I LIVE IN VA MY FATHER IS RETIRED MILITARY , AS WELL AS RECEIVES VA STATE RETIREMEMT . MY FATHER HAD A STROKE 3 YEARS AGO , MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE TAKEN CARE OF HIM IN HIS HOME WHILE I LIVED WITH HIM AND MY HUSBAND HAD TO MAINTAIN OUR OWN HOME. THIS HAS PUT A MAJOR STRAIN ON OUR MARRIAGE AND OUR FINANCES ! WE SPEND ABOUT 1500.00 A MONTH OF OUR MONEY TO KEEP MY FATHER OUT OF A NURSING HOME ! IS THERE ANYTHING WE CAN DO TO SAVE HIS HOME WHEN WE PUT HIM A NURSING HOME WHICH IS NOT WHAT WE WANT TO DO BUT, BECAUSE OF MY OWN PHYSCIAL EXHAUSTION AND HEALTH.IT LEAVES US NO CHOISE.I HAVE MISSED TOO MUCH TIME FROM MY JOB, I CAN'T AFFORD TO LOSE MY JOB. ARE THERE ANY WAYS WE CAN RECOUP ANY OF THE FUNDS WE HAVE SPENT ON HIS HOUSE PAYMENTS AND ELECTRIC BILLS AND ETC.
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/va-improved-pension-for-care-of-vets-and-their-spouses-is-often-overlooked-133290.htm
You can't sacrifice your marriage and your job. You've done so much for your dad, already. He'll have to pay nursing home costs until he has "spent down" his assets. If he had a spouse living in the home, she could stay there when he went on Medicaid (after his assets were "spent down", but they'd take the money when she died or sold the house. If he doesn't have a spouse there, as seems to be the case, the house would be an asset used to pay his expenses.
I'm not an attorney, and that is what you need here - an estate attorney who knows all of these issues, including any of your own state's rules. You deserve to get some money back, but you will likely need an attorney to tackle it. It seems as though it would be worth it, in your case.
Carol