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Emjo, I never really had a mother-daughter relationship, either. If anything, though, I've got a better one NOW than when she didn't have Alz. While growing up, Mom always was severely depressed -- closed in her room crying a lot. Anything could set her off. She had no hobbies, no clubs, no one she hung out with. We kids walked on eggshells, trying not to upset her.

Alz has reduced her to a happy kid. (I count my blessings every time I read some of all the other trials going on!) We sing while giving her a shower, and make bathroom jokes (which she used to highly disapprove of), and commiserate about our husbands. Dad still teases her, and, where before she would have ran off to cry in her room, she now sends back barbs at him!! Or even tells him, "Shut up!" She has NEVER done that to my Dad before Alz!

Yes, it's robbed her of knowledge and awareness, but it has also relieved her of a lifetime of depression. I maybe I'm getting to see a side of my Mom I never knew.
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((((((indyrose)))) that is absolutely AWESOME! You give me hope :). What a blessing that disease is - life is strange. Have a great day ♥
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should qualify what I wrote - what a blessing that disease is in your mother's case - i know most often it is not a blessing - not at all
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Ind, it's wonderful that although you have to get these memories the way that you have, you have the chance now to get them.

does it surprise your dad, that your mom now gives it back to him? lol, I could just picture his face the first time she did that.

I have a picture of my Mom, laying in her hospital bed there at the house with the first smile that I have seen on her face in years. I am grateful for that memory.
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Indy, how awesome. Rarely do you hear of Alz. making someone nicer.. How blessed you are...I have taken care of the worst of the worst, and now have the sweetest little guy in Texas.. I have never seen him aggressive, and he has the most awesome twinkly blue eyes... His wife says that other than the memory loss, he is the same... I have seen Ruth , my last client who has passed away, turn into a monster, full of hate and rage. The one before that was never happy, no matter what.
And emjo, I understood what you meant, because other than stories like Indy's, and my experience with Sonny, I hate this disease with a passion.... So Indy you are one of the few who get to have a positive experience with this... God bless you and God did see fit to give you your mom, even if you had to wait for many years...
And Starri to have a pic of your mom smiling... God does give us surprises now and again, and happy you were there to receive it.
I guess I give very little thought to who will be waiting for me on the other side.. I hope my mom is, I still miss her so much and it has been many years. And again emjo I am so sorry about your son, but he knows we still need you here. Need you in a good way, to be a part of this, to make some new friends, to laugh, he really does want you to laugh... and for us to know we will see your name on the thread and be happy you are here...
We still have places to leave our fingerprints ladies, so it won't be over until it is over... hugs across the miles to you all...
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Hey everyone:) There's tons of messages to read and I can't read them all lol. Yikes! I love you all, and I hope you're having a good day. If you're not having a good day, I care, and I hope it gets better. *hugs to everyone*

I had a good day. I worked all day, came home, cooked a delicious stirfry with all the yummy stir fry veggies and strips of beef that had been marinating in teryaki and soy sauce all night. I just ignored all the negativity and then made us all a milkshake! Yay! It was nice. Now I am just relaxing for awhile. I am whiped. No big ordeals today. :) Btw, sugar free vanilla ice cream blended with banana, peach and milk is freaking wonderful.
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Well, my dear friends, I don't know that you will hear out of me before Sunday at least, maybe Monday, depends on how tired I am, when we get back, we just got confirmation on the funeral, we leave for CT in the morning, have to be there by Tuesday afternoon to get his sister from the airport, and from there I guess to the room that is reserved. They will be holding services on Thursday. Take care all, will check on you when we get back.
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As took place back in January, I'm back in the pits again of never waking up from sleep feeling rested; not feeling like doing anything at all now that my mother and step-dad's delinquent taxes back to 2004 have been cleared up; wondering if my step-dad is going to die first since he is older, 85, and two weeks ago had congestive heart failure; wondering about my dad and step-mom since they are preparing to move to assisted living, plus the doctor has told her she has two years left to live because of her pulmonary fibrosis; and somewhat anxious about how long my mother and her money (which right now is a lot) will last, plus she turns 80 the end of this month and she predicts that she will not live past then; and sensing how little there is to do now that our youngest will go to college this year; and the nuvigil med my psych gave me that at first perked me up in February now no longer works. My mom is in a nursing home 1 hour away and my step-dad is taken to see her every day by his caretaker and I wanted to visit last week, but I didn't have the energy to do so. I saw my primary physician last week and he thinks with all of the prescriptions that I'm on that some sort of drug interaction is taking place, but did not give me any advice past that. I called my psych to let him know what is going on and did not hear back from him, but I think that I have an appointment this week. As far a personal care goes, I'm forgetting to brush my teeth and I'm only taking about one shower a week. However, I do remember to take my medicine. I have bipolar II which is the depressive kind with mild mania and this is one of my worst downward cycles. I about feel like my life has no purpose anymore. Thanks for listening to my venting.
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Debbie that sounds wonderful! would you come cook for me... the milkshake!!! so glad you had a good day. I had a pretty decent day too. Although dad didn't seem to be feeling all that well today. He is anemic at the moment and we are working on getting red blood cells built back up. he is getting harder and harder to maneuver. Most times I can tell him to relax and it makes it easier to transfer and move him around. on another note he slips or slides down in whatever chair he is in. We really have to watch him! several occasions he has slid right on the floor. Well today at church he went to sleep and was almost out of his chair. had to get up during the homily and help him sit back up! then he did it again!... Course our treat or curse is to go out to eat after Mass. I dread it cause it is difficult to get him to places but both mom and dad enjoy and they don't get out much at all. Lunch was good basically uneventful. not too much food all over the place. back in the car and home...whew. the afternoon was pretty quiet, mom took a nap and dad was fairly comfortable in front of tv. bathroom runs weren't too bad today. Although he is itching like crazy. A combination of heat rash and fungus junk. I feel for him. Keep him as dry and itchy stuff on him as much as possible. They had a nice late afternoon watching "I love Lucy" reruns. Finally got him to bed, him and mom are saying their evening prayers. I pray he won't be too agitated tonight.
You know I have been so blessed with such great parents. My dad was always my best friend and even though mom and I didn't get along when I was growing up we are having a pretty good time now. I am so grateful for this time. I guess that is one reason I feel so guilty for getting frustrated and wanting time away and being short etc etc...
I feel like we won't have much more time with dad and I should be giving him all that I can and many times right now all I want to do is strangle him! All the begging to 'drink your water', 'keep your feet up', ' lets sit back up' and on and on and on....
ok I am rambling.... ((((HUGS)))) to all and pray everyone has a good night. :-)
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Cmagnum, Have you tried getting into a regular exercise routine. I know it's counter-intuitive to exercise when you feel so down, but it really really helps. I started a walking program about 2 years ago, shortly after my parents moved in with us. I just got a cheap treadmill off of Craigslist, and just began. About 8 months ago, I started looking on line for other exercise programs that I could do in my basement. My husband can really tell the days I work out and when I don't.

It's not something you do for other people. It's care you give yourself. It really does work, if you just use it.

In two years, I've lost 35lbs without dieting, I've had a ball going through aerobics routines, walking routines, dancing, yoga, and martial arts -- and right now I'm working up to running 5K (about 3 miles). I got most of these DVDs from the public library and do them in my basement. I'm 53. Email me if you want to learn more. It really helps depression and coping!!
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PS... I sleep like a rock! I didn't used to before I started an exercise program.
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John, I am sorry you are having such a bad time.. I can not say I understand , but I can be understanding...And it does sound like a mad mix up of meds.. Hopefully you will get to see your Dr. next week and start feeling better... am sending angels to help you thru until you can see your Dr... know that you are heard and that you matter. hugs across the miles to you...
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ditto to what ladee said - the meds could well be part of it and hope they get sorted out. You have been through a lot sorting out taxes and sounds like you are anticipating two deaths which is not much fun. No matter how bad our relationship (s) dying and death are not easy to deal with. Once your mum and the others are gone, what do you want for yourself? or even now - before they are gone. (((((hugs)))) good to hear from you and hope you feel better soon - come back and vent
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indy you are amazing - what a success story. I am thinking of getting a personal trainer, once I feel a bit better, to get myself back on track. I walked so much when I was teaching and don't now that I have I retired. Lordy! looking after one's self can be hard work ;) Need to be fit to wrangle those horses lol. Muscles can be strengthened at any age.
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Debbie, happy to hear you are practicing detachment , it will help get thru the difficult times,, dinner sounded good, you will sleep good tonite... hugs to you
Starri, we will miss you, know that you will be in our thoughts and prayers and we will be waiting to hear from you...hugs
Vic, I don't know if we get mad at THEM or just the damned monotony of the caregiving... I know for me I get bored with the repetition and then I find myself getting edgy...I have referred to myself as Chatty Cathy Caregiver, just pull the string and I will say all the caregiving reminders...But you have a good attitude and it helps me to read your posts,,, hugs to you
Indy, I felt so much better when Sonny and I could walk everyday... it is too hot now for him, and I can't do it in the evenings as my leg is sore and tired by then... and still too hot... so can't wait for fall this year... we need rain and it is too hot, I'm getting cranky..... hugs across the miles to all of you...
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Cmagnum, let me say welcome, I know exactly where you are, as I am a bipolar II as well, have you tried Lamictal? it has been absolutely wonderful for me, it's a mood stabilizer and brought me out of a deep dark hole of depression.

My Doctor and I (over at mental health) have added a antidepressant to the mix, Welbutrion, with all that I have and had going on in my life, the depression was trying it's best to sneak back in.

What other meds are you on?
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Ladies, watch the news for a headline of "woman goes berserk and kills husband, over wrong information, almost costing them 935.00 in airline tickets"

I was booking my SIL her plane ticket this evening, asked hubby for her full name, he says "oh, just put Kathy" well you can't board a plane unless the name on the ticket matches what your passport or license says. Asked him for her birth date.

Gave me the wrong year, although she should have been flattered, as he made her two years younger than what she really is, and get this, he's on the phone with her, and says "I have" the information wrong, I'm like you "SOB", I didn't have the information wrong, YOU gave me the wrong information.

A lot of the airlines/online sites will not let you change information on the ticket, which will in turn make that ticket void and you will just have to eat the money, as it is now, the money they took out of my account for the first ticket, might be back in the account in 5 days. Plus they took out another 950.00 for the new one.

Told hubby that he had damned sure better have things right this time, if we have to book her another ticket, we were not going cause we could not afford the gas to get there.

Can I kill him? PLEASE? I already have a good place to bury him.
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Hi all, it's so nice once dad is in bed. I was lazy today, apart from jumping up and down after dad, I didn't do much. Sundays should be a day of rest.
Indyrose, bless your precious heart. Your sentence about your mom having no social life and you walking on eggshells could have been written by me!
Its "momma drama trama". My mom had some depression to, but I think she had BPD to but was never diagnosed because she never went to the dr.
I studied up on mental disorders trying to find out what was wrong with her and she just didn't fit any one mold. Oh well. I just work on myself now and try to heal from it all.
Starri, have a safe trip and try to enjoy your down time after the funeral. I wish it could be a real vacation for you.
Debbie, you can come cook for me to!!!!
cmag, sorry your haveing such a rough time.
Ladeeda and emjo, thanks for being here and emjo, you go girl on that horse handleing stuff!!!!!! your amazing!!
it's off to bed for me, tomorrow I have to cook for the whole brood. Nighty night to all of you; vic, rossella, and anyone else I forgot.
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Carmen, I've been on lamictal and wellbutrin since 2003. Last fall, my psych increased my wellbutrin and added abilify. I'm also taking metformin, potassium, forosemide, singulair, flonase, nuvigil, and androgel. My endocrinologist also has me taking a multi-vitamin, extra vitamin D, calcium citrate with D, and to all of this mix, I've added omega three. Also, I sleep with a CPAP for my sleep apnea.

When my psych. put me on nuvigil back in February, I had the energy to get out and walk which I did as part of a walking program for 11 weeks. I started out at 30 minutes a few times a week and then worked my way up to an hour or two a day. I lost weight, etc.

But instead of feeling great about all of that, I felt burned out and now I'm in this pit. I tried going to bed at 11 and laid there for an hour trying to get to sleep, but could not. I feel tired and am yawning, but I can't get to sleep.

Sunday, like many days last week I've been sleeping for about 10 or so hours once I do get to sleep, but do not feel rested. Personally, I wonder if my doctor should not remove the lamictal from my medical cocktail and let abilify totally replace it?

I am glad that you understand where I am and not something one can just will themselves into being more active when one is in this drained, depressed state of being.
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Vic, get yourself a lap belt, they should sell them at most medical supply places, it's a belt that goes around the person who is in the chair's waist.. it will stop Dad from sliding out. We use to use them when I drove a bus for the challenged. Sometimes, my kids as I called them would unsnap the belt, would have to put it on and put the buckle in the back where they could not get to it....lol
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C ? are you sure your not my twin..lol.. we have a "lot" in common, I too wear a cpap for sleep, and am on metformin as well, I take glipazide in addition for my diabetes.. I've heard of some of the other meds you are on.. How long ago did you have your sleep study done? you could be ready for a adjustment in the airflow..

What is the dosage of the lamictal that you are taking? we've adjusted mine from 200 to 400 and now after a meltdown at work I am taking 600, with 150mg of Welbutrion. You will need to talk with your psych doctor about it, but you might have to start taking things out and putting new ones in their place, we took me off of 4 antidepressants when I started the lamictal. Which one of the Dr's put you on the Nuvigil? Were you in this depression prior to adding it?
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Indyrose, Linda, and Joan thanks for your support. Vic thanks for the hug.

Joan, as far as your question, "Once your mum and the others are gone, what do you want for yourself? or even now - before they are gone?" I don't know what I want once my mother and the others are gone. I do know that now before they are gone, I would like a more stable energy level so that I can keep up the walking that I started and loose more weight.

Carmen, I don't think I could be your twin since I'm 54. LOL. My sugar level is pre-diabetic which is why my doctor wants me to loose weight. My sleep study test was done in 2005. I was not aware that they can adjust the airflow.

I'm on 200mg of lamictal twice a day and 300mg of wellbutrin. My psych put me on nuvigil because that is what he thought I needed to get me out of the same kind of slump back in January.
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well, ya'll the alarm is set to go off at 7AM, I'd better try and lay down and sleep..

C ? just thought of something, what kinda shape is your mask in? or do you use the pillows? I have to replace my mask every few months, as it tends to lose it's shape and will leak air, hubby says it sounds like I am "farting" lol...
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I use the pillows and replaced my mask I don't know how long ago. Mine is so quite my wife sometimes has to touch me to make sure I'm breathing.

I am going to try to sleep again. Night.
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I'm 51, so we're not that far apart, lol, and yeah, they can adjust the airflow, if you've lost weight or gained weight since your sleep study they need to do another and change it.

I need to have another done, but at 2400.00 for one night there, I can't afford it at the moment.. no insurance to help with the cost. Do you watch your carb intake? I'm a T-2 diabetic,I don't have to take insulin, I have to keep a very close eye on my carbs and my weight (of which there is far too much of) Have you been to the nutrition classes that most hospitals have for free? if not, look into it, they have lots of information. I was told by the nurse there I could have 45 to 60 carbs per meal and they recommended I have 45 and save the extra 15 for a snack... Stay away from the subway cookies, those will cost you 39 carbs each.
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nite all...
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Starri, if you read this before you leave, please let me tell you thank you for sharing with John, I know you were a great help to him and he does not feel so alone now... Thank God you choose to post here... I appreciate all your wisdom and experience on this subject...Have a safe trip and do not kill hubby just yet, wait until after the vacation..
John, hope you finally got some rest... I am so glad Starri is here for you... grateful you posted here on this thread and found a kindred spirit that truly understands and may be able to help and support you..keep coming back. we care how you are..
Everyone else, it it time for snoozing for me, will check in on everyone tomorrow... hugs across the miles to all my friends...
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Good Morning Ladies..Your welcome Ladee, I'm afraid I am falling apart. Disability generally likes to concentrate on just one illness to qualify or disqualify you on, I had to tell the lady that filled out my application to take her pick.

Bipolar II: Diagnosis just about 3 years back, had been classified as severely depressed. Had to insist on a reconsideration of my DX, after my vacation in the local mental hospital for taking far to many xanax. Glenn said that after they fed me the charcoal I poo'd black all over the place, tried to walk out of the hospital naked, threw ice all over the security guard for trying to stop me, informed my brother if I could find crack in prison I damned sure could find a cig on the hospital grounds. When I worked for Walgreens down the road from the hospital, think I sold more cigs to nurses and doctors than what I sold to regular customers.

Diabetic T-2: Been dx'd with that for over 7 years now, do pretty good on keeping the sugar levels down.. last HA1C was a 6.0, almost perfect according to the diabetes folks.

Sleep apnea: DX about 6 years ago, knew that I snored loud enough to wake the dead, didn't know I quit breathing till hubby told me, mind you this is hubby #4, and we will not discuss the number of boyfriends.. lol.. 66.4 times per hour for up to 20 seconds at a time, makes for a lousy nights sleep.

Aortic regurgitation: A heart valve that leaks, some day soon facing open heart surgery to replace it.

P.A.D and neuropathy: makes being on your legs and walking special..

O.A in the knee's and hands. (thank God for pain pills, oxycodone 10mg.)

And last but not least: Hidradenitis Suppurativa, it's considered a rare disease that causes boil like lesions where there is skin to skin contact primarily, it can show up in other places. Mine thankfully are only about the size of a large walnut, there are folks out there that have them as big as soft balls. I have large numbers of scar's between the legs, on the private parts, the butt and under the arms and breasts. It's misdiagnosed 90% of the time, there isn't a cure or treatment out there that will help, and what does help for one might not help for another, if any of you have ever seen the seed pod from a sweet gum tree, (round pod with spikes all over it.) it feels like that thing has been placed up under your skin and is trying to get out.. Gave my reg. Doctor one of those, told him to tape it somewhere very tender and he would know what I go through when in flare, he handed it back and said he didn't want to know that bad...lol.. if anyone wants to check out the info out there on it, there is a site called hs-usa.org, but be warned the pictures are not for those with weak some stomachs..

They say its from being over weight, I was 105 and 11 y.o when I got my first one. So BS on that one..lol..

Anywho, we have not escaped yet, going to let the hubby sleep for a while longer, I don't think he slept much last night, I know that I didn't.
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Where to start first? I guess Good Morning is the best way...

What an active site this has turned out to be !! And all for us, the caregivers !! Again I thank Jam for starting this off. We have somuch advice and concern for each other that will hopefully make our days a little lighter...

Starri, there is no one like you girl, you are an inspiration.......you are probably on the flight now, it is 7:30.......like I read somewhere before.....kill him and tell God he just died...LOL...what a sense of humor you have with everything else. But seriously, make the best of this time away even under these circumstances. I could just squeeze the breath right out of you........

YR.....would you notice if one more showed up to eat??? I promise to get lost in the crowd....what's one more??

Cmag..sounds like you are in the black hole, all right. Starri has some suggestions that I hope will help. See, you are never alone here on this thread. And this is about YOU and the daily struggle you live under. We all have things to vent about the charges we care for, but we need to come here to recharge. Welcome and we hope you stay.

Indy..love your perspective on things. It's great to see the other side. Love to your and your mother....dad will just have to stick up for himself. HAHAHA

emjo, so glad you are still here. Again, this is a place for YOU. I understand about the medicine. Since taking care of mom, I have more prescriptions than she does. I would love to get out and walk, and a couple of years ago, I could, but now it is impossible to leave the house for that long. My walking is done as I take her to the bathroom !! or dr appts. yipee

Debbie.....Vanilla shakes here !!!!

Must get to mom again.....later........
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Starri..I use a gaitbelt on dad we tried once to 'TIE' him in his wheelchair but he slipped under! It was too funny poor dad! Now I just keep an eye on him. Some days are better than others... Woohoo he only called twice last night and it was one of those nights that I was able to sleep too! God is good!
John dont have BP but have had depression since I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia about 20 years ago. For me, I have to keep on top of it cause some drugs work better than others. Have been on various cocktails some work pthers don't right now I take buspar and cymbalta and lortab for pain. Had to change docs to beg to start over. Sometimes they don't listen real well! As someone said what works for one may not work for another...hope you were able to sleep some. That in itself is the worst complicating factor. If you can't sleep your mind and body can't rest and it blossoms from there... Ughhh
I pray everyone has a good day. Happy Independence day!
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