I'm really facing a tough decision here. I thought moving Dad closer to me was going to be better for everyone. I did cartwheels at the prospect of quitting the second job, but it's turned out to be a bad decision.

I got a bill from the ALF that charged me for every single time Dad "took" lunch in his room. Despite me sending the DON an email stating that unless Dad was sick, he needed to eat in the dining room and asking her specifically not to bring him food to his room, they did it anyway and tacked on a $10 per meal fee.

In addition, Hospice called me today and said they are going to discontinue skilled nursing services because Dad has refused bathing assistance for two weeks. They are also cutting down his visits to once a week because Dad is "fine". I dunno. Maybe this hospice really wants you on your deathbed before they offer services??? Now I fear that he may not qualify for continued services which is going to leave me in a huge bind because Hospice gives him meds that the VA refused to prescribe, and they have a doctor making house calls which is the ONLY way I can get him back and forth to the doctor.

Sigh... this has been a REALLY rough month. I surely hope May is better. Sheesh!!!

I have no idea what I'm going to do, but I'm gonna have to plan... something...

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Tiny, I don't see how moving Dad was a bad decision. It is standard procedure to charge for room delivery of meals. The old ALF would have gotten around to that, too, if Dad continued to refuse to go to the dining room. If hospice thinks Dad is only eligible for one nurse visit per week, that would have been the case no matter where he was. The move isn't solving the issues you'd hoped it would, but don't beat yourself up for a bad decision. Your decision made sense based on what you knew at the time. And really, that is all any of us can do.


Either you have a very bad Hospice on board OR Hospice can not help your Dad if he refuses their care.

I would suggest you talk to Hospice Social Worker.

Then possibly have Hospice Social Worker and Hospice Chaplain talk to your Dad if Dad is still cognitively able to understand what they have to say.

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