I am new in this and a bit lost ....

Thanks Marie. Today was a real rough day. On top of him cussing me about his pain meds, I have a hard time dealing with the problems of getting all his insurances transferred. It is so shameful that these insurance agencies will prey on the elderly and talk them into signing on to something they know is not as good as medicare and in the long run deprives the elderly from getting the medical help they need because of paperwork hassles. I ended up crying today on the home health nurses shoulder. I know God only places as much as you can handle, but gee wiz!

Aaahh .... I know that feeling too Amanda, my mum is in the hospital now and she is desperate to go home. Everyday she will ask me to ask the doctor to let her go home. One day, she told my aunt that I am the one stopping her from going home coz I don't want her to die in my house !! I was so hurt upon hearing that but after taking some space from her - I just let go of that remark and now all I want to concentrate is take good care of her coz I just don't know when will be her last day. So I just don't want to take things for granted .....

I know some days are tough, believe me, since my mum fell a month ago, I cried almost everyday !!! I can cry for few days in a row and then "rest" 1 or 2 days and get all emotional again after that ..... at home I will let out my extreme cry, sit on the floor, cry my heart out to God, shout like a mad woman, do whatever you need to do to let out Amanda .......

You are doing well, keep it up ok ;-)) and thanks for the hugs - hugs back to you !!!

I have had the crying days. I can't really let it out hard cause of my kids and husband. My kids are 10 and 13. I do not like to scare them. They have had to make a major adjustment with my dad being here. He is doing better today finally. When I had my dad in rehabilitation services at the nursing home, he kept calling and saying get him out of there. I followed my siblings orders and removed him after being in there for just two weeks. That was a definite mistake. I should have left him in there to complete his therapy. If I had of done that I do not think I would be having such a hard time as I do now. I have had to learn the hard way that he is in my care and not my siblings. I need to make these decisions without their orders.

Aahhh yes, you don't have the privacy to do your crying, well, I have a friend that does her crying in the shower, maybe that will help.

Yes, our heart melts when our parents begs us for something - for example now, your dad keeps on calling you to get him out from rehabilitation and you gave in. Same like my mum now, everyday she will ask me to ask the doctors to let her go home. My heart breaks that I cannot do that but for her own good, I have to be "cruel".

About the other siblings, you are right, they are not the one taking care of your dad so they can give you many advises that doesn't fit you or your dad. I have been thru that too, so now I might still ask them for advise but I will only follow them if it can done.

Hang in there Amanda, you are doing great !!

I took dad to the doctor yesterday and she advised to also place him into a nursing home for physical therapy. She said he needs more than what I or home health care can give him. This time my sister actually asked me what I was going to do instead of telling me what to do. I told her I was going to put him in it as soon as one comes available close by. I have become tougher here in the last week. Dealing with him on my own has pushed me to that point. She was supposed to come here to give me a break this weekend and now she says she can't because of a birthday party she has to attend.

Hi Amanda,

Sorry for the late reply. My mum is back in the hospital and I spent most of my time there, only come home to rest for like 5 - 6 hours and there I go again .....

I hope by now your dad is in the nursing home coz the doctors are right, we are not trained to give sufficient care for the elderly.

No my dad is also in the hospital. It turns out that he had a broken hip and it has been broken since memorial day which was when we went to his home and cleaned it the weekend before he came into my care. Now they have done surgery but are unable to fix the hip because the tissue surrounding the socket has been eaten up from the hip being broken for so long. His therapist and I noticed one leg shorter than the other one the day before I had the ambulance come get him. He was refusing to eat and drink which was the reason for me putting him in the hospital and I told them about the leg while he was there and they found the broken hip. He will go to therapy for a couple weeks then back home with me, but he will never walk again. I can not afford the cost of a nursing home. They want 5000 a month and a personal care home, he has to be able to at least walk a little. So back to my house after the therapy is done but I am enjoying the free time first. Why is your mom back in the hospital? I have learned a lot on how to to take care of daddy. If he was a little more cooperative with me it would make things a lot easier. I have decided to change my major when I resume my online college courses to something in the medical field. As soon as my kids get back into school , I plan to return to my school work. I am like you, I go back and forth to the hospital too every day. When he gets transferred to therapy I will take a day or two here and there and just stay at home and relax.

My mum is admitted coz she is not eating and doctor has told me just prepare for the worse. At first it was harsh but seeing her suffer ... now I am ready to let her go ....

Today she is being discharged, it worries me coz she has bed sores, I am not trained to change the dressing but after a week of seeing how the nurses do it, I will try my best to do it .... I am just worry it will get bigger .... I really need a miracle .....

Sorry to hear about your dad but at least he has you to take care of him, you will be blessed for that .....

Yes, personal home care cost a bomb over here too ... sigh .. only rich ppl can afford the best ......

My dad had started to get a bed sore in my care and thankfully I was able to prevent it from opening up and I got rid of it. Every time I come across something I do not know how to handle I always resort to the internet and read up on it. I am sorry to hear your mum is bad off and I understand you wanting to let her go to release her of her pain. I have had to learn a great deal when my dad was home with me. The things I have learned has made me want to pursue something in the medical field. We know our parents love us for what we are doing for them in their own way even if they are unable to show it. We just have to remember them after they have past on as the person they were before they got so sick. I definitely do not want to remember my dad in this condition after he has passed.

Am glad to hear that you manage to prevent the bed sores, that is the worse thing to happen to a bedridden patient ......

It is good news that you decided to pursue medical after this, that is a great cause.

We will get thru this, we will .....