The Caregiver....How are YOU doing today?

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Hi, What a great thread. How is the caregiver? Frankly I am tired of doing this. I took my mom to my home 3 1/2 years ago because she needed 24/7 care and I didn't want her to go to a nursing home. She has no dementia, just mobility issues. I am sorry to say that right now I am coping by being more and more disengaged. She is safe and fed and basic needs met. But I am tired of her care taking up all my energy. I want to make plans and have a life that isn't filtered through her needs. Respite is good and I work with a caregiver here for those hours, but it is not enough. I hate to sound so selfish but this is how it feels. Right now I am looking at an assisted living that is a few hours from here but close to our retirement plans. They provide services that I can't find locally. Is it wrong to just be "done"?
deb, no it is not wrong to just be "done". One of the most important things about caregiving is knowing in our heart of hearts when we just can not do it for another day.And it sounds as if your relationship would have some space to improve. If you and she have the assets to put her in a good facility, then do what your heart guides you to do. No shame in knowing your limitations. I appreciate your honesty about this, and hugs and support for whatever lies ahead...keep us updated..
I do not have a job and i use to have a job before motherhood lol but no the state is willing to pay me to be his caregiver/respite person but its only part time and he has his SSD but even that is limited. His questions are relating to how much of the estate recovery that Az can take whether if its before he turns 55 or before if his health worsens. I already contacting a lawyer but between kids and making things work on a limited budget my hands are tied. He doesn't want he has put aside for after to be taken away from us. I am so confused and overwhelmed and he has refused extra help right now. I sorta need it lol and sometimes his seizures causes him to experience memory problems and some early dementia symptoms. I am taking antidepressant and seeing a therapist. I have some small back up plans for the kids when they need the break but so far he keeps refusing the hospital. I was told several times he needs nursing home but he isn't too far irrational or experience physical problems that need him in there yet but i hate the system and i hate the stress but somehow I keep looking towards the end of the rainbow when there will be peace for him one day.
burnedn, please help us to know what you are asking for in the line of help. Do you need help understanding the laws of Az, in regard to your husbands assets? You said you contacted a lawyer, possibly if you explain your circumstances he will speak with you over the phone..Hopefully there will be others that can help you in regard to Az. law....
If you want to, please fill out your profile so we have a better understanding of what your needs are.. We will help if we can...just click "profile" under your user name and picture and it will tell you what to do... Keep posting until we can figure out how to help you... You have your hands full and my heart hurts for you. Most of us hate the system, as it is too complicated to understand without a lawyers help, and some of us can not afford this... hang in there until we can help you get some answers.....hugs to you and your family...

. glad you came back. !! I have been so worried about you being so overwhelmed. I see that you haven't filled out your profile, but we have learned a little more about you today. I used to live outside Phoenix in Glendale for a couple of years, but that was more than 20 years ago, way before my care giving days. Contacting a lawyer would have been my first piece of advice. Have you been able to see one yet?
Can you convince him that to be a better wife and mother that you need help? My mom refused help for me for the same reasons. She wanted to save her money for us children. I had to convince her that if something happened to me because I was run down and exhausted, she would go to a NH anyway. It was cheaper to get me some help in the long run. I hope that provides you with some ammunition. Please keep me posted, and I hope you ckeck your profile for your hug. Thoughts are with you..............please come back

If you're asking about me, I hold a degree in psychology with a concentration in mental health and substance abuse. For the moment, I have about 50 MICAs (mentally ill chemical abusers) under my direct supervision and they're very needy. My type of caregiving, then, is not that different from yours. (As son Josef says: "Same s__t, different toilet.") Still, it's not easy to have someone else's life in your hands and know that you can lose your job, be sued, go to jail, and never work in the field again. But I'm up to the challenge every day at 3:30 am and am always willing to help people heal and reclaim their lives.

This, my friends, is the "family" I'll take care of for the rest of my life. I might be a sucker for punishment, but I love what I do.

-- Ed
I'm rather new to this caregiving myself 24/7 since last August. For the past few months I can even recite my Moms responses. I'm sleeping, I'm not....I'm not and thats my morning breakfast conversation everyday when I have to start feeding her and giving her meds. Its like every day I'm playing this Groundhog Day everyday and night. I try talking about the familu, the past, about the news etc., she seems interested for the moment. I can walk out of her room to heat her coffee and its like I was never in there talking to her. I try to send a spark to her but very seldom do I get a reply. I tell her its time to take her meds and she says she don't take any and that she is not sick. All I get is denial and negativity. But, I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm glad I'm seeing her changes everyday. I'm glad that we have our argumental breakfasts each day. At least I know shes getting the best that I can give to her. I do feel so hurt each day because I miss her the way that she used to be and I know that time will keep on going and that I will lose her alittle more each day. I get so depressed and I'm glad that I found this web site because I don't feel so alone. We all need a hug each and everyday we deserve it. Have a great day everyone.
rg, welcome. And I had to laugh when you said it was like Ground Hog day!! I've never heard it put that way, but that describes it to a T. I love your positive attitude and that will bring many smiles to our faces..I just lost Ruth to Alz, and I know exactly what you mean about watching the person we knew disappear before our eyes...
I would go outside to smoke, come back in and she never remembered I live here.. So I understand how you feel. I always say I just went to her world, she didn't live in mine anymore... My heart is hurting for you because I know how you feel. Please come back and share, vent, or make us laugh... we are looking forward to getting to know you.. hugs to you and your mom
Good Afternoon!! I see some new visitors have dropped in and now I'm trying to get caught up on the posts. Thank you ladee.....don't know what we would do without your wisdom......

I'm still very tired today...but managed to get through Wal-Mart in one piece and back home only to make the col angry. She demanded that she be taken to the store and I left that one with her son. He explained that the last time he took her she bought all kinds of fresh food that had to be tossed 2 weeks later; I have offered to cook for her and it's always "no I'm not hungry" it's easier to just fix her whatever we are having. I asked her one day, instead of throwing money away on food she won't eat, why doesn't she donate so someone else can eat? Got told that wasn't any fun, not like going shoppy-shoppy. So after Wal-Mart, and since the sun was shining, I went outside to mow down the 12" grass in the backyard, and she wants to come outside and tell me about the tornado in Joplin. It's hot, humid, and she won't let me get her into cooler clothes, she has on a sweatshirt and jeans, so I have to tell her I already know about the tornado and to go back inside I'm busy. That's been my Groundhog Day all week.....the Joplin tornado.

burned.....please come and give us a little more information....there are some here that want to help you find the resources you are in need of.

Love and Hugz,

I think I will live !! Got a 2 hr nap and am ready to face the rabbit....uh, world. Hubby said let the rabbit alone, he will thin out the overplanting we did. Good thing all around. We saw at least 2 babies, so....we all eat well here.

Mom is so aggravated with her condition today. Two more days to wait for a diagnosis. Hope there is a suitable treatment. She's weepy. Can't decide if she wants to scream, cry or laugh, but I can always distract her with long as it is mashed potatoes and gravy. She sat on the porchc for a while, but allergies brought her in....and 82 degrees in the house is too cold for her. AAAAAGGGGGHHHHH !!!!! Hubby was crabby,too, feeling a little left out of things, no attention paid to him cause it all goes to mom. He is pretty self-sufficient, exccept emotionally. Wish I could be two people.....wouldn't we all !!! mom woke up from a short nap and wanted to tell me she couldn't get the kids ready in time to go to the party. She just couldn't get all 6 kids dressed and looking half-way decent, and the boys' collars wouldn't stand up stiff. Those twin boys are now 58 years old !!! I have gotten used to the conversations now, but they used to throw me for a loop. Her brain damage comes from a brain aneurysm 10 years ago. No medicine will help that. What is gone is gone. Everything happened yesterday or is tomorrow. But I love her dearly and wouldn't trust her in anyone else's care.....even my sisters'. It is a labor of love, and now I know the labor part......

I hope everyone has a good what is left of the weekend. I must get the rabbit's leftovers before dark.........

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