Follow
Share
Read More
1 2 3 4 5
Hi, What a great thread. How is the caregiver? Frankly I am tired of doing this. I took my mom to my home 3 1/2 years ago because she needed 24/7 care and I didn't want her to go to a nursing home. She has no dementia, just mobility issues. I am sorry to say that right now I am coping by being more and more disengaged. She is safe and fed and basic needs met. But I am tired of her care taking up all my energy. I want to make plans and have a life that isn't filtered through her needs. Respite is good and I work with a caregiver here for those hours, but it is not enough. I hate to sound so selfish but this is how it feels. Right now I am looking at an assisted living that is a few hours from here but close to our retirement plans. They provide services that I can't find locally. Is it wrong to just be "done"?
(11)
Report

deb, no it is not wrong to just be "done". One of the most important things about caregiving is knowing in our heart of hearts when we just can not do it for another day.And it sounds as if your relationship would have some space to improve. If you and she have the assets to put her in a good facility, then do what your heart guides you to do. No shame in knowing your limitations. I appreciate your honesty about this, and hugs and support for whatever lies ahead...keep us updated..
(3)
Report

I do not have a job and i use to have a job before motherhood lol but no the state is willing to pay me to be his caregiver/respite person but its only part time and he has his SSD but even that is limited. His questions are relating to how much of the estate recovery that Az can take whether if its before he turns 55 or before if his health worsens. I already contacting a lawyer but between kids and making things work on a limited budget my hands are tied. He doesn't want he has put aside for after to be taken away from us. I am so confused and overwhelmed and he has refused extra help right now. I sorta need it lol and sometimes his seizures causes him to experience memory problems and some early dementia symptoms. I am taking antidepressant and seeing a therapist. I have some small back up plans for the kids when they need the break but so far he keeps refusing the hospital. I was told several times he needs nursing home but he isn't too far irrational or experience physical problems that need him in there yet but i hate the system and i hate the stress but somehow I keep looking towards the end of the rainbow when there will be peace for him one day.
(2)
Report

burnedn, please help us to know what you are asking for in the line of help. Do you need help understanding the laws of Az, in regard to your husbands assets? You said you contacted a lawyer, possibly if you explain your circumstances he will speak with you over the phone..Hopefully there will be others that can help you in regard to Az. law....
If you want to, please fill out your profile so we have a better understanding of what your needs are.. We will help if we can...just click "profile" under your user name and picture and it will tell you what to do... Keep posting until we can figure out how to help you... You have your hands full and my heart hurts for you. Most of us hate the system, as it is too complicated to understand without a lawyers help, and some of us can not afford this... hang in there until we can help you get some answers.....hugs to you and your family...

.
(0)
Report

Burned......so glad you came back. !! I have been so worried about you being so overwhelmed. I see that you haven't filled out your profile, but we have learned a little more about you today. I used to live outside Phoenix in Glendale for a couple of years, but that was more than 20 years ago, way before my care giving days. Contacting a lawyer would have been my first piece of advice. Have you been able to see one yet?
Can you convince him that to be a better wife and mother that you need help? My mom refused help for me for the same reasons. She wanted to save her money for us children. I had to convince her that if something happened to me because I was run down and exhausted, she would go to a NH anyway. It was cheaper to get me some help in the long run. I hope that provides you with some ammunition. Please keep me posted, and I hope you ckeck your profile for your hug. Thoughts are with you..............please come back
(1)
Report

JAM:

If you're asking about me, I hold a degree in psychology with a concentration in mental health and substance abuse. For the moment, I have about 50 MICAs (mentally ill chemical abusers) under my direct supervision and they're very needy. My type of caregiving, then, is not that different from yours. (As son Josef says: "Same s__t, different toilet.") Still, it's not easy to have someone else's life in your hands and know that you can lose your job, be sued, go to jail, and never work in the field again. But I'm up to the challenge every day at 3:30 am and am always willing to help people heal and reclaim their lives.

This, my friends, is the "family" I'll take care of for the rest of my life. I might be a sucker for punishment, but I love what I do.

-- Ed
(12)
Report

I'm rather new to this caregiving myself 24/7 since last August. For the past few months I can even recite my Moms responses. I'm sleeping, I'm not....I'm not and thats my morning breakfast conversation everyday when I have to start feeding her and giving her meds. Its like every day I'm playing this Groundhog Day everyday and night. I try talking about the familu, the past, about the news etc., she seems interested for the moment. I can walk out of her room to heat her coffee and its like I was never in there talking to her. I try to send a spark to her but very seldom do I get a reply. I tell her its time to take her meds and she says she don't take any and that she is not sick. All I get is denial and negativity. But, I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm glad I'm seeing her changes everyday. I'm glad that we have our argumental breakfasts each day. At least I know shes getting the best that I can give to her. I do feel so hurt each day because I miss her the way that she used to be and I know that time will keep on going and that I will lose her alittle more each day. I get so depressed and I'm glad that I found this web site because I don't feel so alone. We all need a hug each and everyday we deserve it. Have a great day everyone.
(5)
Report

rg, welcome. And I had to laugh when you said it was like Ground Hog day!! I've never heard it put that way, but that describes it to a T. I love your positive attitude and that will bring many smiles to our faces..I just lost Ruth to Alz, and I know exactly what you mean about watching the person we knew disappear before our eyes...
I would go outside to smoke, come back in and she never remembered I live here.. So I understand how you feel. I always say I just went to her world, she didn't live in mine anymore... My heart is hurting for you because I know how you feel. Please come back and share, vent, or make us laugh... we are looking forward to getting to know you.. hugs to you and your mom
(0)
Report

Good Afternoon!! I see some new visitors have dropped in and now I'm trying to get caught up on the posts. Thank you ladee.....don't know what we would do without your wisdom......

I'm still very tired today...but managed to get through Wal-Mart in one piece and back home only to make the col angry. She demanded that she be taken to the store and I left that one with her son. He explained that the last time he took her she bought all kinds of fresh food that had to be tossed 2 weeks later; I have offered to cook for her and it's always "no I'm not hungry" it's easier to just fix her whatever we are having. I asked her one day, instead of throwing money away on food she won't eat, why doesn't she donate so someone else can eat? Got told that wasn't any fun, not like going shoppy-shoppy. So after Wal-Mart, and since the sun was shining, I went outside to mow down the 12" grass in the backyard, and she wants to come outside and tell me about the tornado in Joplin. It's hot, humid, and she won't let me get her into cooler clothes, she has on a sweatshirt and jeans, so I have to tell her I already know about the tornado and to go back inside I'm busy. That's been my Groundhog Day all week.....the Joplin tornado.

burned.....please come and give us a little more information....there are some here that want to help you find the resources you are in need of.

Love and Hugz,
Jam
(1)
Report

I think I will live !! Got a 2 hr nap and am ready to face the rabbit....uh, world. Hubby said let the rabbit alone, he will thin out the overplanting we did. Good thing all around. We saw at least 2 babies, so....we all eat well here.

Mom is so aggravated with her condition today. Two more days to wait for a diagnosis. Hope there is a suitable treatment. She's weepy. Can't decide if she wants to scream, cry or laugh, but I can always distract her with food......as long as it is mashed potatoes and gravy. She sat on the porchc for a while, but allergies brought her in....and 82 degrees in the house is too cold for her. AAAAAGGGGGHHHHH !!!!! Hubby was crabby,too, feeling a little left out of things, no attention paid to him cause it all goes to mom. He is pretty self-sufficient, exccept emotionally. Wish I could be two people.....wouldn't we all !!!

Robin....my mom woke up from a short nap and wanted to tell me she couldn't get the kids ready in time to go to the party. She just couldn't get all 6 kids dressed and looking half-way decent, and the boys' collars wouldn't stand up stiff. Those twin boys are now 58 years old !!! I have gotten used to the conversations now, but they used to throw me for a loop. Her brain damage comes from a brain aneurysm 10 years ago. No medicine will help that. What is gone is gone. Everything happened yesterday or is tomorrow. But I love her dearly and wouldn't trust her in anyone else's care.....even my sisters'. It is a labor of love, and now I know the labor part......

I hope everyone has a good what is left of the weekend. I must get the rabbit's leftovers before dark.........
(3)
Report

seeme....so glad you are going to live.....couldn't be without you!!!!!!

I told my daughter-in-law today that so far the bunnies haven't gotten our peas only because they don't know those from the weeds.....:) Told my granddaughters to go pick some strawberries......there were tons, those 2 little girls are going to be full of strawberries.

Hubby is getting very frustrated with his mother. He was telling me a bunch of things she was saying and it's like how do I tell him this isn't new information I'm hearing? I just keep my mouth shut until I am asked to intervene. About an hour ago I had to go down and sweep up the cheese popcorn all over the counters, the kitchen floor, the living room carpet. She ate almost a full bag of the stuff and I'm talking BIG bag.....no wonder she isn't hungry for supper. Went to the bathroom to empty her "diaper" pail and she had pulled out the liner and was stuffing her wet pants down into nothing. So I had wet didies all over the floor...ewwwwww. Told me she would want food in 15 min....went down to cook her dinner, nope not hungry. Something tells me she will get hungry about 10 and it will be okay if I can catch her before she goes after the popcorn again. So I'm tired again....would try to take another nap, but I just betcha I would hear the beep beep beep of the intercom again.

Love and Hugz,
Jam
(3)
Report

Hello guys... I'll try to follow both threads!
(2)
Report

yes rossella . me too . it just sucks . makin me all depressed . i think im going to withdrawn this AC , i get attached to everybody and it hurts me to see them split up and goes to diffrent directions . it just sucks xoxo
(3)
Report

Linda, please don't leave us, on either thread. We all love you so much. And I love to read your posts and would worry about you and Pa.I'm sorry if things have upset you. None of it had anything to do with you and we are still all hear, loving and supporting you and Pa.... one thing I know for sure is everyone loves YOU!!!!! hugs across the miles my friend...
(0)
Report

Good Morning everyone.....A thoughtful Memorial Day to you.....Please say an extra prayer today for all those actively serving in the military and their families.... they all have a story......like my nephew who is somewhere...we never know where ....and his wife in the Seattle area pregnant for the first time with twins...... and for those who served before......

Rosella and Linda....Welcome....good to hear from you.....bless your hearts, you sweet ladies....

Rosella, We never seem to be online at the same time, but I want you to know I have briefly visited your country in the late 1970's. We only went to Venice and the Mediterranean Coast. Hubby and I drove to a US military base to get some supplies, but I never made it to Rome. I studied Latin in high school and would have loved to visit that City. Instead I got 4 hrs in Venice. My in-laws were with us and my FIL did not like being a tourist. My then 16 yo brother-in-law only wanted the beaches. What a wasted opportunity........but there was never enough time to do all we wanted to....

Linda, I hope Pa is feeling better. I know he is sleeping a lot, so is mom, but she seems good so far today. Almost time for his breakfast this morning? That is my mom's favorite meal.....always the same thing, too...... I hope you are taking care of your back...I think of you when I get back spasms...you are such a sweetheart for what you do, but you just go on cause you love Pa so much. We understand your kind and loving heart.

Some of you have been up late, but I took advantage of help and slept for 6 hrs in a row...whoopee !!! Ready to face the world today. Hubby will be home from work soon and all will be well.........
(1)
Report

Rosella and Linda......woohoo!!! I was so surprised to get on and see you here. Hope Mother and Pa are doing alright today.

Good Morning to All! And I wish everyone a happy and peaceful Memorial Day as well as those serving our country. Also a peaceful day to those who have suffered through the recent terrible storms......we were spared from the last one, tornado didn't touch down, but my lifelong friend was in the one that went through Sedalia, MO last week and thank goodness they were well protected.

seeme....I'm glad you are feeling better today. I had about 7 hrs but woke up still tired. Trying to convince Target to buy a new mattress....:)

ladee-----GOOD LUCK to you today!!!!!! Please let us know how things go. Didn't hear from you last night so thought maybe you were getting a good nights sleep.

I went down to fix dinner finally for the col and she decided that she had drank a protein drink and she was ready to go to bed. Well okay then, off we go. She was dry!!!! But undies on backwards as usual, so had to turn those around. Brushed her teeth, didn't spit, didn't rinse....thought I had grown 2 heads when I told her to rinse her mouth out. Wouldn't let her take her mascara to bed with her...I'm sure I will hear about that today. Took her dirty clothes to wash so that I can throw away those darn jeans she wore yesterday. Size 16, she wears a 10 but I buy 12 to give her "diaper" room. I tried several times yesterday to get them off of her, but nope she wasn't having any part of that. Guess we will see what today brings.

Love and Hugz
Jam
(1)
Report

Seme, if you have seen Venice, you have seen the most beautiful town in Italy!
You have plenty of time to see the rest.
I am here because, like Linda, I am sorry to see people go somewhere else. So I follow (and I keep one foot where we all belonged). I think it's always the same problem: misunderstandings... I think we all are good people, everyone has his nature. Sometimes the natures crash against each other, but if you keep an open minded attitude, all the problems can be solved... among good people.
Got to go and recover my mother where she is...
(4)
Report

I am hoping everyone has a blessed and safe holiday today. When we say our prayers over our lunch or late afternoon meals, let's don't forget to add all our guy and gals that are doing the work for us to be free.
Hugs across the miles to everyone... love
(1)
Report

If UTI's are a common problem for your loved one, might I suggest learning to use a catheter? The last specimen I took in was contaminated, and it worked out great because the contamination was the cause of the problem, but if it is difficult to catch the stream, a simple in and out might help to find trouble earlier. The nurse in the urologist's office taught me in a few minutes, but the area was well defined. Just a thought.......and I wouldn't mind hearing other opinions on the subject. It just seems like UTI's are so dangerous !!!
(1)
Report

Hey everybody, tried to post and introduce myself yesterday and today and lost em. Both. Busy holiday weekend. I'm pretty good the last few days have been not bad. Seems we are in a decent mood. When we are not some how I am having the coping ability to deal with proabably cause I have been to busy to g
(0)
Report

ASG....looks like you are wwaaaaaaayyyyyyy to busy 8-)
(1)
Report

Asg, another post half lost!!!! But I think we got the idea. Very happy to hear you are being able to cope with Auntie, and all the younguns will be out of school soon... You sound happy, even if you are busy......loved the pics of your young man graduating... and a daughter in Jr. High.. No wonder you are so busy, have a safe and happy holiday Going for an interview here in a little while, wish me luck, glad you are here.. love ya and hugs..
(1)
Report

Lol been having trouble with signals and things since the tornadoes. Love you guys too:) will get on comp. When I can lol
(1)
Report

I hope everyone has had a terrific day! As usual I have left my behind somewhere and am hoping it will find it's way back home.....maybe a little thinner this time....:)
The neighbors worked diligently all morning on their yard and I was beginning to feel a little "overgrown" and was waiting for my son to get here; he does our yard work in exchange for truck payments...we sold him our little Ford Ranger. Anyway, he gets there and starts mowing, dil is weed eating and I went down to the back fence to trim back a wild rose bush that makes mowing miserable. Yes, my arms look like I've been in a cat fight! Had to turn the watching of the col over to hubby, she was on a mission. Came out about 10ish and wanted to help me....I said you can by sitting at your table and looking pretty, but first we must get you into cooler clothes. She had on flannel jammies and it was already approaching 80 degrees. Told her to head for her bedroom and I would be right behind her....got inside and she is whining...."why do I have to go to bed? I didn't do anything".....good grief..I explained again that she needs cooler clothes on and we have to go to her bedroom for that...."but I don't want to go to bed".....this is going to be a long day. Get her out a pair of capris and a nice matching shirt, put her hair up in a clip so it's off her neck and cooler and said now let's go outside. But she wants to talk about how many children I have....I told her 10....I only have 3 but it got her to thinking about something other than the Joplin tornado. I finally got her outside and went back to what I was doing. She sat for 5 min and disappeared. Found her inside with one hot roller on the top of her head....two on the right side and five on the left. Nothing in the back of course. I just shook my head and went back outside. Hubby went and got her for lunch....we just barbecued burgers today and while some of us went back outside, hubby entertained her until she was ready to go back to her house. A little later I caught her trying to come up the deck stairs by herself.....this is a no-no....helped her back down and she lost her footing at the bottom....thank goodness I had a hold of her or she would have toppled over and probably ended up with a fracture. She is very unsteady on her feet due to the Ativan. It's not so bad when she is sitting quietly but when she gets up and moves she's like a little "Weeble" doll. I reminded her that work will start on the front yard tomorrow, so she needs to not go there......"why can't I help?" because there will be pieces of machinery there that will smash you! Our front yard will be concreted over with a stamped pattern and will give her somewhere else to sit and get a different view on the world. She's tucked away for the evening, watching CNN, and I'm hoping now I can relax for a while.

Love and Hugz,
Jam
(4)
Report

How is this caregiver today, well sighing a sigh of relief. I got a job with some really great folks, will make more in a week than I did in a month working for BG, and their daughter is a sweetie... so can't ask for any more than this...
For those of you who do not know me, I am one of only two or three paid caregivers on this sight.. I was welcomed with open arms, have made some great life long friends, and have been cared about thru the good times and the bad... I have been listened to to , encouraged, and have laughed until my stomach hurts.. so to anyone new, keep on posting, we are all here for each other in one way or anther.... hugs to you all.
(3)
Report

Hi ppl..
I am still new to finding a website and a place to where I can vent and discuss what is going on with my husband but the most daily occurences he has is getting sick after eating and complaining of pain on the right side of his head. He sleeps off and on. He constantly ask me questions about this that besides raising two small childre. I also have family on his side asking me questions about this and that when it seems they are fishing for information to put the blame on me when they could care less except the green. I hate that I am not being trusted or that I even count anymore. I do what I can and now I am getting ready next wk to finish the rest of the paper work I need to be his caregiver. At least that will help and I can save the money but I honestly do not know how much time he has left or what I am going to do after. All I know is that I will have to pay back school loans and find a way creative way to stay afloat in this economy and raise my kids. Sometimes I just wish someone else was in my shoes and not me. This wears me out mentally every day and now my own health is starting to be at risk. I can't accept help from his family because they do not trust me at all. I am consider a gold digger and for what money none. We been thru our share of up and downs he is trying his best to hold on his reality but I am just burned. My candle cannot hold a flame anymore.
(3)
Report

Whoopee Ladee!
Burned, if I were you I would think of the caregiving, but in the same time I would already think of what I can do next.
Night everybody
(1)
Report

Yaaaaaaa! Ladeeda, let's have a party!!! So excited you got a job. I so hope this works out good for ya. You will do great. Will this be a live in job? So glad you will get paid more. icing on the cake. Jam, why oh why do they think they can physically do so much. I know its heart breaking for hubby to see his mom like that but I'm glad he is willing to help. Hubby will go set with aunt for a while if she is having one of those days. Her days are so more well defined now. Instead of her having moments where she has issues, they are whole days. We just had one yesterday. I swear she was outta her room a million times.(not saying there is anything wrong with her coming out) but she nornmally comes out about the same time everyday. Its unusual for her to come out (with behaviors of coarse) at say 7 at night, then again at 8:30 after coming out at various times in the day too. I also notice she keeps having me rearrange things in her apt. Like a table next to her chair that she had me rearrange the photo albums in a week ago, she's been rearranging it all week it seems. Then today she had me move it all back exactly opposite from the way she hads it now, to the way she started with it. I recall watching alz. Patients in the nursing home who would rearrange their closets a million times a day, except here I'm the dummy doing it at her direction. Oh the behaviors of this disease are frustrating. I hope you all are well. Hey to all the ones I'm just now meeting. Thos helps so much just to come and get it all out.
(1)
Report

I can't help it there are 58 post and I want it to say 60 so bad! So here I go. Seemer, you have a handful. Yes vicks is nasty, esspecially if ya gotta taste it ewwww. Rosella, hey lady! Hope you are staying sane!
(1)
Report

Oh and linda, don't leave, you care because you love us and we love you back! On both threads. How's pa? Seemer were you in the military? Yaaaa! This should be 60!!!:) sorry must be an OCD thing Lol. Or maybe I'm going crazy too!!! Either way goodningt:)
(1)
Report

1 2 3 4 5
Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter