Needing to vent. Mom won’t keep her PCP appt because she wants to ‘follow’ her doc to his next location. He left this practice recently.

Barb, Mom did end up skipping her appointment. Asked her if she has another appt. and said no. I asked if she’s decided to stay with that practice or go elsewhere. She said she has to think about it. It does take her soooo long to decide to do something AND she doesn’t want to tell me, anyway.

She is DEFINITELY her own worst enemy (my DH has said the same for 30+ years).

Investigating grey rock.

Kat,

You’re very welcome. In time things will get better for you. Times of transition are the hardest. Hugs!

NHWM, thanks so very much for your kindness and ‘spelling things out’ for me. Sometimes I need that and why I’m online for support. Always think I can do just a bit more to help change an outcome - appreciate hearing how this did not work for you. Only so much we can do, I’m finding. Easier said than done lol.

I like a statement I’ve read here, and maybe it was written by you - I cannot want better for Mom more than Mom wants it.

Yes, I will continue to support those on this forum when I can. Appreciate you!

Kat,

I am truly sorry about your mom and dad and the issues in your family. Trust me when I say that I have a dysfunctional family too.

I foolishly tried over and over to control situations that were out of my hands. I don’t want to see you go down the same path that I did.

People at different times tried to help me and I suppose I was blind or just not ready to hear. I wanted the ‘fairytale ending’ so desperately that I was in complete denial.

I didn’t get the happy ending. I am in therapy to help sort out my feelings on the matter.

My mother is no longer my responsibility. It’s for the best.

Therapy has helped me to grow because before I would have solely placed the blame on my mother.

The truth is even when I thought that I didn’t have choices I did. May not have been an easy choice or one without pain but the path that I chose came with pain too. I chose to try and control situations that I should not have. Didn’t help anyone.

I wish you well. I hope you find peace in life. You deserve it. You have people pulling for you on this forum and I ask that you pull for us in our times of need too.

Take care.

NeedHelpWithMom, oh I sooo know I can’t make Mom do anything, lol. Dad was never diagnosed - he didn’t want anyone to know, including me. It was a cluster and Mom kept his wishes to the very end.. Mom won’t let me in and it’s sad, again, because it could be a much better situation, safety wise and financially. Thanks for the advice.

Kats, glad you have straightened out your authority to receive info from the docs.

It doesn't seem to me like you can do much other than wait for the "big fall" that will place her in the hospital.

Some elders are their own worst enemies. I was blessed with a cooperative mom. My husband, not.

Guess who got better care?

DollyMe, update is that she now knows doc is in another state. We’ll see what she does.

BarbBrooklyn, office knows Mom’s desire to follow doc.

I won’t explain to her, again, why she should sign HIPAA - already did that, so no more. Together with Living Will and Advanced Directives, I have ‘full authority’ under HIPAA to receive her med info. Doc’s office has both.

Hopefully she’ll see wisdom of going back to the PCPs office.

It is going to be a long bus ride to another state, make sure she brings lunch. Just tell her that he has moved out of state. Google the information and print it out for her.

You can't force her to do anything, unless she is declared incompetent and you are appointed guardian.

I don’t see how you can force her to do anything. She is making her choice. We have free will whether or not it is smart or not so smart.

If she decides to ask for advice then you can tell her how you feel. Otherwise, what is the alternative? Just wait it out, I suppose.

What has her behavior been in the past because that will tell you how she will most likely act in the future. Sometimes elderly people remain stuck in their ways and it’s impossible to persuade them to do anything that they don’t want to. Frustrating? You bet. I’m sorry you are going through this situation.

I think we said all this before. This is the poster who tracks Mom to the diner and then spies on her while she’s inside. “Helicopter Daughter” comes to mind. Sounds like not much has changed and that’s a shame. Greyrock is a stellar idea.

K, I went back and read your previous posts. "Diner Mom"! I remember!

You posted this in August: "Broad powers effective date POA was executed. Received email confirmation from the lawyer this morning. 

I just want her to be looked at by doc with a view to the changes I’ve detailed in two letters."

What broad powers does POA grant you?

Have you reported to APS that mom is a vulnerable adult, possibly endangering herself?

Does the lawyer say you can force mom to go to the doctor? And hear for yourself what the doctor has to say?

K, sorry to hear it's not going well...

Look up "greyrock" technique. Have no opinions. Be noncommital.

Write to the PCP office and tell them mom plans to skip her appointment.

The plain truth is that you are going to need to learn to not care that your mom is angry at you. Don't explain, dont reason.

She is her own worst enemy and there isn't anything you can do to prevent something bad from happening to her. Sadly, she will fall or become ill and end up in the hospital. At which point you can tell the discharge folks that she needs placement.