This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Hope everyone has a sane day, more later, got to get ready for work... hugs across the miles to everyone..
ladee.....have a great day at work...hope Sonny is good for you today.
seeme.....I am hoping you are just tired from a long day yesterday and recuperating. When you get a chance catch us up with the news......we love you!
starri......hoping you have everything together and starting the countdown to vacation.....you will come back a new person and be ready to tackle "the job".
morning johnny.......how are you and Miss Betty? Will you be seeing your kids this weekend....and maybe give you a little "guy time"?
ASG......how's Aunt? You have been too quiet this week....reading or just too busy? I can see you now....kids swimming, iced tea in one hand, your book in the other and Aunt calling 911 because she can't find you.........
mj, 54, krn, linda09, rossella, yearight...............don't want to miss anyone.....hope you all have a good Friday........
Yesterday was a weird day....after we got home and fed the col, she sat on the couch and took a nap......I was able to get a few things done in my own home.....then the rest of the day and evening was spent repeating to her over and over what she had for lunch.....she kept taking the "soaking" oatmeal out of the refrigerator to sit on the counter "I'm eating that for breakfast". At 4 I went down to see what she might like for dinner and she wasn't hungry.....I can see that, the sandwich we brought her would feed at least 2 maybe 3 people, and she ate half and said she would have the other half for supper. But throughout the afternoon she ate a bag of potato chips, yes a large bag, finished off a gallon size Ziploc bag with cheese popcorn in it and a big piece of birthday cake. And drank a coke and 4 cups of coffee. We went down at 9 to give night meds and put her to bed, and there is the oatmeal on the counter AGAIN and "I'm eating that for breakfast".....it's bed time now and are you hungry? No, but I'm having my mush for breakfast. OMG, what is going on? She is digging and scratching all over and I take her to the bathroom for change and clean up and under her finger nails are black.....that's when hubby confesses he caught her earlier outside with a plastic fork digging in the strawberry patch. I ultimately allowed him to live BUT the col got a nasty attitude and refused to clean her hands, I finally had to wash her myself and then she stood there and squealed and hollered like she was being killed. Hubby finally had to take her by the shoulders and get right in her face and told her to knock it off......she flopped herself down on the bed like a 2 y/o. And yes she is covered in chigger bites from her little foray into the yard. Care giver will keep her out of the yard today.......but since she came home she has been so good about understanding she can't get outside anymore like she used to. Care giver told me Wednesday that the col bent over to pick up something from the floor and she caught her before she tumbled onto her head.
Taking col's dog in to the vet at 8:30 to have the tumor taken off his butt. Want them to keep him all weekend. She is not capable of doing any kind of post-op care and if I take him my dogs will be all over him and poor thing couldn't do any type of healing or rest. Going to tell them that if tumor has gotten into the muscle, he is to be put to sleep. How cruel for him and I can't and won't take care of an incontinent dog. So we shall see what happens.
Will catch up with everyone later.....Love and Hugz to all of you!
Jam
Net result of the dr visit is the recommendation of a colostomy. Mom is not fond of that idea. Wants to reconnect right away and if she dies from infection, so what. No definite decision was made until she has a colonoscopy. Maybe they can find the exact end of the other side of the fistula.
We have ruled out the following sleep aids: haldol, xanax, restoril, lorazepam, temazapam, ambien, and we will do a full test on Tylenol PM. I gave mom 1 instead of 2 last night and she got pissy with me. We will try on Sunday when help is here cause I can't do a crazy night and all next day. We don't tell her what she is taking, so it's not like she knows and is fighting it. She just has the wrong reaction. She is weird like that.....can't use neosporin, bandaids, benadryl, allegra even Silvadyne (sp?) that is put on burn patients.....she will blister or break out in rashes.......I got one weird momma.
Let me hit ubmit before something goes wrong...
Jam
Give COL some time to level out with the new meds. She might calm down more, or may need a tweek. It took a long time to get my mom on the right combination.
Seeme, Have you tried Remeron for sleeping? Mom used to get a 15mg every night and it worked for a long time. Doctor said it was like having a glass of wine before bed. Now Mom gets one seroquel and that took a while for her body to get used to it.
Finally rid of the dizziness, so now I have tons to catch up on here!
Hope you all have a great day!
chiggers ! they had a party in my underwear while i was sleeping all night ! woke up tchin my butt and ehere there i thought what is going on ! went to the bathroom oh my gosh ! clean it all up and anti cream meds smeared all over it and put on fresh undy and pant . damn it ! and i only pulled out few weeds yesterday , what the hell !
you all have a good weekend a,d stay out of trouble :-) xoxox
sounds like u ll have to take ur mom to bathroom the next time u need to go .
man i am so sorry . xoxo
Jam, my mother never knows what time it is, night, day, afternoon, morning... this is why she never wants to go to bed. I guess it's part of the disease. New symptoms appear every day, for our immense joy!
Kathy try to take some rest! I have been unemployed for almost 2 weeks and I am literally regenerating myself with laziness and I sleep as much as I can. I feel much better. You need to stop, sometimes.
Jam, glad to hear the dog is doing good. Does she realize he is gone???? Guess you are quite the princess now with all this time to yourself... I expect a handmade quilt for Christmas... you have time now...
Rossella , I promise to not make you worry!!! I am not going to go find a cardboard box to sleep in, and if I do, I will put it in BG's living room, how's that??? Just was feeling overwhelmed this morning about getting out of here... but had a talk with sil this evening about him telling me to get out asap... Wouldn't let him talk till I was done, told him I had never taken advantage of them yet, and I was an adult and didn't need him to tell me how to tend to business... told him he was drinking when he said it and I got so stiff I wanted to jump square up in his face... but knew i would have to talk to him sooner or later... so I feel relief that I said something and am not carrying that around with me....
Well, I hope every one has a decent weekend... It is too hot here to do anything,
I am having problems concentrating, feel like I am rambling, .later, hugs across the miles...
The col is handling the dog being gone just fine. She is rather mellow about it. She has thanked me numerous times for taking him in and says it really is best that he stay the weekend.
My son and dil came by and son mowed, dil power washed the front patio and I cut some branches and dragged a bunch of limbs down to our burn pile in the lower yard. I turned around and there is the col at the strawberry pyramid, bent over pulling weeds, leaning against the top frame which is sturdy enough to hold a net, but not a human if they decide to fall face first onto the metal of the pyramid....:( She never heard me coming up behind her, I grabbed her around the waist and stood her up, scared the begeezus out of her......GOOD! Put her in time out and made her go inside. She looked at me and said "I don't think I've ever seen you that mad"......I asked her if she was trying to find a way back to the hospital....she came back outside a little bit later, but never walked off her patio...maybe I got my bluff in.
My son is having a hard time right now....his uncle, my former brother-in-law was diagnosed with Stage 4 liver and esophageal cancer a week ago. His wife didn't want him home with hospice, so they admitted him back into the hospital today. I doubt he will last the weekend.
Time to medicate the col and put her to bed. Will check back in a while.
Love and Hugz,
Jam
So happy puppy got his rear end fixed.. he will be so much happier and maybe not in pain..
Sorry to hear about your son's uncle.. your son sounds like a fine young man, wanna trade? nah, didn't think so...
I thought there was a fence so the col couldn't get out... lord, you are going to have to put a leash on her and she can only get so far away .... I don't THINK that is considered abuse, but correct me if I am wrong...
sil was contrite and apologetic. neither him or BG are used to people confronting them about the rude and insensitive stuff they say.. I had asked him how much was my part of the light bill, oh don't worry about it, I've already paid it, ok, if it takes me awhile to find a place how much rent do you want??? Oh don't worry about that, save your money, and I'll just pay next months light bill too,,,,,,, ALRIGHTY THEN, guess he was feeling guilty, don't know, don't care, just can't get out of here soon enough...
I do have a chance to get a "banana boat". I talked to Marie and Sonny's daughter today about any places to rent or anyone that had a trailer for sale... She said their preacher had one for sale and they would find out about it this weekend for me... I know not to get my hopes up,,, but wouldn't that be a good deal!!!!! Then at least if I am paying for something it will be mine and I won't ever have to worry about being in this situation again... How about a great big group prayer..... I'll let ya'll know when I find out something... if I say nothing, then it is a "no go" and I will be pissed, and back at square one.... and when ladee is not happy she does not say much about it...
Seeme, I wish there was somthing I could do to hlep you... I just feel so damned bad about how things are going... I do love ya tho, that isn't helping you, but I have to say it...
And Jam we didn't know you were a wrestler!! Got that move on her before she knew what was happening... good job... she sounds like a child testing the limits... Love you too and now that you have Heather, I won't worry so much about you..
Guess ASG is getting so educated she doesn't need us anymore,, hope you are ok girl, we miss you...
I need to go to bed, it has been a long week for everyone... love and hugs..
Glad to see some of you checked in and are hanging in there.............
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
ASG....glad to hear you are not too big for us now..lol..we need your stories......
Yearight...You just don't know how many times in a day I say that....I think of you every time....
Jam...get more help....why wouldn't you....I like the idea of having more than one person myself. I have already mentioned that to mom, but she is stubborn enough....embarrassed too much....too private...can't think of the word....to have sopmeone else see her in the condition she is in. She woke me up this morning because the smell was about to make her sick....almost crying....she just wanted to get clean. Doesn't bode well for the duration if she doesn't want or won't be approved for surgery. Everything is still up in the air. Enough whining.
Ladee....Banana Boat time.....I will pray quietly for that since I don't want to jinx it...and I just had a feeling that Sonny and Marie would help if they knew your situation. They know a good thing when they have it, and I am sure they would hate to lose you, so take any help they offer. Sometimes it works both ways....
Rosella, thanks for all your suggestions. I wonder if you have seen the barking cat video on utube. It is the funniest thing ever. Try under animals. It is worth the effort.
Linda....hope pa is doing good today and has had one of his favorite b/fasts. That is my favorite meal of the day, too. Yesterday we had biscuits, gravy, fried jowls, and over easy eggs........ah yes....a good old fashioned artery clogging midwest breakfast......gotta love it....
My time to take a shower and I am NOT passing that up. Later..............
Group prayer sounds like just the thing for everyone today!
It's raining....supposed to move on out of here, then possibly severe storms this afternoon. Good day for doing absolutely nothing. The col will be sleepy all day, she doesn't have to take the dog out, will watch tv and read her paper, in fact she has gone back to bed right now. Works for me.
My son just called....his uncle passed away this morning around 8:30. I'm glad he did not linger and suffer for months through chemo treatments.
seeme.....you're right about hiring someone else for the col. Actually after giving it a little more thought, evenings aren't that difficult. So why not hire someone for Tuesday and Thursday.....that leaves the weekends and evenings to us. She seems to do so well with Heather....and I think she feels freer to argue and demand with us. So I am going to run that by Target. It still leaves us to be able to take her out occasionally and while we're gone the care giver can get caught up on things like make the bed, etc. without having her under foot.
I hope everyone is having a good morning.......like seeme.....I'm going to take a shower while I have a chance. Will check back when the rest of you sleepy heads wake up...:)
Love and Hugz,
Jam
And I will add prayer for your mom's situation... You know her better than anyone, know what she will do and not do, so hope she agrees to the surgery and maybe the Dr. can it explain it in a way she would see the benefits. If not, then we will know who you are at the airport when we come to pick you up, not the one with the sign with your name on it, you will be the one with the HazMat suit on ...poor seeme. I can not imagine, but great big hugs to you today, and much respect...
Jam, how did things go last night?? Did she finally settle down, sounds like her meds might need a tweek... don't let it go too long or you will end up with a broken leg,,,
ASG good to hear from you, can't imagine that you are so busy, all the kids, the aunt, housework, hubby, ect... we miss you.....
Rossella, I would love to come to Italy and visit you, but need to get me a home first.. then one day, boom, I may be there.. I might want to stay tho, are you ready for that??? lol...
LindaH, saw your pics on FB, looked like you had a great time... give Pa a kiss for me...
Yeah, good to hear from you even if we were all in bed, why were you up so late, maybe none of my business but will ask anyway...
If I missed anyone , i will try to answer later... The prodigal son is coming over, deep sigh, so I will be a nut case when i post again......love ya'll and hugs across the miles...
Okay....I've done my griping for the day.
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
Seeme, I'm sorry for your mother, It must be very hard for her. (and for you of course) I'm sorry for my mother, too, when she sees that her strength disappears bit by bit and she can't be standing anymore without the help of someone.
Ladee, are you thinking of a motor home? a trailer? don't they get terribly hot in summer? Why don't you rent a room in a nice family's home? It must be cheaper than an apartment and if the room is independent, it's not so bad. At least, you are going to stay in a real home!
I am going to put my mother in bed because my brother is coming tomorrow (at last)
'night
Dad has been getting argumentative with me lately. He was never like that before.
Oh well. I just try harder to be patient.
I had to feed him his dinner because he was "so full I'm gonna bust." Amazing how he wasn't to full for the ice cream cone and he ate it so fast I was in there looking for it 'cause I thought he must have hide it somewhere!
Hubby took off for a guy weekend. I'm down with that. It's good for him to get away. But he may find me with my head through the wall when he comes home.
Oh lord, Dads rinsing his mouth with his coffee again. Thank God he swallows it.
Sometimes I just put my fingers in my ears.
Seeme, I'm so sorry about mom. Hope it all works out.
Ladeeda, I don't even know how late I was up last night. I put Dad to bed and then do all my stuff and fall into bed when I can't hang no more.
Well, I gotta cut Dads hair and do some more housework, yuck!!!
Later gators.
rossella.....I would love to let the col just go outside and pick weeds until she decides she hates doing it. Problem is, she is too unsteady on her feet and she bends over and normal people will stop.....she just keeps going.....and where she wants to pick is in rocks. It's a solid layer of river rock with the occasional 1 ton boulder sitting there also. I keep a small rolling stool that I use when I need to pull weeds.....but she refuses to use it. It's low to the ground so there would be not much bending. And with the Depakote, we have to limit the amount of sunlight she gets, so I would rather she just be a good girl and not do anything. She is so confused these days that I'm surprised she even knows her name.
Everyone must be busy today.....seeme I sure hope you have been able to get some sleep. ladee....apt hunting? Too bad you wouldn't do Missouri winters, I would steal you away from Sonny and Marie..:) ASG.....close your book now and get us caught up with Aunt. Are you doing family things tonight? Sure hope so.
linda09 how's pa? I hope he's feeling good and still able to get up and around. How was the camping trip besides full of chiggers?
how's deefer, starri, mj, 54, krn, burned, yeahright, johnny and Miss Betty? Let us know how things are.
Guess I will think about dinner now....fed the col so she will veg on the couch until time to go to bed. Still discussing extra help through the week....Target not against it, I think it will benefit her, so we will see. Next week will be hair cut, eye appt and dental appt. Busy, busy................
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
Love and Hugz,
Jam
I didn't get a nap today. She says we are and then she hollers....I just give up. When she hollers she needs to go her bowels are loose, I don't take chances any more.....didn't want her shitting on the bed.
Well, I must sweep food off the kitchen floor and then I am going to bed. Everyone please have a quiet peaceful night........zzzzzzzzzzzzzz
No jam, I don't think I'll get a gals wknd. But I did get an invitation to one of those lingerie parties. That should be good for some major laughs. I'm hoping for a few days at the shore with the family next month. I wanted to bring Dad but now I'm chickening out. I'm feeling guilty about that but he's a lot of work and I need a break.
Well seemeride, I cleaning the kitchen floor and hitting the hay to. It's time like this that I wish I had a really small kitchen. Night all.
So, that was my big adventure for the day,, he is ok, I am ok, and hope everyone else is ok. will catch up with everyone tomorrow... I'm going to bed... hugs across the miles...