Needing to vent: Our parents are like children.

Hello all, it's been quiet on this post for a few days now, hope that means no news is good news. I'm glad to say that's the case for me. My Mom is doing very well lately, all things considered, and it's been so nice for both of us. She is staying up nearly all day, eating well, and most importantly, sleeping well! And we were able to get an aide, not just a sitter, for 4 hrs per week through Medicaid (I think), which I schedule for my day off so I can get my errands done without paying extra hours to our regular caregiver. Also, the hospice service has found a sitter who comes on Saturday afternoon, and both of the new ladies are great. So I have started using my Saturday time to go to the library and just sit and be quiet and read and think and be left alone. Didn't realize how much difference those few hours could make for both of us. Mom is really enjoying the 2 new ladies, so it's good for both of us.

Cat, I wish I had met you a year ago! You are the only person I've run across who knows anything about the IRS. Yes, my tax atty. has contacted the Tax Advocate office and they have agreed to help me. They feel I qualify for 'can not collect' status, which means I won't have to make payments until I can afford to (if ever) and also that they won't garnish my wages. However they most likely will put a lien on my house, but I have no choice. In 2 more years, I can file bankruptcy which will then erase the IRS debt and release the lien (you have to go 3 years from the time they first started trying to collect before you can do this). But I'm ok with this, no other option anyway. Thanks for all your good info. Hope you and your Mom are still enjoying your outings.

Brenda, I hope your Mom is continuing to improve after her 2 shunt revisions. Have you made good on your threat to give her a respite 'time out'? I'm lucky that my Mom is pretty easy to deal with, personality wise. Though she can be demanding, but I can see why, considering that she is basically helpless, physically. Let us hear from you!

And that goes for Roxie and Austin, too. Roxie, did you get the pillcam results? Is everything ok? Did the wedding take place yet? Austin, is your husband home? Thanks for the encouraging words before, you're right, it feels exactly like you said: banging your head against the wall and saying SOMEBODY LISTEN TO ME!!!

Hello to Mactavish, I tried to answer your original post but something was wrong with the cookies in my computer and I couldn't get anything to submit. Had to call my friend in the middle of the night out of frustration before I started beating on it to get it to work! Anyway I'm glad you've found us.

Hi Carol, miss hearing from you as well. Hope things are good for you.

Love to all, Jill

Hi Jill,

Thanks for the update on your situation. I am certain it will get better for you - now that you can see where you want to head, and you know the "worst" that the IRS can do to you isn't as scary as you thought (although it is pretty darn bad) I am hoping you can finally start to unfreeze - being frozen with fear of what if is a killer. To answer your question about my experience - I have dealt with this situation professionally, as well as for a family member. Like most of us caregivers, I am a fixer. So I understand the impact of what you must have gone through. And it is scary being the sole support for a parent who needs so much.

Its really nice and I appreciate hearing someone else have the same experiences when they go out with their mom. I will never stop taking her out until it is not possible for her - or she doesn't enjoy it, but it does hurt to deal with the looks, and other behaviours of people who have yet to experience what we are going through. My mom is really gregarious and outgoing - so if she speaks to someone and they rolltheir eyes it breaks my heart. The really beautiful thing though is that little kids gravitate to her, so there is good in exchange for any downers, or dementia slip ups she makes. I just want to keep her world as big & varied as possible as long as I can -

anyway - hi to everyone. happy Thursday.

PJ,
I'm so glad you didn't kill your computer. I've had the same thing happen, and my computer won't save cookies for this site, for some reason, so always have to resubmit, but I found what works, so that's okay.

You are so good at remembering everyone's ordeals. This really is the greatest group I've ever worked with.

I've been at a conference on aging and disability, so I've been kind of MIA this past week, checking in when someone was really desperate, but not as much as I like.

Hang in everyone. Together is how we make it.
Carol

Hello Everyone,
I am now home and the wedding was wonderful. It was nice to get away for a while but it was also very hectic. But very much enjoyable.
We did find out the results of the Pillcam finally. She has scarring in her small intestines from the radiation treatment many years ago. As long as it does not bother her there will be no surgery, but if it starts in again and again then the Doc said he would have to perform surgery. I do not think she can make it through that, but lets hope for the best.
She can not eat anything that does not digest. Therefore, I am on the computer researching to make sure what she can eat.
I am class now so I will cut this short.
I will try and catch up on all the post.
Thinking about everyone!!
You are in my prayers.

Welcome back, Roxie!

Yes, whether they can make it through surgery is always a huge worry. I'm a fan of not doing surgery on frail people unless there is absolutely no choice. Let's hope you don't have to make this decision.
Carol

I can understand where you're coming from, my brother and I have been taking care of my mother for a month and I'm on the verge of a melt down, I cry every day and don't look forward to weekends because I stay at her house and can't get out, I feel like a prisoner, then I feel guilty because I feel the way that I do, but I need a life too, and so does my husband.

Hi Mari,
Caregiver's place too much guilt on themselves.

I felt guilty for every little thing that my elders weren't happy with. I was also caring for children, so I was always doing things for everyone, trying hard so no one felt left out, yet I know I failed even at that. There's only one of each of us. People are going to be unhappy sometimes.

You maybe need to look at hiring some in-home care for some of the time, or call your state human services and see if there is respite care available in your area. You and your brother need breaks from caregiving so you feel you have a life of your own.

One thing about caregiving is that we often go into it thinking short term - "I can do this" - and then it turns into months and even years. What would have been okay for a few weeks isn't okay for months or longer.

You're human and going to have human feelings. You and your husband do need a life, and you need time for just the two of you. Please look into some respite care for your mother so you can have a break.

Carol

Hello Friends!
It is good to know that everyone seems to be rocking along. I guess that we all deserve a little break. My mom continues to improve with her mobility. She can walk like nobody's business and even bend over and pick things up off the floor! Quite a change from 8 weeks ago when she fell over backwards any time she tried to stand. Of course, we continue with our daily obsessions - the BOWELS, medicine , the bed, etc. I have just decided that there are some things that I can't change. Hopefully, that new attitude will help with some of the stress related symptoms I have been having. I see a gastroenterologist tomorrow for my reflux. It's funny thought, I usually get it when I come HOME from work.

Jill, I'm glad that you are getting some answers to your IRS issues. I think that the unknown is the worst thing there is. If you can see whats coming, you can usually deal with it. Hang in there!

Roxie, It sounds like you are staying busy. It is great that you are back in school. Having an out is a real life saver. So is your daughter still living with you? I remember you said that her husband is in the military and that she might stay with you.


Mari- hang in there! I think we have all been in a place similar to where you are now. While it is important to take care of your mother; it is also important to take care of yourself. I am just starting to realize the physical effects of all this stress. You can'ttake care of her if you don't take care of you!

Carol - thank you for your unending support! You make us such a solid support group. I have noticed that anytime someone is in crisis, you are always right there! Your time and caring is so very appreciated!

Love to all!
Brenda

I just stumbled across this sight and thought I would take a few minutes to vent. 9 months ago, we took in my 86 year old mother in law after my father in law passed away. my father in law hid her condition from the rest of the family for years. We had no idea that she was as bad as she was. We had no idea what we were getting into. She has dementia and doesn't do a dammed thing but sit around, eat and stink up the place. I was the one cleaning things up but had to stop because I couldn't handle the smell any more. My husband cleans her bathroom every day. She pees on everything.

I am 39 years old and had a booming home business and have lost every single client in the past 2 months due to my inability to concentrate and handle business when the phone rings. Two million in accounts down the drain. I am in the height of my career and I am stuck with this woman in my house and I can't get rid of her.

She abandoned my husband in a monastery along with 4 other sons when he was six. He has a great amount of angst towards her still but wants to do the right thing.

It has gotten so bad that my husband who was a recovering alcoholic has gone back to drinking and has just received his third DUI. The smell is so bad in the house ( I can not locate the source) and her insanity has driven me over the edge to the point that I have had to move out.

We have given her the master suite in the house, she eats better than anyone, and goes to the Dr. more since she has been with us that she did in the past three years. she is well taken care of.

I have applied for medicaid so we can get her into a home but have been told that it will be at east a month before she is assigned a case worker. My husband and I are at our wits end. We are on the verge of moving her back into her house and telling his family that they can take care of her because we are done.

I have often wondered what would happen if I just packed her bags and left her at the door of the closest nursing home.

MindingOurElders, the one category I have gotten really good at the longer I am a caregiver is in focusing my caregiving primarily on my Mom as her health declines rather than following my heart every time a situation arises in life where I might offer to help everyone I may encounter who may have a need. While it is great to care for and about others, we are not super men and women. Accepting that every problem in the universe does not have to be solved by me is something that has increased in my life in a healthy way, perhaps because I am now older, and hopefully a little wiser in my older years. It is great for me to be able to even commit this thought to print. As my Mom always says, "Remember! You can't save the world!" She is right.

myvoice2, if she sees the doctor regularly, it is hard to believe that any doctor would not offer you more treatment guidance on what may be going on. Is it body odor, perhaps, or has she simply hidden something that is rotting in the house? I understand your frustration, but if the doctor has diagnosed her with incontinence that is not her fault and if she has dementia, which would be consistent with the symptoms you have described, she is not doing any of the things you describe intentionally and needs lots of patience and sounds like the best care she may receive would be at a skilled nursing facility that will accept her, which is what you are already working on. Those things do take time as you have pointed out. There is no rushing them, regrettably. It is a mega bureacracy. Our brains occasionally experience memory failures that are hard to fathom by caregivers who may not know what is going on with the person being cared for. Be sure to tell the doctor everything you have described and ask for more medical help until you can place her in a nursing home if that is what you and your husband wish to do. If you can afford to hire a home health aide and/or someone to simply clean the room once a week while she sits somewhere else until the room has been cleaned, even if the smell does not go away permanently, it will give you a break. You might go for walks outside more often, for example, since you are mobile when your mother-in-law seems to be declining in health. She may also have emotional and/or psychological issues that make her neglect her appearance and grooming, or physical limitations that make it difficult for her to groom herself. Surely her doctor has done a full medical assessment on her with all those visits you describe? If you haven't already done so, be sure to tell your own doctor that you are at wits end as a caregiver to your mother-in-law because your frustration is very palpable. It is good to share and vent and also seek medical support when you may need it. For caregivers like me when the going gets rough, I revert to reminding myself one day at a time.

As far as myvoice2 goes, I am concerned that this venting sounds like it has the potential to become a mantra and in time will be very harmful to her emotionally. I would like to kindly suggest that she would benefit from a mentor who can talk to her one to one - either a referral from local Area Agency on Aging or another agency she would respect and feel comfortable with.

There is a point, as Cat says, where we can get stuck listening to our own voice and it keeps us from moving forward with action. The line between just staying stuck and venting, and accepting that things are what they are and action is the only thing that can change it, can be hard to distinguish. For each of us it is different. Venting is valuable and feeling safe to say what is on our minds, on forums like this, is important.

Many of us, however, can gain from contacting our Area Agencies on Aging or our state or county human services and asking what help is available locally, so that we are taking action to help ourselves and our loved ones.

Caregivers need to "get it out." That helps them and others. But they also need to really read and listen to what others say, evalutate the advice offered, and carry through where they can. Contacting professionals is often part of this process.

Good words and advice coming from all of you.

Carol

My brother and i have been taking care of our mother since late Aug. shes at his house during the week, I stay with her at her place on weekends, trouble is I'm already burned out, I work all week, go no where, then I'm at her house all weekend, usually without the car until sun. when i take her back. she wants to stay at her house but we don't know if she can, should we talk to her dr. about getting an evaluation done to see if she can or cannot? any ideas would be helpful, thanks!

Talking with her doctor is a good place to start. You need to look at in-home care or some assisted living situation. Changing places will get hard on her, as well as you and your brother. People mean well when they shift elders between them, but an elder needs a home.

Check with your local Area Agency on Aging or online at www.eldercare.gov. That is the government's eldercare locator, which can give you an idea of what is available in your area. These places aren't rated, so you will want to get references and do some touring, but it's essential to get your mother a place to live. If she does okay at your brother's home, then you can discuss having someone go there to care for her and give her respite. Your county social services is a good help, as well.

Carol

mari, even if you continue in your pesent weekend caregiving arrangement, ensure that you carve out a little time and space for yourself, if only reading, or sitting outside, or taking a leisurely walk in your Mom's neighborhood while you are watching over her her the weekend. I care for my 83-year old Mom and the weekend is a time I balance me time and Mom time and have gotten better with it over the years.
Hang in there and research respite care as Carol has suggested to give yourself a break. There are Visiting Angels type services in many states. Recognizing when we are at our wits end is just as important. You can't be effective as a caregiver if you don't pay attention to your own distress signals. Wishing you all the best in identifying solutions. You are in the right place here at agingcare.com! Lots of caring folks here.

Hello Everyone,
I am trying to catch up on the posts. Welcome to the new caregivers coming to this site. This is a wonderful site. The people here are very understanding and do listen to what you have to say. Many of them have been caregivers for a very long time and have very good insight. This site has helped me pull up my boot straps and get moving on.

In one post it was mentioned about listening to our own voice. I completely understand that statement. It is very hard at times to see through the fog so to say. There are days that I can not see the trees for the forest, but I keep on struggling and findly make it to the other side. I hope this make sense.

I am now trying to re-cupe from the wedding and so is my mother. She had a wonderful time even though it was very hard on her. My sister-in-law was wonderful this past week-end. She told me to enjoy myself and she would take care of my mother. It was wonderful not having to think about mom all the time. Maybe that sounds bad, I am sorry if I offended any one. But everyone needs a break sometimes. Just to enjoy a simple thing as a walk without thinking about the problems or situations at home.
It was funny to me this week (My husband is on vacation). Therefore I left the daily schedule about mom with him. He was the one that needed to be here when the homemaker left not me. That was nice for me, but not him.
I had to go to the dentist for consultation about my wisdom teeth. He decided to go with me. On the way home he was making comments about not having time to do anything on his vacation except being somewhere all the time at a certain time. Well, I was a smart butt, I stated "Welcome to my world" this is on-going and I never get a vacation from it. I said in fact going to the dentist was almost like a vacation for me because I was away from the house and mom. He looked at me so funny, but never complained again or made any comments about his vacation again. Next time he will not take his vacation without us going somewhere so he does not have to be confined to a time limit and mom. So hopefully he sees a little of what I go through day-in and day-out. I doube it.

My daughter and her new husband are staying at our house right now. He will return to Hawaii Oct. 13th. I feel for her not being able to return with him, but she will go in December. She is student teaching right now and can not leave to go anywhere. She is loving it so far. Thank goodness after 4 years of paying for College!
I need to go now my house is quite and I want to enjoy it.
Thinking of all Caregivers and everyone is in my Prayers.
Take care!

Hello ladies! Tried to post the other day but the darn computer cookies were at it again (though I'm still not sure what they are), so let's see if this goes through. Sounds like we are all doing about the same as usual. Too much stress, too much guilt, not enough time for ourselves. I'm very glad to say that my Mom has done really well for the past week or so, and I was even able to take her out for a few hours on Saturday to a rummage at the apartments where she lived for 16 yrs. before moving in with me. She really enjoyed visiting with her friends. Also, she loves to watch sports on tv, and there is a lot on right now, so that's enjoyable for her (though mostly she can only listen, her vision is nearly gone from macular degeneration). Also we are having company this weekend, the gentleman friend I have written about. He makes no bones about being in love with me, says I have a standing marriage proposal, but I just don't share those feelings. He is a wonderful friend but I just don't have any romantic feelings for him. He knows this, so I don't think there will be any uncomfortable times while he's here. Also he is too much of a gentleman to suggest anything I am not comfortable with.

Roxie, I guess you're enjoying your daughter and son-in-law staying with you. Look at it this way, you'll be able to go visit in Hawaii next year!

Brenda, how are things on your homefront? I know, BOWELS, etc! Same here :-) Glad to hear your Mom continues to improve in her mobility. Are you able to take her on outings? And have you made good on your threat to give her a 'time out' in a nursing home if she doesn't be nicer? We all feel that way sometimes!

Cat, thanks again for the positive encouragement, and good information, about my BORING IRS stuff. So I'll try not to say another word about it until I hear back from the Tax Advocate, and then I'll update you. Until then, hope you and Mom are doing well and continuing to enjoy your outings. You'll see above that Mom and I had one last weekend and both really enjoyed it. I hope she continues to feel well, that will mean more opportunities for us. She even enjoys going around the block in her wheelchair with the caregiver while I'm at work if the weather is nice.

Carol, great advice and encouragement from you as always. Thanks for being here!

Welcome to our newcomers, I hope and believe you will find this a wonderful place to vent as well as get information and encouragement. We are all where you are, and everything you are feeling is normal. It's ok to get mad and tired and frustrated, and then the guilt that follows is also ok. If you will follow the advice that has been posted here regarding who to contact for some type of assistance, whether nursing home, respite care, whatever, you will be on the right track to begin navigating the maze that is Elder Care in this country. Just know that the wheels grind VERY slowly, and don't give up. You are the advocate for the person you are caring for, you are their voice, and if you think things are bad now, imagine if you weren't there at all. You will learn how and where to look for whatever help is needed, both for them and for yourself. And that's important, not to neglect yourself either physically or emotionally. Realize that you can't help them if you can't help yourself. Just jump in, keep at it, pray alot, and keep coming here. We're all here for each other. Right, gang?

Hope to hear from you guys soon!

Jill

Hey Jill -
You sound so upbeat - glad things are getting better for you, and your mom.
Nothing you say is ever boring - even if it is just taxes - - - you have a way with words.

I did want to share a story about a recent outing - my mom was entranced by a PBS tv show about a new stage production "Walking with the Dinosaurs". As luck would have it, there was a night that the show was sponsored by USC and Conquest Fund - an NPO for dementia / cognitively impaired people & their caregivers, so I went ahead & bought tickets - when we got there, my mom was treated like a VIP - not only were the seats great, but there were others just like us in the handicapped section. Seeing so many of us caregivers with our family members at a large event was so nice - and my mom enjoyed the show as well as getting a big kick out of the whole event. It made a world of difference for me too - going out to a mainstream venue without any worries about handicap access, or people's attitudes. A mini-vacation!

hope everyone is well

Hi CAT, The Lord put it on my Heart to read these posts again. I too am a single gal living with my mom 4 years. I wanted to tell you how UPBEAT AND POSITIVE your posts are. I'm going back & re-read some more later. Something you said on the HOW TO DEAL with live in mother hit home: March 13, 2008 the purpose of what we have chosen to do is care for someone as they are now ** not* to rehash issues from our youth. CAT, Nothing we do to help others is done in vain especially for other caregivers! I am crying now, tears of joy, I have spent way too many minutes focusing on POOR ME. My mom will be 84 next week and next week she plans to have her right knee replaced. Mom needs me to be a happy daughter so I shall be with the Lord's help and you all on this board. Love, Sandi

What a wonderful, upbeat and caring post, Sandi!

Thanks so much for your thoughts. I think there needs to be a balance between feeling safe to truly vent without judgement, so people can get out some frustration, but I also agree that we have to be able to find our boundaries and then move on toward making it work for everyone involve, to the best of our ability. Sometimes that means getting outside perspective from a professional in healthcare, a spiritual advisor, or a trusted friend who can see the whole picture. I hope you continue to be an active part of this forum, lending your wisdom and spirit to help others.
Carol

Roxie: I know exactly what you're going through. I don't know how old you are, but it doesn't matter. You are overwhelmed and exhausted. I am new to this forum but I've already been going through what you are. What you need is for someone to tell you it's okay if you've done all you can, to put your mom in a nursing home. It's a very emotional thing and something you yourself must come to terms with. It's taken me six years, but when I started crying all the time and feeling "washed out" and overwhelmed, I finally decided I needed to put her in a nursing home for my own well being and HERS TOO. I hope I don't sound like I don't love my mother, because I love her dearly. But there's this thing called "caregiver's disease." I just thank God we live in a country where we do have some options. All nursing homes are not bad. Just do your homework. Don't jump into it. find out about protecting her assets because if she owns anything and Medicaid pays for her long term care, they will want her assets when she passes away. Do your homework on the nursing homes, too. Visit without being announced and walk around. You do want the best care for your mom. good luck.

Hi Sandi -

You have no idea how much your compliment meant to me - I'm a little teary because usuallly when I post I dont see feeback from anyone.

I am back to vent again about an approved medical supplier that mad me incredibly angry and sad and frustrated.

I have worked since April to get my mother an authorization for a home testing device for PT/INR (people on blood thinners like coumadin need to test - just like diabetics need to test for blood sugar). CMA finally approved home testing devices be covered for patients with heart conditions like A-Fib. Boy was I excited!

I pursued this because each time my mother needs to be tested it involves a 1/2 day trip to the doctors office to basically have a fingerstick test and the wait for results. It is wearing on her and affects my worklife - - another burden that caregivers have to bear. I got her doctor to write up a prescription, found a vendor that would take my mom's Medicare HMO and got an authorization from the IPA....when the sent back the authorization, the IPA specified another vendor that was contracted with Blue Shield of CA. Great! I contacted them and had to go through another round of paper work and another prescription, but it looked like all I had to do was wait for the device to arrive and schedule an appointment for training -

Surprise. The vendor, Tapestry Medical said that my mother was "not covered" - but they would as a *super special courtesy* give me a discount for *CASH* payment - when I called and spoke to a supervisor, she told me after alot of hemming and hawing that the real reason was even though they are the contracted with Blue SHield of CA - they did not take the 65+ Medicare HMO because Tapestry Medical could not *BALANCE BILL* the patient to make up the cost difference from their contracted price with Blue Shield.

I have given them until Monday to get back to me, as I know how to fight this type of thing, but it still gets to me in private. 7 months and still waiting because the of the vendor. The only reason my mother will get this testing device is that I am willing to fight until it happens. But many seniors and sometimes even their family members who dont' have someone who knows the system and is willing to contest what they are told will either pay or go away - something has to be changed in this system.

It seems to me that if all of us caregivers put our foot down as a group we could stop some of these practices. I am so tired some days - what have allowed to happen with our healthcare system?

Cat, your experience is invaluable to this site. Your ability to make it clear that we need to learn (everyone doesn't have your background, so it's harder for most folks) - but we need to fight for our rights and the rights of our elders.

The problem, as your say, is that we (even you, and you know how to jump the hoops) get so worn down from fighting. Our health care system is a total mess. I've written about it as a mother of a son with many health issues, as well as the caregiver to seven elders. It's mindboggling.

Keep up the good fight and know we are thinking of you and look up to you for your courage and strength. I sometimes get tired of hearing how "strong" I am, as if nothing bothers me and I don't get tired. I'm sure it's the same for you. Yet we need to soldier on.

I talk with people in Congress about health care issues, and it's not like they don't know that our system is broken. Many businesses that are benefiting from the system pretend to care, but are just plain greedy. It's very frustrating, to say the least. It makes me angry, and I don't get angry about many things.

The best we can do now is get out and vote for the candidates we think will help our health care system the most, and help our elders the most - and our disabled.

Keep the faith, Cat, and please continue to lend your wisdom and experience to all of us.
Carol

Cat
It was good to see your post-I missed your input and are very sorry you are having so much trouble get the testing device for your Mon and good for you for fighting for it it is horrible what the insurance companies are allowed to get away with and it is great you were able to educate us about this machine. My problems are small compared with you and the others- I wish spouse caregivers were on this site but I am able to pray for you all and maybe be of some encourgement and comfort at times, take care

Hi All! Great posts - Cat

Hi All! Great posts - Cat & 195 Austin & minding out elders & rosie03

The "only" way I get through my life is with the Lord. I don't totally understand faith, because I want it done now, I do know that God understands each of our situations and He IS working behind the scenes. Like last week, by a fluke, I met a gal that works at my same company, we have so much in common and she lives in the next neighborhood. My electric lawn mower batter wasn't charging and guess what - she has the same lawn mower & she let me borrow her battery. She invited me over Thanksgiving to go to a weekend spa - room and board paid - just pay for any "special massages, etc" I want! THAT is what gives me chills - little tiny miracles -- us finding each other through this internet. Able to support each other and hold each other up. xo xo Sandi

Hi Carol,
All I can say is I give thanks everyday that with all of the life challenges you have juggled, and continue to juggle; you created and continue to moderate this site. Offering us this safe forum is *so huge* I cannot put into words how much it helps me thoughout the days.

To Austin, Sandi, Roxie and all the rest - I read your posts and feel connected in a way that is very special. We are all better, smarter, stronger, kinder, more resilient and happier because we have eachother and this forum. I am sending a virtual hug to all of you!

Thanks for letting me be part of the group :-)

Tiny miracles. I like the way you put that MineraPearl. Faith is different for all of us, but faith and knowledge that we aren't alone with our problems always lightens the load. What an uplifting story for a rainy (here) Sunday afternoon.
Carol

Hang in Roxie, like I am. I am also new and I care for my mother-in-law along with my mother (my mother is on back burner right now). I know what you mean by doing it yourself, all my mother-in-law does is call for me, no one else and I do not think her sons could handle the stress and my mother-in-law does not want men caring for her either. I had a melt-down yesterday also, it must have been the day meant for meltdowns.

I just found this place a few minutes ago and looking for help also.