Negligence or Just ALF Limitations?

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I'm becoming increasingly concerned about some additional issues at the ALF. After Dad's unfortunate stroke incident, I did some digging. Dad told me that he told the ALF staff several times that his arm "felt funny" Sunday night, but they told him to go back to his room.


When I went by the ALF last night to pick up some belongings to take back to the hospital for Dad, I asked them if Dad mentioned not feeling well last night (Dad described the employees perfectly). They both said Dad slept through the night.


I had a computer guy at work hack into the camera system at the ALF, and sure enough, I watched Dad interact with the night staff three times and then turn around and go back to his room (I have the footage in case I need it in the future). I know with dementia, it is very hard to tell truth from dementia reality, so I tried to let that go.


However, yesterday, the hospice nurse and I caught a staff member in a bold face LIE. When I went to pick Dad up from his trial visit at the new ADC (they monitored him closely), I texted his hospice nurse and asked for advice on whether I should take Dad to the ER.


She basically said to follow my gut about the ER, but she let me know she was going to call the ALF and have them take his blood pressure when I brought him back. She then advised me to take him to the ER if it was high.


Well...when the hospice nurse didn't hear back for a couple of hours, she called the floor nurse back and asked if she had taken the blood pressure. This lying B**** said she hadn't taken Dad's blood pressure but she had just checked on him and he was fine. WTH?!?! Dad had been away from the facility since 7:30 that morning AND I signed him out when we left.


So, the hospice nurse played along and asked the ALF staff member to check on Dad again and report back. Another hour passed and the hospice nurse had to call back. She asked again how Dad was doing, and this *&^&*^* said he was watching TV peacefully in his room!!!!!!!!


The hospice nurse was well aware that Dad was with me, so she called BS on this woman and politely let her know that Dad was with me... AT THE HOSPITAL!!!!


I understand that taking care of Dad myself may be a bit of a stretch, but I can't have him there. I can't stop thinking... "What else have they lied about?" I entrust them with Dad's care, and this is not the first time that they've let things slip through the cracks.


I'll hear his oxygen beeping over the phone and I will call the ALF and ask them to send someone down to plug in the machine. I will come by a couple hours later and his battery is dead because it was never plugged up. They will put the portable around his neck and let him ride around with it turned off. I've visited and it's been cranked up to 5L because it was beeping. Hello! It's beeping because the battery is going dead. It's NOT safe to provide TOO much oxygen.


Add that to the fact that they treated me like S*** when THEY screwed up the paperwork that the temporary VA Fiduciary sent (they applied the payment to the wrong person)-- with the late payment calls, $500 in late fees and "service charges" they didn't mention before...


I can't trust them, and I don't think a call to corporate will matter. I spent my past life in PR and nothing would sting more than the time stamped videos I've collected and a Social Media post. I'm going to wait until I get Dad out of there, so they don't retaliate against him, then I'm hitting F.I.T (Facebook, Instagram and Twitter).

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Tiny, there's a new thread "Not a question really, just sharing one of those moment". The OP talks about how she has set up camera's in her Moms home and can monitor from her phone. Thought of you for when Dad and u move to the house.
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Doesn't the Daycare offer transportation?

Well, it looks like things maybe looking up. But remember, my brother said I was part of the problem. See, I have this problem where if I am aware of something why isn't the other person. I tend to go out of my way for people, so why can't someone go that xtra mile for me and mine? Now I understand that CNAs don't get paid enough for the dirty work they do but you can't dress my Mom where everything matches? Now my daughters will say...she doesn't know. But I do! She has lost her mind but she should still look nice. See what I mean. Learn to pick your battles even when living with Dad. It won't be perfect so learn to go with the flow. Keep us up to date on how it all works out.
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DeeAnna, I am weighing both options. Medicare won't pay for OT AND Hospice, and I would rather Dad stay on hospice. I have looked into Physical Therapy options and it seems to be cheaper to take him.

I am trying to work out my work schedule at the full time job to accommodate this change (maybe come in early, stay late, and have lunch at my desk). I also have to figure out how many extra hours I could need to work at the part time job to cover the new expense for the next few weeks until the house is completed.

Thankfully, moving Dad in will save me roughly $1,000 per month in care expenses and about $400 per month on living expenses (with him covering half rent and utilities with his VA check). The best news of all is that even with me taking Dad to Adult Day Care (this new place is smaller and more attentive) two days a week and paying someone to help out 4 days a week, Dad's VA check will cover ALL of his care and living expenses with about a $300 per month surplus on his end.

...that means I can FINALLY quit the second job. Three years in hospitality customer service is NOT for the faint of heart....
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At least, you are not going into the "take Dad home" process "wide-eyed" with no idea of what lies ahead. You DO know the possible problems and I think that you are working on finding solutions for them. Like I have said, the first 7 years with my Mom were good with great moments sprinkled in. It was when her delusions and her constant negativity became too much for me to handle that I really started to get stressed.

Good Luck with taking your Dad to live with you. Let us know how he is doing. Since your Dad had a stroke, what happens after his hospitalization? Will he be going to physical and occupational therapy while staying at a Rehab facility? {Medicare pays a percentage of the stay for 100 days as long as your Dad is progressing in therapy.} Or will he be staying at the house and you will be driving him to therapy every day?
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Take your dad to a different facility . Yeah its illegal ..what you did, still better to know. Document what you and the hospice nurse did with staff and dont include imaging. Let the hr and floor charge nurses know.. See that that person is fired.
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So glad you will be able to get Dad back with you. Having him with you has to be better than what you have been going thru.
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You haven't done anything you need to be forgiven for, Tiny.

I think you hold yourself to impossible standards. I'm sure it's not the first time anyone's said that to you, hm?
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Wow guys...

It really wasn't my intention for this to turn into a war between family members and paid caregivers. I'm not saying that they are all bad, but I have had lots of bad experiences and lost trust completely. This most recent situation didn't ease my mind at all.

Anyway, I'm not going to use the info from the camera. I just wanted to see if the staff was lying... and they were... and continuing to do so.

Upon returning with Dad yesterday, I ran into the night staff (let's not forget that Dad described them both perfectly when he told me that he reported his arm "feeling funny"), and casually asked them if Dad had said anything to them about not feeling well on the night of his stroke. They both said "no", and that he slept all night. Hmmmm...

I just simply said "thank you", to which they responded "We're so sorry about your Dad". You should have seen the shocked looks on their faces when I told them Dad had a stroke.

I have enough information against this place WITHOUT the video anyway, and the social worker from the hospital was MORTIFIED when I relayed the incident about the staff lying about just seeing Dad when he was actually in the ER, and she said she would be making a call.

I honestly feel guilty most about having to bring Dad back to that place. I see eyes rolling when I come in but I don't give a SH**. My Dad has limited ability to advocate for himself, so I will do it.

Was he the best Dad, HE** no. Do I get angry and frustrated? HE** yes, but at the end of the day I do know that he did the best with what he had to work with which wasn't much from what I can gather. I don't know why I was dealt this hand, but I have no choice but to deal with it.

...as for my decision on moving him. Sorry, as soon as the construction on the home I want to rent is done, Dad is outta there. I've weighed this decision, and worked with the social worker from the Caregiver Advocacy division of the VA and through lots of journaling and introspection, have determined that bringing him home with me (Adult Day Center and AMAZING caregiver in tow) will be the "best of the worst".

Maybe I'll share some of that process in another one of my multiple paragraph posts.

I'm sure I've been pretty erratic on this forum as well. This SH** is hard at any level. It's something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. If we can't rant here, where else can we go?

This place is the alternative to the therapy I need but can't afford, so forgive me when I type out of emotion.
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Wally, ShakingDust was a poster a few years ago. She was displaying erratic behavior in her posts, challenging and making rude, bizarre, paranoid and unsubstantiated as well as wild assumptions. She attacked posters. Some thought she was in some type of manic stage. There were other suspicions as well.

Her behavior was so unacceptable that posters told her to just "go". She fought; it became a fiasco.

Now it's happening again. And it'll get much worse before she leaves.

You have to realize that she's unstable, and volatile. Notice her mood swings. She can't or will not even attempt to prove her wild accusations and suspicions.

The problem now is that again, she's disrupting the forum and refuses to leave. So others may just leave, either until she's removed or leaves voluntarily, and that affects the overall quality and value of the forum.

DeeAnna, I'm clapping louding and fully in support of your excellent analysis.


BTW, Shaky, how can I get paid for posting? I need the money.
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There's another aspect that Tiny hasn't considered. One way or another, her employer will find out about the hacking. And she'll be out of a job, as the tech who did the hacking most likely will be too. If I were him, I'd turn state's evidence and get a deal, as he wasn't the instigator. You were.

Or if you're arrested first, or just contacted by the police, it could very well be at your place of employment. Your employer will find out, and again, you'll be facing dismissal.

Tiny, not only would you be compromising your own income, and that of your Dad, but you'll probably be barred from the AL, face civil action by them, or they could become the complaining witness.


Perhaps just as bad, you would likely be reported to APS, which under the circumstances, could intervene and prevent you from even seeing your father.
This is a potential you need to consider.


Think seriously; sound minds here are giving you good advice. Ignore that of the one who's not; she's demonstrated in the past that she's not emotionally stable.

If you don't want to be removed from any responsibility for caring for your father, by law enforcement and not voluntarily, think seriously about the advice you're being given.

You're the only one who can address this situation; we can't force you, but I doubt that anyone here is going to visit you if you spend a few nights in jail while action is pending.

From reading past posts, I recall that you're intent on making decisions but frequently look to posters here for advice.

If there was any time to take it, it's now. But remember, you're still in charge of your life and decisions, and no one can rescue you if you pursue a reckless course of action and thwart the law.
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