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Oh goodness, I dare not look back too much and wish. One day at a time. I do intend to keep travelling a bit with sig other. Got an invitation to a wedding in NY state. I haven't entirely discarded the idea. I know that caregiving and a lifetime of being an adult as a child, and then being the "responsible" one has molded me. You have to fit in the "fun" where you can.

If it is more "fun" to stay home and watch a movie - so be it.
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FF, I think we must all be in denial of how tired, overwhelmed that we are. Also deny we really need to care for ourselves. Some can and some can't and that is ok.
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I still haven't recovered from the 7 years of helping out my parents... and here I wasn't even hands-on. Those who are hands-on, how on earth do you do it? Maybe it is my age, as I was a senior doing logistical care of much older seniors [mid to late 90's].  My parents lived in the same subdivision, and I was on speed-dial.  Plus I was working at a career that I had worked too long and hard at to give it up.

My last parent passed almost 2 years ago... my gosh, I can't believe it has been that long. I haven't recovered any of my energy. Doctor said it is just age, I though 70 was the new 50? What a laugh.

And I feel so frustrated because my parents had over 25 years of a wonderful retirement. Lots of travel, dining out, going to the movies, visiting relatives, etc. Well, I had to toss out my bucket list. I developed panic attacks while helping my parents, thus flying is out, so is long car travel. Forget dining out, I find it just too noisy. Movies, rather watch one at home. Oh how I long for the days when my sig other and I use to hike for miles.
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Tired and frustrated. I'm so tired that all I wish is that I could sleep for a month straight.
When people go on vacations I ask about how the beds are. I want to fantasize about sleeping on a nice fluffy bed in some beautiful exotic locale. Exhaustion is making
me a total weirdo. :/
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Well here goes.... mom finally told me to go ahead and sign her up for Medicaid and look for a nursing home - just in case. I won't say it was a long drawn out battle, because she just refused to ever discuss it, and now she can barely move. Calls me and says she fell again, or she's stuck on her rollator and can't get back to her chair, but wouldn't let me DO anything... any idea how frustrating that is? She is forgetting things a lot lately (she says pain meds), so she may forget she told me to talk to her sw and dr, but I'm going to take it and run with it - prayers please, you all, and thanks!
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Hanging on by a thread. My husband started a fight with his daughter. Of course he has to draw me into it too. It sure would be nice if he would just shut up and listen for a change.
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Hi Smeshque and Book,

Smeshque, thank you for your prayers….I can sure use them but am not giving up. (smile)

Book… Tums do the same thing to me but I am can’t be sure as I have IBSD so I basically live on Immodium AD. I love pickles and love the juice but have to restrict the amount that I eat as they give me indigestion….ugh. I still haven’t tried the ginger though. Will keep y’all posted.
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FreqFlyer, if I take Tums daily, I eventually will get an upset stomach and diarrhea. I tried it.

I read about the ginger. Since I rarely have real ginger in the house, I actually bought ginger tea. It’s still unopened. Eating ginger causes me to burp it up for hours. Don’t know if that’s a normal to eating ginger.... I just need to be careful with what I eat/drink.

Dusti, I thought it was drinking pickle juice daily that helps some people with acid reflux. Or worsen for others. Since I don’t like pickles, I never tried it.
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You too Dusti, hope the tea works and hang in there. I am praying for you.
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smeshque.. I haven't but may make some ginger tea. I have heard that dill helps as well. Will have to try both and will let you know what happens. Have a great night!
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Have you ever tried ginger for acid reflux?
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Hi Book and Frequflyer…

Book... sorry about the late response. Yep my eyes are wide open. One thing at rehab today I signed the permission papers for a psychiatrist to do eval on my honey for his meds. Hope they can find out why the sudden personality changes and get it resolved before I bring him home on the 14th.

Book and Freqflyer...I hate acid reflux. I have had it so bad that I nearly choked to death and my honey had to pound me on my back before I could start breathing again. (prior to him getting so sick). This is one thing that scares me about being alone here. When it hits that bad I cannot breathe in or out. So praying it stays away. Sounds like y'all have found some good solutions.

Have a great night.
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Bookluvr, don't you hate it when acid reflux creeps up on you in the middle of the night. What I have been doing has been chewing two Tums Smooties tablets before going to sleep, and so far that has worked.

For me, for some reason I now get acid reflux from peanut butter. Never had that problem in the past. Probably from the oils used in making the product.
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I woke up 3:45 am choking and coughing so hard. Acid reflux. I know the culprit. A new orange drink I had taken as a late snack. Maybe best to stick to peanut butter to curb my late night sugar cravings. I also woke up to severe neck pain and a pounding migraine. My head touching the pillow was too painful. I did my neck exercises to loosen my neck muscles with lots of clicks and popping (just turning my head to look left or right).... I’ve done something I’ve never done before. I took the migraine excedrin so early and on an empty stomach. It’s an hour later. My headache is gone. I’m going to see if I can go back to sleep.
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Alto, you did great! I am sorry for the loss of your dad.
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Altopower, my heartfelt sympathy to you and your family.
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Alto, I'm sorry for the loss of your father. Hugs, and prayers for you and your family.
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My father died on Friday morning in hospice care at his facility. He went downhill so fast, no one was ready. But I feel a huge weight off. I honored my promise to keep him home as long as medically possible. Just having hospice there brought peace because I knew he'd be comfortable. I think I'm numb now.
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As usual, I had the unexpected visitors. This time, my guts didn't warn me. Unfortunately, it's so hot, I have all the windows/doors opened. I'm still wearing my very loose flowy cotton dress. He was looking everywhere except at me. Ahem... my black flowy dress was definitely (!!) above my knees. He was trying to talk to me but seemed to have problem looking at me. So, I grabbed one of the plastic lawn chairs on the patio and said that I need to sit. Then I sat down, and used my front dress to cover my exposed legs. =)
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Thank you Book for your lovely words.. She is wonderful lady and I will always be there for her.
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Pam, I felt sad as I read about your BFF's husband and BFF. I bet she knows what she's going to be dealing with for the next decade. It's so sad because it's as if they never got a break from caregiving/taking care of others...

When my mom was Finally Officially diagnosed (family had their heads hiding under the sand for 3 yrs), we had a family meeting with the neurologist. My oldest brother (age 29), Dad (age 62) and I (age 24) attended the meeting. Mom was 57 years old at the time. The doctor said that this is the time that the family must pull together and help out because this will be a long hard road. Years. sigh... I thought 'years' was like 5 years. Instead it ended up 23 years later... Your BFF will need all the help she can get. My fave sis was my spiritual helper (spiritual - as in my spirit, soul, not religious kind) - she treated me out to lunch, to some shopping, etc.. I even called her a few times, crying because we had no food in the house and I was soooo hungry. She dropped everything and came over with take out dinner and grocery for our pantry. I have a feeling, Pam, that you will be BFF's spiritual helper. {Hugs}
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Dusti, sounds like you have everything in control, as much as is possible. I was worried that you were being 'naïve' about the violence. Whew! I'm relieved. =)

I live in a small island. Driving 35mph around the island only takes 2 hours - without stopping at the beach for a swim or taking pictures at tourist spots. Auto repair shops are in high demand. My nephew is now my layperson mechanic - if I can just pin him down to do the repairs. However, I'm seriously thinking it's time to seek the professionals on my brake problem - which is happening a lot.

I have a 2009 Corolla, purchased in 2008. My mileage is only 48,600. I spent most of my car's life driving to home/work - full time job and taking over bedridden parents when I was off work. They finally built a Corolla to last. Major repairs started happening 2 years ago... I'm really going to have to check my brakes. Hmmm.. You just reminded me. Maybe it's time to text nephew if he's available to test drive my car and find out what's wrong with my brakes (seems like the pedal is stuck when pressed all the way down and then I feel a click when it pops up.)
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Book...how many miles does your car have on it. We have after market repair on ours. They have saved us thousands of dollars. If you like I will get the information for you.

Also, you can address him as significant other, but other half works (smile). I am very vigilant and alert for any signs. I went through a verbal and abusive relationship (marraige) at 19 and ended up in the hospital 3 x. Will not allow this to escalate. If it does he will be going to his brother's or an assisted living center. I don't forsee my honey getting physically violent with me as he never has in the 30 years we have been together. I am learning to say "no" though. I fixed dinner (what he requested)tonight and 15 minutes after he refused to eat he wanted ice cream. I told him no, maybe later. He told me it was a good dinner but he wanted something else so this is why he ate about two bites and then refused to eat. Had to have the FD out earlier this afternoon to get him up after he tipped his walker while trying to sit on it and fell (no injury, thank Heaven). If he was over 70 would be easier to understand but he is only 65. I am on the verge of requesting a conference with all three of his doctors to see if they can figure out what is going on. His blood pressure and heart rate are all good. The EMT's were concerned with the amount of swelling that he has. I let them know that doctors are aware and are working to treat it.
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I took my truck to the shop today for an oil change and tire rotation ( I know how you feel Book,, was waiting the "need new brakes" info,, dodged that bullet again) My BFF picked me up there and we went for breakfast and some shopping. We had a great time.. BUT,, she just got the final word on her hubs condition,, he has dementia Lewy bodies.. This is so hard, and she has never lived alone since she married him,, first they took care of his dad with ALZ, then his elderly sister lived with them. She does have a lot of help. but she is they type to want to do it all her self. Her son and his family live with them.. but her whole world is suddenly upside down. Makes you think about how much worse it could be.
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Bluebird, boy, when it rains, it pours! You must have a very strong stomach to be able to handle your mom's irrigation. That's good because who else will do it, if not you? When my mom had her trache put in her throat, the hospital nurse showed us how to clean it. I was totally grossed out by the yucky, gooey phlegmy stuff that clung to the trache tube when pulled out from her throat. When mom came home, I practically begged my nephew-of-next-door to come over every night to clean it. He did it for a year before he suddenly stopped coming. I had to force myself to do it. I, uhm, never did get used to it. Ick is Ick, with the whole works of trying not to throw up, heaving stomach, etc...

Unfortunately, I also know what it's like to have friends and relatives pass away or have a wedding and not be able to attend. Stuck at home caregiving. No one to cover for us - not even for an hour. I'm so sorry.

Car repairs are one of my worst fears. Somehow, I must have something on my forehead that says, 'Sucker'. I'm quite bitter about that topic.... You have too many things going on. Take a deep breathe, and make a list on what you can do now and what just needs to be done later - when you have the funds for it. I wish you well on overcoming each of these obstacles life has thrown at you. {Hugs}.
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Dusti, just be vigilant with your other half, in case his anger escalates to physical. Sorry, I wasn't sure if I should address him as 'significant other' or like some of my relatives say 'my better half'. So I compromised and used 'other half' in reference to your honey. My mom's anger escalated to real physical violence. Just don't underestimate the burning anger inside him.
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Mom spent yest afternoon/evening in the ER having a pubic cyst/abscess cut open! It was so deep and the infection granular that they couldn't get all of it out. They cut tried to scoop, irrigated and took fluid and infection to test. Gave antibiotics. Gave me a prescription. Hospice Nurse came with irrigation supplies and showed me how. First time in ages mom has slept all the way through the night!!! I slept better but still am totally worn today.
Jeep CVS joint is out, cat is overdue shots, was supposed to go sign to close out the old bank account for her, my friends from church man was in same decline as mom died this morning. I can't be there for her and it is killing me. I USED to hunt Morel-Mushrooms and am already in withdrawel for that since I can't leave her even though I know they are not quite ready yet. Chickens are almost out of food again. And never got my taxes done for the heat credit!! But tax lady said no worry since I don't make enough to PAY so it will only be for the "credits" and there is a few months before THAT deadline. But tomorrow will be better. Just have to finish out today.
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Hi Jam… Guess one word works the best….exhausted. As to stress I love the analogy of “stress rope” as it is so true. My solution…I tie another knot in the stress rope and pray tomorrow is better while I thank Heaven for every minute I have with my honey. My honey likes to sit in the living room to watch TV…so when things get to stressful (or he is trying to start an argument) I head for my study. I refuse to rise to the bait for an argument as one there is one thing I remember and that is words can’t be taken back after they have been said. Helps me maintain my “cool” though it does thoroughly aggravate him when I refuse to argue with him. Oh, and though we are not married (no, not even common law) we have been together for 30 years and I have been his caregiver for the last 13 years. Wouldn’t trade him as I love him.

You mentioned that you are seeing something in your MIL that leads you to believe that she could get aggressive. Just recently I have seen the same thing in my honey though and though I don’t believe he would ever hurt me if he ever did I would be calling his brother to come and get him. I told my honey when we first got together that if he ever hit me, he would be out the door so fast it would make his head spin. That still goes. Again just recently I have had to stop him when he gets really derogatory verbally and advise him I will not tolerate verbal disrespect or meanness from him and that seems to defuse the situation. He grumbles but it stops. He told me to pack my s…. one day if I did not like how he was talking to me. I told him I am not going anywhere(this is my house) and again let him know his verbal meanness will stop as I will not tolerate it. I then headed to my study and did not talk to him, even when helping him, for the rest of the day. He got the message.

I cannot work right now (though I need to) as I can't leave him for any length of time. So I am working to start my own business.

My sanity saver is my art. I am an animal illustrator and animal portrait artist. This helps me center myself and gives me inner peace (along with counting to 10 occasionally, ha, ha, ha). Have a great night and hang in there!
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I love those discount stores,, like Home Goods, Marshalls,, etc. We have quite a few in our area, and every trip is an adventure. My DD has the best decorated place I have ever seen, and she is a Home Goods junkie! We just found a store called Gabes. I want to go there and see what they are like?
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Pam, Best kind of days. Love Ollie’s. But haven’t near one in years.
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