This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Seeme, I'm not flying, I'm looking at a 17 hour drive..Sis is flying, she's in CA..as for the sense of humor? it boils down to either laugh or cry and I cry enough as it is.. With the HS, I ended up in ER with blood poisoning and the doctors there just told me there was something "wrong" with my blood and to just leave the lesions alone and let them do their thing. Basically "just live with it" My heart goes crazy sometimes and beats out of control, skips beats, and feels like it is trying to jump out of my chest, my cardio doctor told me the last time it pulled this is some people have to just live with it, oh, frigging wonderful, how do I decide if it is a heart attack or just my heart being stupid again? So now I just wait, figure if I quit breathing, it's a heart attack. My reg doctor asked about it the last time I saw him, told him what the cardio said and he about fainted. If these damned doctors would talk with each other, maybe we all would get better treatment for us and for our loved ones.. My doctors do not like me, I will not let them play God, I do not take their word for gospel. I read those patient information sheets that come with your meds, I go online and research what I have going on with me, research the drugs and their side effects, etc.. I am extremely proactive in my health care and like it or not, my doctors have to be as well. My regular Doctor gets copies of my med records from the others, I call him my lead mechanic..he has to know everything. He learns new things whether he wants to or not.
C? thought about it later last night, is your trouble getting to sleep the fact that your brain will not shut up? like there's thousands of people in there talking and screaming? if it is, it might be mania..I take 2 mg of Lorazepam for when mine does that, it works as a sleep aid. I hate that the news people give bipolar a bad name, all of us do not run around with butcher knives killing babies. It's not something you can will yourself out of, it's not your being lazy, when you sleep for hours at a time because of the depression, I've been called that by family. Let's see? I suffer from depression, want to dig a hole and pull the dirt in, in behind me, I have sleep apnea, so even if I do sleep for 14 hours a day, I am not rested..hmmm, so that makes me lazy? yeah right... NOT. We're good people struggling to do the very best that we can with what we were dealt. Be proactive, tell your brain doctor, your endo doctor (diabetes adds to depression) and your regular doctor, here is where I am at, you guys who make so much money, figure out what it is we have to do to get me better. As I am sure you know, getting the med cocktail right for bipolar takes some time.
Big hugs to all, alarm is now set to go off at 9, so I had better get off here and start getting things together, hubbies about as useful as a rock when it comes to this kinda thing.
Last night, I laid down around 11:30 for an entire hour and did not go to sleep. So, I got up and came back here after which I was able to go to bed and sleep about 1:30 until 5:30 after which I went back to bed until 8:15 and feel like going back to bed now.
Seeme, I know you are at the ER right now, but am sorry to hear this trip was necessary... I hope her Dr's get their head out of their asses and get something done before you loose your mind..or end up in the hospital yourself because of exhaustion. You and mama are in my prayers today as all of you are...
hugs across the miles to you all...
I am still building your stories in my head so I can answer sensibly - I know there are more who have contributed to this thread - please forgive me if i leave someone out - it is not intentional - I think you all are wonderful people dealing with impossible odds and making it work somehow and my hat is off to all of u
Just settling up a new laptop as well - knocked my old one off the nightstand a few too many times and it has some other problems too - always a strain for the brain
Think taking notes is a good idea if i can just find pen and paper – I usually keep notes on my computer
In no particular order
ladee (((((hugs)))) - boy u r healthy - must have great genes! Hats off to those who manage the big cocktails. I am on synthroid and tiny dose of antidepressant which holds the fibromyalgia at bay. Omega 3 (blood fats) and niacin (blood fats) - other than that just self-administered supplements - manage to keep blood sugar and blood pressure levels with those and diet and exercise, not that I get enough exercise these days but I will - somehow
seeme - hope you and mum do well in the ER
vic - hi - glad u had a good sleep -worth gold! Happy Independence Day to you and all
John - i have had many years of trouble sleeping for a variety of reasons and ended up deciding, because sleep is so important, that I would take it whenever I can get it, Often i have slept 4-5 hours and woken up groggy - so when it hits me in the daytime - fine - I sleep and don't worry about the time of day - getting the sleep is more important – that was more difficult when I was still working ;-p
starri - top grades to you for managing all you have - I'm with you in being very proactive about my health - and have a doc who listens to me - they don't know everything - I had to research the candiasis, find the treatment protocol and tell him what to give me - THEN I started getting better - have a good trip!
To all who have cats – mine is now laying on my typing arm – he just really wants to be involved!
No, I do not have good genes... not on my mom's side anyway... The old man lived until he was 98, so maybe I got some of this from him, makes me feel weird that I may have to be grateful to him for something...ewwwwww.
Going to be a quite day for me and then back to work tomorrow... I think I need a REAL vacation... not just days off. like actually getting to go somewhere new... Oh well, maybe soon... after I find an affordable place to live... I just want to be settled somewhere... Ya'll have health problems, and I have trouble finding a place to call home... as Rossanna Dana Dana used to say, it's always something....hugs and prayers for everyone today....hugs across the miles...
I am going to work in 2 hours, woohoo. I love work. Seriously. I like talking to all the old people that come to get their meds hehe. I have them convinced that I am sweeter than chocolate cake and they just love me. I wish my Gram was as cute as them, lol.
Tomatoes are growing at least one inch in diameter per day. Freaking nuts. Just thought I would share that tid bit. And oh, yeah. HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!! Not that anyone is celebrating, haha.
Well, everything is taken care of for the morning. Gramps is in his chair listening to audio books and Gram is in her computer chair playing mojong, lol. It's almost peaceful. :) Have a good day people. *kisses*
The cat wants food and affection/attention and to hunt - must hunt. Sorry guys I know he catches those cute little creatures, but it is how he is made. He has lasted longer as an outdoor cat than most. He is 12 - outdoor cats last on the average to 8. - still very fast.
Need a vacation - know that feeling - any other 4 walls - but oooops u are looking for 4 walls too - on my prayer list - yeah always sumthing
i'm looking forward to getting out when s/o gets a break from work - maybe a trip to see the new foals and to do a little fishing on the way would be heaven.
Need to kick this flu - still coughing like a smoker and gave that up many lifetimes ago
BTW luv ur flights of fantasy - keeps a person sane
luv and hugs to everyone and have a good day ♥
Emjo, those are not flights of fantasy, this is the world I live in...I know I get on some peoples nerves with the constant bullshit that comes to my mind, but I am having fun and those that it bothers do not have to read it.... life is too short to be serious or to take myself too seriously...I take the situations seriously, just not myself ... I can find humor in anything... and as you said, keeps me sane....And kiss Hunter Toonie for me... hugs
Lulu is hanging upside down on her swing like a little acrobat. Hehe.
*kisses*
Hope everyone will have a good day.....sounds like some didn't have a very good night. I slept okay, but as usual the blind dog woke me up around 6 scratching at her bed. Finally fell back out again until 8.
Going to take the col tonight to a town just west of us to watch their big fireworks show. We had our own here last night. She greeted me this morning singing more cowboy songs....must get her off of the Western Channel before I go nuts, but don't want her going back to CNN. I have to go show her how to use a hairbrush on her hair. With this new do she has, there is only the need for a brush, but that never enters her mind. She will either go at me for the hot rollers, the lipstick, or both. I need to make her eye appt tomorrow and find a new dentist. Hubby doesn't want to use the one we normally use because it's a forty minute drive one way....he wants to find one in either town we live by. We are almost dead center between 2 towns, so will find someone in one of them.
emjo......I don't think I ever welcomed you....SHAME ON ME......so welcome and am so glad you are with us!
ASG must really be busy, haven't even seen her on FB.
I don't have my list of friends with me, so don't want to miss anyone, but I am thinking of you today as I do everyday.........
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
Looked out this morning at the pond bank and there are 3 turkey hens and around 15 babies, all eating and wandering. Night before last a deer walked out of the woods and went for a drink. A bunny was wandering on the outside of the fence...waiting to see if it can figure out how to get inside and get to the garden. And let's not forget the 4' long snake skin laying out there, also on the outside of the fence, but who the heck knows where the former tenant went! Probably under the deck, with my luck. Love living in the country!
I did not end up going bad to bed like I said I might earlier, but I did chill out in the lazzy boy recliner. The nursing home called to inform me that my mother has a UTI which they are treating her for. My step-dad's helper called me from the nursing home to see if I could come up there today for that might cheer her up. I tried talking with my mother on the phone but she kept going in and out on me. She's on antibiotics and her body needs sleep. There are some other good reasons for me to go up there today which I was planning on doing anyway, but have my son drive me up and back.
I wish you could all come over for dinner! Wouldn't that be swell!!!
I'm so sorry for you guys with the health difficulties. I know it can make life so challenging. I think we all need one of those group hugs.
Well, I will be busy today, so I hope you all have a blessed day.
I really like her because she reminds you that you are doing it for yourself! We all need some of that reminding!
John - i am glad you are getting out - even to visit the old ones
YR - Happy day - I'm all for group hugs
Indy - I have a 2 story house with basement so I HAVE to do stairs - this is intentional - don't find videos work for me but u r an inspiration - s/o and I went together on a exercycle for Christmas - just need to get back on it and so does he - he has a bum knee and needs to build up those muscles - I'm tempted to say here that I just have a bun but that is not my problem area lol
ladee - Toonie heard you and is all over me now with his head on the mouse pad so I can hardly navigate - how do they know??? When Gordie died Toonie grieved actively for about 4 years - he would get a wild look in his eyes and roll over the envelope from the funeral home and yowl - how did he know - I left it on the stairs for years as he seemed to need it . Just recently he climbed into a cardboard box - had lots of those around with moving mothers stuff - it surprised me as he does not play - he hunts, then i saw "Gordie" written in the side if the box - after all these years...
I am back from ER........the trip was all for nothing. They took urine by cath and it was ok, culture may show something different. No fever. BP 217/114, best it ever got was 196/92. Got sent home with nothing, nada, zilch, go see her doc in 2-3 days. If she was just pulling a temper tantrum on me I swear I will be in jail tomorrow. Got some melatonin today with another refill and just gave her one. She is soooo tired she can't make sense anymore. I haven't even taken by BP for fear of it, at this point. I am taking a nap and the hell with everything else. I need to get rid of this headache...it is supposed to rain later and I am feeling it.
Starri, we live closer to I95 and have done the trip to CT in just 12 hrs. so yea, 17 sounds right for you. Try not to kill him on the way....it gets messy when the FBI gets involved and all those other states have to figure out jurisdiction and such .......eeeewwwww. Better to just let it be a 'good ole boy' thing. heeheehee
Debbie, could really use a milkshake about now......tweet, tweet....
Ladee, Jam,, love you both
Emjo, vic, YR, Happy 4th to you all.....wouldn't it be nice to take us a nice long walk to YR's and eat all her food..............
C.....have son take you and have a good 4th. Be careful on the roads........say HI to mom for me when you get there.........Thought my mom had a UTI today, but ER said no......if this melatonin works I will sit at Starri's feet with a palm frond and keep all the chiggers, fleas, and skeeters off her during her trip......
But I'm still glad you checked in.....have missed hearing from you! Now we know why....lol
Love ya,
Jam
I am so proud of the way you handle her, and yes they are just kids, doing what kids do, I bet the boys wish they were with the girls and out of there for about the next ten years......Maybe the fil will blow on her and that will be the end of that , at least for a little while...
His brooming degree, OMG, girl, you still have your sense of humor, thank God or she would be in the cage and the kitty would have a smile on it's face...I am surprised you do not just stay in the pool with the kids, oh, that's right, they live there,, ooh ooh , I understand.......How old is she again? Family history? They live to be how old????, oh no.....
And girl you know you are welcome to the "dark side" with me anytime.... loved your FB comment, that's why I called you my little evil one.....without the dark side what do we have left?????? Reality????? Nope, just way too much stress for me...
I'm sorry she sent you to the moon, but it was enough to hear from you and we are happy about that... When does school start so we will know your estimated time of arrival???? Love ya girl, hugs across the miles to you...
asg Hi - u r doing sooooo well - don't know how u do it - must have a huge long rope 'cause u don't seem to get to the end of it - mine has shortened over the years
keep up the good work and give those boys - and urself a BIGGGG hug - and tell them not all white haired ladies are like that
Indyrose, you are very lucky your mother has become nicer with the disease. It's really an exception! I agree on the fact that sport helps. I went to the swimming pool today, for the first time after 3 years, and I swam for half an hour. I thought it was better not to exaggerate the first time. But I felt much better after. I think it helped my heart, too!
'night everybody. I have to go to sleep. My mother has made another step down in Alzheimer, I have to get used to it and it's hard to digest. She makes a step down, she stabilizes on that stage for several months, and then another step down. Every time it is a trauma...