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I'm so scared and worried about my mom. I love her and have been taking care of her and my dad for several years. My dad passed away in Jan of 2013. I have either been staying at my parent's place or been gone for work although I own my own house with my twin sister and nephew. For the last few years, I have probably stayed at my own house for a cumulative of 20 or 30 days over the years.

Since my dad passed, my mom was diagnosed with a returning cancer in Feb. of 2013. After about 4 months of tests (bad health care and hospital in that province) they finally started treating her with chemo in Sept of 2013.

She had complications from the chemo and ended up falling and breaking her hip in late Nov. which pointed towards more serious health issues.

My mom is still recovering from her stays at the hospital. She was in for 4 months since Nov 28 till April 1 of 2014 and was finally diagnosed with ulcerative colitis from that horrible hospital.

We took her to a different and better hospital several times after. She stayed for 3 weeks about a month ago and the diagnosis was then chron's disease. She also has two blood clots and her cancer has returned. I work which involves travel to places sometimes without cell phone service.

Her last stay about three weeks ago, after a few days of being discharged, I took care of her for a week before I had to leave again for work. While in my care i made sure she was on the proper medication and she was improving. After one week with me she was walking around the swelling in her legs had gone down, her stool was getting normal.

She stays at my older sister when she's not with me.

While I was gone, (I got back on Monday the 15th) she was apparently bleeding again in her stool . I talked to her on the Monday that I got back and she said she had been bleeding in her stool for 2 or 3 days. I urged my sisters to take her to the hospital. (I went and stayed at my mom's place on the 15th thinking everything was okay with her before I talked to her and since no one is able to stay there I don't want people to think it is abandoned - it is up for sale It is out in the country about 1/2 hour from the city.) When I found out she had been bleeding and was not feeling well, I called my twin sister and said she must go to the hospital right away and to tell my older sister.

It was a big fight between my twin sister and older sister to see who was going to take her. My older sister also missed my mom's strombosis doctor appointment (for her blood clot) on the previous Tuesday and then missed her scheduled cancer surgeon appointment on the Tuesday after I got back. I flipped out when I heard that she had missed her blood clot doctor's appointment and my older sister said that it was never scheduled making me look like I was crazy that she even had that appointment scheduled. When she then missed the cancer surgeon's appointment, it was my twin sister who the cancer surgeon's doctor's office called and said she had missed that appointment.

My twin sister asked the doctor's office when they called her if my older sister knew about that appointment and they said yes - they had made the appointment with her and then confirmed with her the week before.

My older sister drove me to the airport the week before and we had discussed her appointment on that Tues. with the blood clot doctor cause I wanted to make sure she asked her how soon she could have surgery or treatment for her returning cancer. My older sister acted like she didn't remember anything about this. And then to miss the cancer surgeon appointment - my twin sister knew then that I wasn't making things up and that my older sister was screwing up.

When they got into that screaming fight about who was going to take her to the hospital on Monday, my older sister said she never wanted my mom back.

I spent from 8am to 7:30 pm yesterday at the hospital with my mom making sure she saw the blood clot doctor and making sure that the tests were done that were needed, I found out that her bleeding in her stool was caused by her being so plugged up and constipated because she has two strictures or narrowing of her intestines. If left untreated, she can have tears or a perforation in her intestines which would be toxic. What really bothers me is that my older sister will take her daughter for an earache to the hospital but blood in my mom's stool is like nothing.

My mom's sister is in town for a week because her son goes to school here and she usually stays at my older sister's place because my cousin's girlfriend doesn't like her to stay with them.

I called mom at the hospital this morning, she still did not have any stool movement. I said 'tell the nurse right away and ask for more medication to make you have a stool movement- do it right away'. My mom said that's why I don't want to stay with you. I was hurt and cried all day. I only try to do best for mom but feel like I'm a bad person - hurts!

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Not get her better. Work better together.
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Kateri, my mom was in the ER last week for constipation. They gave her two enemas while there, then sent her home. I am successor POA for Mom, twisted sister #2 is primary. TW 2 rarely sees mom and has no idea what to do with her in a medical emergency. I don't even notify her something is going on until I have a very firm grasp of treatment recommendations and possible complications. We would be texting endlessly while trying to figure out what to do. This communication difficulty is not in my mom's best interest, and if you want to know the truth, I do not think TW2 gives a hoot! She has not relinquished POA to me because she thinks someone that is not caring for Mom should have the job. Now, what kind of twisted thinking is that? My mom needs someone that thoroughly understands her medical issues and if that responsibility were shared it would be very difficult to coordinate mom's care.

My suggestion would be to find a geriatric care manager that would develop a care plan for your Mom and will also help the siblings work to get her better. Though that doesn't always work either. All siblings must be willing to work with GCM, or simply ask that person to handle all medical issues with your Mom. Many times older folks will not complain about health issues. They do not like to think about the potentially unpleasant treatment.
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Well, I guess I've done it again. Kateri, I'm sorry if I offended you. Forgive me. I think you must be very young and sensitive. My sincere apologies.
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I don't want to be here anymore.
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If I figured your directions for me to tell the nurse "right away" was going to mean I was going to get an enema, I might say the same thing.

Your post is very complicated. The three of you must come to terms with who's in charge of mom's medical care . . . making and coordinating appointments . . . what happens when, etc. If you can't do that, you're going to have many more mix-ups. Too many cooks spoil the soup.

Next time, in my opinion, instead of telling mom to tell the nurse, YOU call back, ask for her nurse and pass the information along.
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