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I am not good today. I think I have finally realized although probably not accepted that I'm exhausting myself by trying to explain my perspective and no one (in the family) is interested in my perspective. I feel "judged" from providing my perspective. Yet I want so badly for someone to understand. And there is no one. And every conversation is a dead end and leaves me feeling more hurt. What's wrong with me?
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soverytired - ure burnt out and people around u are avoiding you .
keep comin back here , this site is a great place to whine , vent , moan cuz we all are in the same boat youre in .
today the weathers a blah day and it makes me feelin blahhhhhhh .
think i ll go walk my dog . xoxo
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Thanks everyone for the encouragement about my Gram. The only problem is, my Grandmother is refusing to allow me to have any say over her doctor visits and things like that. She refuses to take any medications that would help her as well. So finding another Dr. is pretty much not going to happen. My mother lives a couple of states away, and she and I have just agreed that things will just have to get worse before it will be addressed. It's sad, but since my Grandmother still has much of her independence and physical health, it just makes it so much more difficult to do something about it.
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Sovery, welcome, I can totally relate to where your coming from, had tried for two years to convince my brothers that Mom was getting more and more confused by the day, no one wanted to listen. Please don't feel like your being judged, mine thought I was crazy, and you know what? I truly didn't give a d***, I knew sooner or later they would realize what it was I was trying to tell them.

I have a tendency to be blunt, I like short sweet and to the point, with no chance of misunderstanding. No body in the family cares for it, but like I told my "eldest" brother when he was out here, you might not like what I say, you might not like how I say it, but I can only give you what I know or believe to be the truth. People can call me many things, but a liar and a thief are not two of them..lol..

There is nothing wrong with you, your trying to share your feelings with people who just plain out don't care.. Come here, we do care.. to h*** with the rest of them.
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soverytired......as Linda09 says, you are burned out and THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU.....I assume you are taking care of a parent and you are trying to explain things to siblings? Save your breath and your sanity. They don't care as long as their lives are not being intruded upon and you don't ask them for money. Oh, but when their parent is no longer there, these same siblings will be the ones that cry and wail the loudest. And will be the first ones standing there with their hands out. I went through that same thing last Dec with my two youngest siblings when my mother passed. When I stopped trying to get them to visit with Mom, I felt better.....in my mind they didn't exist anymore, so I didn't need to interact with them, report on mom's health, etc. I did send a message to my younger sister the night Mom passed telling her she needed to come to the NH before she died. She sent me a text message back that said "I'm sorry, I just can't do that". I haven't spoken since....and I guess I'm hard enough that I don't miss her. A lot of other things went on at that time, that I won't get into, that contributed to those feelings. You found us because you were looking for a safe place to let your feelings out, where others would understand you, and where no one would judge you for those feelings. Everyone of us is glad you are here and we are more than happy to listen to what you have to say......so spill it sister! We laugh, cry and sometimes get silly, but we are here for you.

Debbie don't give up yet. Have you talked with Grandma about what would happen if she got sick and couldn't answer for herself? That might be a good starting point. Have you tried talking with her doctor about your concerns? Or you could pass on your concerns to his nurse and the next time Grandma is in for a check-up they would be aware that there are problems. If Grandma trusts her doctor, then she might be more willing to take medications to help her. Does anyone have POA, your mother maybe? If not, then that would be the first step to take. I know this is not an easy thing to do.

Must go to the pharmacy before I decide I'd rather have a nap. Heather will only be here 2 days this week....darn it....I'm liking this too much...:)

Love and Hugz,
Jam
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Yes I have spoken with my Grandmother about that. She refuses. You guys say that like it's easy to get the people you care for to accept help and medications. In my case, my Grandmother is refusing it and when I bring it up she starts crying and yelling and screaming and following me around the house for hours going on and on relentlessly until I have to leave, and then she goes on even more begging me not to leave. I cannot just "do" it. I have no legal backing, she would never sign papers allowing me or anyone to obtain POA. I have already spoken to her dr and voiced my concerns and he is being very passive about it. There is nothing I can do but wait until something happens.
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Debbie, do I ever relate!!! The circumstances are different, but the feelings are the same.. I was a live in for Ruth, (who has sense passed away) and I could NOT get the daughter to listen to anything I said in regard to Ruth's health. Ruth had Alz.. and of course I had no legal rights, nor did was I able to convince the daughter... So yes, until something happened, Ruth broke my leg in one of her violent episodes, THEN something was done... like I said, different circumstances but I was still hearing
"You need to......) and there was nothing I could do... And if you and your mom have talked about this and agreed that something will have to happen first, then you have done all you can.... Grandmother may find that she will have to pay someone , just because you are "family" does not mean you have to worry yourself half to death over things you have no say so about... Continue with school, keep your job, take time to have some fun, and the rest will happen as it will. You hang in there and know you are doing the best you can.... hugs to you...
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sad that you have to do that Debbie, I was lucky that I live where I do, her doctor would listen and tell me what was going on, I started going in with Mom to her doctors appointments about two years ago.. I tried talking with her about the POA, about getting a living will and her cremation all in order, she refused to even think about it, till just a month before she passed.

Like you said, you have no legal backing at the moment, there isn't much you can do, about the only way I can think of, is if she is a danger to herself or someone else, you might be able to approach a judge about a competence hearing.
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Starri, how are you feeling this afternoon, you aren't using your laptop at a roadside park are ya???? I know you were wanting to run away this morning.......that's something I think we all feel on a day to day basis.. hope you are feeling better, hugs to you.....
And Jam, let that butt kissing continue, is there a new piece of jewelry you want, or something like that??? now is the time,, and DO NOT FOLD THE UNDERWEAR !!!!
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hey ladeeda, to be perfectly honest? I am presently not a very happy camper, using the computer at home for the moment and probably for the next three months, I refuse to start our trip with less than 3,000.00 sitting in the bank account and darling hubby decided last night he wanted to buy a kindle (170.00) books to go along with it, didn't add those up, a tent we do not need as we have the camper, a 5 gallon water jug, ok fine, we can always use that if we break down in the middle of the desert..and a d***ed "air horn" plus wiring for his motorcycle..what in the world does he need a "air horn" for? That purchase I believe is what I call a "ego" purchase, he told me about the books, (he can already read them on both laptops and the computer at home) failed to mention the other stuff, I didn't know about them till I opened the bank account online and saw that the almost 4,000.00 we had for the trip was now less than 3500.00 we still need to get some things replaced on the truck, minimum 500.00, get the bike it's tune up, 600.00. It's one of those spyder things you see on TV now, the ones with the two wheels in front.. (can we say ego purchase?) I went off on him the other day for his insane purchases..(over 500.00) for tie downs for the camper, when he was telling me about some 200.00 ones he was looking at, they say women and bipolar's are the ones that run out and spend money that they should not... it ain't me and I am both..lol.. We did manage to get the trailer for the bike for what we agreed on with the guy, I wasn't having a good day and Hubby called me to tell me the trailer that the guy agreed to sell us for 950, he was going to raise that amount, I went off on hubby and on the guy, told hubby he would either sell at the agreed price or he would not be selling period, we got it for the agreed price and he threw in a hitch ball to go along with it...lol.. some times it pays to be a b****,
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Yeah Starri. I'm not allowed to go to her dr appointments. I have made a decision though. I am going to obtain these documents that I need, and she can yell and scream if she wants to, but she will understand that she needs to sign them and why before it's over. I am going to have to tell her that if she won't sign them on her own, I will have to do this through a judge, and I really don't want to do that. I would much rather cooperation. She knows she needs me to be here, and I know she knows she's having trouble with things. She doesn't need to come out and admit it...but if I can just get her to cave enough to sign the papers then that's perfect enough for me. I just read an article that was posted here and that got my wheels turning. If Gram has dementia I have to get these documents before she's too far gone. And I also need POA for Grampa.
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my fingers are crossed and I am sending up prayers for you, that she comes around, mine finally did, but it took her being told flat out by her cancer doctor that A: she had cancer, it was small cell, went from the lungs into the liver, B: surgery was out of the question, C: radiation was out of the question D: Chemo would just kill her faster, she lasted about 6 to 7 weeks after being diagnosed.

I hope that you do not have to go the way of the courts...if you have family, you might have a fight on your hands, I told the brothers that I was going to do that if I had too, one said he would fight me, told him to bring it on, his butt wasn't here to take care of her. Thankfully I didn't have to have that fight. You can contact the local hospice, talk with the social worker there, she/he can provide you with information on how to find them, or get them for you.. They took care of that for me.
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Oh thanks so much.
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I really have no idea what I am doing when it comes to getting these documents so I really appreciate that bit of direction Starri.
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your welcome Debbie, I found a place on line that had the paperwork I needed, and then hospice was sent in by her cancer doctor, so I ended up not needing the ones I printed off, if I can find the link to it, I'll post it here, they have paperwork for every state I believe.
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took a couple of minutes digging but I found it,

http://www.caringinfo.org/i4a/pages/index.cfm?pageid=3289
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Debbie, I am Italian so I can't give you any advice on what to do from the legal point of view about your grandma. It seems to me the other ladies have given you good tips-
I can just tell you that my mother had the same reactions 5/6 years ago; she didn't want any help from anyone, she didn't want a caregiver, she didn't want to come live with me... It was always a "no" and my brother and I were getting crazy because we knew that she put herself in danger every minute. Then, one day, she fell from a high ladder in the middle of the night, because she wanted to put something in the cupboard. She couldn't call anyone; the following day my brother had to smash the door to get into the house. From that moment on, she accepted a caregiver part time, and so on and so on, and now she lives with me. The period where they start to have problems in organizing their life, is also the period that they claim their independence and it is very difficult for the people around them! It is just a period which will necessarily pass. Good luck!
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Hey everyone... I better get my stuff down here before this stupid computer starts messing with my mind again...
Seeme, what is going on with the Dr's??? Hope we hear from you, I am worried...
Starri, husbands!!! See, that is why I no longer have one of those, and now if I get pissy or don't have enough money, it REALLY is all my fault... lol... doesn't he realize on some level that you just lost your mom and do not need this stress on top of it all?And I didn't know men bought anything that wasn't about ego... you'll have to fill me in on purchases that are not guided by that for men... hmmm, had no idea..
Debbie, you are the most amazing young woman.. taking the bull by the horns,, and you are right, this sight has more info than we would ever use, but covers everything... happy to see you are getting into action before things go downhill.
Jam, am proud of you for not folding the damned underwear,, Target needs to have chapped lips, it is his turn to "make the col happy", hehehehe...and ask him if he has been shopping for my birthday gift....

My "Sonnyism" for the day.. I finally have him on a schedule, will not let him sleep all morning, and then have to keep him busy...after lunch he wanted to lay down, told him no, he had things he had to help me with.. We dried the dishes, put things up, emptied trash cans into the big one, and took the garbage can to the road... on the way back in the house he said" I ain't gonna let you work me this hard again unless I get on the payroll" bahahahahaha!!!! I know the neighbors heard me laughing.. now he could not put the spoon with the spoons in the drawer, but he still has that humor... Bless his heart....
Am going outside to smoke,,, the heat is killing me,, hugs to everyone...
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Hey Rossella, any work yet?? How is mom today? Did ya'll go to the "water" today?? It is so beautiful, I am afraid I would have to sleep on the beach with a rope tied around mama so she didn't wander off.... hugs across the miles to you...
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Ladee, no work yet! If it goes on like this, I shall send the helper of the afternoon on vacation (paid vacation, of course). At least, someone can take a rest. Those girls are more stressed than I am.
When we go to the beach, the group is: Mother - Daniela (the helper of the morning) + Daniela's 5 years old child + me. Daniela and I make shifts to stay near my mother (who otherwise would flee) and Daniela's child bathes with her mother or with me. So, the child has a pleasant morning, and Daniela and I have time to enjoy the beach even though you can't say that we really enjoy it 100%. I hope we can do it this week, too, if that SOB of one of my employers pays me! (he is 15 days late!!!)
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Good Morning everyone..how are you? this morning I am doing pretty good, that might have something to do with the fact hubby is still in bed...lol.. Don't have much on the agenda, still some more stuff at Mom's, taking one brother who finally got his ego out of the way over into the next state to find out why instead of qualifying him for the disability he applied for, they are paying him SSI and only 18.00 per month..(my SIL works, so their basing his pay against how much she brings in).

Ladeeda? the non-ego purchases, are things that are "actually" needed. He does do his best though to buy the most expensive things that he can find. I've been in the process of trying to train him for the last 11 years..told him one time if he got nothing else out of this marriage, he would at least make some woman a good husband...rofl.

I was sole support for many of those, when he did have a job, I could time it to almost the day he would either get fired or quit. So he's been learning how to come to a decision that maybe he doesn't need the 500.00 brakes when a 50.00 set will do just as well. I finally gave up one day on making him find a job, when a friend of his told him that because he was over 50, getting his disability would be a piece of cake, 2.5 years later he finally got it, and only because I stayed on his butt about doing the paperwork.

Made him apply for his VA disability because I wasn't paying for insurance to cover him and myself (half my check), if he could not keep a job. Between the two incomes he now brings in, it allowed me to come home, be able to take care of him, my brother and Mom and file for my own disability. I'd been working in extreme pain for over 8 years.

Rossellamex? isn't there some kinda official board or something you can go too? we have a government agency here that takes care of that kinda thing. I had to go to them one time over a employer not paying me over time I was due, they had to pay it along with interest for how long I had to wait. I'm jealous over the beach, I live a 6 hour drive away and hubby isn't really interested in going, so he ends up laying in the bed in the hotel room, and if I want to do something, I have to do it on my own.

Hope everyone has a peaceful day...
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Hey ya'll, hope everyone got a good night's sleep.. That is a sad statement about our lives that sleep is the most important thing sometimes....
BananaMarie, welcome, and vent all you want.. this is the place.... you will read many stories on this whole sight about siblings not helping.. that's why I call my siblings,"the ugly sisters"...so keep coming back and telling us how you feel, we care and we listen..
Debbie, hope you get the papers, and get them signed by your grandmother with the least amount of trouble, doesn't sound like it will happen that way, but you sound determined to take good care of your grandparents and hope things get a little easier for you...
Starri, well, I hope your teeth aren't gritted off to nubs before you get to leave on vacation.... you know how to handle hubby, so other than the extra stress you'll eventually get your vacation....
soverytired, I am sorry for not welcoming you yesterday.. Don't know much about you story, please share more, so we can help if we can.. If not, keep on venting, this is what this is all about, getting it out... pray for you to have a better day...
Jam, have you started on my quilt yet? Are the underwear still in the basket?? And yes the col will get a haircut, sedate her first, when she wakes up she will think she agreed to it and will love it....
Seeme, so happy to know things are finally on the right track with your mom... get some rest while you can...
Hugs and prayers for everyone this morning, need to get ready for work, to go see what new surprises Sonny has for me today....

And Rossella, go get your money girl, relieve some of that frustration on them and get your money or drop mama off and tell them you are not coming back until they give you your money..... love ya
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Good Morning Posse!!! Hope everyone had a good night and is looking forward to a better day!

Welcome to all of our new posters.....I will get caught up with everyone today I hope!

Nothing new going on here.......listening to Target put dinner in the crockpot, the col is having her breakfast, all the dogs have taken numerous trips outside, the underwear IS NOT getting folded, and I'm sitting and drinking my coffee and contemplating buying a new mattress. Haven't started on ladee's quilt yet....shame on me!
I listen to other people's horror stories about dealing with SS disability and I guess I was one of the lucky ones. After I was injured in Oct 2009, my long-term disability carrier sent me information on a company they work with that works to get your SSD. I read through all the information and it kept saying that nothing will come directly out of my pocket and their fee would be taken from any lump sum settlement I got. Okay, I finally decided to let them do all the paperwork and it was within a couple of months I received a letter from them and SS saying I was approved and would be getting a check soon. The whole thing took about 3 mo because my back pay was $6000. The fee for the company was like $800 and they had taken that out before I got the big check. My dil, who has MS, was turned down for SSD, so I sent her to them and they are working to get hers approved. My husband retired with a disability last Feb and when he called the company they told him you have to be disabled for 1 yr before you can apply. So apparently they changed the law. But I don't understand why because that would mean there would always be a huge back pay due. So I am going to do a little research on that one. This company was great and told me that if you try to do it all yourself chances are you will be turned down several times, I wasn't. So I highly recommend them. And if anyone is interested I can give you the information on my wall.

Will check back later.........

Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
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Hey Jam, I'm kinda not surprised about your DIL, my baby brother has MS and Epilepsy and they denied him all the way to federal court. 4.5 years to get it, but this was like 15 + years ago. South Carolina at least, they've been on their butts to get it done faster. If memory is correct, you have to be able to prove your 'disability' will last 12 months or longer, or result in death..

I did the filing on my own, was denied twice, once is pretty standard practice with them, after the second time I hired a attorney, he represented me in a "hearing" before a judge, which is considered the third round with them.

It was one of those video things, she was on a TV in Knoxville, TN, I was in Greenville, SC. My attorney gets 1/4 of my back pay, the SS takes that before they send you it and then if they have taken more than what the rep is due, they send you the rest after they get done paying them. My attorney is going to make out like a bandit, maybe two weeks worth of work and it's over 3,000.00 the SS took out for them..lol, I don't care, at least it got approved and I am done with the mess for at least three years, they can review it after that and determine if I am still disabled or not. They did that to my brother a few times, before the next one called, and said "oh, I don't know why we are doing this", lol, like "duh" MS is not going to get any better.

Hope your husband gets it quickly.. it's a aggravation. It's like they almost try to starve you to death, before they'll give it too you, my brother almost lost everything he owned before they finally gave it to him.
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Ladee, Starri, the environment where I work is very strange and it has its own rules... You must scream to have your money, but not too much, because if you make too much of a mess, they don't give you any job in the future. It is normal tthat the firms are late in payments for 15 days, one month, two months; it's part of the game, but if you really are without money and you can't wait one more day, of course it pisses you off.
My cousin, who works in the same field but she is an actress (she makes the dubbings) some years ago had waited for months and months to be paid by one of these firms. So one day she went there, and the boss told her for the 1000th time: "yes, we are going to pay you very soon, don't worry". And she didn't believe him anymore, so she took a computer of that office (she unplugged all the wires), she took the computer in her arms and went toward the door, saying "I accept it as a payment!" (my cousin is a smart, smart woman). And the boss stopped her and said "Come here, I sign you a check!" I am not going to do this for 250 euros!!!! She did it because they owed her a lot of money!
Starri, what can we do with these men????? I'm an old maid and never managed to understand how they "work", I hoped that you married ladies could give me some explanations! (at least, to explain the past, because I don't foresee any more love stories in my future. I'd like to understand what happened with the past ones, just because I am curious)
Ladee, my cat photo album has 3 more photos. The less I work, the most I take pictures of cats.
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6 more photos. The less I work, the more I post photos of cats
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I have been caring for my Mom for 4 years. Finical we were ok but with repairs and some day care now it is getting impossible to live on just her Social Security. I am looking for part time work but it is difficult. I am also researching other sources. But mean while I am getting behind on the bills. I do not know what to do. This is not helping the stress. I gave up everything including my broke down car. Not that I truly mind its worth it to keep Mom home I just do not know which way to turn at this point.
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Hi all, same old same old here. BUT, {drum roll} I am all set for 4 days away next mth. YEAH!!
My brother actually agreed to come over late evenings and spend the night!!! Will miracles never cease! I think it's because I silently begged God in my head for weeks. Hey, whatever it takes.
And I have other caregivers set up to cover the days. I'm afraid to get to excited for fear I will wake up to find that it is all a dream.
I'm feeling guilty about not taking dad, but I will try to work through it. He wont even know I'm gone.
I have heard that SSD is a nightmare. Workers comp. is even worse. If I ever get
injured on the job again I will not use workers comp. YUCK!!! I'd rather eat dirt.
Rossellamex, I love to take pics of my cats to.
One of my favorite sayings is by Albert Schweitzer : There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life music cats. Of course I have to add chocolate to that........ oh and don't forget the beer. A beer is always nice. Blessings
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Oops, that should have been music AND cats.
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Welcome Paula, I am sorry things are so hard for you financially. I personally have no experience with this part of care giving but hope someone here has some suggestions for you... but we do hope you come back and talk to us about what is going on and how you are coping, or not, that is what we are here for... Hope someone can give you some direction to go... hugs to you and welcome again.
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