Needing to vent: Our parents are like children.

To Brendalou
I am so glad you went to get checked out, I was worried about you. Good luck with the decesions you and your brother have to make about your Mom. Please keep in touch with us all.

Yeah - reduce your stress. Isn't that the funniest thing doctors say? They are right of course, but it's not that easy.

However, I'm glad you are okay, and yes, you are working on your stress by working on your mother's situation and care. And your brother needs to be there with you!

Hang in and keep coming back.
Carol

Hey Brendalou,
Glad the doctor say you are ok. Reduce Stress YEA! Easier said than done. I hope you enjoy your company this weekend. I agree your brother should be in on the decision of the SNF. I will be thinking about you.

Love,

I am so very glad that your doctor says you are okay. I know that it can seem to be the hardest thing in the world to reduce stress, but I have found that will my mother is napping, that I can put one ear phone in and one out just so that I can hear her if she needs me, but put your favorite music on. I know that I look crazy as a 45 year old woman, but I put things on that I have not hear in years, like the "Bird" or that new girl that sings "I Have A Pocet Full Of Sunshine". I find myself dancing in front of the computer. My daughter gets so imbarest. Oh well, it lifts my spirt if for only a moment. We all need those moments!!!!

One day at a time. You will make this, and be oh so much stronger for it. Because if we can handle the things we are going through now, nothing else could ever do us in.

Love and prayers,
Susan

Brenda
You certainly not abanding your Mon you have done more than most people and maybe after a stay in a nursing home and good P.T. she will be able to come home if not they will be able to tell you this. No one chooses a N.H. but there comes a time that we can no longer take care of them at home, and if she needs to be placed you will still be very involved and maybe can bring her home for a few hrs. from time to time or take her out for a meal or visit a park or something else you are a very caring women and we your understanding friends know what you have been through.
I'm having a bad day -because of my husbands treatment on the phone--he is still in rehab- I have not been over to see him in a few days and I'm getting ready to go away for 3 days -I do all the yard work and have flower and veggie gardens and starting to get rid of clutter and move extra furniture into our new shed and have volunteer activities and have been very busy I since he acts like a child I've been very busy now he has to wait for our son to go see him when he gets a chance-I will not reward his bad behavior any more- he is bipolor and had many health problems but he has lost most of his friends due to only talking about his heath I and are son are all he has and he still is not nice to us most of the time- sorry I just need to vent- I've become strong enough to not let him spoil things for me any more like he use to do-I've cried a river over most of the 46 yrs we have been married- I worth being treated better than that.

Oh friends, if only you know how much your support helps. I am actually going to Dallas tomorrow for a day of fu. with my friends! Then on Tuesday we will enter mymom into the hospital for the 4 day test. I guess our next move will depend on the results. I'll keep you posted'
Austin, I'm so sorry that your husband is so mean to you. Hang in there.

Love you all!
Brenda

Thank you Brenda, your support helps so much.I am up at 3am with R.A. pain right now and I wanted to get a good nights rest befor I leave for my trip but after reading your note I feel better. I guess I will make an appointment to see A doc for my R.A. but am so tired of seeing docs for my husband and try to avoid them at all cost. Have a great trip and enjoy visiting your friends. Isn't it great that GOD blesses us with people who care for us when we need it so much. I am so excited about my mini vac. my friend called to see if I was packed- I think she still can't believe I am really comming up I had talked about it so much but always backed down, I haven't seen her in 45 yrs and the other two in 48 and 50 years. All I am excited about the train ride which I have not done since college, it will be great to see the countryside. I will be thinking of you and you are in my prayers. I told her just to look for an old lady with a pink tee shirt with cats on it=its been so long since she has seen me, she has sent me pics. of her and her grandkids- she has had it hard through-out her life. Take care friend- talk to you soon.

Do you know how many of us have RA and other auto-immune diseases? The numbrs are very significant. I know how we neglect ourselves. I got so sick of doctor's offices, I didn't do my checkups. I know of a woman who could have caught breast cancer soon, but for the same reason. She wasn't having her checkups. Caregivers need to take care of themselves. We say it - that's easy. Doing it? Sometimes very hard. But it's an important lesson to learn. And this site is one way of doing it.
Carol

Dear Friends,
Have fun on your few days of vacation with friends. Drive or fly safely and laugh until you cry. Have fun, just relax.
You ladies have done so much for me. I am a different person (for the good) since I have met all of you. I realize I am not alone in this world of caregiving.
I am once again doing things I enjoy.
I am starting to enjoy the idea of a wedding in the near future. I no longer look at it as something else I have to do. I have bought my dress. It is so nice and if I may say it looks good on me.:) I am looking forward to the wedding day in Gatlinburg TN. It will be a long drive but hey Mom will be fine and we will get to enjoy something together. It will be memories that I will always have. (good or bad days) it will be with my mom.
I start school next week to start on a new career for me not anyone else. I am going to be a medical billing person. I am going to enjoy being with other people besides being a caregiver. Hopefully there is a job out there for an old lady if she does good in school. :) If not I did this for me!
I believe it is time for me. I have raised two children I was a stay at home mom. Did everything for them went to every practice, every game, every recital, every sport event there was (they were involved in everything). I was home when they needed me and when they did not.
Therefore I guess I am saying I have decided I may be a caregiver to my mother, but it also time for me. There will be days, weeks, and maybe months that I will struggle to care for my mother emotionally, mentally, and physically but at this point I am looking out for me also.
This is all because I have found you guys or ladies. You are truely great friends. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. And I hope the Lord will bless you many times over You deserve every blessing you receive.
Thank you for getting this caregiver back on track to enjoy life once again.
Bless you all!!!
Roxie

Hello Friends,
Just a quick update! I had a great day in Dallas! My cousin from Missouri came to visit for a few days. I went with her my best friend and niece for a day of shopping . Didn't buy much, but it was good to get away. My mom went into the hosp. yesterday early moring. She was supposed to have the spinal tap procedure, but no one (including the anestheologist) could start an IV or draw lab, so they ended up putting in a PIC line and postponing the test until today. They did the cisternogram today. It is like a spinal tap but they inset a radioactive isotope into her spinal fluid and scn her every day for 3 days to watch the progress of the isotope. They also drew off 30 ccs of spinal fluid. Supposedly if her gait is better after the procedure , it is an indicator of normal pressure hydrocephelous. She tolerated the procedure well, but had to lie flat until 7:00 tonight. I just know I have spent 2 - 16 hours days at the hosp. and I'm pooped! Hope all is well with you all. Take care!
BRenda

Sitting with people at hospitals and even during the never-ending doctor visits is emotionally and physically draining, Brendalou. I hope you are getting some rest.

Carol

Roxie
Just got back last night from my mini vac. Way to go girlfriend- I am so proud of you-your note of 3 days ago warmed my heart, have to run I'll write more later have to go see my husband in the nursing home if he gives me grief it will be a short visit,

Hello...I am newbie in many ways...to this site and to this role. I have both my parents. I made an emotional decision 2 yrs ago and we now all reside together. My Father is 83 with Parkinson's and Dementia and Mother is 81 with heart, high blood pressure and severe ostero. I am single and by default...I became the one.
I find comfort in what I have read and it does help. PEACE

Your story makes me cry, but we cannot give up on our elderly, or give them less than our best. I admire your strength.

It is soo comforting to find other people in similar situations.

It truly helps to share the load. We can't fix each other's problems, but knowing that there are people who understand what we are doing - the rewards, the sorrow and the exhaustion - does help. Please keep coming back, Denise. You'll find company here.
Carol

Hello Friends!
Welcome to our new members! You will truly find caring hearts to listen and give advice. I know that I have! Austin, I'm so glad you had a good vacation. It's amazing how much just 3 days away will help! Rovie - You go girl! Enjoy every minute of the wedding and embrace a new career!

A quick update on my situation - After 5 eighteen hour days at the hospital, it looks like my mother does have normal pressure hydrocephelus. One of the parts of the test involves pulling off 30cc's of spinal fluid. If the patient's gait and balance improves, that is an initial marker of the condition. My mother's improvement has been pretty remarkable. On Monday (before the procedure) she could not stand alone, walk any distance and if she tried to back up, she fell over backwards. Today, she went to the bathroom by herself and walked all the way down the hall at the hospital with me just walking next to her. If the cisternogram confirms the condition, she will see a neurosurgeon and have a shunt placed in her brain to drain the fluid. While the procedure is brain surgery, the condition left untreated will cause severe dementia and eventuall she would be unable to walk or stand. She agrees that she would rather risk the surgery than face the results of the condition. We'll see.

FYI- for all caregivers- Normal pressure hydrocephelus affects many elderly people, but is often not diagnosed! The symptoms include dementia, gait and balance problems and urinary incontinence. The only way to diagnose is with a cisternogram. If your patient has the symptoms it might be worth a trip to a neurologist.

Blessing to you all,
Brendalou

Brenda
I am so glad you were able to find out what was wrong with your Mom-good for you for seeking out the problem-I'm sure she is greatful to you-she should be.After the producure is done things should be easier a bit for you as she should be more independent and be able to enjoy lile more and hopefully you will get some much needed space for YOU- that would be great. Keep us all posted I will pray for you that everything goes well-my church is big on praying and it is amazing how often our prayers are answered- I get a lot of strength from my church family.

Hello Friends and Newcomers,
Brenda and Austin I am so glad you ladies had a good vacation.
Brenda I am glad you found the problem with your mother. I know she is so grateful that you are looking out after her. Not many people would go that far. They would just let the parents suffer with the symptons.
Sounds like everything is working in your favor now. Keep up the good work and keep writing.
Secondhalfoflife and Denise welcome to the site. You will find friends here that do listen and completely understand what you are going through. As was said in a previous note venting does help so much. Just getting things off your chest that no one else understands helps so much. We are here to listen and everyone on this sites does just that. Therefore feel free to put thoughts here we will not judge you, because we understand.
Take Care Everyone

Hello Friends!
The doctor feels that my mom has normal pressure hydrocephelous. He will contact a neurosurgeon tomorrow (really on sunday!) and schedule the procedure as soon as possibel. I have some reservations. Any type of surgery is dangerous at 86, especially brain surgery; however, without the procedure she will contimue to decline physically and mentally until there is no one there. So we will take the risk. Please pray for the best outcome. Thanks to you all!
Brenda

I will pray all goes well, Brenda. I've been exactly where you are. I imagine they are putting in a shunt.
Take care, and please let us know how it goes.
Carol

Hi Brenda, just wanted to let you know that I am praying for your mom. Prayer is a very powerful form of medicine. You take care of yourself and get some rest also. Please let us all know how the surgery goes. We are here for you.
bwthrs

Brenda
Let us all know how things go for you and your Mom- I hope you have someone with you. Surgeries always take longer then you expect because there is so much pre-op work to do and docs are always late and then they have to write up reports and clean up and such I do hope he oe she will talk to you in person at our hosp, you get a phone call and I hope they let you in to the recovery room, When the operation starts get yourself some coffe and something to eat and something to read and add at least 1 or 2 hrs to the time they give for the operation it helps if you wait in a waiting room for families instead of the pts, room so you have others who are going through the same as you- my husband has had about 15 surgeries.

Dear Friends,
Thank you all for your kind words and caring! It means so much to know that we are in your thoughts and prayers. We are still waiting to get on the OR schedule. My brother will be with me during the surgery, and he can usually get more info since he is a doctor. Hopefully, it will be Thurs or Fri.

How are all of you doing? I think of you often. I went back to school today for in-service; the kids come Monday. (Hopefully, that won't be surgery day!) Getting back to work made me realize how hard it has been being home with my mom all summer. It also made me aware of how much so many of you go through being full time care-givers. There is surely a place in heaven for caregivers! You are all in my prayers! Take Care.
Brenda

Hello Friends,
Brenda you are in my prayers. I pray for every caregiver since I am one and can understand what many many people go through each and every day in silence.
I started my classes yesterday. I feel so much different being at school. It is a new life for me outside my home. I still think about mom constantly, but now I have things to take my mind off her for awhile.
Yesterday she had to stay by herself for a while. She did very good. In fact she said it felt good to be by herself for a while. I bet it did because it felt good for me also.
I got her up and fed her breakfast before I left. Therefore all she did was sit in her chair and watch the birds outside the window until the homemaker came in.
I feel like a new person. I wish every caregiver could do this.
Everyone take care

To all:
This shows that caring for ourselves, while we care for others, is generally good for all. It's not always possible to have it work this well, and there will be rough spots to get through, but this is truly a heart-warmer.

Good for you, Roxie.
Carol

I am so sorry for your pain. I can feel it! I wish I was someone you knew so I could give you a break. Even for a hour or two. There has you to be someone that can do that for you. Some times all we have to do ask. lisalives

Roxie
How are things going for you I am so glad you are getting out, Had my ultrasound yesterday and it was read right away and no cancer was found- my husband actually called me to see how things went I was so surprised- our son got back from taking his daughter to college it took 10 hrs to drive back-I had wanted him to stop at my Moms to break up the trip for him she lives 5 hrs from the college but he didn't have time.

195Austin,
I am so glad you ultrasound came out with wonderful news. What a relief huh? I am glad you got a phone call from your husband. He does care. That was a very long trip for your son to drive. I bet he was very tired at the end of the day. What year of school is she in?
Right now everything is going smooth for mom while I am at school. There will be days that will be very tough to handle, but I will make it. Maybe through tears but I will accomplish this because of this sight.
Mom got her electric wheelchair the other day. She rode it the first day and bumped into furniture and walls, but did very good. My husband and daughter was home when she hit everything. They started explaining different things to her and got her confused and scared to use the wheelchair now. I will wait a few days and start over with her again. I think she can master it. It will just take a while. The toggle for direction and movement of the wheelchair is very touchy. I tried it and it is not easy at the beginning, but she will get it in time. I told her it will just take practice to get the feel of things.
Everyone take care and you are in my prayers. H
Have a good weekend.

Hello Friends!
Austin, I'm so glad that your test came back good. I'm sure that is a relief for you and your family. Roxie, I hope that school is going well for you and that your mom is buzzing around in her new wheels!
I need some advice! My mom's surgery went very well

Why can't I remember to log in first! Surgery went well; she is in the rehab hospital now. Probably for 2 more weeks. The problem is that she wants me there all the time. I have someone with her from 9am until 4pm. The rehab called the caregiver's company and said that she was doing too much for her. Then I gt there at5 pm and stay until 9:00. I know that I am not helping her by waiting on her hand and foot; I also know that she is scared. I feel so guilty if I am not there, but I am exhausted! Up at 6am, leave for school at 7am, home at 4...you get the picture. How do I wean her off all of the attention? and deal with the guilt?

Best to All
Brendalou