I'm new and so glad I found this site.

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My father passed away a year ago at age 96 my mother just turned 89. I am 46 . I was a late in life child. My mother had a fall on Christmas Eve and it caused a pretty bad brain bleed. It left her with mild stroke like symtoms. Added to her moderate demensia and life long battle with depression she is not able to live alone ever again. She does not know this yet as the dr's said it would just destroy her emotionally . She has not been the nicest person growing up. And I see them characteristics now. Its such a strain on me. I love her and do not want her in a nursing home. I'm going to find this site my new home I am sure. So glad I found it. I've read some of the threads and its all to familliar.. Hang in everyone. This won't last forever.

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HI, I am new here too and feel like a nrs. home is not the answer to moms needs, but she is so mean and blames all of this on me when I gave up a very good career to care for her 24/7, meanwhile I feel like I have taken a real-life away from my husband and 8yr old daughter....hoping to speak to everyone more....
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I am new too! And like you so happy to have found this site! Good luck in your endeavors and like others have suggested take time to make the best decision possible!
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Welcome! Agree with earlier posts -- DON"T let her move in with you even temporarily. TAKE YOUR TIME AND THINK this through -- get all you information up front first so you can make a good sound healthy decision for both you and her and her future care needs.

Make sure you get her legal paperwork, Advanced Med Directive, DPOA, financial history, bills, etc. This will be extremely important in your decision making and ability to make decisions.

Start some conversations with her now and get her input on how she sees things and what her expectations are? Does she think she can stay at home?

Consult with her doctor; privately if you can. What does he see in her future? How is her physical health? What exactly is her mental health status -- do you need more tests? consultation on level of care she might need now and in the future?

Are there other siblings, neighbors, friends, church friends that can assist -- if so, find out what they can and will do to help in the short term and long term.

Then you can consider your caregiving options; in-home care, AL, Memory Care, etc.

Good luck and you came to the right place!
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If you haven't dealt with mom's finances or even broached the subject with her, you really need to do this. This is a good time as you might be able to use the " Gee Whiz tax season is over, we need to be better prepared for next year" approach. Start a file hard copy binder file and on the laptop. You really need to know pretty detailed what she has and how she get's it from her medications to her interest on an account. Then update all her legal if need be. You many never need it, but if you do, it will all be there winking at you so less panic. I too am a late in life child - runs in the family, my grandmother had her last at 50; my mom is mid 90's and I'm a decade older than you & we have a 15 year old. All my mom's siblings but 1 lived to late 90's. The reality is that with a long life gene pool, they will run out of money eventually so the more planning you can do now for that, the better. If she isn't been seen by a gerontologist, think about moving her to a gerontology group. Good luck and keep a sense of humor!
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Welcome frog. I second the motion for her not to move in with you. Sometimes a nightmare. Have you considered an assisted living center or a memory care facility. They are not full blown NH.
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Bemvindo/a. ... Here you get to circulate, commiserate, and vociferate. There's a method to our madness here, good therapy. Just keep coming baby. We got you.
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Thank you so much for all of your replies, not sure what's going on with the pot one.lol... not a bad idea.. hadn't thought of that.. not for my mother but for me...lol J/K. I just know this is a great site and I will find great help here. Thanks again
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We are quit new to legalized pot here in AZ. So, I read all about it. All ages are gaining new found health by using it. And as I said, I am healthy, so no need to control pain or increased appetite. But, you mentioned both of these problems. I will shut up.
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Would your Mother understand why she cannot live alone? If you start talking to her about a fun place with new friends she could live, maybe she will come around. When I had to tell my Mother a few months after her husband died that I was moving her near me into a care home, I agonized for 3 months. She was very gracious and accepting when the day arrived and said, she thought about it and knew it was the best thing. (By the way, that was one of few times she surprised me with her cooperation. Lol.)
Sometimes we need to give them more credit, unless they are very unreasonable.
Give everything a try, and take care of yourself:) xo
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Chicago pot for a 85 yr old ? Really!
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