This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
In my own home, a mobile home, there is only one door in the whole house, and that is the bathroom, so I have a curtain up over the "doorway" in the bedroom, everyone knows the rules, if the curtain is up, it's safe to come in, if it is down, you might want to turn around and leave the house..rofl.. it hasn't been up in several days.
It's hard to lie to our loved ones, but sometimes for our sanity and theirs, it's best that we do. Try to rest if you can, I hear mom moaning again, it's time for another dose of pain pills, will have to give them to her.
I know without her permission the doctor can not talk with you about her care ( hippa law), but there is nothing against the law about you talking to him/her with your concerns, is her doctor friendly? if so, let them know what is going on, long before I had mom's permission (?) to have her doctor discuss her health issues with me, I was talking to him.
She's one of those people who thinks that the doctor doesn't need to know everything that is going on, and then turns right around and fusses because he isn't "curing" her of whatever is going on.
Good Luck...it can be very frustrating,
Just wanted to check in and tell everyone good morning... Jam, will put the brace on today and see if that helps. I do go for those walks with Sonny so maybe that will help... Why wasn't I born rich so that I didn't have to work.....Oh, and tell Target I am making that list now... but he does need to give me a price range as I can get carried away..
Seeme, try to stay out of trouble today, ok? Thanks for yesterday, love ya..
Starri, girl you have to sleep sometime... hope you get to the Dr. today..
And everyone else, will get caught up this afternoon when I get home...
Sonny wants to know if anyone needs their yard cleaned???? Such a busy little sweet man... and hopefully Ms. M got some good rest last night.. I worry about her being so tired and trying to keep Sonny in the house...
And yes seeme, it is very nice to be working with "humans" this time... AND the daughter does not interfere, Ms. M is very capable of telling me what she needs or wants...and how she wants things done... so later, and love to all hugs..
ASG....Cow Patty.....Yippee for you! I swear the col and Auntie could be twins. I thank my lucky stars that my and hubby's careers have given us such an open door with other medical personnel. And of course having the POA helps too. Sweetie, your stress rope is going to snap if you can't stop from being pulled like a rubber band. I know the feeling, believe me! And I feel like I know you well enough that when it does snap, you are going to beat yourself crazy with feelings of guilt. How well do you know Auntie's doctor? You might get something done if you called his nurse. Talk to her and tell her you have concerns about her possible dementia, how well she hides it, they already know all those behaviors if they are worth 2 cents!!! Make them aware that they should evaluate her for that when she comes in the next time. Get them on your side and it should be smoother sailing. Tell them up front that you understand HIPPA and are not asking for information, you just want them to be aware of what is happening. Maybe her doctor can get her on board about signing a POA. And the next time Auntie is in a receptive mood talk to her about a POA, telling her that it would only be in place if something should happen to her and she is not able to answer for herself. Just something to think about...as if you need something else...and you will remember this from working in nh's. Your loved one is living in your home, and maybe at some point you have talked about dying and what they would like to have happen. Most of them say, when it's my time, it's my time, so let me go. Well without any type of paperwork that says otherwise, and that includes an ORIGINAL DNR, medical personnel are obligated by law to attempt resuscitation. That's what I want.....some idiot beating on my chest and sticking tubes down my throat.....I'm having DO NOT RESUSCITATE tattooed on my chest.......The POA that we have for the col addresses everything, from medical care to her finances, that includes investments, real estate, you name it. Once a month I show her all bank statements and even though they are beyond her thought process she seems to be satisfied. We may see a headline soon..."Elderly woman found in car, with engine running, no identification, does anyone recognize this face or the walker shoved up her.... uh behind?" Just kidding.....I feel for you!
starri......sure wish you can get some sleep. Get those meds today.
Hi johnny......haven't seen you in a while. How is your wife doing? Glad to see you posting here.
ladee.....maybe you need to wear the brace since you are doing so much walking. I'm sure your knee is not used to that yet. You can put Sonny on a bus and send him to me.....our lower yard needs the sticks picked up.
seeme........SLEEP.......SLEEP........SLEEP.........I'm sending you 3 hours of uninterrupted nap time. I sure hope I can find an angel like Kathy to help around here. Haven't heard back from my friend, so will have to start looking elsewhere for help...dammit! I have had offers from several nurses to sit with her when needed but not on a permanent basis.
Well, crap why does my day have to start like this? As you know we are taking care of col's dog. He just jumped up on the bed to say hi......now I see a spot of blood on my comforter...:( his butt must be bleeding again. And I have not fed him one single ounce of people food....in fact I think I actually felt a rib through all the fat yesterday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We have been allowing him to run the yard and get his exercise, something she won't allow.
Time to strip the bed, shave the dog's butt again, finish cleaning col's house, watch the fence posts going in today, and make some phone calls for help.
Hubby coined a new phrase yesterday........SHARTIFACT.......what you find in a wet Depends when you change it. Don't ask me..............the BHU must have rubbed off on him...:)
Love and Hugz to All,
Jam
ASG......let me know when you start building that wing onto your house, I'll send you a guy that does great work! You've got a heart as big as the sun! Can I come live with you when I can't take care of myself anymore?
Love and Hugz,
Jam
JOHNNY......your doppleganger lives in NC !!!! I have looked up your profile before because you look like someone I used to work with........and his name is Johnny !!!! Strange world. Think all the DNA combinations have been used and are starting to repeat themselves????
Starri....Please get your medicine today. I forgot my morning meds yesterday in my rush to get to the dr., and I couldn't figure out what was so strange until I found them in the evening..........I take them to keep everyone here alive. But as I read that you had errands to run, I thought please let her drive safely. Lack of sleep is just as bad as being under the influence behind the wheel. Oh, been meaning to tell you my bil (hubby's baby bro) lives in Aiken....he moved there from Charleston after he retired from AF. He's a teacher there. Hubby used to be stationed at Sumter.
ASG...I had to finish reading this morning about Auntie. I would talk to her doc or his nurse also. My mil would be just like Auntie, except my mil can't hear, so she "hears" what she wants, and only tells doc what she wants them to know. I say them cause she has docs in Maine and SC. I have no idea if they even treat her for the same things, or the same way. She loves to pop a pill for everything!! She goes nuts if she doesn't get a Tylenol PM at night....just ballistic.
Although I am not dealing with ALZ, I really do wonder if some of the behaviors I have read about are exaggerated normal behaviors in the patients, or, maybe what they have always been thinking...without the filters of polite society. My mom has always felt different from her family and felt as though she didn't belong. I still hear the same old stories about that. She ALWAYS said when she was 80, she was going to say just exactly what she thought !!! Yep, can't deny that now, things she never would have said if the filter was tighter. Ah, well...........
Anyway on to brighter news, called mental health today, had the receptionist kinda chew my butt for running out of meds, (been going there for over 7 years now) then she put me through to my therapist, who did chew my butt. But she told me if I needed anything to call her and she would work me in. She got ahold of the Dr. and I should have medications waiting at my drug store, hubby is suppose to pick them up for me.
Him picking them up though depends on if he decides to come home the normal way or he decides to come home from Anderson, SC by way of Highlands, NC.. He's riding his motorcycle and when he gets on that, it's like his brain shuts off.
Starri, I too put in to get 90 days of my meds delivered today. No more letting myself go while I do everything and anything for Mom. Got to take care of the caregiver blah blah. Glad to hear you took that step toward happy and healthy.