just too tired to do it. Sounds like the cahllenges you face are a little different and at the same time much too familiar. Stay with us and laugh when we get stupid, it really helps. Welcome.
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I feel like I have rambled on long enough, but I missed a lot last night., so I took soime notes. I think starri said her hubby was the social butterfly and she wasn't. Same here, girl. I have always called mu hubby the same thing. Everywhere we go in town he runs into someone he knows. I describe myself as just the fly. Just kinda fly around until I see where I want to land.

Ladee...my dad used to shower with mom, but she was mobile then. Now there just isn't room in the shower for me, her, and the bench. And I use a shower curtain instead of doors, so that doesn't help keep the water in as well. But she only has a 3 " step to make to get in, not like having to step over the tub. Besides, truthfully, and don't tell anyone, I had that bathroom designed to make it easier for me to give my OES baths (Old English Sheepdogs) I can't even make it fun for her with different soaps as she is so allergic to topical things. She can only use Dove and Carress, maybe Tone...I use Dove sensitive, so that is it. Same with lotions and I am allergic to aloe vera....and I blame her !!! heehee

ASG.....Sowwy about the knww, but I don't know any safe place to be when kids are playing t-ball !!! But ain't it fun !!!!

We had the same thing with the water temp yesterday, and I just pretended to fix it. I swear my mom has about a two degree difference between too hot, too cold, and just right.....and I can't find it !!!!! HAHAHAHAHA
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Now to the rabbit saga.........Last year for the first time ever, we have poison ivy along our wax myrtle bushes in the back of our yard. Hubby pulled them out by BARE hand cause he doesn't get poisnn ivy. MUWAHAHAHAHAH Yep, you guessed it.......in 2 days I was calling the dr for an appt. for him....not a big deal in itself, but he works at the wastewater treatment plant for the City....yeh...WASTEwater....we all know about that...so hubby got help getting rid of it with drugs.

This year it is back, of course, so he won't get anywhere near it. I ALWAYS got poison ivy every year as a kid, tramping around, believe it or not in cow pastures, and streambanks, etc., so I know it well. Mean or not, I BLAME THE RABBITS !!!
So, yesterday when we pick our first big crop of grean beans, and I remember the baby that scared me, I start feeling things biting me, start scratching.....I have got the heebie geebies really bad...can't clean up well enough...and am still scratching today..........no, I don't have poison ivy......I'm just NUTS !!!
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A THOUGHT ON AGING

Never apply make-up during a hot flash. It will slide right off your face.
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Starri....I knew I had seen your name before, but I couldn't remember where. I answered your question about POA and keeping your mom on a machine.....I don't know if I was any help.....I guess I just wanted you to know that I had your burden also, and it isn't light, but you may not have to use that POA.
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seemeride - when the wind blows justright that is when i get posion ivy . i get em by lookin at it . i get em even wearing rubber gloves to pull em out ofthe flower beds ! , dman if i do damn if i dont . i get em no matter what .
am scared im going to be full of blisters here in a bit by talking about posion ivy . oh crap im itchin now . xoxo
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My mom got it many years ago by breathing in smoke from the fire they lit to burn it up............first time the woman ever went braless in her life !!!!
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oh my gosh . i worry about it spreadin it around my eyes . thats when i go running to doc and cry .
eeek . xoxo
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I think the rabbits are spreading it around on their fur. We planted the bushes ourselves a few years ago and we found it under a weeping willow tree last year that stands right by itself, and all of the area has lava rock on the black weed control stuff.........I just know I will end up with it this year.......I don't care if I get it on my arm the itch goes down six inches deep....hahaha
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i always blame it on bird shittin em out . i get all kinds of fruit trees everwhere !
i agree , posion ivy is ok eles where but not on my face thats when i go ruinnin cryin to doc , hell doc in my town has gone quack ! lol
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seeme.....you got COW TIME!!! Yippee a patty for you!!!!!!!!
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yes options are limited in ajo for diagnosis but i am halfway thru the hurdle to get paid as my husband's caregiver besides having someone coming in 2x a wk so i can do some things with the kids. Once the biweekly checks comes in Ill be able to manage better with finances and won't have to sweat the rent as much. I have been tired trying to keep up with the housework and been knitting like mad to keep myself calm. Some days are harder than others and he gets stuck in a repetitive state of mind due to his epilepsy. He is too young to be suffering this much but most of his family passed away at a young age. I have already decided that if my sister in law comes unannounced then I am gonna have to call the cops and file a restraining order because she doesn't respect his needs and he is practically terrified her. She says she is spending time with her brother to report to his siblings I think its something else. I have no great love on his side of the family. I seriously think its funny that I have to call them to let them know what is going on and I am not going to do it either. They want to prove themselves I have cause this damage to the man I love and I have not. I am tired of false allegations and playing a game of get along when They could care less most of em except for his nephew. I am just tired of it all and I will do what it takes to make my husband enjoy whatever time he has left with us comfortably and if the family drama team do not like it ...oh well they should of thought of that before disowning him on the day his mom was put to rest and he spent nearly 32 yrs looking after his mom and grandma. They couldn't spare the time to help him out and he did it out of love. I just find this all laughable and the indeceny of the nerve to communicate their wants when its all about money. Money they are not getting and it is already stated in his will so its lost cause. I did not mean take so much space but I have alot on my mind and dealing with the ratifications of everything. I am glad to a point that my therapist seems to agree that I am handling the situation ok even with other extenuating issues such as raising two small children and dealing with a variety of case workers,
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burned......you sound so much more upbeat than when you first came to visit. And if I'm not mistaken, you are standing taller now. GO GET EM GIRLFRIEND! Sounds like you are doing everything right and your therapist is telling you that also. You will get through this time in your life just fine, yes there will be hurdles, but I think you are up to it. You're doing a fantastic job of caring for your family and they are the important ones. I'm sorry your husbands family cannot see the love and care you have for their brother. Hopefully they will before it's too late. I'm glad you will be able to do more activities with your children; that is so important for all of you.

Love and Hugz,
Jam
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burned, we are so proud of you!!!!! You sound so strong and sure of yourself... It makes my heart feel so good you are standing up to his family. You are making things better for your husband and how much more loving could that be.... !!! And doing all that paper work is tiring but you have taken the steps to not have his family upsetting him or you.... Just a great big hug to you, your courage and taking such loving care of your family....We are so happy you are here, this is encouraging to all of us... hang in there and we are here for you always.... hugs to you!!!
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WAY TO GO BURNED !!! You do sound sssssoooooo much better today !!! It is stressful for the children, I am sure, when they see mom so stressed. They may be too small to put it into words, but you need family time more than you need in-laws, or maybe in your case outlaws. I thought maybe you were born and bred in AZ, but now I see you moved there. Where were you before? Just come and chat with us and let us get to know you better. This place has done me so much good. I used to call my sister to vent, but she just thought I was mad all the time, and maybe I was, but I can scream and cry here and it really helps. So now I am happy when we talk. And what do you knit? There may even be extra money there? I can knit, but I like crocheting better, seems faster to me.
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So I get the cow pattie....let me tell you about the last one I got.......my hubby (my boyfriend then in high school) and I were riding my brothers' mini-bikes in a cow pasture that had a pond in the middle of it. We were going to fish in the pond, so we had fishing poles in front of us across the handlebars. Well, the field was bumpy cause of cow tracks, and the mini-bikes had been adjusted to go much faster than originally set up - like 45 mph. It's summer and we both have on t-shirts, shorts and sandals. I am going a little too fast and the pole is slipping and as I try to catch it, I lean to one side too far and flip up a cowpattie with the front of my sandal and drive right into it... HAHAHAHAHAHA And it lands on my hair, face, shirt, legs, and a big blob stuck between the bottom of my foot and the sandal .....
and I stop and look at the mess and get fire red from embarrassment ...hehehehe and hubby turns back to look at me, laughting ........and does the same thing!! HAHAHAHAHA Served him right !!! And the pattie took the color right out of that t-shirt !!!HAHAHAHAHA Lordy, lordy, that was funny.......
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Help comes in 30 min, and I am ready. Finally got mom's head washed , got her bum cleaned and she is in bed. Me next. I am going to do some errands tomorrow as I didn't take off Tuesday, so it may be late before you hear from me. Mike says it is too hot to go to Beaufort next week on the bike. Truthfully, I am relieved. He doesn't want something to happen to both or one of us with mom here. Guess if we had kids, he never would have gotten the bike. I just hate to sweat so bad, cause no sandals, or shorts allowed on the bike, which is good, but hot in NC.
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LADEE....How was work today? Are you staying out of trouble? Met the HH girl that you know yet?
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Burned? do you have to put up with them? let them in your house? at least if they show up unannounced tell them your busy right now and close the door in their face.

Dealing with people, family or not during a time like this is hard, and even worse going through what they are putting you through. Stand up for yourself and for your kids, you don't have to put up with their "Stuff"

My "Eldest" brother sat on his butt in California and tried to tell me here in South Carolina how to take care of mom and how to treat her, etc... that lasted until I told him that if he thought he knew better how to care for her, I would book her a plane and she'd been on it the next day, he backed down.

Tonights not a good night again, but at least I am working on a full 6 hours of sleep, She's in bad pain, I've given her all the medications that I can at the moment, it rips my heart open to hear her crying and not be able to do anything.

We're trying musical medications again. Upped her pain patch, working on upping the amatriptlyine and then finding out whatelse we can do. Mom is resistant to taking morphine, she's worried about getting hooked, the last damn thing she should be worried about, told her though this afternoon, that we are going to have to consider it, pills take to long to get into the system.

Hubby is having a really hard time dealing with her death, it's making him face his own mortality, his mom died when he was very young, never had a chance to grieve or to understand what happened, and since then I don't believe in his 63 years, he has been this close to someone who's dying. This makes my third time of being caregiver/help to someone, it doesn't get any easier. Hubby was crying last night, I felt so bad that I could not stay there to hold him and help him through it,

I was ready to give it up myself this evening, had her laying in the bed behind me, I was trying to set up pill boxes and have him upset on the phone, how many directions can one person go at a time?

Thanks for letting me babble.
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Yes seeme, I have been being a good girl... I get to go on walks with"Sonny" and he tells me all about being a lineman, every time... feels like old times with Ruth... Ms. M did not feel good today, but I think she is liking that I take care of things without her having to be on me.. Heard some stories about her last caregiver today... for one thing she would lay on the couch and take two hour naps, and then watch tv until just a few minutes until mealtime then hurry the meal up, so it was hardly edible.. I finally looked at Ms. M and said well if you needed to pay someone for taking naps and watching tv, you should have called me a long time ago... she just hooted!!!!! So, I really believe this is a blessing of a job...
My leg is killing me when I get off tho. Need to take Aleve earlier in the day... get home and NAP TIME...
How are the bunnies??? Or should I ask,,, love ya.. and hugs to everyone. I will get caught up in the morning,,, ni-night, hugs to you all
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Got the col in bed.....it is so nice to have her dry now for the majority of the day. And she is generally just damp, no longer that sopping, dripping wet with her drawers hanging to her knees.....reminded her to not turn her bedroom tv to supersonic levels since she was going to sleep and neither the neighbors or us would like to listen to it all night. She just turned her head away, so I knew I was talking to a wall......again.

Got home after lunch with my sisters....was a nice break. Walked through a small flea market and found a couple of really nice crocheted table doilies. My oldest sister says why don't you just make them yourself.....uh, lazy? Sounded good to me..:) Checked on the col, she was doing fine, and was going to let her skip bath until tomorrow morning, but she just plain smelled, so tossed her in the bath tub real quick and just got er done.......glad now that I did. She felt better and my nose said thank you. Fed her supper and she's been a good little girl all night. Can't ask for much more than that. Of course it could be that the inner beast is lurking there to come alive tomorrow with a vengeance.......

Good night to all.....hope it's peaceful for everyone

Love and Hugz,
Jam
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Seemer Sowwwy bout the cow patties in the face! Hilarious.
Linda, Poison Ivy I was so allergic when I was a kid but havent had it in years. I would also get it from the air. Didnt know where I was getting it until the dr asked if we had it near a window in our home, and we did, on a fence outside the window of the apartment I lived in. My son got it a month ago from burning brush. Showed up on his nose first, then spread to the rest of his face. His whole nose was covered looked so odd. He woke up yesterday morning and his face was red and eyes swollen, looked some more and yep, there it was popping up all over him. So I gave him one of the steriod pills the doc gave him from a month ago. I think it was better.
Jam, ha ha cow patty!!! Love it. Glad you had a good day with your sisters. Hopfully col will be good for you tommarow, lets cross our fingers cause I know how that goes.
Starr, you are in a tough situation. Hopfully she will let you give her som morphine so she can get some relief. I know aunt dosnt like to take her pain meds, then stays up at night cause she is hurting. She had knee replacement surgery years ago. She also told me she had open heart surgery in 1979, wow i didnt know they did that surgery so much then. My dad had it like 5 years ago and ever since says his doc told him it only last 8 yrs. So he is only 58 and gave himself 8 years that many years ago. I told him one time he is wayyy to young to live, like he is dying. I think it helped, or at least he stopped telling me about it.
So bout aunt wierd moods, one morning my son sets down at the piano(aunt gave it to my daughter a few years ago when they started moving around cause she wanted my daughter to learn to play) ok so son is setting on the bench one mporning last week before school and aunt opens her door and peeks out, son freaks out and takes off running out the door, 15 min later son is putting his shoes on at the couch and aunt comes up behind him,WERE YOU ON THAT PIANO! you shoulda seen his face when she takes her and reaches down at him, mine to! the room feel silent all eyes were focused on her hand, i was taking in a gasp of air, not knowing what she was about to do, when she reaches down...and puts her hand on his cheek(this is the son she told him he was dumber than a block and should have never been born)and says, would you like to learn piano, maybe some day mommy and daddy will get you lessons to!!! She just kept stroking his cheek and talking like she was talking to a baby to him. We were all shocked and relieved. His eyes were this big around (0)~(0).
We have had a few days like that. She just shocks the heck outta us. I over heard her telling somone on the phone cant a grandma spoil her grand children( she had ordered in breakfast for everyone). She has never been anyones grandma so I know she wasnt confused. I thought it was sweet. At the same time she has been cussing like a salior(ok not really just the damn word several times.) But so unlike her. I'm afraid it may not last ling though, for the past two days she has been getting teary eyed at the drop of a hat. Oh yeah, my hubbys english bulldog who we have gone crazy trying to keep him outta her way, had him outside part of the time, she would peek her head out to make sure he was put up in his bed before she would come out, is now her best buddy. Yep, havent had to close him up in like 3 weeks. feeds him her scrapes from the table and everything. She gets tery eyed and says he is pretty on the inside, Lol and crys about his inner beauty. Yep, its nuts. I know. she was a little nutty yesterday but in a different kind of way. So not sure if its my attitude reflecting hers or hers reflecting mine. But thats the story behind the better days with her. Knock on wood!!!
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