This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Hubby and I took the camper for a test run, went to a local camping spot and spent the night, it helped to find out what it is we're needing, how to go about setting up and taking down camp, etc.. Figuring two or three more trips like that and we'll have most of the bugs worked out, would really love to hit the road come the 1st of August, but don't know, lots to get done still.
We need better stairs, that is for sure, one of us is going to break a leg, and it will probably be me, we're presently using one of those little kitchen stepladders and it isn't safe trying to come out of the camper backwards, and hope your foot hits that top step..especially at night.
A port a pottie is next after the steps, came out of the camper to use the restrooms, went head over heels over a rail road tie they had as a barrier for a ditch, thankfully nothing but the pride was injured.
Wondering if I made a big mistake in wanting to take on this new adventure, told hubby I believed I had, he's not of much help here at the house, lol, he told me this is no different than being at home, had to laugh at him, well, let's see, at home I don't have to set things up like the table to work off of, dig out the coolers, make a full meal on two burners on a stove that I have to light and hope I don't blow myself up. At home the dogs can be just let out the door, not have to walk them to do their thing.. Ahhh, just like home huh? Told him the idea of this was so that I get to rest, not have to work even harder.
If I find that he isn't helping more, we'll be returning to home, selling the camper and living out our days on the deck..lol.. He's still capable of taking care of himself, so I would be able to rest most of the time, told him we are getting a normal camping spot, not doing what they call boondocking, at least that way I'll have electric and water.
Guess that I ought to try and get some more sleep, didn't sleep all that well out camping.
Big, Big hugs to all, hope that you do get some sleep and some peace and quiet..
I thought we had some zuchini volunteers from last year and I have been joking that we were growing bowling balls in the garden....Joke's on us.......they turned orange.....PUMPKINS.....forgot hubby let a pumpkin rot there last year !!! Some gardners we are !! LOL
We had a screaming match here this morning. Mom started hollering at 5:30 she wanted to get dressed.....she was cold......wanted her bear blanket...yada, yada, yada. Told her to get in bed under the covers....too early to get dressed....I am tired.....blah, blah, blah. She just wanted her way with no consideration for anyone else. I finally got up at 8:30 after hubby started hollering....didn't know he was home from fishing.......and now I am being reported on....yea, right. I told her how I knew nothing was wrong and she was just mad because she wasn't getting her way and knock it off. She started crying, but she did apologize.......it won't last long.
Now I must get a shower and go to Walmart and get supplies. Hubby and mom alone together.......oh, well.................later............
Seeme, you haven't found an OTC sleep aide for mom yet???? And I guess we need to start calling you CHARLIE BROWN, now that you have your own pumpkin patch!!!!!!! Glad I am not depending on ya'll for my fresh veggys, no telling what I would find in my basket... love it...
Jam, I have suggested a leash for the col.. but it needs to have a halter with a bungee cord so when she gets to a certain point leaning over it will spring back up to standing position... then let her pick the damned weeds until she just can't pick another one.. If we put her and Sonny together they would have neighborhoods looking good, between picking weeds and picking up sticks, they would make a pair...and me following them in the air conditioned car!!!!! No way am getting in this heat more than I have to...
Yeah, yep putting them to bed is a chore sometimes.. Ruth would have stayed up 24/7 if I had let her... and by all means let us know about the lingerie party.. we could all use a good laugh right now...
Starri, where are ya'll going to go camping, and starting in Aug!!!!! ???? No way, and having to set up and take down camp... again double no way... Just do it in ya'll's back yard and that way when you get tired of all that crap, you can go in the house...Set up a scenery movie for the hubby that runs on the windshield, he'll think he is traveling, and you can sleep in your own bed.. sorry, I am too fat and old, that does not sound like fun to me...
Jam, no I don't do Missouri winters or springs... I would rather bitch about the heat in the summer and it not getting very cold in the winter... And snow,, no way, that's stuff we put strawberry syrup on here and call them snowcones.... no way...
Seeme, tell mama she is grounded, no more shopping unless she lets you take a nap and leaving her with hubby for a little while is a good idea...
Rossella, he is fine today, will be sore, grand mal seizures take a lot out of him...He is awake now and talking ninety miles an hour...HE'S FINE!!!!!
Love ya'll, and hugs across the miles to regular posters and now and then posters...
Hope everyone has gotten a little sleep after the screaming matches and falling in ditches and going to the hospital.
Not a lot to report on so far, but then it's early. The col started putting herself to bed last night earlier than normal, so I'm running downstairs to catch her while she's still in the bathroom......don't try and hide your dirty undies. She was going to pull those poopy things right back on.....she might run out if she changes. For heaven's sake I have 160 in a box right now....do ya think that might last a week or two sunshine? Gave her night meds and she sat on the side of her bed and was being "cute", took her ears out and then starts to shout at me because everything got quiet.....and I mean shout! And laughs like she has lost her mind....oh wait a minute....she has!
I planted pumpkins one year and really didn't know how to take care of them.....they went wild through the yard, produced tons of small pumpkins and they just withered and died....something about "pinching back" so only a few will grow. Never did it again. Three of my tomato plants just withered and died....I swear I don't have luck with tomatoes unless I get the plants from Wal-Mart....strange I know. My peas aren't doing much of anything so I will probably just pull them up...have some peppers I need to pick today. It's so humid out that I don't want to venture out there.
I need to make a list for things I need to get done this week and start checking it off. That seems to be the only way I can get anything done. Is that a sign?
Time for more coffee......will be doing a drive-by for a while yet.....hope others check in and let us know how you are.
Love and Hugz,
Jam
I talked to the sister that comes out here most often, the one that brings her grandchildren and is no real relief for me, and told her about mom pooping in the kitchen chair.......wanna know what her response was?????............. sounds just like her old beagle that wants to go out all night and keeps waking her up, and then doesn't do anything, and why should she keep getting up, just let him shit where he wants and she'll clean it up in the morning...................................WTF???
I decided to hang up and not contribute to her stress level. This poor sister will be a great-grandmother at the age of 57 later this year...........guess she is burned out, especially since they all live on the same land waaaaay too close to each other. At least the tree is forking.....if you know what I mean.
And Guys, wonder what seeme meant about finally getting to have a "grown up" conversation??? I exclude myself from that comment because I REFUSE to be a grown up, but what about the rest of you..... You know I'm only playing Seeme, not about the part about me not being a grown up, we know that part is true...If I didn't let my imagination run wild and laugh, I would be in an asylum,,, maybe I'm already in one, and everything is just IMAGINARY........hmmm something for me to think about... in my spare time from weaving baskets... love ya..
Target went to the store today and after he got back the col asked him to go outside and pick her some lettuce from the garden. She has forgotten she has some in her fridge already. He actually went out in 93 degree heat and did it! Going to the store gave me heart failure....but to actually go outside? I'm the one in the imaginary world....:)
Hope everyone is having a good day.......will check back later,
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
seemeride - yep walmart i just got back from there . hopin that i wouldnt see anyone i knew and whew i didnt . i had a coupon from puter and printed it out , five bucks off for 24 cans of coke , cashier said oh we dont take copy prints , well ok fine . wasted my paper ,
of course when we see a adult it does makes u feel so grown up . without anyone to talk to and are in mom or dad s butt all day long it does makes u feel like a kid still hangin on to em . oh good grief ! begin away from pa oh hell yes ! weeeeeeeeeeeeeee im all grown up lalala . xxoxooxox
I am feeling destructive, so as soon as the sun goes down a little farther, I am ripping out the green bean plants.....sounds like fun to me today. The rabbits will have nothing but the tomatoes to hide in. We are going to plant squash, garden peas, and green beans again in August. It can be so warm up through the middle of October, so we'll try foranother crop. Don't know if it will work, but as gardners we can't tell zuchini from pumpkins, so what the hay.........
Tomorrow is a visit to the dr doing the colonoscopy, her PCP to get the form for renewal of handicap signs, and her dentist. O boy, o boy.....While hubby goes looking at an old truck he's thinking of buying. We have a van, a sebring, a Harley and a scooter.......ah, well............later.........
Well my 2yr old grandson is coming over for a few hrs, he and dad are about on the same wave length so they keep each other company.
I wanted to sit in my recliner and nap a bit but.........why is it that dad will sleep all day in his chair until I sit in mine and then he wakes up and his yap goes like a ducks rear end. hugs
Why did we have kids???? Well, I think part of it is too see how much guilt we can carry until we catch on, to count gray hairs and give them credit, to have grandchildren that we wonder if they picked up the wrong kid at the hospital, because the kid is cute and smart...you know the drill, how is your dad this evening...
let us know if he is doing ok... hugs to you...
Wonder why her Dr. is being passive? If she is getting Alz./dementia, there are meds to slow down that process...
Your grandfather sounds like a sweetie, and to be so good natured with everything he has going on, I know you are grateful for him...
The hardest thing to learn is to not take her behavior personal... it's much easier said than done especially when you are the only caregiver....
You won't have to just survive any longer... you will meet many nice folks on this thread that are going thru many of the same things you are.. please keep in touch and let us know how you are and what is going on in your life... we are here for you.. hugs across the miles...
ladee.....before you move you had better pick up a big box from Nobs so we won't run out of those things...:) Target was watching a tv show last night and I saw your future ex-husband and thought of you. Don't know what show it was, some movie.
Told Target this morning that I was going to get the col to watch something different on tv if it killed me....well, well Mr. I don't do much told me I couldn't "torture" the col like that......hide and watch me. So I said fine....she's your mother, you take care of her....I'm done. Went about my business while he went to the store. Came back, took some things down to col, came back up so sweet and nice and let me know he changed the channel......."she doesn't need to watch that Anthony crap all the time"......I'm still not speaking to him and seriously contemplating making him go live with the col. And I refuse to fold his clean underwear. I don't hold grudges either....:)
Heather comes tomorrow... leaves me time to go get the dog, make the col an eye, dental and PCP appt, call and refill my HRT before I commit homicide, get the front patio work finished, make a list of items from the lake house to be brought back here.....and I'm still not folding underwear.
Time to go put the col to bed.....I would make Target but he wouldn't change her wet pants. He's trying so hard to be nice, but I don't think I like him yet.
Hope everyone has had a super Sunday.....
Love and Hugz,
Jam
Starry, you need that trip! You have to change environment. I am sure that you will enjoy it, eventually!
Seeme, how many good wishes for all of us. You are very sweet. Tell your sister to stop talking rubbish.
Ladee, I am amazed by your sense of humour and positive attitude in any situation! I smiled at the idea of you, in an air conditioned car, while Sonny (his name is Sonny, right?) and COL keep the town clean, together!
Jam, my mother is no more the clean person she was before, but she has always to clean plants from withered leaves and flowers... I mean, she would like to put on the same dress and diaper for one week, but the garden must be perfect!
I had an e-mail from my accountant. More taxes to be paid! I want to kill the italian government
Come and visit and let us get to know you. We're actually a great bunch of care givers!
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
Rossella, yes a sense of humor has saved many lives!!! I can find humor in anything, I get on others nerves sometimes, but I'm still laughing... guess I feel we are going to be dead a lot longer than we are going to be alive, so why not laugh at all the stupid stuff that happens, especially laughing at myself.... I just can't afford to take myself too seriously. And we can let your mom go with Sonny and the col and she can keep all the dead leaves and flowers off of the plants and we will have the best looking neighborhood in town... I can just see the little old folks converging on a neighborhood with sun hats, dragging a plastic garbage can to put their stuff in, and just not getting on our nerves for a little while.. I volunteer to watch them, not let them go into strangers houses and such, but I am not getting out of the car unless one of them falls... and if I can see from the car, they are not too hurt, then I will be loving and patient and let them get up on their own.... love ya and glad you enjoyed the "guard cat" story...
Thank you ladies for such a good laugh at 3AM..lol, not been a good day, hasn't been a good night, and I am sitting here seriously considering getting in my car and getting out of here for a few days.
Only problem with escaping is I need my cpap and it's in the bedroom with hubby, he's a light sleeper otherwise I would do my best to sneak in there and get it. Not sure where I would take off too, but somewhere, need some peace badly, as I am definitely sure that all of you do as well, more than me actually.. Kinda feel like a whiner for feeling this way after reading all that you go through, I am still amazed you survive this day in and day out.
Found out today what brothers idea of not throwing things away was, it's throw it in a box and donate, the donating on it's own is not a bad thing, let someone else get use out of it, but he's always said that he was going to sit on the porch and watch everyone else haul Mom's stuff out, and here he is doing the exact thing that he has accused everyone else of, and I truly don't believe he has a clue... no consideration that someone might want a memory.
What little sleep I have gotten tonight was with dreams of talking with Mom and fighting with the brother. Hubby can be a real insensitive idiot sometimes, made a comment after I told him about the dreams, that made me want to ring his chimes for him.. If it wasn't for the fact that I do not believe in raising a hand to another person in anger, I probably would have.
So that is where I am at the moment, needing sleep and afraid too. I see my mental health doctor in a couple of days, think I am going to talk with her about a sedative or something, don't know that she will give them to me though, got stupid a few years back when under a lot of stress and ended up in the local mental hospital for a week, after spending 4 days in the hospital getting the excess meds out of my system.
Take care everyone, I hope that you find a few hours of peace and quiet to help rest your body and soul.
Will get some sleep while she is out......zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Seeme, hope you get Dr.s appt's today and it isn't a big hassle. And Kathy is an earth angel for you....you need a break so bad... let us know what you find out with Dr's today...
Jam, I hope the underwear is still setting in the basket... Target uses the word "torture" a lot in regard to the col... he might need to see what that is about...
Debbie, hope we hear from you today... there is another young lady on here , Allshesgot, that will check in today, maybe if you talk to her about being so young and doing this job she can be more help than us "old ladies". She is a sweetheart and is very loving and supportive... hugs to all, need to get ready for work..
I've used it before and it worked well as a sleep aid, I've tried the 3.0 and for me personally, it was too much, was groggy for the most of the next day. Talk with her doctor and see what they say. Those wet wipes they have for adults and babies as well, might be easier on the butt.. had to use them on hubby when he had sepsis and on mom there towards the end. Baby wipes are a heck of a lot cheaper than the adult, can be gotten at a dollar store..I think it is Charmin that might put out a aloe version of TP.
Cloudy and rainy right now...and cool....70 degrees compared to the 90 something yesterday.
starri....good idea on the melatonin......I was standing in our favorite store the other day, in the pharmacy section, and saw some on the shelf by all the sleep aids. And yes it's Charmin that makes the TP with lotion, we've used it around here since it first came out.
lisa.....glad you came back to visit! Yes, it is sad to look forward to a trip to Wal-Mart. Sometimes that's the only place we can get some "outside" human contact. I made friends with one of the cashiers several months ago and she watches for me to come in and when she doesn't see me for a week or two she starts to worry. And she always asks about the col and how she is doing. Some people will not be honest about anything, no matter the consequences and there are those who have to know your business and make it a point to find out everything. I used to work with a person like that.....I finally would start my day with a smile on my face and it drove him crazy trying to find out why......of course I never said anything. Friends should hang out with you and find out what it's like to be in "the trenches" and should listen when you need to let off some steam or laugh about things before you go crazy. Unfortunately, when you are out of the loop, others just don't get what we are doing and they are so busy with their own lives that they don't give us a second thought. If you feel the need to bitch or complain, you can come here and do it all you want. Get it out of your system, then you can go about your day.
Underwear is still in the basket......of course my backside is getting tired of being kissed. I guess I should go off the deep end more often.
ladee......hope you have a good day with Sonny and Marie.......hahahahahah...that just hit me....Donny and Marie...yes, sometimes I'm very slow.
seeme.....let us know how things go....I know you will, just letting you know we are thinking of you.
Hope everyone else checks in and let's us know how you are. Must take a shower now so I can go pick up the dog.
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
Starri, I will try the melatonin.....I actually saw it where hubby gets his vitamins and it just didn't register....no surprise there !!!
Well, mom woke up befroe I could finish this....says she hurts everywhere...she coughed and grabbed her chest, so I called the dr.....he says take her to the ER. He is booked up solid till Wed. and I think she has bronchitis. And he also told me to make sure she goes into the hospital for the clean out. She is too great a risk for dehydration. Later I will stop there for some more sterile urine cups, I will just cath her for the next UTI test. Almost noon and I am still trying to get b/fast down her and am pills. Later.................
Went and picked up the col's dog. He is doing fine. Butt looks a little painful, but it doesn't seem to bother him. They also took the "mole" off his right lower eyelid, cauterized it. So I take him down to her and the dog immediately goes over and starts scratching his eye on the carpet. Yep, you guessed it....blood all over him, the floor, me.....and the col just sits there like a bump on a log. Completely oblivious to it all. Heather cleaned the carpet while I cleaned the dog, then I wrapped the leash around the col's hand and told her to keep hold of him so he won't do that again!!!!!!!
Trying to get caught up on things today that I have been putting off. Hope I succeed.
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam