I moved my mother into my husband's and my home in November of 2005. She had fell at home and broke her hip. She was not able to live on own any longer anyway. This gave us an excuse to move her into our home. She was a very independent woman before the accident, but things have changed in the last few months.
Her short term memory is not good at all any more. She can not wheel herself around the house any longer.
She just got out of the hospital back in June about a 2 week stay with a blockage in her colon and then she contracted VRE. That is not fun to have in the home. I felt so sorry for her.
I am starting to have crying sessions it seems like every other day anymore. I do not see my mother any longer I see a person declining quickly. I am feeling overwhelmed and I don't think my family sees it. I have told them I need to get away for a few days, but that never seems to happen. No one has time to watch or be with mom except me. I am the only child so this is all on my shoulders. Her brother is not any help they have not spoke in several years now.
I do not know if I am just going through a stage or if I am starting to get depressed. I am with mom almost 24/7 except when a homemaker comes in daily. A person can go to Walmart just so many times to get out of the house. I seem to have lost my friends because I can not get together with them anymore.
This on-line discussion is a life line for me. This way I can communication with people and see how they handle different things that come up in their caregiving also.
So if anyone has advice please let me know how to get myself under control.
Losing Control
If your county social services saw the mess, he'd have to get some things done so that the health hazzards are cleared up.
I like what you said about eating an elephant. That's how we get through many things - one bite or one step at a time. You are a champ at that!
Carol
Jill
I'm glad you found some help. So much is up to the state you live in. That includes nursing home quality. I am fortunate to live in an area with good care homes. None are perfect, but ours are good and getting better. My email inbox tells me there are many states and counties that are way behind the times. That frustrates me, and all of those involved in the culture change movement for nursing homes. Change will be slow.
Getting financial help to keep an elder at home needs to be a priority. It's cheaper, in the long run, for Medicaid, but it's taking way too long (as you know - I'm preaching to the choir) for that to take place. You are getting organized and getting as much help as you can. Keep making contacts. Hospice is terrific and will be a huge boon for you.
Take care,
Carol
I met with the woman I call my 'elder care guru' yesterday and signed some papers which we hope will soon provide Mom with 5 hours, 3 times a week, of cna care, as opposed to just respite. Also she has ordered 'consumables' for us: liquid bath soap, lotion, wipes, chux, pull-ups, and I can't think what else. We discussed the Cash and Counselling program, and I learned that my county doesn't have it. Not sure why. Also am looking into 'share of cost', which would be less expensive for me. Unfortunately they would not let me use my current caregiver, must use an agency due to insurance, liability, etc., which I understand. But she assured me that if the caregiver they send does not 'click' with us, they will keep trying until you find a good match, not that I expect that would be a problem but of course it's definitely a possibility. Also she told me to re-apply for food stamps as $10 a month won't even cover the gas to go to the store. This woman has been such a blessing, she knows pretty much everything about what is available and all the details. I'm a nurse and fairly intelligent and aggressive in trying to get Mom all the help she is entitled to, but we are now 19 months into this and have just now found someone who you can actually meet with in person who is so kind and knowledgeable and interested in helping. It is just unbelieveably difficult to get anywhere with the red tape involved, not to mention that even if you can find a program which has the help you need, there is always a wait list, and no funding anyway. I hate to think what happens to seniors who don't have an advocate. Thank God I found this woman who is able to help us so very much. I also thank God for this web site, where I have found new friends who are in the same boat and who can share the tears, and even some laughter. Also you are a great support as well. And I have also found good specific information on here, such as the C and C program, even though I can't use it. I have been telling everyone who might need it about this website, including my 'guru' and our hospice nurse. So thanks to everyone on this site, and hope to hear from some of you soon.
Brenda, how is your Mom? I've been worried, haven't seen a post from you since you said she was having her shunt revised.
Austin, is your husband home? How is that going?
I miss everyone, and continue praying for us all.
Jill
I, too, thank God for your "guru." Is she part of your social services network? You are fortunate to have found someone who knows your local resources so well. Every county in the country is different, and of course every state is, too. My state doesn't have "Cash and Counseling" yet, but a neighboring state does. I hope it won't be too long before that is a national program. It should be.
You are making huge progress, Jill. Yes, every elder needs an advocate, as do caregivers! Keep coming back and sharing your progress. You help all of us as much as we can possibly help you.
Take care,
Carol
Thank you for your concern! I am so glad that you are getting some help with your mom! Navigating the elder care system is like trying to sail a ship in the dark; I'm so glad you found help. If you are looking for a caregiving agency, I would definitely recommend Home Instead. All of their caregivers have criminal background check and are bonded. They work very hard to get the right "fit"; sometimes I think my mom likes her caregivers more thatn me!(lol)
The shunt revision was a success! She was up walking yesterday (300ft)! I am hoping that if she continues to improve, she will be able to come home the end of next week. It still bothers me that I had to figure out that there was a problem with the shunt and not the "professionals" at the rehab hospital.
Today at the rehab, something happened that really hit home with me. They have a devotional service with the hospital chaplin on Saturday afternoons. A man who has just come into the hospital with a spinal injury was there with his family. His little boy was about 7 years old. He had the biggest smile on his face and could not let go of his dad. It was apparent that he was just happy to be with his dad no matter what his condition. It kind of smacked me in the face. I spend so much time trying to "organize" everything for my mother. Give her a bath, dress her, get her to dr appts, etc, that I don't really take time to enjoy having her. I made the decision today that even if the laundryisn't done or the house vacuumed, I am going to make a point to spend some quality time with my mom every day. I guess that saying that a little child shall lead us is true.
How is everyone else? Austin? bwthrs? Roxie? Cat? We haven't heard from you for a while. I hope that means all is well!
All the Best,
Brenda
Glad to hear that all is well with you and your mom. I usually visit the site most days - things are ok with me. I like what you said about remembering to enjoy your mom's time with you. It is a good reminder for everyone. I am blessed because although I have no help - it has forced me to prioritize - usually Mom time wins out over laundry or dishes. I still do get many challenges when I take her with me on errands - but then again, I do not take the stupidity of senior discrimination very lightly. It is funny how society's expectations of where it is appropriate to take a senior are out of whack with reality.
As far as Home Instead, and other services - It is wonderful thta you have found a service that helps you. However, Home Instead and other companies like them are franchises so it is important to remember when telling everyone your positive experiences that each Home Instead is run by someone independantly - and to evaluate each branch accordingly. A sad comment about those agencies though is many of us really can't afford the fees that they charge for services, even from the unlicensed non-medical help.
Have a beautiful day - you are doing an incredible job of taking care of your mom.
PJ I am so glad you got help with your situation often it feels you are banging youe head against and want to yell PLEASE LISTEN TO ME we should not have to be so aggressive to get services we are entilted to and truly need. B renda that is a good idea spending restfull time with them I did get some board games for us to do maybe once a week
Brenda, I make that same promise to myself over and over again, to spend more quality time with Mom and let the rest just wait. But I tell you, when I get home from work, the only thing I want to do is change my clothes and sit and be quiet. You have to realize that even though Mom really likes our caregiver, I am her very favorite person in the whole world, and her day revolves entirely around me coming home. So she is real happy and I am usually not so much. But I try to put my normal impatient self on hold and be the daughter she has been missing all day. Then pretty soon we're alone and my other full time job begins. It's pretty hard to come up with something that we will both enjoy when she is usually feeling pretty poorly to begin with, can barely sit up in her wheelchair and has to be put in bed, then back up in about 5 minutes to the bedside commode, then back in bed, turn me on this side, no, turn me on that side, can I have something to drink? It's cold in here, get me an extra blanket and my socks. If we are watching tv, she can barely see or hear it so I get to explain it all LOUDLY to her. If I get something to eat (she has already had her dinner), she will wait until I sit down to eat it before asking for something else. Which means my dinner gets cold while I get whatever she asked for and then feed it to her. Then I will sit down to my cold meal, at which time she will want to get back up to the potty, when she cannot possibly have to go, but up we will go, and on and on and on and on....... She still hasn't slept in several nights, but I give her pills to try and instead of closing her eyes and letting them work, she keeps talking to me about what's on tv (so I turn it off) to what am I doing, am I in bed yet? It's just like an endless loop. But when I quit with the poor me, I really know that all of this must be a million times worse on her than me, and then of course I feel guilty. But that brings me right back to the fact that I'm doing absolutely all I can for her, trying to keep my head above water and keep the IRS from taking my house, and going deeper in debt every month so much so that I will never ever get out from under it. But I can't let her know any of this, so I put on my happy face, and start over again every morning, just like I know all of you do, too. I'm so glad I have you to let me whine!
Well, guess I'll put the mattress on the floor and hope that at least one of us can sleep. Please send good thoughts and prayers, I could definitely use them!
Love to all,
Jill
Your evening routine sounds a lot like mine. There are times that I think my mother plays a little game to see how many times she can get me to get up in an evening! I know that I am so very fortunate~ my mom sleeps like a baby, and her walking is improving daily since the surgery! When I feel sorry for myself, I think of all the caregiver (including you) who have so much more to bear that I do and I kick myself for that self pity. I pray that you and your mother will have a peaceful night and that all caregivers are given the strength to carry on!
God Bless!
Brenda
Carol
Anyway, I have gone back to Mom's original pain meds which she had developed an allergy to. Gave her 1 last night, got good pain relief and not much itching. So I think we'll try another tonight along with benadryl at the same time, and hope for the best. If the itching stays under control, I'll also go back to giving her 1 at bedtime which helps her sleep, and will solve that problem as well. Here's hoping it works and we can both get back on a regular schedule. Then I know that the quality time we need together will return, once she is well-rested and pain-controlled. We'll both be happier! In fact, we already are. Right now, I'm in my recliner next to Mom's bed. She is napping with my cat Sophie. Tomorrow is my day off and one of my friends is coming to stay with Mom while I go to the dentist. Then work Thursday and off Friday. And I don't even think we're in line for any more hurricanes at the moment, which is always a plus! Mom has said she sure would like to get out of the house, so if she is up to it maybe we'll go out for a little this weekend. The only place she has been in months is to the doc a couple of weeks ago, and that really wore her out. It's kind of hard to come up with anything she'll enjoy because she is usually out of bed for just a little while at at a time. Bless her heart, she is as sharp as a tack and still wants to be able to do everything that she used to do, but just can't anymore. Can't walk, can't see, can barely be out of bed for more than a few minutes. I'd give anything if she could just enjoy her life. She told me last night that she's trying her best to stay alive as long as she can so she can keep helping with the bills with her little Social Security check. I almost cried. I told her I want her to stay alive to be with me!! Sometimes quality time means just being happy together, and that's what I want more of. Every now and then I have to remind myself to quit being so crabby and impatient and SELFISH. So my goal is to enjoy each other as much as possible.
And on that note, I think I'll go fix a plate for dinner. Thanks for the good thoughts, and hope your Mom is continuing to improve.
Jill
I see we have new caregivers on line. Welcome!
I hope everyone is hanging in there. I have not had time to read all the post, but I am thinking about each and every one of each day.
I need to let some thoughts out.
Mom had a test called the PillCam. The results take forever. Yesterday I finally called the doctor to find them out. Well he wants to see her next week. I know I am worrying to early. Everything is going through my mind. I keep telling myself not to worry until we talk to the doc. I guess I am just a worry wart by nature. I just hope everything turns out well.
Mom has got her electric wheel chair. She is a little intimadated. At first she was on it all the time playing around then ran into some furniture (didn't hurt a thing) and now she will not ride it in the house. Therefore we take her outside and she loves it. We have a garden which she is a garden person. So for her to be able to pick a few tomatoes makes her day. She reminds everytime when it is time to pick. I just hope she will try the chair again in the house. Maybe after the wedding this month I will have more time to play with her to build her confidence.
I just hope the test results aren't bad.
Everyone hang in there I am thinking and praying for every caregiver.
I'm sure your mom will get more comfortable with the chair and eventually try it in the house.
Waiting for test results to be explained is painful. It's normal to worry, but try to relax a bit and know you will deal with whatever it is.
Take care of yourselves, all of you caregivers. That's important.
Carol
We are coming home!!! 5 weeks - 3 hospitals and 2 brain surgeries later! My mom has really improved since the last surgery. She can walk 200 ft! get & in and out of the chair. That is definitely enough to come home. She is a little confused, but the dr's say that should continue to improve. I know she is so glad to be coming home.
Jill, your post brought tears to my eyes. When my mom and I were talking one day, she told me that she didn't want to die because she doesn't want to leave me alone. It broke my heart. You sound like such a caring person; I hope thing will improve for you soon.
Roxie, Good to hear from you! I hope your mom's test goes well; waiting is always the hardest part. Are you all ready for the wedding? Stay in touch.
Blessing to you all,
Brenda
Brenda, I'm so glad you and your Mom will be home at last. I'm sure she'll continue to improve, and probably be less confused when she is back in her own place. It will be so much better for both of you.
Roxie, we haven't met yet, I'm Jill. I'm an only child taking care of my Mom. She is 88, wheelchair-bound, fairly healthy but fragile and not very strong. The hospice lists her under 'adult failure to thrive', which is good for us because we get hospice help even though she isn't suffering from anything terminal other than old age. I work and we have a great caregiver for while I'm gone. Also am deep in debt paying for it, which you can learn about by reading some earlier posts! That, and having no family and very little outside help, are my big stresses. But anyway, besides all that, I'm also a nurse. I read that your Mom had the pillcam done. I don't have any words of wisdom about that in particular, but I do think that if there were any bad results, the doctor wouldn't wait until next week to tell you. I can't imagine that if something needed treating that he would wait. Of course I don't know for sure, but that's been my experience. I know it's hard to have to wait, but I just think the odds are that the results will be ok. I'll definitely keep you both in my prayers.
I noticed that Brenda mentioned a wedding--is it you, or a family member? Fill me in!
I didn't get to the dentist today, Mom didn't feel well and wanted me to be with her rather than my friend who came to stay. So that will give me an outing to look forward to another day! And I have an appt. with the tax attorney Friday who is trying to get me out from under the IRS and stop them from trying to take my house. This country has got to change the way it treats our elders. Family members are losing everything trying to take care of parents at home rather than putting them in nursing homes. My Mom has nothing but a small SS check each month, and I'll never live long enough to get out of the debt I'm already in just to keep her at home with me. But I promised her I would never put her in a nursing home and I won't. So, we do the best we can. Of course she doesn't know how bad things are financially, and she won't, because it would worry her to death. So we just make the best of things and get on with it. I'm so glad I found this website, I feel like I have friends here who really understand exactly how it feels.
Anyway, it's way past my bedtime and I'm gonna hate it when 630 rolls around tomorrow. So goodnight everyone, and God Bless.
Jill
Please do remember that promises to "never" put someone in a nursing home aren't a good idea, as a health issue could force that. You said it in love, and meant it. Hopefully, you will be able to stand by that.
But if the time comes when you have no choice, don't berate yourself. You will have done your best, and then some, to live up to the promise.
Blessings to you all,
Carol
Glad to meet you Jill. I to am an only child taking care of my mother. My husband is good enough to be the one to say bring her to our home. He is a big help at times, but does not understand it all. He is not the primary caregiver. My mother has a brother that lives just down the road (we are rural) but it is just like a block, he and his family drives by everyday and never stops to see mom. They have not spoke in many years, I do not know what the problem is because mom was the one that always went to their house. I guess it is a long story. That I will tell another day.
The wedding is in two weeks. It is my daughter getting married, it will be a destination wedding in Gatlinburg, TN which is about 10 hour drive for us. I hope it will be pretty, I am concerned that is might rain because of the hurricanes coming in down south they usually contiue in our area with just rain.
Her husband to be is a Marine and just got back from Iraq at the end of August. He will be home next week-end. Then Sept. 27 will be the big day.
I am looking forward to this day. I just can't believe she is getting married.
She is student teaching right now,(She plans on teaching grades K thru 9th after graduation in December of this year) therefore when he goes back to Hawaii in October she will have to stay at home until the end of the semester. I feel sorry for her not to be able to go back with him.
Then my baby will be moving to Hawaii in December of this year to live for the next year. I hope sometime in there I can go and visit them and definetly visit Hawaii. :) :)
Brenda,
I am so happy that your mom is coming home in a wonderful condition. It has been a long few weeks for you and her. But it sounds like she is coming along just fine and doing very well. Now you can rest and will not have to be at the hospital or rehab all the time.
Thinking of all of you each and everyday.
Take Care
This is my first posting. I'm not sure how I even stumbled upon this sight. Desperation, I guess. I feel so ashamed about even venting anything here, because I have read through alot of the posts, and I know I have it easier than a lot of other people here. I think I just need to talk.
I have been caring for my father in my home for about two years now. Before he moved in with me, he was in a care center for about a year, following a nervous breakdown. When he had the breakdown, since I was the only one of his three kids that lived in town, I spent many nights driving 70 miles round trip to sit for hours each night in the mental hospital, because we didn't want him to be alone. While he was in the care center, we built a suite onto our home for him to have his own room and bathroom. He now has privacy, and I have lost all of mine. There is nowhere in my home that I can go, that he doesn't end up popping in to see what I'm doing. Everyday seems to revolve around making his meals, and constantly worring that I've done the correct shopping to have everything he needs. I wish I never had to think about food again in my life. I am in constant discomfort/pain from a car accident that occurred one afternoon while returning from caring for my father (before he moved in with me). My younger brother doesn't have anything to do with the care for my father, he is too busy working two jobs to keep his family afloat. My older brother takes care of the "business" side of things (bills, etc.), and comes to visit for about 2-3 days each month. He lives out of state, and the visits usually consist of a couple hours taking him out to lunch. My older brother will not see the stress I am under, and when I try to explain it, he can be very abusive and sarcastic in his emails to me. My oldest son was sent to Afghanistan a couple of months ago (stress), his wife is at home with their three kids in another state and she tends to get very depressed (stress), my seventeen year old daughter has a lump in her breast and we are going to a surgeon soon to see what it is all about (stress), the same week she was diagnosed, I was told that I need a breast biopsy and I just can't make myself go because I feel that if they find something I won't have the time to deal with it anyways (stress). I feel all the time like I am a balloon about to explode. Sometimes I think that by the time my father passes away, if I am still alive, I won't have any life left. Then, like I said, when I have these thoughts, I feel like the lowest person on earth. I don't know which is harder, the caregiving or the guilt trips. Thanks for listening. Bless everybody.
Welcome to the club! I hope that you will find the support here that I have. First and foremost, your feelings are very normal; I think that most of us have felt the same way many. many times. Sometimes the stess builds up to the point that I feel Like a pressure cooker! However, the first rule of caregiving (that is hard for all of us to follow!) is to take care of yourself first. Put on your own oxygen mask first, or you won't be able to help anyone else! See your doctor as soon as possible. In all likelyhood, everything will be fine. If, God forbid, they find something your brothers will have to step up to the plate. I have one of my own ~ he left for a cruise last week while my mom was in the rehab recovering from brain surgery. Too bad for him that he left out of Galveston:) In answer to your question "which is harder..." I think it is the guilt and stress. Now that my mom is home, I am making a concentrated effort not to let every comment she makes upset me. I try to give a noncommittal answer and go aboput my business. Right now that just confuses her! She can usually pull me into an argument. Hang in there and please keep in touch with us. Together we will survive!
Brenda
The sarcastic brother just doesn't get it. He doesn't want to. It's guilt that makes him act that way. If he thinks you are "just complaining" he doesn't feel he has to step up to the plate. If it's any comfort, that is very common.
You have stress coming from all sides. A son in Afghanistan, a daughter with a breast lump, your lack of privacy (I find that the hardest to handle). Hopefully, some stress will be relieved if you find the breast lump is benign, but either way, as Brendalou says, you need to put your own oxygen mask on first, or you can't help others.
I was so horrible about asking for help. I totally understand the reluctance of caregivers to do so. It's best to start out that way, but caregiving sneaks up on us and before we know it, we're swamped.
Keep coming back to vent. Just doing that will help some. But please, please go to a doctor yourself (I know - you're sick of doctor's offices) - but do it anyway. This is important. Think of your son. Think of your daughter. It's not just your dad that needs you.
We're waiting to hear back.
Carol
Welcome to this great group of women and some men who post notes at times. You will be happy you found this group the encourgement and love here is amazing. I am a caregiver for my husband and my problems are small compared to the others but I learned how to be strong when my counseler told me that I was waiting for someone to rescue me and that was not going to happen- I had to do it myself and to lose my anger. It was hard but got easier as I saw results. Do take care of yourself most caregivers put their health on the back burner and we should not. I hope everything works out for you and look forward to seeing your post -remember we all love you and care about you.
yesterday I took my mother out to get a treat at Starbucks, and just get us both out of the house after being cooped up all day waiting for the washer repairman to fix a flooding machine. It's a bonus - exercise from pushing the wheelchair! (distance only, she can walk w/ a walker and does so at home)
when we got back home & were comming down the path, there was a woman standing at my door - - she announced herself as with our local firefighters association (paid fundraiser from the looks of it) and said she was here to pick up the donation check. When I questioned that as I had never spoken to anyone, she started gushing about the lovely chat she had had with my mom on the phone..... I don't know if she called and my caregiver handed my mom the phone, or if my mom answered it while I was walking the dog - but nevertheless,
I was forced to take her aside kindly and explain that my mother has dementia and cannot make commitments like that - but what BOTHERS me is that 1). it would have been obvious if they weren't pressing so hard for money on the call and 2). why would she just "drop by to pick up a check"..... Our local firefighters and paramedics know our home well and my mother is registered as a frail / elderly with medical conditions. I hated being put on the spot and getting the "look" as my mother does like to sport her remaining jewlery and be dressed - while I look like the usual tired caregiver in jeans and tee-shirt. Do I need to post a sign that says she has no money and I am taking care of her at the expense of my own life & future? (my mom was preyed upon and lost EVERYTHING, house, money, etc over 5 years ago)
I will be calling the association to discuss this calmly and nicely - but I wanted to vent first as it seems to me that there should be some type of DO NOT CALL list specifically for people with Alz + dementia that non-profits will honor. I do not discourage my mom from talking to people - and like to keep her included in community events and activities without announcing her dementia so that she can participate without "stigma" - - - Does anyone know of any program like this - or as a group would others be willing to press for it? We are already on DO NOT CALL lists for telemarketing and usually the only people who call are friends / family from out of state. what does everyone else think?
After a year, I still haven't found the link to start a new topic / conversation thread.
Going back to what I said at the start about having a hard time submitting the past few days, it's probably just as well because I always seem to say the same things and I imagine everyone gets tired of reading it. I know I sure am tired of living it.
Jill
Cat - I know your situation is a serious one, but when I thought about what my mom does when peole call our house I had to laugh. The phone is in my name, so when people ask for me, she tells them either that I am dead or in jail! That was very shocking news when my boss called one evening. Lately, I can;t ever get a phone call on the land line. She hangs up or gives false info. And her mind is just fine!
I guess my vent for the evening is that my mother has gotten so spoiled. I know a lot of it is my fault and from being in the hopitals with 24 hour care. However, she has gotten where nothing I do is enough. She is angry at anything I do that is for her. I teach English and have a lot of grading and preparing. Tonight, she wanted to know why they couldn't "grade their own stuff and make their own tests". Give me a break. The thing that really bothers me is that she has no regard for my health anymore. She insists on taking a large laxative every night at 9 PM. Then we are up at 3 AM. I don't sleep well anyway, so I have been operating on about 3 hours nightly. I just can't do it. Her response is , "Why do you make such a big deal out of sleep?" I guess I am just selfish! I have to have some tests for reflux, and her worry is will I be able to ________(fill in the blank )for her. My brother keeps telling me a couple of weeks at respite care in a nursing home might change her perspective, and if this continues, she might find out. Her mind is good, and her health has improved drastically. Mine however, has deteriorated. Any advice, friends?
Jill
I wanted to send a big "Thank You" to everyone who wrote to welcome me. It really does help to have people to talk to that are in the same boat. I read everyone's comments, and I wish that I could come up with the magic answer for everyone.
I think it's the total lack of privacy, and the guilt of feeling negative towards my dad that keeps eating at me. I am very afraid of this going on for years, and if I don't die first, then dying soon after. I get the feeling that I will never have a life outside of this. Then comes the guilt from feeling that way. Has a dog ever chased their tail as much as a caregiver does? Around, and around.
I did see my regular doctor yesterday, and asked her to see if there wasn't a way they could put me under for the biopsy I need. I just don't think I can do it awake. Feel like a big chicken. Another guilt trip I don't need.
I've seen other people talking about never getting time away from their caregiver role. Would love to see more discussion on this. Has anyone found some solutions.
I'm so glad you nice people are out there.
Hugs.
Has your tax attorney advised you to file a form 911 - for a taxpayer advocate to help you with the IRS. You may be stuck, but you do have rights and given your financials, you may be able to negotiate a different settlement amount - or have them temporarily mark your account as uncollectable. Please investigate it and let me know how it goes.
take care, don't do anything that you will be sorry for later. (not talking about moving in with BF - talking finances only)
Speaking of experience, I hope mine was helpful to you regarding the firefighters association fundraising. Did you ever call the actual firefighters about it?
I'm glad you take your Mom out with you. My Mom is wheelchair-bound, but lived on her own that way for 15 years. Of course she had to be driven anywhere she went, or would take the bus to the mall, but Christmas before last she became very ill with a bowel obstruction (which thank God resolved without surgery), but she was never able to regain her strength even with a couple of weeks in rehab (they are very bad where we live, and this one was even the one belonging to the hospital where I am a nurse). So she has been with me since then. For a time she was still able to be taken out to dinner or the mall, but she fell this April and then got pneumonia in May, and is just not up to getting dressed and going out. The reason I bring this up is to say that I know what you mean about people not always treating seniors with courtesy and respect. For years, when we would be out shopping or for a meal, the salesperson or wait staff would come up to us and look right over my head and say "Would she like to see something?" or "What would she like to eat?" I would always say "She can speak, ask her what she would like." People seem to treat seniors, or the disabled, as though they aren't even there, or are too stupid to participate in whatever is being said or done. That absolutely drives me crazy, so I know exactly what you mean about people being so inappropriate in the things they say and do. And my Mom also enjoyed dressing stylishly and wearing her nice jewelry (which I bought her when I actually had money!) I'm glad your Mom is still physically able to get out in the world, even if she may not really understand everything all the time. I would imagine that the more she can continue to do normal activities, maybe it will slow the progress of the dementia. I thank God that Mom is still mentally sharp, since she is not only unable to walk or even stand, but also nearly blind. At least she can see tv a little, and hear it, and she follows the news and world events and politics closely, and enjoys sports very much. I hope your Mom has things she enjoys.
Thank you for taking the time to offer information about my tax problems. It is worrying me sick. I'll definitely keep you posted on whatever happens.