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My oldest nephew is into student rentals Ali, grad students should make great roomies; they are mature and very focused on their studies and probably used to sharing space in their undergrad years. Hope it works out for you!
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I confronted my elderly mother about saying. I should follow what her GP says. She accused me of 'projecting' on to her, problems that don't exist.
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Book, we are all thinking about you. Stay safe. It is 1:00 pm Monday in ****

Ali, if I were younger it would make sense to find roomies. I have thought about it myself, but I enjoy my private and quiet time. Hope it will work out for you. Give you more time to do things you enjoy.
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Book, has the typhoon hit yet? I'm going to look it up online.

Edit: Looks like you're getting it later Monday afternoon and evening. Take care!!
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I want to share some normal life stuff, hope no one minds if I butt in and share it over here. It's not dysfunctional or related to dysfunctional family stuff, so I think it goes over here.

I'm sitting at home, eating some SERIOUSLY garlic and jalapeño salsa on tortilla chips in an attempt to kill the last of my recent sick bug, and thinking about my plans for new apartment. I cannot believe it, but it's coming up on one year I've had my lease at current place, and I decided to make a move from the 1 bedroom to a much larger 3 bedroom for same rent.

I've been thinking about this... and I really think that... I want to get 2 roommates for the other 2 bedrooms and basically I could live rent free. It's hard to explain, but yeah, could be done, and it's not like I won't pay anything -- I'll include all utilities and household supplies (toilet paper etc) in the rent. Chicago has a lot of graduate students for all the different universities, people who are here on work visa... There's enough of a demographic of people, I think, who would appreciate a relatively inexpensive, clean, safe bedroom in apartment where they didn't have to worry about anything much but paying rent... Plus there is a large 13 x 15 parlor plus 12 x 15 living room. There's a lot of space to put desks in the common areas.

So anyway, it wasn't my plan from the beginning to rent the other rooms. I didn't know what I was going to do. But now... it makes so much sense to me. I can save aggressively and also pursue other interests easier, work fewer days perhaps and have free time for other things.

With this in mind, I'm bringing in a contractor for estimate to paint the entire place, walls and trim, patch things up (doesn't need much, just cosmetic overhaul), and put in custom shelving for all the closets so there will be plenty of storage room for multiple occupants.

I'm excited to see how my Project: Apartment will come out. It wouldn't make sense to invest $2k in an apartment (I asked landlady if she would paint, she declined) that I don't own... but if I see that amount as an investment in not paying rent for the next 5 years, it's nothing.

I think this is a good idea. I'm exited to spiff up the new digs. I'm getting estimates this week for the needed work.
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Thanks about my aunty. Despite being in so much pain, she came to my dad's 1st anniversary of his death. She came to the 7-days of mass of intentions. I recognized her singing voice among the other women. My aunty had a beautiful singing voice - whether singing solo or with others. I forgave her when she sang that song on the day mom died. I could tell that aunty was singing from her heart. I forgave her but I have never forgotten. She and my mom's other siblings rarely came to visit their own sister all those years she was suffering dementia and then bedridden. When my dad died, she also sang that song -despite not liking my dad. I forgave her again. {whispering... I think Uncle, her husband, is going down the dementia or senility lane.... She was his rock.}

As for the typhoon, it changed a teeny tiny direction, no longer head-on. But we're still preparing because it can always stall in one place for hours, and then turn direction. I'm still putting things up, muttering that after this is over, and I have some spare time, I'm going to ruthlessly start throwing out things. I'm such a packrat!!!! Even now, I'm having a difficult time throwing things away as I'm trying to decide which items are important and goes on top of my bunk bed.
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Book, would riding it out at your office work?
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Book
please find higher ground to ride out the storm

we are thinking of you and sorry to hear of your auntie
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Bookluver, I an so sorry to hear of your Aunty's Passing. I was luck to have 3 amazing Aunty's in my life, my Mom's 3 sisters. Losing them was so difficult, and then my Mom too, Uggg, I know it's a part of life, but I do understand how sad this time is for you right now.

How scary to be preparing for a typhoon! I hope and pray that you find Safe refuge, and that it isn't anywhere near as bad as you think it may be. Please let us all know how you are doing, and do find a safe place soon! I'll be praying for you and all of your Loved Ones! Take Care Girl! ❤❤❤
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Book, I’m so sorry for your loss. Cancer is just a horrible disease. Can you and your sis go to a hotel to ride out the typhoon? Keep us updated as you can.
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Book I am so sorry about your Aunt, was she still in Washington? And typhoon would scare me too.. do you have any other realitives you could stay with, or your boss and his wife?
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(((((book)))) I am sorry for your loss. Please stay somewhere safe! Let us know how you are.
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Book, I am so sorry for the loss of your Aunt.

Typhoon, certainly there are better places to ride the storm out that bro's? Take care of yourself.
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(((Book))), I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your aunty. Cancer is such a terrible disease.

Stay safe during this upcoming storm! Do you have anywhere else you can shelter if bro and SIL don't respond?
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I'm sorry about your aunty Book, do they have an explanation on why there is such a high cancer rate on your island?
As for the typhoon, are there public shelters that might be a better place to go to ride out the storm?
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My aunty who was diagnosed with cancer and flew to Washington for treatment - has passed away this morning. She was my mom's sister. I now have 3 family members who lost the battle to cancer, my 10 year old niece (oldest sis' granddaughter), my first cousin and now my aunty.... In this island, one person dies of cancer every three days.

On another note, we are now preparing for a super typhoon to hit our island on Tuesday or Wednesday. Not pass us, but hit us. I'm preparing our house for flooding - since we live at the lowest level ground below a cliff line. All the water from the main road on our left, the waterfall from the cliff on our right, and all our neighbors land from the front and behind will drain to our house - the lowest of all around. As you all know, I'm terrified of water. I can't even stand having water reach my ankle in a shower or bathtub before I start hyperventilating. I'm brainstorming. Last night, I mentioned to bro and SIL of next door about spending the typhoon with them. No response. Just silence. SIL said her precious babies (vicious Rottweilers that wants to tear me to pieces based on how they viciously launch at me every time they see me, crashing against their cages trying to get at me, growling and snarling, teeth viciously showing as they try to rip from their cages) will be inside their house. sigh....
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How am I doing or feeling. My prescription pills are running out. I call it a drug not yet approved by a Govt. agency? It’s called Humor. Make people laugh to make you laugh from what ever you say. You’ll know your prescription is running out when the other person isn’t laughing. Then come up with something else and don’t get into caregiver experience because it is a downer for you and the person doesn’t smile or laugh and ask how is family member doing?
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I feel so bad. When I was referring to crying crocodile tears, I meant big tears or weeping. I was just informed that the true meaning is:

"Crocodile tears (or superficial sympathy) is a false, insincere display of emotion such as a hypocrite crying fake tears of grief."

That is the very opposite of what I was meaning to say. Please forgive me as I truly with all sincerity meant true sadness, true, tears and true grief.

And Book (HUG), it made me giggle when you wrote flummoxed, as I have been using that word lately as often as the occasion arises. :)
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Book, I'm not Catholic, but some of my cousins are, and I've been a handful of times to Mass for events like funerals, weddings, etc. I remember as a teen the first time I visited my cousin's church, and not being familiar with the traditions, not knowing when to stand or kneel, etc. so I mostly just sat. I do remember telling my cousin that I really liked her church because "it was so comfortable, especially the foot rests." I had no clue still that they were kneelers, I just thought people were kneeling down on the foot rests. Facepalm!

I meant no disrespect either, I just sincerely didn't know. Looking back, I do remember everyone being welcoming, and no one looked offended, thank goodness.
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Book, the kneeling and all the up and down in that church is too much for many people, even young people. It is not disrespectful. You have your beliefs, they have theirs. Think of it that there are many practices and traditions of your own beliefs and culture that many of us do not understand, and we do not disrespect you for them.

A story about that church. When I was in elementary school there were neighbors across the street of that religion. They had a daughter about my age and we were close friends. The family invited me to go to church with them a few times. And only a few times because every time I went with them I passed out. I can only guess from all the up and down. It is a lot even for the young.
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MsMadge, that's the first time I've heard it said that way. I'm more like: I went to sleep with a headache. And I woke up with a headache. All day, all night.. Stress? Heat? High blood pressure? .. stress...

I was talking to fave sis on the phone. I was going to my cousin's mass and rosary tonight. But I told sis that lately, I've been feeling very uncomfortable attending Catholic mass and not participate (standing, sitting, kneeling, standing, etc...) Even by sitting on the way back pew, I feel very, very disrespectful to their religion. The feeling came back strong when I attended my cousin's mass 2 nights ago. I want to be there for the family but my conscience is bothering me a lot... I didn't go tonight.
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Gersh, I haven't cried yet. I get the small tears but not the deep sorrowful cries. It took me 18 months after my mom passed away to finally cry my heart out. I haven't done it with dad.

Smeshque, it's those unexpected tears or emotions that just trips me. I think what threw me off was she was Dad's home care nurse. I was shocked that the office didn't even let her know that one of her patients died. And so when she kept asking me how was my dad, with a big smile on her face, I was … flummoxed. {hehehe... always wanted to try using that word.} I didn't know how to respond. sigh.....
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I woke up with the same headache I went to sleep with last night
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I try try to avoid potential negative issues as much as possible. Think of things to make me laugh and try to get laughter out of others 😆 via in person, text or phone with friends or people know or don’t know. Try to do it as many times as possible in the day and you don’t how you got to that discussion half the time. Then either there gonna tell you something and make you laugh or pause woe and start thinking what they said is positive and pass on.
Ex. This is True. I don’t know how I brought up a subject to the person that does ac maintenance on my ac. I live on East Coast in va outside dc and md. I may have said something to along the lines of I need a super hero now to take care me mentally. It wasn’t Superman, Batman. It was Wonder Woman and his response. Yeah we take care of Linda Carters ac and he went on and on description of rooms in house and one room wall to wall of pictures of her as Wonder Woman.
Yeah, so when in stress think of positive funny things. Yeah, like I can cry out Wonder Woman please help me and your also local too. Only that would come are neighbors dogs and know I’m loved and get wet slush kiss on cheek. At least I know I’m appreciated and laugh 😂.
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Big Hug Book- I too miss my Dad and there are moments that trigger some crocodile tears.
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Book, you cry big gigantic tears if you want. I wish I could cry more. Sometimes I feel like one of those people who cuts themselves just to get their feelings out. I've been in big denial since my Mom died. Still haven't come to terms with it. I wonder if I will ever let myself. I won't resort to cutting but if someone wants to punch me upside the head I might welcome it. Anything to get the emotions flowing in a healthy sort of way.

((((Hugs)))) to you Book
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Lastnight, I was shopping at Kmart. I heard someone ask, "How's your dad?" I ignored her because no one called my name. I continued walking and turned right to an aisle (searching for mothballs.) And I heard the question again, "How's your dad?" I don't know why I decided to stop and look behind me. It was my dad's home care nurse. I stood there staring at her. I .. just didn't know how to answer her. She smiled and asked again, "How's your dad?" I said, "oh, he passed away. Last July." And I just stood there staring at her. She let go off the cart, and gave me a huge long hug. I just stood there. She looked at me. I looked at her. I finally nodded.... I got all emotional after she left. I realized that I've been keeping everything inside. Her hug - triggered some of those emotions.

Lastnight, around 11:30pm, I decided to check my cellphone. Fave sis texted me at 3pm, that our first cousin passed away the night before. He had health issues and was in constant pain for years. I went to his mass and then the rosary afterwards. It was a very small church. The priest would say my cousin's name throughout the mass. That is so touching (compared to my parents' church which is like 5 times bigger and less personal.)… The rosary got to me. I started thinking of my dad. I got teary-eyed.... and now, I feel so sad. Did a teeny tiny bit of crying as I was typing this.
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I read something on FB that I thought rings true with my point of view. When I was in the middle of caregiving, full-on stress level, etc... I had the reverse reaction of the encouragements to me to take care of myself because who will be there for my parent(s) if something happened to me. At that time, I was always at the edge of the cliff - whether of suicide or deep depression. That or the feeling of drowning from everything...
The vacation was very difficult for me but I did lots of crying. 

This is my encouragement to You caregivers (courtesy of FB):
Take care of yourself.
Go for a walk, eat your favorite food, get a haircut,
read a book, take a vacation,
have a drink, cry if you need to,
Do what You need to do.
Take care of yourself,
because at the end of the day,
You're All You've Got.
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(((((hugs))))) chdottir - I know the feeling.
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Just feeling generally sad about my Mom. She is in a lovely A/L apartment, with lots of available activities. But she sits alone in her room, except for meals and visits from her kids. Our phone conversations are getting shorter because she really can't tell me anything about what is going on in her life - she can't remember. So it is really all on me to keep the conversation going. And my life is pretty boring right now trying to deal with frequent migraines, so I don't have much to say either.

I feel sad that her dementia has taken away her initiative, her memory. She lost my Dad a couple years ago, and that was the focus of her social world, so she doesn't have him either.

I'm a "fixer" and I can't fix this. I don't feel guilt, I know I've done and am doing my best. I'm just sad for Mom.
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