This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Seeme, I am so glad to hear that she doesnt have a uti, but what a terrible BP scares the crap outta me when that happens to mom.. Lately though all has been good for her. Dad is the one I stress over right now. Today he has had a good day. Breathing hasnt been too bad...this neurological stuff is crazy when you cant really get any diagnosis. UTI's are pretty common for him.. Just finished a round of antibiotics.he also has blood in urine and the diverticulitis as well as easy bruising and the pernicious anemea the b12 shots dont seem like they are really helpng as much lately. Doc says if his red blood cells are still down next week he may put him in for a transfusion. I hope they dont wait too long as he is having a hard enough time as it is and maybe he would get a little better.
Debbie, I would make a fresh smoothie almost calorie free for you! Tweet tweet to Lulu.. Hope you both had a good day!
No pen or paper to take notes.. But prayers go to each of you as I read your posts. You all give me strength and I am grateful for that. Have to go, pray that each of you has the best night possible in whatever circumstance you are in. Please know someone is praying for you and that you can find comfort here as I have. Night all.
Vic, you are just a delight to have on this thread... I so totally appreciate how positive you are and it does make a difference...
Finally got the house clean and am bored now, so will be glad to get back to work.. the more I work, the more money I can save and get out of here... looking forward to this part being overwith... hugs to all.
Vic, thank you for the prayers....I am very grateful.
Rosella, sorry your heart hurts today...me ,too. Just want to cry. I may have to ask a sister to come spell me for a while....maybe a week. Even my helper Kathy has given up trying to figure out what is wrong. Guess it is time to just deal.....pull up the big girl panties and suck it up....if I tried to swim now, I just might give in and drown....the black hole is getting closer. I'd better quit for the night....guess I am just having a pity party. The rain will make me feel better...
I got this junk from a statistics website! And I DO know what country we gained our independence from, but if you're a dingbat, I love you anyway.
Lulu says "tweet tweet"!
Time for me to go to bed. Our other care giver starts tomorrow and I will have to get up early.....:(
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
Anyway, sounds like we are all down. Maybe it's the weather, or time of year. I don't know for sure, but we are all in this together and it's nice to have all of you to talk to.
At least I finally got my pool uncovered and running! This is probably the latest I have ever gotten it going. Now I just have to wait for the sun to heat up the water a bit more. I have Raynauds, so I can't get in if the water is too cold.Hope everyone has a peaceful day!
Hope everyone will have a great day today! My Tuesday/Thursday care giver started this morning and I am taking full advantage of it. Wow someone here every day of the week except for weekends. I think I can handle that.
deef........step away from the hole.....it's gonna hurt when you hit the bottom. Just think about all the fun you will have and all the money you are going to win. Good luck!
seeme.....I sure hope you got some sleep last night. How's mom this morning? Any info from the surgeon yet? I've got to make the col's eye appt today and she is already griping about it.
ladee, maybe Marie will be in a much better mood today....is it still too hot to go out and pick up sticks with Sonny?
ASG......has Aunt settled down a little?
starri is busy, YR, Debbie, emjo, burned, rossella, linda09, mj, John, johnny.....hope the day is great for all of you and I'm sorry if I missed anyone....you are all very important to us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Love and Hugz,
Jam
My did not sleep that well even with 6 mg melatonin. She still screamed, but I let her and then checked to see if she had to potty. She always did, and then she'd settle down again for an hr or 2. Got her BP down to 149/72, so I am OK with that. Mine is a little higher, but OK, AFTER I came back. Kathy gave mom a shower and fed and medicated, so everything is good, except she is still hollering and repeating everything anyone says. Right now she is repeating everything the people are saying about the Kasey Anthony trial and judgment.......sshhhhew
Kathy is coming back over to help clean out mom's room from ceiling down. Can't dp it by myself.....too much crap going on.....constant interruptions.
Debbie......as a long-time smoker, I wish you would stop. Period. It is too expensive, too unhealthy, and it would seem you may not really be addicted just yet. And if you think smoke can't be smelled on your hair, clothes, and hands, think again..........I know you don't want to be told what to do....but take it from an old lady......you need to stop NOW. Enough lecturing........
YR....let me know about your sundowning experiences, please. And who actually diagnoses dementia. Everyone I mention it to, says at my mom's age (83), most elders would have a little dementia, but they won't diagnose sundowning. She doesn't have ALZ, but has brain damage from a brain aneurysm and stroke. She doesn't get violent, but she will cuss more and has NO concern for anyone else.
I will check in later..have a good day....................
I took it away, played with it and I finally know how to program it It paid for it's self the day I got lost, and could not figure out where I was, I stopped, dug it out and hit home, and off I went..... told hubby I would not have a heart attack anymore trying to follow him somewhere, Now if he takes off and leaves me, I just hit the home button and head back to the house.lol, leave him standing there wondering where I am..
Getting close to time to go pick up the SIL frorm the airport, she's touched down in DC and will be showing up here about 630... the trip up here was wonderful with the exception of hubby and his trail blazing... he did admit to there being no use in having a gps if you were not going to follow it.
See you later.
Who got the cow pattie?
Love and Hugz,
Jam
Stormy, you certainly have a high maintenance dad. I didn't know one could whistle with a trach. Have you tried telling him how that makes you feel. Just a thought.
Seemeride, about the sundowners. Around 4:30 pm or there abouts dad starts to ask questions, LOTS of questions. "Can I go outside, are there any chairs out there to sit on, where am I gonna sleep, are we staying here tonight, is there a bed in there, who's gonna sleep with me, it's dark out I'm afraid of the dark, is the door locked, are the windows down and locked, why is that blind down, my eyes itch and burn, do your eyes itch and burn" and on and on and each question is asked a bizillion times. During the day he is pleasant, asks some questions but mostly naps and watches tv. But late afternoons he becomes anxious and more confused, doesn't want to watch tv and the questions start.
The other morning when I got him up I told him to come to the bathroom and brush his teeth and he said "oh you mean I have a tooth brush here" and I said "of course, you live here" and he was surprised and I asked him if the bedroom looked at all familiar to him and he said no. He has been living here with me 4 yrs now.
It made me realize that his continuous questions are because he never remembers. How horrible it must be for him. He never know where he is, who's house he is in. Will he have a bed to lay down in when he is so tired he can't hardly talk. It must be a terrible state to be in. He is beginning to not want to sleep alone, I haven't figured that one out yet.
I feel so sorry for him and it is heartbreaking to see what has happened to him.
It is my poor little daddy's body but he's not in there.
But we get our laughs in often. The other night when I was putting him to bed he asked if he had to sleep alone and I asked him who he thought he should be sleeping with and he said "oh a young chic" we both laughed about that.
Always tired.....When my mom does stuff like that to me, I pretend I don't understand, so she better speak up......what we have to go through.....
welcome Stormy, yes, pretty much everything you have to do is gross. As Jam said, can you afford to get some help... Please keep coming back, we are here for YOU.
Seeme, Is there no diagnosis for this kind of behavior for someone with an aneurism ??? I don't know what is more stressful, constant potty trips or the hollering. Any word from the Dr yet??
Jam how did the new girl work out today???
Starri, I am so PROUD you did not kill him and tell God he just died!!!! Good girl...
emjo, how is it for you today???
Debbie, I have my days and night mixed up, so you never know when you will see me post...
Well, the honeymoon is over with my job... Marie was on a tear today, had to go to the Dr. blood work, ect. She was grumpy before she left, I understand, I really do, she doesn't feel good, dreading her next transfusion, weak, but she sure was snapping at Sonny a lot this morning... I just went about my business, but was observing.....
When she got back, got settled, she said, "so what all did you two do, just set and watch the birds", in a really hateful tone of voice....I just stood there for a few seconds, choosing my words very carefully.... Acknowledged that I was sure she did not feel good and I was sorry for that, but that I always do my work, and take care of Sonny while she is gone, and would really appreciate it if she would not take her feeling bad out on me... Thank You, walked into the kitchen... she was pouty for awhile and I just went on like everything was ok... No ma'am, I will nip this crap in the bud before it becomes something she thinks she can do without consequences....Sonny is so easy going, follows me around like a puppy, helps with anything I ask, and he can not HELP what is going on with him... Neither can she, but she still has her mind, chooses to do many things on her own, then no, it is not ok for her to take her feeling bad out on me.... That is NOT part of my job description... I have been at this too long, I am very clear that I am flexible, will put up with a lot of crap in order to do my job.... but I also know from experience if I did not say something right away this would start to be an ongoing thing and I am not going to do it..... I can move to Jam;s, I can move to Seeme's, I do NOT HAVE to work for this lady.... I have jobs offers where they already know me, and know that talking stupid to me will accomplish nothing.....And please, no one waste any time telling me to be understanding of her not feeling well. I am very aware of what her limitations are... get some counseling to deal with it, get on some anti depressants, but talking stupid to the caregiver is not going to help you feel better....
For those of you that have known me for awhile, you know the crap I put up with BG, because from jump I should have gotten in her face... long story for those who don't know the hell that abusive daughter put me thru about her mom...
Lesson learned... and either Marie meets me half way here or I will be making other arrangements...I have a ton of my own stress, but I walk in there EVERY morning with a smile on my face, do my job without her having to tell me anything, and no way are we getting started down this little road of "we can talk to the caregiver how ever we choose"... Nope, BG taught me some tough lessons, and I read enough on here about taking care of myself... Yes, I do this by choice, and that also means I have the choice to not work for someone who thinks talking to me any old way is ok......And yes, I had a BG flashback when she said what she did, and how she said it... I wanted to say, so F^^king what if we did just watch the birds, it made him happy... So for those of you who have paid caregivers come in to your homes, especially ones that do their job, respect their charge AND the family, take into consideration we have lives outside of your world, that we don't eat, sleep and drink your loved one... And I know a lot of this is my own stress, that is why I chose my words very carefully and said them in a loving tone of voice....
So that is my vent for the day.. I feel better. I know I will go in there tomorrow like nothing ever happened, and just go about my business....so thank ya'll for listening to me stomp my feet, and say NOOOOOO......
Will come back and get caught up with everyone later... love ya'll and hugs across the miles..
I meant wipe a dirty butt......and pull instead of pukk
YR, O M G, do I ever relate to the questions, and they are almost verbatim to what Ruth would ask... When she really did not know this was her house anymore, she would get so anxious, I would tell her some very loving people who knew her had given us this place to live and we could stay here as long as we wanted. She would almost cry with relief.. and yes it it nerve wracking and yet so sad to watch this happen to someone you love.. Ruth was not my mother, but she was a friend, and I did and still do love her very much... I still miss her and will for a very long time....I hate this disease... hugs to all